by Lisa Kessler
“I should’ve taken care of you myself. You were in my sector of town, but you don’t seem like the others, and now…” He hesitated, clenching his jaw. “I couldn’t do it.”
“Couldn’t do what?”
His hands dropped to his sides. “Kill you.”
I didn’t hesitate. I ran faster than I had ever run in my entire life. Without looking back, I pushed my legs harder, fighting to put as many strides between us as possible. The streets gave way to shrubs and trees, blurring as I streaked past them. My lungs burned, but somehow Adam kept up. I ran off the streets, through the sagebrush and rocks, until the city stood miles behind us.
I never knew I could run so far or so fast, but I still couldn’t outrun him. When I stopped, he jogged up beside me and frowned.
“You need to shift.”
“What?” I huffed.
He tilted his head slightly, and I swear he looked even cuter. The same man who just told me he was supposed to kill me. I wanted to slap myself. Snap out of it, Lana!
His tough guy face faded, and for a moment a flash of compassion shone in his eyes. “You don’t know what you are, do you?”
My chest heaved, but for a moment my heart stopped. For the past five years I’d devoted most of my time to searching for answers, terrified of what might be happening to me. Now here I stood in the middle of nowhere with a man who seemed certain he knew the one answer I wanted more than anything.
I shook my head, my voice softer than I intended. “Do you know?”
He nodded, his gaze searching mine. “You’re one of the jaguars. A shape-shifter.”
My jaw went slack. He must’ve been joking, but he looked serious. Impossible. A shape-shifter?
No. I was a sleepwalker. That’s what all the psychiatrists said. They’d given me prescriptions for Trazodone and Klonopin, and when that didn’t help, I had a CAT scan. But instead of finding a brain tumor or telling me I needed surgery, they told me I had a brain anomaly that could lead to schizophrenia and decided I should be institutionalized.
I decided they should take a flying leap.
But a shape-shifter? No way. People didn’t turn into animals. Nervous laughter bubbled up from my lips.
He shrugged. “Laugh all you want, but you can see me and it’s pitch black out here. How do you explain that?”
I looked around. He was right. We were far from any streetlights or homes and no moon in the sky either. I didn’t notice it while I ran for my life, but I still saw my surroundings without even a sliver of moonlight glowing overhead. A chill shot crept down my spine.
“You just ran roughly ten miles at top speed. Marathon runners would be a little winded. How are you feeling?”
Other than the itchy feeling under my skin. I wasn’t even out of breath.
“Did you hear the sirens when we left the diner?”
I nodded slowly. “But not until after you told me you heard them.”
“My hearing might be a little more acute than yours, but I can guarantee you none of the humans heard them until we were long gone.”
It couldn’t be true.
“Do you wake up in strange places after a new moon?”
“How do you know that?” I jammed my hands in my pockets, fingering the tiny canister of pepper spray. “Who are you?”
“I already told you—I’m Adam.” He added without a trace of a smile. “I’m a werewolf.”
“No way. Werewolves don’t exist.” I kept grasping for some tiny scrap of reality. I pointed at the pendant resting against his chiseled chest. “And you wear a silver bullet around your neck!”
He rolled his eyes. “I suppose you think I howl outside Dracula’s castle too, huh? Those are myths, Lana. We get killed the same way any wolf does. It’s just a little tougher because we’re bigger. If I ran in front of a diesel truck during a full moon, it’d kill me as fast as any silver bullet.”
I shook my head in disbelief, but somewhere deep down inside, I wanted to believe him. He fought those trained men without breaking a sweat. Grown men tossed across the café like they weighed nothing. He heard the police sirens before anyone in the café even flinched. And he gave me an answer.
The impossible seemed almost real. I’d already tried doctors, psychiatrists, and medicine men, and no one came up with a theory that explained my once a month blackouts. As unreal as it sounded, I wanted Adam’s explanation to make sense. I wanted to finally know who, or what, I was.
Or maybe I did need to be heavily medicated and locked up somewhere.
“You turn into a wolf. Seriously?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but only during a full moon.”
“This is too much,” I whispered.
He cleared his throat. “I thought you knew what you were, and when you kicked me under the table at the café, I was pretty sure you knew what I was too.”
“You bullied your way into sitting at my table and then told me I stunk. You deserved it.”
“I said I smelled you, not that you stink. Big difference.” His smile faded. “What did you think has been happening to you all this time?”
“I had no idea. About seven years ago, when I was eighteen, I started waking up in strange places once a month or so, and I didn’t remember how I got there. Then there was a dead squirrel a couple years ago…” I shuddered at the memory of waking up covered in dried blood. “None of it made sense.”
“No one in your family told you about the change?”
“I don’t know my family.” I gnawed at my bottom lip and stared out into the darkness. “Maybe they were monsters too.”
“You’re not a monster.” A growl rumbled in his chest. “It’s the other half of who you are. Your parents must have been jaguars too.”
I shook my head. It was too impossible, no matter how much I wanted an answer.
But he didn’t seem insane. Pushy and protective, yes, but not nuts. I searched his features, realizing again that I could see him perfectly in the darkness. His gaze never strayed from mine, no hint of dishonesty or spark of madness. My gaze slipped to his lips, and my heart skipped. He was good-looking and way too confident, but there was no trace of cruelty on his face. But if he wasn’t crazy or teasing me…
I shifted my weight. “I don’t know anything about my parents. I grew up in foster homes.” Keeping my voice even, I acted like I didn’t care. I grew up playing the tough-kid role, but inside, my stomach twisted at the admission. Saying the words out loud made me feel like I had “Unwanted” tattooed across my forehead.
He stared down at me and brought his hand up to cup my face. Unlike when he grabbed my arm earlier, his touch was soft. A comfort I wasn’t all that familiar with. His thumb felt rough against my cheek, slowly caressing my skin. I caught myself almost nuzzling into his touch. His eyes searched mine, and for half of a second, I thought he might kiss me. And when he didn’t, more than half of me was disappointed.
The man who admitted he was supposed to kill me. I must be insane.
When he stepped back, my skin tingled where he’d touched my face. He stared up at the stars. “I change into a wolf every full moon. My family is also my Pack. We try to live normal lives, but it’s our job to keep those who might reveal us to the humans out of our territory. A couple of jaguar males came into town a few months ago, and during the new moon they killed and ate two homeless men right outside the library. We can’t live among the humans with that kind of exposure, so we hunted them down and—”
“That’s why you came to the café tonight.” The insane puzzle came together in my head. It shouldn’t make sense, but somehow it did. “You thought I was one of them.”
He nodded, and his lips curled into a hint of a smile. “Then instead of finding a shifted jaguar hunting humans, I found you eating a huge burger, and I couldn’t figure out what you were up to.”
I felt my cheeks heat and knew I must be blushing. Hopefully he didn’t see as well in the dark as I did. “I’ve been trying to eat larger portions during the new moon so I’d be f
ull before I passed out.” I crinkled my nose. “No more squirrel incidents.”
Adam laughed, and I enjoyed the sound, surprising myself. “I’m glad you find it funny.”
“I’m sorry.” He chuckled. “If you’ll let me, I’ll watch over you tonight and make sure the jaguar stays away from the city.”
“No. No way.” I shook my head still refusing to allow myself to consider the whole jaguar thing. I did want to know what happened to me during the new moon, but believing I might actually be turning into an animal was too much. “You should go. Besides, if I really did turn into a giant cat”—Don’t. It’s impossible—“I could hurt you.”
“Nah, I’m fast. It’ll be okay.” Curls of his dark hair fell over his brow, but it couldn’t hide the spark of adventure burning in his gaze. Would he really be keeping me out of trouble…or hunting me?
“So will I. No one looked out for me before, and I’ve always been all right.” Secretly I wouldn’t mind seeing him again, but life had done a fabulous job teaching me that the only person I could count on was myself.
As if he heard my thoughts, he added, “I won’t let you down.”
I wanted to believe him. “What about the other…wolves? If I’m what you say I am, then I’m guessing the other wolves would assume I’m here to kill humans, right?” These were words I’d never dreamed I’d be saying out loud. “They wouldn’t be happy to find you helping me instead of…you know…killing me?”
“They don’t have to know.”
I looked up at him, taking in his chiseled features. He looked sincere. Hell, he just saved my life. But why?
“Why would you lie to them for me? You don’t even know me.”
He jammed a hand into the front pocket of his worn jeans. “I wouldn’t lie, but I could keep you from crossing their path. It’s obvious you’re not like the other jaguar shifters we’ve seen, but if they see a big black cat, they won’t ask questions.”
I didn’t have a lot of choices laid out in front of me. My skin crawled and my joints ached. The moment I started to fall asleep I’d… I couldn’t wrap my mind around actually being a jaguar. Not yet.
I shook my head. “I can take care of myself. Thanks.”
Adam heaved a sigh as he stared up at the stars. “You don’t get it, do you?” He glanced down at me, meeting my eyes. “The Pack isn’t going to care who you are or that you’re filling up on burgers so you won’t kill squirrels—or worse yet, humans. They will kill you, Lana.” He ran his hand back through his hair. “Look, I can’t let that happen, and I can’t explain why. You don’t have to trust me, but I’m not leaving you alone.”
My heart fluttered at the thought of not being alone, but my street instincts kicked into high gear. I yanked my pepper spray out of my pocket, gripping the canister. “I appreciate your help back there in the diner, but I’ve got it from here. And if you come any closer, I swear I’ll blind you and take you out at the knees.”
He rubbed his hand down his face with a groan. At least I wanted it to be a groan. It almost sounded like he growled at me. “You know what, do what makes you happy. I’m crazy. You’re just sleepwalking, whatever. But tomorrow morning we are going to talk.”
He turned around and started walking away. I tucked the pepper spray back into my pocket, annoyed with the emptiness that spread inside of me as I watched him fade into the night. Taking a deep breath, I spun on my heel. My vision wobbled and exhaustion brought me to my knees.
Oh, God, it was happening.
Chapter Two
Adam
I waited behind a stack of boulders and stared down at my hand. It had tingled the second my skin touched Lana’s in that café tonight. Opening and closing it, I grimaced. It still looked like my right hand, but this hand had just fucked up my entire world. It could only mean one thing.
On the other side of the rocks, Lana’s curvy body contorted from a woman into a jaguar. The one creature we kept away from the Pack at all costs.
I never should have touched her. There had to be some kind of mistake. This woman could not be my damned mate. No way.
As the Alpha’s oldest son, keeping the others safe fell to me. I didn’t hesitate to hunt and kill jaguars who threatened our territory. Taking them out felt justified, like self-defense. But Lana wasn’t a threat. I didn’t see a murderer when I looked at her. Instead, I saw dark eyes that made me forget my responsibilities, a strong spirit, and an addictive smile.
The bushes rustled, and I heard the wet popping sound of joints mutating, but not a single moan or even a soft cry. It hurt like hell when I shifted. How did she get through it so silently?
Careful to stay downwind, I crept around and found a sleek black jaguar with dark eyes—Lana’s eyes—snarling at me, pacing back and forth and swishing her tail. I couldn’t tell if she recognized me, but since Lana didn’t seem to have any memories from the new-moon nights as a jaguar, the cat probably didn’t share her human memories either.
She challenged everything I thought I knew about jaguars. I’d never seen a female jaguar before. Only the males shifted, just like werewolves, unless they bit a female and converted her. But Lana mentioned she started blacking out after she turned eighteen. I started shifting when I hit puberty. Maybe she was a late bloomer.
It didn’t explain why she didn’t remember. When I shifted, the wolf took over, but I was still in there too. Human thought processes and speech weren’t there, but I could remember my human memories, and likewise I could remember full-moon nights with my wolf.
So what was happening with Lana? She couldn’t have been born a shifter. It was unheard of. But if not, then how?
The jaguar moved without making a sound. When she turned away from me, I lost sight of her, and she melted into the darkness. I fought the human instinct to run, and concentrated on the scents around me until I caught hers. My wolf senses gave me a view of my surroundings even when I couldn’t see with my eyes.
While the jaguar wandered off into the brush, I went back to collect Lana’s clothes. Her shirt was ripped, but it looked like she got the rest off without too much damage. I gathered them up under my arm and headed south, following her trail. At the end of the night, I could leave them close by so she’d have them. Hopefully I could find a boulder or something to keep the bugs and snakes out.
The night wind shifted, and I stopped mid-stride. Frowning, I knelt down and took a deep breath. The jaguar scent grew stronger when I got closer to the ground.
Sagebrush snapped to my right, my head jerking in its direction.
Lana hadn’t gone that way. Her scent definitely led toward the south. Every muscle in my body tensed—alert and ready—as I scanned the darkness.
We weren’t alone.
If another jaguar hunted out here, it had better night vision than me. A huge disadvantage. Add to the shitstorm that my gun was back in my Jeep, I was miles from the city, and tracking another jaguar during the new moon with only my hunting knife. I was screwed. I should’ve been calling the Pack for back up.
But I couldn’t. If one of the other Pack members stumbled onto Lana they’d kill her first and ask questions later. I clenched my jaw, pushing the image out of my mind.
A couple more quiet steps to the east, and my brow furrowed. Nothing. No sound and such a faint scent now that I couldn’t be sure it wasn’t Lana’s. Did she come this way while I grabbed her clothes?
In the distance, bushes rustled toward the south. I waited, staring into the darkness toward the east, but the night remained silent. It had to have been her scent. Our Pack always watched for jaguars, and the only one I’d found was Lana.
And now that I touched her, I knew exactly who she was.
My fucking mate.
I shook my head in the darkness. Insane to even consider caring about her, but fate ripped that choice right out of my hands the moment our skin touched. Scientists and members of my own Pack believed that wolves mated for life, but I did my best to prove them wrong, one girlfriend at a
time. The elders in our Pack called me stubborn and hardheaded, but the truth was I couldn’t imagine spending my life with one woman.
My father, our Alpha, often recalled tales of finding my mother at a dance and how the moment he touched her hand, the wolf inside of him howled and his spirit ached for her, binding him to her. He claimed he just knew, like his soul recognized hers.
It sounded like some romantic fairy tale bullshit to me. I’d touched plenty of women in my life and nothing crazy like that had happened.
Until tonight.
But if the stories were true—one mate for life—why her? Why a jaguar? The shifters had been nothing but trouble for us. Ruthless assassins selling their heightened senses and abilities to the highest bidder. We didn’t try to understand them, we just did our best to keep them out of Reno.
It was safe to say my Pack would never accept Lana. Hell, if something inside me hadn’t howled the moment our skin touched, I wouldn’t have accepted her either. In fact, the sane part of me was still struggling with it.
The wind gusted into my face as I squinted into the darkness, listening for Lana. I knew I should head back into the city—shit, I wanted to turn around and go back—but I couldn’t physically bring myself to leave her behind.
Her eyes haunted me. From the moment she looked up at me in the café, I was lost. Crazy. It was an instant animal attraction. The wolf inside of me wanted to touch her. Maybe the wolf recognized her even before we touched.
No. Dammit.
My life was already complete. I didn’t need a mate to tie me down with children and responsibilities. I trained the horses in my barn, I patrolled the city with the Pack, I drank the occasional beer, and when I could, I traveled. If I wanted female companionship it was easy to find at any of Reno’s casinos, and they usually came with no strings attached.
I caught her scent again unwittingly and made my way west, trailing Lana.
Why her?
It seemed like I pissed her off just by breathing. She’d kicked me under the damn table. No woman had reacted to me like that before, yet here I was following her like some pathetic dog. My freewill battled my instincts.