I am writing to see if maybe you can find me some of those heavy queers (muscle type, handsome, you get the message) who’d fall for one of those small-framed, soft-skinned, and light-complected little queens like me.
You must have many in your files. Just see if any of them would like to lay with me and give them my address. No, not mine, but have them write to . . .
I’d like to keep this private from relatives and friends. You see, for years I’ve been hiding my affairs in seclusion from people who know me.
If it is against your rights to do this for me, I will understand and drop the matter. Then you send a request-denied letter to my friend’s address. The letters arriving there aren’t opened by her, and she’ll keep it from family’s grasp. And, if you are ever near here, be sure to let me know and we can talk about it.
Correspondents often ask me to serve as this sort of liaison office. For the record, I have never put people in touch with one another, nor shall I in the future.
Dear Mr. Wells,
After reading The New Sexual Underground and from it learning that some women like Judy feel that “the penis was the most beautiful thing in the world,” I got to wondering if any research has ever been conducted on the sexual history of exhibitionists.
While that is not my cup of tea and I could not imagine how they got their kicks this way—now I wonder if a significant fraction of them have had a history of contact with women who are turned on by sight of the penis—and thereafter they display it in the hope that it will attract partners?
Yours for more research and a vast extension of the sexual revolution . . .
An interesting theory, I replied, but not too likely—though such a reaction would probably represent ultimate wish fulfillment for an exhibitionist. Consider next the following fan letter and offer of correspondence (I wrote back and never heard from him again) with its extraordinary left-handed compliment at the end.
Dear Mr. Wells;
Just completed and have enjoyed very much your book The New Sexual Underground. I picked the “report” up yesterday in a bookstore on the Purdue University campus . . .
In my travels (my job requires much travel) I have witnessed many of the same things you describe so well in your book. I would be pleased to relate these experiences if you would send me a list of other books you have authored and where I can purchase them.
The New Sexual Underground is the best-written work on the subject I have ever read; and I consider myself sort of an expert on pornographic literature. I hope you are not hurt by the last sentence . . .
Dear Sir:
I have just read with great interest and pleasure your books entitled The Taboo Breakers, The New Sexual Underground, and Eros and Capricorn. They are all vastly superior to similar books on the same subject in their healthy attitude toward human nature and general objectivity. I read one other called ———, which made my blood fairly boil with its arrogant moral posturing and pandering to the prurient inclinations of the worst prudes and hypocrites in our society.
You state that you are always on the lookout for fresh material. I would be very glad to give you my attitudes and experiences, either by correspondence or personal interview. I am a single man aged fifty. My experience is limited, and I am at an age where it is likely to decrease rather than increase, but you might be interested in the metamorphosis of my beliefs and attitudes as one who was born and raised to unquestioningly accept the old mores. Let us say it is more sociological background I could offer you, rather than any erotic case history such as you publish in your books verbatim. As I look upon myself objectively I see how the changing climate in our society has released always latent thoughts and feelings which I never previously dared to express or act upon. Isn’t this one of the manifestations of the so-called revolution?
Best wishes, and keep up your good work, and have fun while doing it!
An ideal correspondent—perceptive, articulate, and possessed of an interesting perspective. But he never wrote a second letter.
Letters from incipient swingers are interesting, and I have been receiving more and more of these lately. Typically, they consist of requests for more information on the mechanics of making contacts. Often they are mailed from small towns where swinger publications are generally unavailable. I think the following provide an indication of the way different people approach swinging, and the attitudes they bring to it.
Dear Mr. Wells,
I have just finished reading your book, The New Sexual Underground. It was very interesting.
I am a young divorcée of about six months. I’ve been dating a man whom I like very much as a person and as a lover. There is no real emotional attachment between us, and we have decided that “swinging” sounds very interesting right now.
Finding sex in a small town is no problem. But sex with variety, no emotional ties, and no damaging gossip is another matter entirely.
I would like to get in touch with some couples for a short period of correspondence to learn more about these groups and what they do, how they arrange things, etc. If the idea is still attractive to me after learning more about it, I may want to join a group with this man as my partner.
I have no inclination for anything too far out but the idea of sex with a variety of partners excites me terribly. And a woman in a town like this one gets a bad reputation for looking cross-eyed at a man, much less hopping into bed with him! So a swinging group some distance away may be the answer.
Our problem is that we have no idea of how to contact any swingers. It may be ridiculous to ask, but is there any information you could send me about groups or publications? If that is not possible, a list of informative books would be appreciated very much, as we do want to know more about “swinging.”
If you do not wish to reply to this letter, please pass it on to someone who would. (Please understand, I’m not interested in writing lewd things—I don’t get my kicks that way.)
As far as your research is concerned, I would answer any questions you have, and my lover probably would also. I am relatively inexperienced, having married at eighteen, and being recently divorced But a story of his life by itself would make a very interesting book!
Dear Mr. Wells,
I have read your last two books and have decided to seek your assistance on what must be the most unnerving aspect of what we have decided to do—swing. The nervous part is getting started; where to get the club bulletins, etc. Perhaps I’m looking for them in the wrong places, because all I have found so far will surely get my name on every mailing list on the East and the West Coast. So I need a favor; would you send me the address of a club? One of the better ones, I trust. In return, if we ever decide to meet, I’ll buy the drinks . . .
Dear Mr. Wells:
I bought your book Three Is Not a Crowd because this is something my husband and I have always talked about. After reading “Bob and Carol and Whoever’s Handy” we would like to try it their way.
But being new to this, we don’t know the ropes. Can you tell us where to get the swinger magazines and club bulletins?
We don’t want to take a chance on writing to the wrong people. But if we had an idea where to look, it would help. We are looking for a bi girl only.
We want to go about this as carefully as possible. My husband has a good job and we have small children. So we would like to protect ourselves as much as we can.
We truly enjoyed your book, and it’s nice to know that there are other people who are normal and feel the same way we do . . .
Many requests come for information on one sexual matter or another. Often the writer is seeking assurance that a certain practice is neither unhealthy nor abnormal. I was rather amused by the juxtaposition of two questions in this letter from a servicemen overseas.
Dear Mr. Wells,
I just finished reading The New Sexual Underground. It was great. Well, I have been indulging with my fiancée in sex before I came to Vietnam. I will be out soon and getting married. Now, her
e’s my question. We have done it all. When she brings me to a climax with her mouth, is there any danger if she swallows it? Also, could you prescribe a good book on sex for newlyweds?
I replied that there was no danger in ingesting sperm. While some prostitutes believe that it’s bad for their teeth and/or throats and others (according to Hemingway) thought swallowing sperm prevented tuberculosis, there are no medical grounds for either conviction. (Eugene Schoenfeld, who wrote the Dr. Hip Pocrates column for the Berkeley Barb, and whose columns are new available in book form, was asked by one letter-writer if it was fattening. It’s not.)
I also mentioned a couple of basic sex guides, but added that I really doubted he would find them necessary.
Dear Mr. Wells,
I read your book The Wife-Swap Report, and my wife did also. We both like your idea of concentrating on just one couple rather than a couple to each chapter. This is the common way, but I never ran upon a book limited to one couple before except for “hot” books, which are obviously just made up as a form of entertainment.
We are both swingers and have been living lives of total sexual freedom for over fourteen years. There is no other way for us. When you hear somebody knock it, which you hear all the time, you can bet this is somebody who never tried it. There are those who will try it and not like it, but this is the exception that proves the rule. On account of a person having a bad experience the first time and then they are scared off.
This was almost our case. I am fifty-one and my wife forty-three. This is a second marriage for both of us, and I was a swinger since before we met. I was married and divorced by the time I was twenty-five and led a rambling life which got me into some trouble, but all in all it was worth it. I had a lot of experiences of sexual freedom, and about a year before I met my wife, began swinging regularly, usually as a threesome with a married couple, as, being single, it was not easy for me to find a swinging partner.
My wife was a virgin when she was married the first time, and I have never met her husband, but from what she says, he was not much good for her. For example, seven years of marriage, and she never experienced oral sex from either side of it, and never did she have an orgasm, at the time not knowing what she was missing. She had some affairs after the divorce, but I was the first man who ever turned her on all the way, and I showed her the ropes.
I did not mention sexual freedom before we were married. She knew the things I had done because I told her about them, but thought I would put all that beside me. Then after the wedding I would start to talk her into it.
The first time she had a bad time and did not want to continue, but again talking her into it, she tried it again and it was a new world for her. The more that she tried, the more she found there was just about nothing she did not like, and I mean nothing, including other women, animals, and all the unusual subjects.
I can tell you that most swingers may keep it to themselves, but if they opened up like Paul and Sheila, you would see that all have the doubts and second thoughts from time to time. It is something you go through, and the good of it is far more than the bad. Just look at the people who are swingers, and how rare to give it up for good. Giving it up is one thing, but look how many who do give it up later come back to it, and you’ll see what I mean. As my wife says, any woman who has had three cocks stuffed into her at the same time and enjoyed it is going to want to do it again, or there is something wrong with her, and the same thing goes for anything you try and then enjoy. There are things I did not think I would like, such as bondage, which the thought of it made no sense to me. But I tried it, and what do you know.
Many of the ads say “no b-and-d,” which is “bondage and discipline.” If these people gave it a try, they might be surprised, and if not, at least they tried it and found it out to be no good for them. For my part, I would like to see more written about bondage. When there is something, it is usually someone condemning it and showing it to be a “hang-up.” Perhaps you have written about bondage; if so, please tell me, and I will see if I can buy the books.
If you are interested, I could relate my experiences over fourteen years of swinging and freewheeling sex, and my wife’s experiences also. By letters, or you could interview us to make sure for yourself that these people are real, because some of the things we could tell you you might not believe to read them in a letter. If we hit it off, we can swing together, one or both of us, but depending if we like each other that way. Both are bi. My wife had her first bi experiences as a swinger, while I had relations as a much younger man in prison. What happens to a young man thrown in a prison with hardened criminals would make a whole book by itself if anyone would believe it.
Please write and make arrangements to interview us, or if you want, I will write down our experiences if you would rather not meet in person, or cannot find the time. But at least write so I will know you got this letter one way or another . . .
I would have loved to reply, but my pen pal’s letter lacked one item—his address. I assume this was an oversight; either that or he possesses a highly unorthodox sense of humor. His letter was postmarked Philadelphia, but the envelope bore no return address, nor did the letter itself. The man’s name was not John Smith, but was something just about as common. I wrote brief notes to everyone of that name in the Philadelphia phone directory, to the effect that I had received a letter from someone of that name which bore no return address, and if the recipient were my correspondent, I would appreciate his getting in touch. This drew no response, which may have meant that the man had an unlisted phone, that he lived in the suburbs, or that he had dropped the letter in the mail while passing through Philadelphia.
If he’s out there now and reads this, I rather hope he’ll let me hear from him again.
His regret at finding little sympathetic literature on bondage and discipline is a good illustration of a seemingly universal desire to read one’s own particular enthusiasm. “I’m glad to see someone write about this without making it sound sick or disgusting”—I’ve no idea how many times I have read that sentence or a variant of it. Conversely, if I haven’t touched on a certain area of sexual behavior, I’ll be requested to do so, with or without the offer of further correspondence from the writer.
Earlier I was inclined to interpret this desire as evidence of a wish to enjoy the specific sexual predilection vicariously. I have since come to change my mind. With hard-core pornography so widely available at the present time, I seriously doubt that factual and unornamented writing on sexual themes is sought primarily for titillation. One wants to know more about one’s “thing,” and too craves the reassurance that it is normal and natural.
The greater one’s doubts and inhibitions, the more intense this need for reassurance. The following letter, received just a few days ago, is as good an example as any.
Dear Sir:
Having read your book Three Is Not a Crowd, I find it most interesting. May I make a suggestion? Why not a book on bi men. Their frustrations, loneliness. Continual search for the right one. Love of a woman who is bi herself and understands his or her mate, I frankly believe it makes for a better marriage.
I am a man of forty-nine, divorced, two grown children, and have had a little experience with two women and myself, a couple, and various different men. That’s what is bothering me. Men. I enjoy it, but I enjoy a woman too, especially if there are two or more people present.
I have a terrific sex drive and have all kinds of dreams about men and women. Out here where I live I find it very hard to meet people such as myself who like sex in all shapes, manner, and forms. I have answered ads in the underground papers, but frankly some calls left a bad taste. Such as wanting me to whip them. Ugh! I have thought to place an ad, but got cold feet.
So, Mr. Wells, or should I say Mr. Anthony, I am looking for a sympathetic ear . . . I even have cold feet about writing you, but feel you are more or less a writer who has discretion and is interested in what makes people’s minds tick on the sex bit . . .
My reply to this letter is in the mail. Perhaps I’ll hear again from its author. Perhaps we’ll meet and talk. And perhaps some of his story will someday work its way into a chapter in a book, or at least give me a little more perspective on “what makes people’s minds tick on the sex bit.”
And perhaps I’ll never hear from the man again . . .
• • •
Thus odds and ends, with some odder than others, and with this book itself at last drawing to an end. A mixed bag, this; a collection of people who have nothing in common so much as what they lack in common with the rest of the world. “An anthology of perverts” was a friend’s reaction when I told him what I was currently at work on.
An anthology of perverts? Well, I suppose one could call it that if so inclined.
People who are doing their own thing. People who hear a different drummer. And don’t we all hear slightly different drummers—whether or not we elect to step in time to them?
I rather think we do.
The End
About the Authors
Lawrence Block has been writing best-selling mystery and suspense fiction for half a century. A multiple recipient of the Edgar and Shamus awards, he has been designated a Grand Master by the Mystery Writers of America, and received the Diamond Dagger for Life Achievement from the UK’s Crime Writers Association. His most recent novels are A Drop Of The Hard Stuff, featuring Matthew Scudder, and Getting Off, starring a very naughty young woman. Several of his books have been filmed, although not terribly well. He's well known for his books for writers, including the classic Telling Lies For Fun & Profit, and The Liar's Bible. In addition to prose works, he has written episodic television: Tilt! and the Wong Kar-wai film, My Blueberry Nights. He is a modest and humble fellow, although you would never guess as much from this biographical note.
Beyond Group Sex: Doing Their Own Thing (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior) Page 17