by Rayne Hall
There’s no law forbidding PoV switches in mid-scene, but they spoil the reader’s intense experience, and the PoV becomes shallow.
I don’t like telling other writers what they must never do, but here’s something I earnestly advise you to avoid. Don’t switch PoV in the middle of a sentence or of a paragraph.
Here’s an example of what not to do:
Mary’s stomach churned at the sight, and John wondered why her blue eyes were darkening.
ESTABLISH THE NEW POV
Help the reader. Show that the story is now in a different PoV, and make it clear who it is.
Do this immediately—in the first sentence of the new chapter! Then do it again a few lines down, to settle the reader in the new PoV.
How can you show this? Here are a few suggestions.
Use physical experiences
This is the same technique we’ve used to establish the PoV at the start of the story.
Icy wind stung John’s cheeks.
John marched down the slope, each step sending a jolt of pain through his injured knee.
Use a word of introspection
Tell the reader what John thinks, and the reader knows it’s John’s PoV.
Use a word like think, know, wonder, realise, hope, feel, sense consider, assess, estimate, decide or similar.
Caution: these are ‘barrier’ words. Used elsewhere in the story, they erect a wall between the reader and the experience. I recommend using them sparingly, and only to guide the reader after switching PoV.
STICK TO ALL FIRST, OR ALL THIRD
When alternating between PoVs, it will feel most natural to the reader if everything is in Third Person, or everything is in First.
If the different PoVs are all in Third Person, they require little mental adjustment.
A series of First Person PoV sections also makes sense, because the reader perceives it as several people each stating their case.
However, if one PoV is in Third Person and the other is in First, the reader’s reaction is ‘Huh?’ It just doesn’t make sense... unless the plot provides the reason, such as the Third Person PoV character reading the diary of the First Person character.
I advise against mixing First and Third... but please don’t treat this as a rule, because for your story the approach may work. In the thriller genre, alternating First and Third Person has become a bit of a trend, and some of those books have become bestsellers, so clearly the readers don’t object. Just consider the drawbacks before you set your story on this path.
TWIST ENDINGS
You can use a PoV switch to create a twist in the tale. Twist-ending stories are popular with some markets, including many women’s magazines.
Show the situation from Mary’s perspective, and the reader will share her view. Then, for the final scene, you switch to John’s PoV. The reader realises that Mary was mistaken and the situation was not at all like what she thought.
This leads your readers to question their own perspectives, and can inspire them to get more information and take a wider view before judging, condemning or giving up.
Use the PoV switch to convey a message. To be meaningful, the switch needs to reveal a new perspective and make the reader think.
Don’t simply reveal that the PoV isn’t who the reader thought it was. That sort of thing leaves the reader feeling cheated, disappointed, angry.
Many writers pen First Person stories in which they set the reader up to think that the PoV is a woman (wears long hair in ponytail, works as a nurse) and in the last paragraph they switch PoV to reveal that the nurse is a long-haired bloke. Or the other way round: the plumber who wears dungarees, swears like a trooper and guzzles beer on the building site turns out to be female.
Or the perceived little boy turns out to be a dog, or the presumed long-suffering lover is actually the mother. There’s no ‘rule’ against writing such stories—but don’t expect them to be selected for publication. They simply don’t have enough purpose. (Around 1915, a gender surprise ending still made readers think and question their assumptions—but in 2015 it only makes readers shrug.)
When I was editing newspapers and magazines, I selected many short stories for publication, including twist-enders. Unfortunately, many stories had no purpose other than misleading the reader. ‘Got you, hahahah!’ As an editor, I wanted to give my readers a satisfying experience, not a frustrating one, so I rejected those tales.
Sometimes it felt like every writer in the country was penning tales about ‘this mason is a female, got you, hahaha!’
At the end of this book I share a story in which I changed PoV. In Ten Sixty-Six I switch repeatedly between Brel the archer and Harold the king.
ASSIGNMENT
Take a novel you’ve read which uses Serial Deep PoV, and identify where the PoV changes. If you can’t find one, use my story, Ten Sixty-Six for this exercise.
Decide if the project you’re currently writing, planning or revising should have Single Deep PoV (giving most intense experience) or Serial Deep PoV (giving a wider perspective). If you opt for Serial Deep PoV, plan where you’ll switch.
Chapter 19
RETELLING MYTHS
Take a well-known story, show it from a different character’s perspective, and you have a powerful new work of fiction.
Your take will surprise your readers, and depending on your approach, it may amuse or disturb them. Either way, it will make them think.
Reinterpreting stories from different perspectives is a great strategy if you want your stories to carry a message and create impact.
Try telling the tale from the PoV of the villain. What reasons did he have to act the way he did? Once you consider his perspective, his actions will suddenly make sense. You may discover that he was not evil or selfish, but honourable, self-sacrificing and brave. Earlier storytellers maligned him. He may even have been a victim of propaganda—it’s up to you to set the record straight.
From the new perspective, the hero’s supposedly noble deeds may suddenly appear selfish and false. He may have been an opportunist, a coward and a cheat, who took advantage of other people’s good faith and then employed spin doctors to glorify him and spread his version. Ask your PoV character what the ‘hero’ was really like—I bet he’ll tell you!
Besides villains, you could also focus on the victims. Many classical myths originated in a male-dominated society, where women were viewed as chattels. The main role of females in those stories was that of damsels in distress whom the male hero could rescue. Were they really as passive and helpless as we’re led to believe? Perhaps the damsel only pretended vulnerability and was really an undercover detective, political agitator or spy.
A minor character from the original story can also become the PoV of your version. In this case, the story’s focus will change, and the former main plot will become a mere subplot, while the PoV’s goals and concerns take centre stage.
You can apply this strategy for any well-known story. Take a fairy-tale, a myth, a story from the Bible, a classic of literature. Choose a character, think about how they experienced the unfolding events and why they acted as they did, and write the tale from their PoV.
I’ve retold many myths from the perspective of the supposed victims and villains. At the end of this book, I’ll show you what I did with a well-known fairy-tale.
To see how authors have created whole novels based on well-known tales, you may want to read Lady Macbeth by Susan Fraser King which is a female, historically authentic perspective contrasting Shakespeare’s famous play, or Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys, which gives the perspective of the madwoman in the attic from Charlotte Brontë’s novel Jane Eyre.
CONSIDER THE COPYRIGHT
You can’t just take another author’s story and rewrite it. Copyright laws are complex. As a general guideline, you can use any story in the public d
omain, and this includes traditional fairy-tales, ancient myths, stories from the Bible and any work of fiction if the copyright has expired. The copyright expiration varies from country to country, but is usually seventy years after the author’s death. The works of authors like Homer, Geoffrey Chaucer, William Shakespeare and Charlotte Brontë are available for retellings. You may want to search the online archives of Project Gutenberg, because they collect only works with expired copyright. If in doubt, get legal advice or simply pick another story.
HOW FAMILIAR IS THIS TALE?
The difficulty with reinterpreting myths is that the story needs to work for two different audiences—those who’re familiar with the original, and those who are not.
The first group will understand what you’re doing, consider the differences between your version and the original, feel their horizons widening, and appreciate nuances. The other group need a story that can stand on its own, without the context of the original, otherwise they’ll be bewildered and lose interest.
Don’t assume that everyone knows the stories you grew up with. Your readers will come from different parts of the world, and each culture has its own myths and fairy-tales. Even readers in the same country may have had a different upbringing and simply not know the stories.
Unless the story is for a specific market—say, a magazine devoted to the culture of ancient Greece whose subscribers are all college-educated mythology buffs—you need to make it work for both audiences.
ORIGINALITY
Don’t count on being the only one to retell the story from Cinderella’s sister or from Snow White’s stepmother. Having a cool idea is not enough. Your story needs to stand out by its quality and its original approach to the topic. The PoV character’s motivation is the key to success.
ASSIGNMENT
When you were a child, what was your favourite fairy-tale? Which of the characters might have a different view of the events? Probe that character’s perspective and motivation, and write a short story from this PoV.
Chapter 20
OTHER FORMS OF POV
Although Deep PoV is the best choice for many stories, it is not the only one.
Here are some other options. You don’t need to try them, just be aware that they exist. One of them may be just right for a future story.
OMNISCIENT POV
This is the god-like perspective, looking into everyone’s heart and soul, seeing everything that goes on in the world, even in the future.
Omniscient PoV follows one character for a few paragraphs, then another, and in between it makes statements about the whole world. It may even deliver historical information or spell out the author’s moral comments.
Here are some sentences that fit only into Omniscient PoV:
Lady Amelia thought all was lost, but unbeknown to her, rescue was already on the way.
All over the world, the undead were rising at the same time.
Penicillin could have saved Sir Ethelbert, but it was not discovered yet.
Of course, sinners always get punished in the end, and this case was no exception, as readers are going to find out soon.
It was popular with readers in the Victorian age who loved moralising messages. Most modern readers prefer the intense of experience of Deep PoV. However, for some stories, Omniscient PoV is perfect.
In the hands of an unskilled writer, Omniscient PoV often becomes head-hopping. To make it work, stay in each character’s perspective for a short time, avoid changing the PoV in mid-paragraph, and insert at least one PoV-neutral sentence before you enter the next character’s head.
CINEMATIC POV
This is like a video camera, not a person. It sees everything—but only from the outside, not inside anyone’s head or heart, and it doesn’t judge or evaluate. This allows great plot flexibility, but may not bring great intensity or emotional involvement.
FLY-ON-THE-WALL POV
Here, the PoV is a person, and in only one place, but somehow is not involved in the action and has no stake in the outcome. It is rare, but can be useful for stories where an unemotional witness reports how terrifying events unfolded.
DETACHED POV
This is dry, factual reporting in an objective (or pseudo-objective) style, such as a newspaper article, bulletin or official report. Horrific events reported in this unemotional manner can be chilling to read.
SINGLE LIMITED POV
This is almost the same as Deep PoV—but without the depth. The reader is inside one character’s head throughout the whole story, but doesn’t become the character. The reading experience is less intense. This form was popular in the 20th century, before authors discovered the power of Deep PoV. When 20th century writers talked about ‘PoV’ they usually meant Single Limited PoV. Any story which works in Single Limited PoV will probably have more power in Single Deep PoV.
SERIAL LIMITED POV
This is also called Multiple Limited PoV. The reader is inside one character at a time—one character after another, never several at once, but not deep enough to create a full experience. If you want to immerse your readers, Serial Deep PoV is a better choice.
Please note: you may see these forms of PoV referred to by other names in books, in classes and on websites. Don’t let this confuse you: the terminology matters little. What counts is the effect the PoV has on your readers.
ASSIGNMENT
Do you have an idea for a story which would work well in Omniscient PoV, or one of the other PoV forms?
Sample Story
TEN SIXTY-SIX
Here’s a short historical story about an important battle in British history which took place close to where I live. Initially, I wrote this story from just one PoV, that of a Norman archer. It was an okay story, but not great. For this version, I used two perspectives, switching PoV repeatedly between Brel the Norman archer and Harold the Saxon king, and the story gained power and impact. I also inserted one short section in Omniscient PoV. As you read, observe where the PoV changes.
Brel stands, his legs braced, his posture bow-string tight, and waits for the signal to shoot. He hears the breaths of his comrades in the front line, and the clanking of infantry and mounted knights behind him.
On the hill, the Saxon enemy are regrouping, shouldering their bloodied axes and linking their shields. The muscles in Brel’s arm quiver from the continued tension, and still the command does not come. The wind is favourable, so why the delay? What is the Duke planning?
The conquest of England is likely to be Brel’s last campaign. His ageing arms tire when he bends the bow, his gout-gnarled fingers hurt when he draws the string, and dimming eyesight has sapped his accuracy. Soon, he’ll have to beg for his bread in the streets.
His life has lasted longer than most, but what does he have to show for it? The comrades of his youth are slain, so no one will recall his once awesome prowess with the bow. He has fathered no child, so his blood won’t live on. He has performed no single mighty deed, so no bards will preserve his name in song.
As a youth, he thought that by fighting in a mighty battle he would change the course of history. Boyish dreams.
His gouty shoulders ache with the effort of keeping the bow in position and the drawn string tight. The sweat of exertion drenches his jerkin despite the autumn chill.
“Second row!” the sergeant barks. “You will use plunging fire.”
Plunging fire? Arrows shot upwards in a high arc so they rain on the enemy from above - a great strategy if the enemy is below, or at least on the same level. But the Saxons are up on the ridge. It’s hard enough to send arrows straight at their front. An upwards curve to cover that distance will never...
“Second row only, plunging fire,” the sergeant orders. “First and third, shoot straight. Get ready.”
The leader decides, the sergeant commands, the soldier obeys. Brel adjusts his posture
, raises his bow, and angles the arrow for the impossible path.
“Shoot!”
Brel pulls tighter still, releases and sends the arrow flying high into the air. He watches it rise and travel a strong, straight path north, where it will descend onto the Saxons on their hill. A fine shot, and the wind is in its favour.
No time to dwell. Next arrow, next shot, next. Half of an archer’s skill lies in his speed. Brel used to be fast.
He shoots arrow after arrow, a meaningless, mechanical motion which makes no difference.
*
Brel’s arrow snaps from the bow, rises in a high arc joined by hundreds of others, climbs higher above the sloping meadow, higher, higher. All the time it goes north, travelling further than most of the others, intent on reaching the front Saxon line. When its speed is spent, it tilts, turns sharply with its steel tip pointing earthwards, and descends, gaining new strength in its fall.
The Saxons hold their shields before them, deflecting most of the arrows that come straight at them. They don’t see the simultaneous attack from above until it’s too late.
*
King Harold sees the sky-darkening arrow cloud. When the arrows fall in a piercing rain, he brings up his round shield.
Too late. One fast arrow buries itself in Harold’s eye.
Screaming pain bores into his head. He staggers, vomits, falls.
His brother yells, “The King is down! The King!”
Crushed by agony, Harold fights to think. If his men see him down, the battle is lost. England lost. He must stand. He must fight on. With the help of his brother’s strong arm, he drags himself up.
He pulls at the arrow. A surge of hot pain...
Too late.
The Normans are upon them, mounted warriors, heavily armoured fighting machines. Swords hack into Harold’s flesh.