by Hope Ford
After a quick finger comb, I go to the front office and get the deposit bag from Rod. I ignore the looks the guys are giving me and almost run out the door.
My heart is pounding triple time in my chest and I know I’m forgetting a thousand things, but all I can worry about right now is getting the hell out of here. I. Kissed. Austin. And I liked it. After just that one make-out session, I know that I’ll never be the same again.
I make the deposit just before the bank closes at five.
I pull into the driveway of my parents’ house and take deep breaths in and out. I pull out my phone and send a quick text to Austin. Sorry for the kick. Use ice. Have a good weekend.
That is a nice way to tell him I don’t want to see him over the weekend, right? I have to figure this out. Where do we go from here?
12
Austin
I’m sitting in the chair Laney had pushed me into in my office with the door still open when Laney’s text comes through. I type, If a kick to my jewels comes with that kind of hot as fuck kiss with you, kick me anytime.
“How ya doin, boss?” Owen asks from the doorway. “She caught you in the potatoes, didn’t she?” He looks like he is about to bust up laughing, but he doesn’t dare. He holds his hands up. “Hey, message received. She’s all yours, man,” he says, crossing his hands over his crotch like he’s blocking a kick.
I kick the office door shut and look back down at the text message I’ve written out. There’s no way I can send it. I saw the look of fear take the place of the passion she’d had in her eyes.
When she left my office I felt such a stab of pain and terror at the realization that I’d just fucked up so badly I might’ve lost my best friend forever. She kissed me back but then she pulled away and left.
I erase the text and write instead, I’m fine. We need to talk. Call me.
The nervous energy makes me feel more nauseous than a kick to the nads. I go and work in the garage, keeping my cellphone close by so I can answer when Laney calls.
“Night, boss,” Mike says, waving his hand to get my attention. “It’s an hour past closing. I’ll lock the front office up so you’ll only have the garage to lock up when you finish.”
“Thanks,” I say as I pick up my phone.
No text messages or missed calls.
As soon as I see Mike drive away, I call Laney’s phone, but it goes straight to voicemail.
Come on. I text her to call me and can see that the texts are delivered but not being read. She might’ve turned off her phone or maybe it died.
I decide to call her parents’ house when her phone still goes straight to voicemail an hour later.
“Hello?” Jerry answers.
“Hi Mr. Gowen, is Laney around? I tried her phone, but she’s not picking up.”
Her father makes a snorting sound. “Mr. Gowen? You haven’t called me that since you were in high school.”
“Sorry, Jerry.”
“That’s all right. Guess it seems like old times—”
I don’t mean to cut him off but I’m really wanting an answer about Laney. “Is Laney okay?”
“Oh… yeah. She went to bed early with a bit of a headache. I bet she turned her phone off so she wouldn’t be disturbed. I’ll tell her you called in the morning.”
Frustration builds, and I slap my hand across the tool chest. “Thanks, Jerry. Sorry to interrupt your evening. Have a good one. Bye.”
I walk over and close the garage doors and lock them up as I think over the excuse Jerry gave me over and over in my head. Maybe she did have a headache. I don’t think so though.
Laney
I take an extra-long shower trying to ease the angst from my muscles after tossing and turning all night.
What the hell was I thinking kissing him like that?
Toweling off my wet hair, I look in the mirror, mentally yelling at myself for crossing the line. If I’d been thinking straight I would have taken a step back when he’d invaded my space. I would have talked to him like a friend, not a girlfriend. No wonder everything got so messed up so fast.
How am I ever going to get things back to the way they were after I pressed my breasts against him like that? I can almost still feel the warmth and hardness of his body against mine and it’s the next day!
The ink is barely dry on my broken engagement! What is wrong with me?
“Austin called for you last night,” my dad tells me when I come down from my room around eight. “You’re up early for a Saturday.”
“What did he say?” I ask.
Something in my tone of voice must have been off because my dad turns to look at me before he answers. “He said he wanted to check on you and that your phone was off. Why? Did something happen yesterday?”
“No, nothing,” I answer, but he clearly doesn’t believe me. “Well, there was a big disagreement with a customer. Things got heated-” My eyes widen as I blush at my choice of words. “Loud. You’ll probably hear about it when you go into town.”
“That loud, huh?” Dad asks. “Did the customer yell at you? Who was it?”
Oh boy, that’s all I need, another overprotective male.
“Not at me. I was there, but the fight was between Austin and the customer.”
My dad gestures like he wants the full scoop so I tell him as little as I can. “Someone made a comment about me and Austin didn’t like it. Things got physical and well, that was it.”
“Who was it?” he demands.
“Nobody, Dad. Austin took care of it. You don’t need to worry about it.”
My dad shakes his head. “Austin always hung with rough crowds when he wasn’t hanging out with you. But that’s one thing I’ll give him, I never have to worry about you as long as you’re with him. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but it’s been a long time since I’ve heard of him stirring things up.”
“Well, people are bound to lose their temper from time to time.”
My dad shrugs. “He sounded concerned about you. Don’t forget to call him back.”
I nod and finish my coffee and breakfast and decide it’s a great day to drive out to the next town or maybe the one after that and do a little shopping. If I hang around the house or around town I’ll run into Austin, and I’m not ready to talk to him yet.
13
Austin
I’m fed up with the silent treatment I’m getting from Laney. She was MIA all day and night Saturday. I drove by her parents’ house several times and her car wasn’t there until late Saturday night. She hasn’t bothered to turn on her phone or if she did, she hasn’t returned any of the text messages I sent or voicemail messages I left. We’ve had fights, small ones in the past, but she’s never ignored me like this. Almost always, she’s ended up forgiving me before the day is out. So knowing that she is still avoiding me makes me realize just how much I fucked up.
Saturday I tried to convince myself that it was just misplaced emotion that drove me to kiss her the way I had, but even as I tried I didn’t believe it. Sunday brought with it my acceptance that I want to kiss her. Fuck, I want to do so much more than that with her. Just because I am ready to accept that we are fucking perfect for each other doesn’t mean that Laney is. If nothing else, the continued silence lets me know that she is afraid.
Maybe she is afraid because she sees how crazy I am for her and she doesn’t really feel that way about me. Just thinking it makes my chest hurt. What the fuck will I do if she doesn’t feel the same way?
I try her phone a few times Sunday, once in the morning and twice after lunchtime. I’m resigned to the idea that I won’t get to talk to her until she comes in for work on Monday. That is, if she even comes in at all. I don’t want to wait, but it is more important not to scare her away, so I have to be patient, even though it’s fucking hard.
My phone dings as I’m sitting on my couch, and when I look at it, I notice the clock says six in the evening and it’s a text from Rod.
Thought you might want to know so you don’t
keep driving by Laney’s house… She’s here at the bar.
I don’t even care that people have taken notice that I’ve been driving by Laney’s family home. I’m just happy to know where she is and that she’s safe. For one brief second, I think about staying home and giving her the peace and distance that she seems to need. But then I start to think about it, and there’s no way I can hold off any longer. I have to know where her head’s at. And I’m going to have to admit to her what I’m thinking. I grab my keys for the motorcycle and leave my place for the bar.
Laney
The plan was to drink enough that I’d be sure to sleep since the last two nights were a bust in the sleeping department. I also thought that the bar would have very few people in it since Monday is a workday, but I was wrong.
Several of the guys from work have already tapped me on the shoulder and said hello. It isn’t the kind of atmosphere where I can be alone with my thoughts, but I’m not ready to go home yet either.
I’m only on my second beer when Austin takes the stool next to me at the bar. I know it’s him by the sexy scent that is just him. He’s always had it, and I’ve never been immune to it. I look over at him and his dark hair has that sexy, tousled look, and his blue eyes are clear and intense. I can tell he’s worried and knowing that makes me feel a little guilty for the way I’ve ghosted him the last couple of days. But what was I supposed to do? He pushes his hair off his face and his lips tilt up in a half smile.
Why does he have to be so hot? I’m just a mere mortal woman, here.
“I’m glad I found you. I’ve been trying to reach you—” he begins.
“Yeah, I just—”
He wraps his hand around my arm, not hard or forcefully but as though he is asking me not to run away or leave before he can say what he needs to say. “I’m sorry that I came on so strong, kissing you out of nowhere like that. I bet I scared you shitless.”
I smile, grateful that he’s making this so easy for me. He could bring up the fact that I kissed him too, but he seems willing to take the blame.
I almost offer to shoulder some of the blame when Blair emerges behind him from the crowd and kisses the back of his neck as she lays a hand on his shoulder. It hurts like a punch to the stomach, even though I know I have no right to feel like Austin is mine.
I start to get up, but Austin pulls me back down onto the stool, putting his hands on my thighs. He holds them there the whole time he addresses Blair.
“Blair, don’t kiss me like we’re together. I’ve made it really clear several times now that we’re finished,” he says, talking a little louder when Blair doesn’t move. “It’s over.”
Blair glares at me openly and then storms off. I watch her walk away and then look at Austin. “When did you break up with Blair?”
14
Austin
I can see she’s surprised, and I know I can take the easy road and play it off, make excuses for that amazing kiss, but I don’t want to. We’ve always been truthful with each other, and I know that right now it’s more important than ever to be honest with her.
“I broke up with her right after you came back to town,” I confess to her. “Since you’ve come back, I’ve had all these feelings that I don’t know what to do with, and I like you and want to see where this goes.”
I can tell she’s shocked. She opens her mouth and closes it again. She doesn’t say a word, and I know I sort of dropped this on her like a bomb. Now I’m glad that I didn’t tell her that I love her and can’t imagine my life without her. She would definitely freak out. No, I have to take this slowly. I try not to get worried that she doesn’t seem to feel the same way I do. I know this is a lot, and she’s already been through so much with Keith.
In hopes of avoiding a kneejerk reaction, I suggest to her, “Let’s move to a booth in the back so we can talk and have fewer interruptions.”
Reaching out, I take her hand in mine and begin to lead her toward a booth in the back. I’m grateful she doesn’t pull away, and I’m very aware that this might be the only walk we take together hand in hand if she tells me she doesn’t want what I’m offering.
Laney
We no sooner sit down than I blurt out, “Are you talking about friends with benefits?”
He shakes his head and almost looks disgusted by the thought. “No, I know that wouldn’t work.”
“You’re saying you want to date me… to see where this goes?” I ask him, wanting him to clarify.
He nods his head.
“Austin, we made a pact we could never date each other.”
He reaches for my hand. “Laney, that was in the sixth grade. I kissed you Friday and you’re all I’ve thought about. I want to kiss you again.”
Already, I’m shaking my head at him. He forgets that I know him. He gets bored with women so easily. I wouldn’t last a week. Maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll make it two, but how will my heart be after that?
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him no, that we need to go back to what we were, but he’s offering me something that I’ve wanted for so long and thought I could never have. How can I tell him no?
He’s watching me, and I can tell he’s trying to figure out what I’m thinking. He has a worried look on his face, and I want to reach out to him and kiss that frown line on his forehead away.
I say the first thing I can think of. “I can’t risk everything when I’m so freshly out of my engagement. You’d be the rebound guy, Austin, and using you like that and allowing you to think that it’s more than that, well, it just can’t happen. I could never do that to you.” His frown gets deeper and I reach out for his hand. I want to say, I love you, Austin, I’ll take anything you’re willing to give, but I don’t. I need him to think when he does break it off with me, which I know he will, that I’m going to be okay. That this isn’t a big deal. “I can’t be anything more. I’m… so displaced right now. You’re my one constant and I’m on the rebound. I’m still healing. I can’t commit to anything serious. I’m not ready.”
Austin closes his sexy blue eyes and shakes his head.
I wrap both hands around his one. “I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t want you. You have to know that I do, obviously, but I can’t make you my rebound guy.”
Austin nods slowly, his eyes veiled under half closed lids. He seems to be studying me and absorbing what I’ve said.
He turns his head to the side and he’s looking at me so deeply, I’m trying to hide my true feelings from him. “You think friends with benefits would be different? How?”
I shrug my shoulders. “Well, because you’d know I’m emotionally messed up and that what we have could fizzle out, but at least we’d still be friends because we’d both know we are in it to… you know, help each other out.”
Austin laughs, and I’ve never been more grateful to hear it, but he sombers quickly and looks at me skeptically. “I’ve never known you to be a friend with benefits type of woman.”
My heart is hammering in my chest. “Well, you and I both know you’ve never been the settling down type anyway. Who better to try out the friends with benefits thing with than you?”
We’re still holding hands, and his thumb rubs over my palm in a slow, circular motion. We both watch our hands and when he looks up, I meet his gaze, holding my breath.
Finally, he mutters softly, “If that’s the only way I can have you, that’s fine.”
I’m so surprised and relieved that he’s agreed. I’m wet just from feeling and watching him stroke my hand. “So… should we get out of here?”
Now he’s surprised. “What? Now?”
Embarrassed, I try to pull my hand back. “I mean, I can wait, I mean…”
He grabs on to my hand again and looks straight into my eyes. Emotion wells inside me and it’s just too much, he sees too much. I try to avert my eyes, but he grips my chin and forces me to look at him. “Are you sure about this, Laney?”
Stubbornly, I don’t answer his question. “Are you sure about th
is, Austin?”
He doesn’t even hesitate. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
My heart soars and I try to tamp it down and not get too excited. I jut my chin out at him. “Well, let’s get out of here.”
He smiles then and stands up, pulling me up with him. “Let’s go.” I walk past him and he follows behind me, his hand on the small of my back. I try not to smile as we leave, but I can see the guys from the shop watching us. I should care what they’re thinking, but I don’t. All I’m thinking about is going home… with Austin.
15
Austin
I want to take her back to my place and make love to her, but instead I take her to dinner. She seemed so nervous once she was on the back of my bike that I didn’t want it to be like that. I need us to be us, the same Austin and Laney as before, and then we can take it further.
We have a good time at dinner and she seems to finally be back to normal. I take every opportunity to touch her, knowing that at some point she’s going to feel that magical, once in a lifetime charge that is trying to tell her that we are meant to be together. At least I hope she does.
We walk out of the diner an hour later and the whole way to my bike, I’m telling myself to be strong. Take it slow. Show her that we can be more.
But then I make the mistake of looking at her. She’s so fucking gorgeous and sexy. My resistance is just gone.