by Ben Jonson
What makes the devil so devilish, I would ask you,
Satan, our common enemy, but his being
Perpetually about the fire, and boiling
Brimstone and arsenic? We must give, I say,
Unto the motives, and the stirrers up
Of humours in the blood. It may be so,
30 Whenas the work is done, the Stone is made,
This heat of his may turn into a zeal,
And stand up for the beauteous discipline
Against the menstruous cloth and rag of Rome.
We must await his calling, and the coming
Of the good spirit. You did fault, t’ upbraid him
With the Brethren’s blessing of Heidelberg, weighing
What need we have to hasten on the work,
For the restoring of the silenced Saints,
Which ne’er will be but by the Philosopher’s Stone.
40 And so a learnèd elder, one of Scotland,
Assured me; aurum potabile being
The only med’ cine for the civil magistrate,
T’ incline him to a feeling of the Cause;
And must be daily used in the disease.
ANANIAS: I have not edified more, truly, by man,
Not since the beautiful light first shone on me,
And I am sad my zeal hath so offended.
TRIBULATION: Let us call on him then.
ANANIAS: The motion’s good,
And of the spirit; I will knock first.
[Knocks.] Peace be within!
III, ii [SCENE TWO]
[SUBTLE admits TRIBULATION WHOLESOME and ANANIAS into the house.]
[SUBTLE:] O, are you come? ’Twas time. Your three-score minutes
Were at the last thread, you see; and down had gone
Furnus acedicæ, turris circulatorius:
Lembec, bolt-head, retort, and pelican
Had all been cinders. Wicked Ananias!
Art thou returned? Nay, then, it goes down yet.
TRIBULATION: Sir, be appeasèd; he is come to humble
Himself in spirit, and to ask your patience,
If too much zeal hath carried him aside
From the due path.
10 SUBTLE: Why, this doth qualify!
TRIBULATION: The Brethren had no purpose, verily,
To give you the least grievance; but are ready
To lend their willing hands to any project
The spirit and you direct.
SUBTLE: This qualifies more!
TRIBULATION: And for the orphans’ goods, let them be valued,
Or what is needful else to the holy work,
It shall be numb’ red. Here, by me, the Saints
Throw down their purse before you.
SUBTLE: This qualifies most!
Why, thus it should be, now you understand.
20 Have I discoursed so unto you of our Stone,
And of the good that it shall bring your cause?
Showed you (beside the main of hiring forces
Abroad, drawing the Hollanders, your friends,
From th’ Indies, to serve you, with all their fleet)
That even the med’cinal use shall make you a faction
And party in the realm? As, put the case,
That some great man in state, he have the gout,
Why, you but send three drops of your elixir,
You help him straight. There you have made a friend.
30 Another has the palsy or the dropsy,
He takes of your incombustible stuff,
He’s young again: there you have made a friend.
A lady that is past the feat of body,
Though not of mind, and hath her face decayed
Beyond all cure of paintings, you restore
With the oil of talc. There you have made a friend;
And all her friends. A lord that is a leper,
A knight that has the bone-ache, or a squire
That hath both these, you make ’em smooth and sound
40 With a bare fricace of your med’cine. Still
You increase your friends.
TRIBULATION: Ay, ’tis very pregnant.
SUBTLE: And then the turning of this lawyer’s pewter
To plate at Christmas –
ANANIAS: Christ-tide, I pray you.
SUBTLE: Yet, Ananias!
ANANIAS: I have done.
SUBTLE: Or changing
His parcel gilt to massy gold. You cannot
But raise you friends withal, to be of power
To pay an army in the field, to buy
The King of France out of his realms, or Spain
Out of his Indies. What can you not do
50 Against lords spiritual or temporal,
That shall oppone you?
TRIBULATION: Verily, ’t is true.
We may be temporal lords ourselves, I take it.
SUBTLE: You may be anything, and leave off to make
Long-winded exercises, or suck up
Your ‘ha!’ and ‘hum!’ in a tune. I not deny,
But such as are not gracèd in a state,
May, for their ends, be adverse in religion,
And get a tune to call the flock together.
For, to say sooth, a tune does much with women
60 And other phlegmatic people; it is your bell.
ANANIAS: Bells are profane; a tune may be religious.
SUBTLE: No warning with you? Then farewell my patience.
’S light, it shall down! I will not be thus tortured.
TRIBULATION: I pray you, sir.
SUBTLE: All shall perish. I have spoke it.
TRIBULATION: Let me find grace, sir, in your eyes. The man,
He stands corrected. Neither did his zeal,
But as yourself, allow a tune somewhere,
Which now, being toward the Stone, we shall not need.
SUBTLE: No, nor your holy vizard, to win widows
70 To give you legacies, or make zealous wives
To rob their husbands for the common cause;
Nor take the start of bonds broke but one day,
And say they were forfeited by providence.
Nor shall you need o’ er-night to eat huge meals,
To celebrate your next day’s fast the better;
The whilst the Brethren and the Sisters, humbled,
Abate the stiffness of the flesh. Nor cast
Before your hungry hearers scrupulous bones:
As whether a Christian may hawk or hunt,
80 Or whether matrons of the holy assembly
May lay their hair out, or wear doublets,
Or have that idol, starch, about their linen.
ANANIAS: It is indeed an idol.
TRIBULATION: Mind him not, sir.
I do command thee, spirit of zeal, but trouble,
To peace within him! Pray you, sir, go on.
SUBTLE: Nor shall you need to libel ’ gainst the prelates,
And shorten so your ears against the hearing
Of the next wire-drawn grace. Nor of necessity
Rail against plays, to please the alderman
90 Whose daily custard you devour; nor lie
With zealous rage till you are hoarse; not one
Of these so singular arts. Nor call yourselves
By names of Tribulation, Persecution,
Restraint, Long-patience, and such-like, affected
By the whole family or wood of you,
Only for glory, and to catch the ear
Of the disciple.
TRIBULATION: Truly, sir, they are
Ways that the godly Brethren have invented,
For propagation of the glorious Cause,
100 As very notable means, and whereby also
Themselves grow soon and profitably famous.
SUBTLE: O, but the Stone, all’s idle to’t! Nothing!
The art of angels, nature’s miracle,
The divine secret that doth fly in clouds
Is not from men, but spirits.
ANANIAS: I hate traditions!
I do not trust them –
TRIBULATION: Peace!
ANANIAS: They are Popish all.
I will not peace! I will not –
TRIBULATION: Ananias!
ANANIAS: Please the profane to grieve the godly,
I may not.
110 SUBTLE: Well, Ananias, thou shalt overcome.
TRIBULATION: It is an ignorant zeal that haunts him, sir,
But truly else a very faithful Brother,
A botcher, and a man by revelation
That hath a competent knowledge of the truth.
SUBTLE: Has he a competent sum there i’ the bag
To buy the goods within? I am made guardian,
And must, for charity and conscience’ sake,
Now see the most be made for my poor orphan,
Though I desire the Brethren, too, good gainers;
120 There they are within. When you have viewed and bought ’em,
And ta’ en the inventory of what they are,
They are ready for projection; there’s no more
To do, Cast on the med’ cine, so much silver
As there is tin there, so much gold as brass,
I’ll gi’ it you in by weight.
TRIBULATION: But how long time,
Sir, must the Saints expect yet?
SUBTLE: Let me see,
How’s the moon now? Eight, nine, ten days hence,
He will be silver potate; then three days
Before he citronize. Some fifteen days,
130 The magisterium will be perfected
ANANIAS: About the second day of the third week,
In the ninth month?
SUBTLE: Yes, my good Ananias.
TRIBULATION: What will the orphans’ goods arise to, think you?
SUBTLE: Some hundred marks, as much as filled three cars,
Unladed now. You’ll make six millions of ’em –
But I must ha’ more coals laid in.
TRIBULATION: How?
SUBTLE: Another load,
And then we ha’ finished. We must now increase
Our fire to ignis ardens; we are past
Fimus equinus, balnei, cineris,
140 And all those lenter heats. If the holy purse
Should with this draught fall low, and that the Saints
Do need a present sum, I have a trick
To melt the pewter, you shall buy now instantly,
And with a tincture make you as good Dutch dollars
As any are in Holland.
TRIBULATION: Can you so?
SUBTLE: Ay, and shall bide the third examination.
ANANIAS: It will be joyful tidings to the Brethren.
SUBTLE: But you must carry it secret.
TRIBULATION: Ay; but stay,
This act of coining, is it lawful?
ANANIAS: Lawful!
150 We know no magistrate; or, if we did,
This’s foreign coin.
SUBTLE: It is no coining, sir.
It is but casting.
TRIBULATION: Ha! you distinguish well.
Casting of money may be lawful.
ANANIAS: ’Tis, sir.
TRIBULATION: Truly, I take it so.
SUBTLE: There is no scruple,
Sir, to be made of it, believe Ananias.
This case of conscience he is studied in.
TRIBULATION: I’ll make a question of it to the Brethren.
ANANIAS: The Brethren shall approve it lawful, doubt not.
Where shall’t be done?
SUBTLE: For that we’ll talk anon.
Knock without.
160 There’s some to speak with me. Go in, I pray you,
And view the parcels. That’s the inventory.
I’ll come to you straight.
[Exeunt TRIBULATION WHOLESOME and ANANIAS.]
Who is it? – Face! appear.
III, iii [Enter FACE m his Captain’s uniform.]
[SUBTLE:] How now! Good prize?
FACE: Good pox! Yon costive cheater
Never came on.
SUBTLE: How then?
FACE: I ha’ walked the round
Till now, and no such thing.
SUBTLE: And ha’ you quit him?
FACE: Quit him! An’ Hell would quit him too, he were happy.
’Slight! would you have me stalk like a mill-jade,
All day, for one that will not yield us grains?
I know him of old.
SUBTLE: O, but to ha’ gulled him,
Had been a mastery.
FACE: Let him go, black boy,
And turn thee, that some fresh news may possess thee.
10 A noble count, a Don of Spain (my dear
Delicious compeer, and my party-bawd),
Who is come hither private for his conscience
And brought munition with him, six great slops,
Bigger than three Dutch hoys, beside round trunks,
Furnished with pistolets, and pieces of eight,
Will straight be here, my rogue, to have thy bath,
(That is the colour) and to make his batt’ ry
Upon our Dol, our castle, our Cinque Port,
Our Dover Pier, our what thou wilt. Where is she?
20 She must prepare perfumes, delicate linen,
The bath in chief, a banquet, and her wit,
For she must milk his epididymis.
Where is the doxy?
SUBTLE: I’ll send her to thee;
And but despatch my brace of little John Leydens
And come again myself.
FACE: Are they within then?
SUBTLE: Numb’ ring the sum.
FACE: How much?
SUBTLE. A hundred marks, boy.
[Exit.]
FACE: Why, this’s a lucky Day. Ten Pounds Of Mammoni
Three o’ my clerk! a portague o’ my grocer!
This o’ the Brethren! beside reversions
30 And states to come, i’ the widow, and my Count!
My share today will not be bought for forty –
[Enter DOL.]
DOL COMMON: What?
FACE: Pounds, dainty Dorothy! art thou so near?
DOL COMMON: Yes. say, lord general, how fares our camp?
FACE: As with the few that had entrenched themselves
Safe, by their discipline, against a world, Dol,
And laughed within those trenches, and grew fat
With thinking on the booties, Dol, brought in
Daily by their small parties. This dear hour,
A doughty Don is taken with my Dol;
40 And thou mayst make his ransom what thou wilt,
My Dowsabel; he shall be brought here, fettered
With thy fair looks, before he sees thee; and thrown
In a down-bed, as dark as any dungeon;
Where thou shalt keep him waking with thy drum –
Thy drum, my Dol, thy drum – till he be tame
As the poor blackbirds were i’ the great frost,
Or bees are with a basin; and so hive him
I’ the swan-skin coverlid and cambric sheets,
Till he work honey and wax, my little God’s-gift.
50 DOL COMMON: What is he, General?
FACE: An adalantado,
A grandee, girl. Was not my Dapper here yet?
DOL COMMON: No.
FACE: Nor my Drugger?
DOL COMMON: Neither.
FACE: A Pox on ’em,
They are so long a-furnishing! such stinkards
Would not be seen upon these festival days.
[Re-enter SUBTLE.]
How now! ha’ you done?
SUBTLE: Done. They are gone; the sum
Is here in bank, my Face. I would we knew
Another chapman now would buy ’em outright.
FACE: ’Slid, Nab shall do’t aga
inst he ha’ the widow,
To furnish household.
SUBTLE: Excellent, well thought on.
60 Pray God he come.
FACE: I pray he keep away
Till our new business be o’ erpast.
SUBTLE: But, Face,
How cam’st thou by this secret Don?
FACE: A spirit
Brought me the’ intelligence in a paper here,
As I was conjuring yonder in my circle
For Surly. I ha’ my flies abroad. Your bath
Is famous, Subtle, by my means. Sweet Dol,
You must go tune your virginal, no losing
O’ the least time. And (do you hear?) good action!
Firk like a flounder; kiss like a scallop, close;
70 And tickle him with thy mother-tongue. His great
Verdugoship has not a jot of language –
So much the easier to be cozened, my Dolly.
He will come here in a hired coach, obscure,
And our own coachman, whom I have sent as guide,
No creature else. –
One knocks.
Who’s that?
SUBTLE: It is not he?
FACE: O no, not yet this hour.
SUBTLE: Who is’t?
DOL COMMON [looking out]: Dapper,
Your clerk.
FACE: God’s will then, Queen of Faery,
On with your tire.
[Exit DOL.]
And, Doctor, with your robes.
Let’s despatch him for God’s sake.
SUBTLE: ’ Twill be long.
80 FACE: I warrant you, take but the cues I give you,
It shall be brief enough. ’Slight, here are more!
Abel, and, I think, the angry boy, the heir,
That fain would quarrel.
SUBTLE: And the widow?
FACE: No,
Not that I see. Away!
[Exit SUBTLE.]
[FACE admits DAPPER.]
III, iv [FACE:] O, sir, you are welcome.
The Doctor is within a-moving for you.
I have had the most ado to win him to it!
He swears you’ll be the darling o’ the dice;
He never heard her Highness dote till now, he says.
Your aunt has giv’ n you the most gracious words
That can be thought on.
DAPPER: Shall I see her Grace?
FACE: See her, and kiss her too.
[Enter DRUGGER, followed by KASTRIL.]
What, honest Nab!
Hast brought the damask?
DRUGGER: No, sir, here’s tobacco.
FACE: ’Tis well done, Nab. Thou’ lt bring the damask too?
10 DRUGGER: Yes. Here’s the gentleman, Captain, Master Kastril,
I have brought to see the Doctor.
FACE: Where’s the widow?
DRUGGER: Sir, as he likes, his sister, he says, shall come.
FACE: O, is it so? Good time. is your name kastril, sir?