by Ruby Moone
She laughed, but it too was sad. “He needs you. Don’t give up on him. For as long as I’ve known him he has had barriers up between him and the world. I’ve never met anyone who’s come anywhere close to getting behind them. Only you.”
Jeremy put his head on his knees. Laying one’s heart on a plate only to have it repeatedly handed back took its toll. He wasn’t sure he could do it again. The fire crackled and hissed and he sat in warm silence with Jo.
“It’s a bugger, this love business,” he said after a while.
She sighed. “Put yourself in my shoes.”
Jeremy sat up and took her hand. “I’m sorry, I’m being a selfish bastard. Pay me no heed. You’ll find someone to love.”
“Maybe,” she said. “Maybe.”
* * * *
Jeremy sat by the fire in his chamber, wrapped in a blanket listening to the wind howl and the rain lash the windows. February had to be the most wretched month. He pulled it closer around him as he heard David’s footsteps on the corridor outside and heard him hesitate before entering. He steeled himself.
The door opened, and in he came. Impossibly handsome, unbearably distant.
“What are you doing?” His low voice was tired.
“I’m cold.”
David looked at the bed pan handles sticking out of the covers on the bed. “Let’s get into bed and I’ll warm you.”
Jeremy hesitated.
“What?” David asked warily.
“I can’t do it again.”
David’s eyes widened. “I see. Might I ask why?”
Jeremy’s heart sank. He took a deep breath. “Because…”
“Are you withholding favours until I give you pretty words, is that it?” David paced, running his hands through his hair.
“David…”
“Well, let me tell you…”
“I’m sore.”
“I’m not going to…” David stopped mid-tirade. “What?”
“I’m sore. Last time was wonderful, but I can’t take you again yet.” Jeremy felt the blush hit his face so put his head on his knees. Why were they arguing?
He felt David kneel beside him, so he looked up. He looked exhausted. Those matchless green grey eyes were dull, his hair awry, and his clothes wrinkled. He reached out and touched Jeremy softly on the cheek.
“Let’s just get into bed.”
“My bed?”
David smiled. “Mine’s too far away.”
Jeremy shook his head and smiled. They stripped quickly and burrowed under the covers, tussling for the warm spots and, shivering, held each other tight.
“Bloody freezing,” David murmured, wrapping a leg over Jeremy’s.
“That’s why I was by the fire. Couldn’t face getting in.” He didn’t add that he couldn’t face getting in on his own.
Gradually, they warmed, cocooned in the bed and each other’s arms.
“I’m going to visit my brother,” Jeremy said after a while.
David didn’t reply.
“It’s been a long time since we saw each other, and he might be able to help me find work.”
“Stay here.”
“I can’t work for you.”
“You don’t have to work for me, just stay and let me find you a position doing what you want to do.”
Jeremy looked up at him. “And what about us?”
David’s shoulder twitched in an almost imperceptible shrug.
“What would I be?”
“Whatever you want…” He shrugged again.
Jeremy watched him until David’s gaze cut away, and his heart hurt. “Is it that you can’t say it, or that you don’t feel it?”
“What?”
“Love.”
David actually squirmed. “Do we have to talk about this now?”
Jeremy pushed up on one elbow and leaned over him. “You spend all your life looking after people. Who looks after you?”
David’s eyes widened.
With a sigh, Jeremy pushed back the blankets and slithered down the bed, dropping kisses on David’s chest as he went. He heard his breath catch and his fingers tangled in Jeremy’s hair. Jeremy looked up and then, taking David’s hard cock in one hand, swallowed him. David jerked beneath him and writhed on the bed as Jeremy sucked and laved, holding his jewels and gently caressing them. David moaned and pushed at his head. Jeremy pulled off and buried his nose in his groin, loving the hot musk that was pure David, and ran one hand over his hip, then down his thigh, and lifted his leg so he could slide his fingers over his gorgeous backside and down his crease. David’s breath was coming in pants and his muscles trembled. Whatever else, David wanted him. Badly. Perhaps they could only have this. Perhaps it was enough.
Jeremy looked up to see David’s eyes closed tight, mouth parted in a silent cry as Jeremy pushed against his entrance. The word that fell from his lips were barely audible.
“Please…”
Jeremy pushed up, and David’s eyes opened and were filled with such unspoken need. Jeremy lay over him to scrabble in the drawer in the cabinet beside the bed and pull out a bottle of oil. He slid back down until he lay over David, settled in the cradle of his thighs, cocks aligned, and dropped the bottle on the bed beside them.
“I’m going to take care of you,” he whispered.
David’s eyes fluttered closed and his throat worked. He pushed at Jeremy and started to roll over, but Jeremy caught him.
“No. I want to see you.”
David trembled, and Jeremy thought he would insist on rolling away, but flopped onto his back and closed his eyes. Jeremy settled between his thighs, parting them. He grabbed the oil and poured a quantity into his hands, rubbed it over his cock and then drizzled it down David’s entrance. He coated his fingers in it and gently pushed.
“Relax for me, love,” he whispered and after a moment, David pushed back, and Jeremy slid a finger inside the soft warmth. He gave him time to get used to him, probing and thrusting softly and then added another. David was moaning and writhing, so Jeremy crooked his fingers to search out his soft spot and David yelled and arched his back off the bed.
“Now,” he begged. “Now.”
* * * *
Jeremy filled him. David lay on his back, legs held up, whilst Jeremy filled him. Pain bloomed but he welcomed it and pushed against him for more. Cocooned in the bed, wrapped in Jeremy’s love, he felt safe. Jeremy’s hips worked and David bit back a cry as the pain receded and white shards of pleasure ripped through him, pushing all thought from his head, all feeling, all pain. He drowned in Jeremy’s arms, not needing air, not needing anything but the feeling of the man who filled him…loved him.
His crisis was close and when Jeremy took him in hand the world exploded in white heat so intense he felt he lost any sense of where he ended, and Jeremy began.
Chapter 27
It was almost noon when David awoke. Jeremy was missing from the bed. He scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and sat up as he dragged his fingers through his hair. His arse was sore. He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering.
“God,” he muttered to the empty room, then with a surge of energy threw back the covers and headed for the washstand. Fresh water was waiting for him, so Jeremy must have dressed and come back with more water for him. He smiled. Was this Jeremy still looking after him? He splashed water over his face, combed wet hands through his hair, and finished his ablutions speedily given the frigidity of the room despite the roaring fire. His clothes lay in a crumpled heap on the floor, so he pulled open Jeremy’s cupboard to borrow some smalls and a robe.
The door opened, and he stared. Unmoving.
He dragged open the drawer, then another, and another…nothing.
He pulled at the tallboy door so hard the furniture almost toppled. Nothing.
Everything that Jeremy had brought with him was gone.
Everything he had given Jeremy was gone.
Jeremy was gone.
David barely recognised the keening sound that came fr
om his throat. He wrapped his arms around his middle and tried to remain calm. He couldn’t have gone far. He’d find him and bring him back.
Make him stay.
Make him stay.
Make him stay.
He rocked for a moment, holding himself, then grabbed his discarded clothes and pulled them on, stringing the linen around his neck in a parody of a cravat and set off down the stairs. He strode into the study to find Charnley sitting by the fire.
He stood up when David entered. “Whatever is the matter?” he said.
“He’s gone.”
“Who?”
“Jeremy. He’s gone.”
David strode to the picture that hung on the wall behind the desk and removed it to reveal his safe. He quickly dealt with the lock and pulled out a bag of coin.
“I’m bringing him back.”
“About time.”
“What?”
“About time. You should never have let it get to this point. What if he refuses you? There is only so much rejection a man can take.”
“Rejection…You talk to me of rejection?” David was incredulous. “You don’t think I’ve had a belly full of rejection?” His voice was rising along with his temper. “You don’t think I’ve put up with rejection my entire life?”
“Is that why you are afraid of Naylor? That he might reject you?”
David opened his mouth and then closed it.
“Well, you’ve managed to push him away rather than allow him to reject you. Does it hurt any less?”
David’s hand went absently to his chest. It felt as though his innards had been gouged out leaving a great, gaping hole of pain. Just as it had done all those years ago. It was a pain he swore never to relive. Never to allow someone enough hold over him to inflict that kind of hurt. It had damned well shattered something inside him.
“Hold your tongue and get out of my way.”
“What makes you think he is gone?”
“His clothes are gone. Everything is gone.” Just saying the words made his jaw ache. How the hell was he going to manage? How?
“I said, get out of my way.” He pushed at Charnley who refused to move. “Move.” Charnley pushed back and David’s already frayed temper disintegrated and in seconds they were wrestling. Each trying to land a punch, kicking and clawing, or at least David was. It took some time and far too much energy to realise Charnley had him in an iron grip and he was frantically grabbing and clawing, denying the tears that blurred his vision.
The grip tightened. “Stop.”
David wriggled and kicked.
“Stop, or I’ll really hurt you.”
“Try it.”
The grip tightened, and David cried out and struggled to breathe.
“Pax,” he croaked, and the arms loosened.
Both men were panting. David shrugged free of his brother’s embrace and swiped at his eyes. Charnley got to his feet and offered David a hand. He hesitated but took it and let himself be pulled up. Charnley straightened his clothing and cleared his throat as he smoothed back his hair as David did the same. They stood awkwardly for a moment until Charnley cleared his throat again and spoke.
“If you love him that much, might I suggest you tell him? It would be easier on all of us.” He dusted a speck from his arm.
“Haven’t you listened to a word I’ve said? He. Is. Not. Here.”
Charnley gave him a sardonic look. The kind elder brothers give the world over. “Yes. He. Is.”
David blinked.
“Have you looked in the kitchen?”
Hope stuttered in David’s heart. “He’s in the kitchen? He’s…You absolute fucking bastard!”
Charnley shrugged and then nodded to the door. “Well, I think he might be here now.”
David whirled and found Jeremy standing in the door with Jo, both of them with mouths open.
“Mrs. Crawford, if you would be so kind as to furnish me with some tea?” Charnley said, steering the bemused Jo from the room, closing the door behind them with a soft click.
Jeremy swallowed. “What was all that about?”
David didn’t know what to say. Where did one begin? He looked at him. So beautiful, so…he wanted to tell him. Wanted to say, I thought you had left me. Thought I’d finally driven you away like every other person in my life. And the thought of not having you was…like tearing my soul from my body and casting it into the wilderness where it would forever wander, forever yearn. But he couldn’t say that.
“Nothing,” he mumbled.
“You were actually fighting with Charnley?”
“He was in my way.”
“Where were you going?”
“To find you.”
Jeremy frowned. “But I’m here.”
David nodded, hating the prickling behind his eyes. “Why are your clothes gone from your room?” He looked at the carpet as he spoke.
“Ah. That.”
David looked up. Jeremy was blushing.
“Well, I decided you might not be able to say that you love me, but…” He swallowed, then cleared his throat and straightened. “Well, I think you do.” He nodded to himself then looked up, looking distinctly mulish. “I moved my clothes into your chamber whilst you slept.” There was a faint belligerence to his tone, chin jutting, daring him to object. “What’s the point of two rooms? Everyone here knows were sleep together and I’d like to go to sleep with you and wake up with you more often. I want to…”
Jeremy’s voice trailed away as David moved closer. His heart was hammering like a crazed animal in his chest, but he felt so warm, so…filled with…
He took Jeremy’s hand in his and inspected it. He placed a soft kiss in the middle of his palm and lay it over his thundering heart. “Can you feel that?” he whispered as Jeremy stared. “That’s my heart.” Jeremy’s gaze flitted between the hand on David’s chest and David’s eyes. He nodded.
David licked his lips and swallowed. “It’s yours.”
Jeremy’s violet eyes filled with moisture and his chin quirked. A single tear tracked down his cheek as he nodded.
David pulled him closer and pressed his lips to Jeremy’s temple, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Love you so much,” Jeremy whispered and wrapped his arms around David. Those wiry arms that were always so much stronger than they looked. He let himself be held. Be loved.
David took a breath and pushed past the lump in his throat. It was so difficult his voice was the merest whisper. “You, too, Violet Eyes. You, too.”
Epilogue
David shook hands with the man standing before him. Jeremy’s brother looked remarkably like him, though his eyes were bluer rather than violet. Still, he was a handsome man. He could feel the tension rolling from Jeremy.
“I’m glad to make your acquaintance.” Jeremy had performed the introductions and now stood anxiously beside him.
“The honour is mine,” Naylor said, bowing slightly. “Thank you for giving my brother the chance to work for you. He’s a good lad.”
David smiled and glanced at Jeremy, whose flush deepened deliciously. “That he is.”
“After that nasty business with Fallows it’s good to see he is settled.”
David smiled again. They had settled on the role of valet for Jeremy. It was the best excuse for them being close together, but it still irked David that it meant he couldn’t socialise in society with Jeremy at his side. Although he had to admit, his wardrobe had improved immeasurably.
They sat through tea and made small talk. David could see Elliot wanted to see his brother alone, and equally, Jeremy seemed terrified David might leave them together.
Elliot finished his tea and stood to take his leave. “Perhaps you would accompany me to the door, Jeremy?”
Jeremy cast a horrified look at David but nodded his agreement.
* * * *
Jeremy trailed behind his brother as they headed for the door. Once they reached it, they faced each other.
“Are you sure about
this?” Elliot said.
Jeremy nodded.
“I’ve no idea who he is. Whether or not he’s respectable…”
“Respectability is more than how much money one has, or how old one’s family is.” It was true. If the last few weeks had taught him nothing, it had taught him that.
“You know what I mean.”
“I do. Sir Granville was respectable, but he made my life hell. He is not a good man.”
Elliot frowned.
“Elliot. Mr. Lambert is a good man. He treats his staff with kindness and respect, he pays more than any employer I’ve ever met, and I am going to be much better suited to this than I was being a footman. He might not be an aristocrat, he might not have a fancy title, but in all honesty, these last few weeks have shattered any notion I had of what constitutes respectability. It’s been quite an education.”
Elliot unbent enough to laugh. “You’ve certainly grown up.”
“Indeed.”
Elliot hesitated, but then pulled him into an awkward embrace. “Take care of yourself and keep in touch with me. I’m here if you ever need anything.”
Jeremy returned the embrace and held onto him for a moment. “You, too. You, too.”
He stood back and let him leave. When the door closed he turned to find David coming out of the drawing room. “He’s a good man. He just wants you to be settled.”
Jeremy nodded and went to slip into David’s arms. “I wish I could tell him about us.”
David’s arms tightened. “I wish we could tell the world about us.”
Jeremy pulled back, so he could see David and smiled at him. “You do? What would you tell them?”
David didn’t flinch. “I would tell them that a violet-eyed angel came into my life and shattered every rule, every barrier, and every defence I had, and stole my heart.”
Jeremy tilted his head to one side. “So, I’m the thief now, am I?”
David seemed to struggle to speak, but he pressed on. “Most assuredly. And that’s not all I’d tell them.”
Jeremy kissed his lips gently. “What else would you tell them?”
David swallowed, took a breath, and then swallowed again before returning the gentle kiss. “I would tell them…I would tell them…that I love you.”