Was it deep, growing affection?
Was it love?
His brothers’ words, that he should take the time to notice what is under his nose, came rushing into his thoughts, begging for his attention. It was not that he hadn’t paid their words any mind. For the past five days, he’d done nothing but consider their sentiments. All he’d been able to conclude is that Hope, though beautiful and spritely and witty and kind and determined, wasn’t Ellie.
That obvious revelation had given him no peace or solace. In fact, it’d made his dilemma even more complicated.
Swallowing hard, he peered down at the heartbroken woman sheltered in his arm. He felt desperate to bring her some solace. “Wolves are cunning and very crafty, Hope. This sort of thing can happen so fast that most of the time you only get a shot at the bandits’ backsides.” He ran his forefinger over the hen’s head, noticing the way it had stopped quaking in Hope’s arms. “This one’s a survivor, though, isn’t she?”
Hope gave a solemn nod. She sniffled as the goats bleated from their pen. “I’m sure that da Vinci is traumatized after seeing the others.” Her face instantly crumpled on another silent sob.
“Shh. It’s all right, Hope.” Aaron could barely swallow past the thick lump clogging his throat. He rested his cheek on her head, praying that she would find a thread of comfort in all of this. She’d been so stalwart these past four weeks. “Maybe we can purchase some more chickens so she won’t be lonely. How’s that sound?”
Dabbing at her tears with her nightgown’s lace-edged sleeve, she peered up at him as though he’d just booked passage overseas on some fancy cruise liner. “That is so very kind of you, Aaron. I’m certain that she will be grateful.” She trailed a fingertip over the hen’s head. “Aaron.”
“What is it?”
She sniffled. “What happened here is so very distressing. It’s made me question whether I’m capable of doing this any longer.”
He angled his focus down at her, touched by the thoughtful way she made sure the hen was covered, even at her own expense. Her bare feet and slender ankles stuck out from beneath her bed clothes. Swallowing hard, he shoved his focus to the hen. “Of doing what?”
“I’ve tried to do my best on this farm, but seeing all of this slaughter—” she leaned forward slightly and peered at the blatant evidence “—I wonder if I’ve taken on too much.”
He eased her head to his shoulder, slipping his fingers over her silken strands of hair, trying not to notice how his heart felt so buoyant at being able to protect and care for a woman like this again. “That’s nothing that can’t be fixed, Hope. If you’re feeling up to your ears in chores, well then, I’ll just make a point to get over here more often.” He angled his gaze down at her. “See? There’s nothing that we can’t deal with.”
We?
That miniscule two-lettered word thundered through his mind and heart. When had he started thinking of Hope and him as we? True, he desired to see her every waking moment and would do whatever he could to help her and take care of her. But he’d also do whatever it took to avoid being near Hope because his growing feelings for her continued to chip away at his vows to Ellie.
His heart was torn, and at times the back and forth sway was almost dizzying.
She gave her head an adamant shake. “It’s not that. As it is, you’re already spending too much time away from your own responsibilities to assist me.” She levered herself up to standing and turned to stare down at him. “It’s just that there are lives depending on me on the farm. I’ve let them down, and I feel positively horrible about that.”
He pushed himself up as she peered at the grisly carnage. “Don’t make this harder on yourself,” he implored, grasping her hand and coaxing her attention toward him. “You’ve done the best you can. No one can ask any more of you than what you’re already doing.”
“Well, apparently my best wasn’t good enough.” Pain darkened her normally bright and cheer-filled gaze. “Maybe Paul knew all along that this would never work.”
“If that was true then I doubt he would’ve deeded the farm to you in the first place.” He gave her a slow nod. “Farming and ranching are not easy ways of life, Hope. Ask anyone in these parts. Wolf and mountain lion attacks…these kinds of thing happen, especially living out here in the West.” When a loud meow cut through the early morning, he glanced toward the house to see Hope’s tabby kitten hanging by all fours on the black screen door, meowing with all its might. A half grin tipped his mouth. “Looks like someone’s calling for you.”
“He’s probably afraid.” She pivoted to face her kitten. “Don’t be afraid, sweetie. I’ll be there in a little bit,” she called, waving to the kitten. Sighing, she adjusted her robe around the chicken.
Aaron had to bite his cheek to keep from chuckling at the completely innocent and kindhearted way Hope had with the animals—all of them—which is why he couldn’t imagine her giving up now. “All farmers face risks, Hope, but they get through it. Take Zach, for instance. Just this past winter he lost a half dozen head of cattle to mountain lions and wolves.”
She shuddered as she shifted her wary focus toward the rugged terrain to the west. The sense of confidence he’d seen in her these past weeks had seemed to dissipate in the past few minutes, and that near broke his heart. He’d do everything he could to see it return.
“Even with several ranch hands keeping an eye on things that kind of thing can happen. Livestock are easy prey for a hungry or lazy predator.” He tenderly grasped her chin and nudged her gaze to meet his. “Just like your chickens were easy prey for a pack of wolves. That’s why you can’t blame yourself.”
“That may be true, but look at all that has happened,” she argued, adjusting her hold on the hen. “First the goats escaped and then Paul’s horse and now this…”
“You can fence them in from the earth to the moon,” he reasoned. “But when you figure wild animals into the mix, there’s no guarantee.”
She gave her head a defeated shake. “Maybe I’m making mistakes. Like Jane said.”
“Don’t listen to Jane.” Seeing her desperation and misplaced guilt, he grasped her upper arms and pulled her to himself but not so far as to squash her one remaining chicken.
He could feel Hope tremble and wanted nothing more than to ease her mind and heart. He wanted to put that smile he found himself craving, back on her face. To see that stubborn tilt to her chin that tugged at his heart in a way he’d least expected.
In spite of the seemingly content hen sandwiched between them, she felt so right in his arms. To hold her and comfort her and support her when she needed it most felt so right. “Aaron?”
“Yeah,” he answered, drinking in the moment.
“The henhouse door…” She peeked around his arm at the door then nestled against his chest, filling him with a wonderful sense of purpose. “It was open when I got out here.”
He swallowed hard. An open henhouse door was a careless way to lose livestock.
Closing his eyes briefly, he tried to remove any trace of disappointment from his face before Hope noticed. No doubt, the latch was sturdy. There was no way the thieving wolves could breach the entrance. He wanted to believe that she’d been thorough. He’d gained so much respect for Hope and her resolve to take on this mountainous task, but maybe she was missing a few things here and there.
He’d have to spend even more time over here, making sure that nothing slipped through the cracks, because the idea that she might give up and leave was almost more than he could bear.
When Aaron paused for a long moment, Hope pulled back to look at him, confused at his sudden silence. He’d expressed hints of misgivings after the goats and the stallion had escaped, but had his doubt grown to equal that of Jane’s?
He slid his hands from her arms, and she felt an almost immediate sense of loss.
“The safety of my animals is first and foremost.” She shielded da Vinci’s eyes from the carnage as she faced the henhouse and mentally
traipsed over the chores she’d done last night. “I distinctly remember latching the henhouse door—I’ve been especially mindful of doing so since you mentioned something the other day about wolves being in the area. I honestly don’t know how that door was opened.”
He crossed over to the door and examined it, opening and shutting it several times. “It hasn’t been tampered with. And there’s no other sign of forced entry. No claw marks. Nothing.”
Self-doubt crept from her toes to her head like a wild and tangling vine. She couldn’t return to Boston, but did she possess the skill needed to stay on here? Until Aaron would finally agree to an acceptable farmhand candidate, she would have to remain diligent. She had fortitude and determination, but when it came to experience, she was clearly lacking. The possibility of another life perishing under her care made her heart ache so much that it physically hurt.
It hurt almost as much as the way she ached for Aaron’s caring and gentle touch again. For a brief and magnificent moment when he’d wrapped his strong arms around her, she’d felt that anything was possible and that she could endure any hardship as long as he was by her side.
But that was a fantasy, a flitting dream that passed by just out of her reach, like the downy chicken feather that wafted out and on, carried away on the morning breeze.
Chapter Fifteen
Hope felt alive with purpose as she exited the dressmaker’s shop and breathed in the morning air, laden with the scents of summer. In spite of the hardships she’d faced, she loved it here.
There were few things in life she regretted.
Even fewer things she felt one-hundred percent, beyond a shadow-of-a-doubt, absolutely positive about—like moving to Boulder.
She’d had her reservations before she’d arrived here but hadn’t allowed a few strands of uncertainty to keep her from moving forward. But last week, after those awful wolves had slaughtered all but one of her chickens, uncertainty had nearly shredded her assurance. Seeing beyond their gruesome death had brought her to her knees.
Situating her twine-tied package of floral cotton fabric she’d just purchased for a play costume, she recalled how her frantic prayers had not been so neatly packaged. On several occasions over the past few days, she’d pleaded for God’s strength and help and for some kind of confirmation that staying on here would be the right decision. In a profoundly subtle yet impacting way, peace had filled her heart, and she just knew that she was right in the very center of her destiny.
Once she had her bearings about her and had dragged her good sense and expectant attitude into place again and after she’d walked about on the farm, taking in the tender shoots poking through her garden and field soil and after she’d visited all of the animals, marveling in God’s beautiful handiwork, she’d felt even more fortified in her decision.
The warm reassurance she’d found in Aaron’s arms after her chickens had been killed had stayed with her for several days. His strength had made up for her weakness. His protective ways had soothed her uncertainty. And his tenderness had settled into the deepest crevices of her heart, areas of hurt she hadn’t been aware existed.
With a contented sigh, she smoothed a hand over her violet-colored dress and drew her French-made shawl up over her shoulders as she walked down the boardwalk back to the mercantile to meet up with Aaron. She’d joined him for a supply run this morning, grateful for the chance to spruce up for a trip to town. She’d caught Aaron’s admiring gaze earlier, the way his eyes had grown deep and dark and fascinating, as though he was seeing her for the first time. And she’d been startled by his compliment, that she took his breath away. With the sweet memory of his words, and with the way the late June sun blazed in the cerulean sky, she couldn’t help but smile.
“There you are.” Katie’s voice lilted into her musings. She and Joseph were standing outside the mercantile with Aaron, Sam Garnett, a native of Boulder and Julia, who Hope was convinced, was Sam’s soon-to-be wife. Sam had arrived in Boulder just a week ago to set up a law office, and the townspeople were thrilled to have their very own Samuel Garnett back to practice law.
And Julia…she was just plain thrilled to have her very own Samuel Garnett.
“I wasn’t expecting to see all of you here.” She stepped up to the platform and exchanged hugs with Katie and Julia.
“I’m so glad we ran into you.” Katie held Hope at arms’ length then backed up to stand in front of Joseph. “We have something to tell you. All of you.”
“So, it’s something I can be privy to?” Sam asked, nudging Joseph’s arm.
Joseph’s smile deepened as he anchored his cane in the crook of his arm. “Of course you can hear this. You’re like a brother.”
“That’s for sure.” Removing his hat, Aaron winked Hope’s way, his playful demeanor sending a tremor of delight from Hope’s stomach all the way to her toes. “Growing up, I think he ate supper out at our place more often than not. Mama always made sure he got two pieces of dessert—said she wanted to keep him coming back.”
“It worked, didn’t it?” Sam smiled as he tucked Julia’s arm in his in a beautiful and proper claim.
Hope might never know that kind of unabashed show of affection and desire, though she likely would never stop wanting as much. To have a man be so forthright in his intentions would go a long way to bolstering her wilting confidence in that area. Jonas’s reserved and distant approach to their relationship—especially after her family’s misfortune—had cut a wide rut in her heart she hadn’t even realized was there until she’d witnessed such a beautiful contrast.
“So, what’s the news?” Aaron puffed his chest out and braced his hands at his waist. “Are you expecting a big delivery at the shop that you haven’t told me about? Building another addition?”
Joseph wrapped his arms around Katie and pressed a kiss to her head. “We’re expecting a delivery all right.”
Aaron glanced off toward the street, nodding to a passerby. “Well then, it’s a good thing we have—”
“Katie and I…we’re expecting a baby.” Joseph rested his hands at Katie’s waist.
Hope gasped. “That’s wonderful.”
“You’re what?” Aaron’s brow creased.
“It most certainly is wonderful,” Julia exclaimed, peppering the moment with delicate applause.
“How soon?” Hope asked.
“Probably right before Thanksgiving.” Katie smiled up at Joseph as he trailed the back of his hand over her cheek. “At least that’s what we think.”
“Katie, I’m so delighted for you.” Tears stung Hope’s eyes. “And you, too, Joseph. You’re going to make wonderful parents.”
“That’s great news, Joe-boy.” Sam clasped Joseph’s shoulder. “I’m glad I’ll be around to celebrate with you and to see your first little one grow up.”
Joseph focused his unseeing gaze on Sam. “You can even be Uncle Sam if you’d like.”
“I’d be honored,” Sam replied in a low voice as he moved his attentive gaze to Julia. “And here I thought that, being an only child, I’d never get to be an uncle.”
“Glad to oblige you, my friend.” After a hearty handshake, Joseph grasped Katie’s shoulders.
When Hope glanced at Aaron, his face ashen and his eyes filled with trepidation, her delight dissolved in an instant.
His throat visibly convulsed as he swallowed. His jaw tensed. When that tormented expression she’d observed twice before, clouded his brilliant blue eyes, she could only guess that visions of Ellie giving birth to a stillborn baby barraged his mind.
“Have you been to see Ben yet?” Aaron’s voice had grown tense. “Does he think you should be out and about? I mean, shouldn’t you be lying in bed and resting?”
Katie’s elation had faded. “We visited with Ben just yesterday,” she gently responded.
Joseph stepped over to stand beside Aaron, bracing a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of compassion that brought tears to Hope’s eyes. “You don’t need to worry. All right? He sa
ys that things are fine.”
Aaron hauled in a long shaky breath. “Well, you need to make sure you take good care of yourself.” When he glanced at Katie, moisture rimmed his eyes. “Do you hear me?”
Katie gave several quick nods, her brow pinched as she set quivering fingers to her lips.
“I’ll make sure she’s well rested,” Joseph assured.
“I’ll do everything I can at work so that you can be home with Katie as much as possible.” Aaron shifted on the platform.
Guilt seeped into Hope’s heart knowing just how busy Aaron had been between assisting her, his own job and then the play. As it was, he could hardly have a moment of time to himself.
“You’re already busy enough.” Joseph tapped the end of his cane against the wood planks. “Besides, I’ve been thinking about hiring on help.”
Aaron flipped his concern-filled focus to Katie again. “Any sign of pain and you’ll lie down. Promise me?”
“Of course.” Her eyes welled with tears as she crossed to Aaron and wrapped her arms around his chest. “I’ll be very careful. I promise.”
“I’ve already lost Ellie and my baby boy. I don’t want to lose my sister-in-law, too.” Bowing his head for a long and silent moment, he shrugged out of Katie’s arms, then eased over to the parcel-stacked wagon parked alongside the loading dock. He pivoted to face them, his expression wrought with struggle. “Listen, I’m sorry that I dampened what should’ve been a joyful moment for you, Katie. Joseph.”
Joseph shook his head. “Don’t apologize.”
“We understand,” Katie added, glancing over her shoulder at Hope. “He needs you right now,” she whispered. “He just doesn’t know it.”
Hope grappled for her meaning. How could Aaron need her when he mourned his wife? At times he almost seemed offended by Hope’s company, as though her presence complicated his life.
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