by Lisa Kessler
What if Lana didn’t ever love me back? I almost laughed. What the hell did I know about love?
I used to consider myself a prize. Any woman was lucky to have me. But Lana wasn’t any woman. She knew what I was. I’d never shared my true nature with anyone outside the Pack. It was easy to open up to her. For the first time, I could see a partner in my life.
None of my generation had found their mate yet, but we’d never heard stories of any women rejecting their mates. Of course, their mates had been human women. Lana was a wildcard. What would happen if your mate didn’t feel the same way? Maybe that was why we bit our mates to convert them before they could conceive children.
Until now, I’d always considered it convenient birth control.
I shook my head. What was I thinking? None of this mattered. She was right on target about me being a killer. I’d killed at least four jaguars that had threatened my Pack. We were a close-knit group, a family, and no one came into our territory to cause trouble. No one.
Until Lana.
Now there was more trouble than I could handle, and no one I could turn to. For all I knew, Lana would be gone in the morning. I’d told her to stay in her room, but in the short time I’d known her, I’d learned that she lived by her own rules and bristled when I tried to give her advice, even if it was sound.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I felt my mood lift a little in spite of myself. Maybe Lana was calling to ask me to come back up.
I put it to my ear without glancing at the screen. “Yeah?”
“Adam?”
It wasn’t Lana. “Yeah, Aren, what’s up?”
“It’s late and you’re not back at the ranch yet. I wanted to be sure you hadn’t run into trouble tracking the jaguar.”
There was so much I wanted to tell my brother, but instead I said, “I haven’t found a trail yet, so no trouble. You can go home. I’ll be back by morning.”
“Don’t forget the Greene’s are bringing their broodmare over in the morning for her date with Bruce.”
Crap. I’d forgotten all about it. “Yeah, I remember,” I lied. “I’ll be sure I’m home before nine a.m.”
“You might need to sleep at some point, too, right?”
I rolled my eyes. When did my brother become my mother? “I will.”
Aren hesitated, and my shoulders tensed up. “You’re sure you’re all right?”
“I am.” I nodded even though I knew he couldn’t see me. “Still shaken up about Gabe, but I’ll be okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“You better. Bye, bro.”
Aren hung up, and I slid my phone back in my pocket. I jerked open the lobby door and headed for the parking lot, feeling even worse about myself, if that were possible. All the upheaval with Gabe and Lana had me way off-balance. I couldn’t allow myself to forget my responsibilities to the horses, my clients, or my Pack.
But Lana was in danger, and I couldn’t ignore her either. My instinct was to be sure she was safe, but I also knew I was putting her in danger by loving her. Fuck. How could I love her already? But there it was. Despite what my head said about barely knowing her, my heart recognized her in an instant.
Maybe I should ask her on a date.
Oh, that’s perfect. A killer is stalking her, and I’m hiding the truth from my family and my Pack. Sounds like a perfect time for dating.
In an effort to silence my inner argument, I forced myself to focus on something tangible: finding the jaguar that killed Gabe and threatened Lana. Jumping behind the wheel, I fired up Chaney’s engine. Lana said she’d been at the library when she first saw her stalker, so I’d start there. If I could catch the man’s scent, it’d be easier to track him if he came close again.
Once I got to the brick building, I pulled over and got out. Near the glass doors of the main entrance, Lana’s scent lingered and heat shot through my veins. She was definitely under my skin. Way under. I rolled my shoulders back a little, trying to loosen up as I paced around the entryway.
When I caught the scent of the male jaguar I stopped in my tracks. Instead of heat, bitter jealousy triggered my pulse to race. This bastard touched Lana. He was a jaguar like her. The same as her. Would she find him more attractive?
Holy shit. What was that? I was not a jealous and insecure guy. This sucked.
I knelt down. Closer to the ground I could get a stronger scent and log the sensation so I could track it later. It was the same scent I found around Gabe at the lake. I was sure of it.
Clenching my fists, I straightened up and followed the trail back toward the heart of downtown.
“I’m coming for you, bastard,” I growled as I slipped into the shadows.
Chapter Nine
Lana
I fought the urge to cry after Adam left. He’d been nothing but kind to me, and all I’d given in return was… Well, I was a pain in the ass. But it wasn’t like I’d ever asked for his help. In fact, I wasn’t sure why he cared at all. I guess he wasn’t either though.
I got up to grab a glass that sat beside the empty ice bucket and headed for the bathroom. Tap water wasn’t my favorite, but after Adam’s warning, I wasn’t about to venture out in search of bottled water. In my head, I felt like I was some sort of fresh baked pie, leaving my scent trailing out behind me everywhere I went.
Unsettling to say the least.
Gulping down the chlorinated water, I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked normal. No one would ever guess I was some sort of black jaguar when the moon went dark in the sky. Grabbing a washcloth from the rack, I soaked it in warm water and washed my face. It felt good. Normal. My life suddenly felt so out of control and impossible.
But it was real. I had seen the picture of a snarling jungle cat on Adam’s cell phone. Earlier today I had jumped over eight feet and landed without a sound on top of a boulder. They hadn’t taught me that in gymnastics class. I couldn’t just claim it was impossible anymore and have it be the truth.
Opening my laptop, I started searching for clues and jotting down notes. I didn’t have much to go on, especially since I’d already done as much searching on Nero as I could back when I first saw the doctor’s transfer request, but I needed to do something. Keep busy. First I started looking up animal attacks, then narrowing it down to attacks by large cats. After pages and pages of mountain lion attacks, I finally found something that stood out. A news article out of a small-town paper in Southern California interviewed a survivor of an attack.
An attack he swore came from a black jaguar.
A few more searches later, I had an email address for the man. His name was Chuck Seefut, and he lived in Temecula, a few miles north of San Diego County. Jaguars were rare in the wild, and non-existent in the U.S., and judging by all the stories I could find, no one believed it was really a jaguar. Doctors stated that his perception of the creature was distorted due to his brutal attack.
The Yucatan jungles were the home of the last remaining jaguars in the wild, and the chances of one traveling all the way Northwest to California were minuscule. It must have been a mountain lion that bit off chunks of his abdomen. Chuck had had the foresight to play dead when the attack began, which probably saved his life. The cat tired of him and disappeared into the night. Chuck dialed 911 on his cell phone before he lost consciousness. He was lucky to be alive.
I quickly sent him an email, requesting an interview about his attack. I mentioned I was a freelance writer and that I thought I could sell his story to some outdoor magazines and give him a percentage of the money. I hoped I’d hear from him in the morning.
Morning. I glanced over at the clock. It was almost four a.m. Closing my laptop, I set it aside and fell back onto the bed. Maybe everything would look brighter when the sun came up.
Chapter Ten
Adam
Dawn began to light up the sky when I finally gave up the search. I decided to go check on Lana before heading back to the barn. I’d never be able to sleep unless I was sure she was safe, and I only had a few
hours before Bruce’s “date.” I quietly slid the card into the lock and opened the door to her room. The desk lamp was still on, and Lana lay sprawled out on the king-size bed sound asleep. In spite of myself, I smiled. I couldn’t help it. She looked so peaceful.
My mate.
Those were two words I never thought I’d be saying. In fact, as women came and went from my life, I always thought of myself as happy. The elders’ stories about mating for life were a bunch of legends to try and scare the younger wolves into settling down.
But the moment I stared into Lana’s eyes, I was lost. And the moment I touched her skin something inside of me recognized her.
It didn’t make any sense. Maybe my instincts were off. Human women who could be converted into wolves, those were our mates. This was a woman born a shifter. A jaguar shifter. I’d never even heard of any shifters born female, and certainly there was no record of a wolf mating to one. And yet here she was.
In the end, if I wanted to be with her, I’d have to leave the Pack behind. They killed jaguars. They didn’t welcome them into our Pack. They’d never accept Lana. And what if they found her now? They’d think she killed Gabe. It wouldn’t matter that she was a woman or that I recognized her as my mate. She was a jaguar.
I passed my fingers through my hair as exhaustion settled onto my shoulders with a vengeance. Seeing her sleeping, breathing in her scent. This was where I belonged. I set the deadbolt latch on the door and took off my jacket. Draping it over the back of the desk chair, I clicked off the light and walked over to the bed. I should go home. I had appointments to keep at the barn in a few hours. But instead I lay down beside her.
Lana moaned softly and rolled over, snuggling against my chest, and the anger and jealousy that had poisoned me earlier lifted, clearing away the shadows. I slid my arm around her, holding her close as I bent to kiss her hair. Even after the rough day we had, she still smelled like sunshine.
And she fit in my arms like she was made for me to hold her.
My wolf had staked its claim on this beautiful, intelligent woman, and somehow I had to figure out how make it work.
Chapter Eleven
Lana
I opened my eyes to find myself nuzzled against a gorgeous chiseled chest. Maybe I was still dreaming. Taking in a deep breath, I realized pretty fast it wasn’t a dream. It was Adam.
I shifted a little so I could see his face. His hair was mussed up and his face was pale. Even with his eyes closed, they were puffy and red. I knew I hadn’t dozed off until around four a.m. What time did he come back to my room?
Without waking him, I shimmied out from under his arm, holding my breath when he started to stir. Once he settled again, I got up and opened my laptop. While it booted up, I headed into the bathroom area and started up the coffeemaker by the sink. I hated coffee, but figured Adam might like it, and he’d probably need it after yesterday.
When I came back around the corner he was looking right at me. A squeak escaped me as I jumped back.
He smiled. “Jumpy much?”
“I thought you were still sleeping.”
“I was, but someone else got up.” He sat and stretched. “I’ve gotta get back to the barn anyway. We’ve got a broodmare coming out this morning to see Bruce.”
I raised a brow. “A broodmare? Okay, you lost me.”
He bent over to pull on his hiking boots. “I’m a horse trainer. Bruce is a stallion I train, and his stud fees pay for his training.”
“You really do ride horses for a living.” I didn’t know anyone could still make a living at horses unless they were racehorses. As far as I knew cowboys were long gone.
“Sure do.” He nodded. “I’m not independently wealthy, Lana. I’ve gotta work just like everyone else.” He laced up his boots.
“I guess I really don’t know very much about you.”
“I wish I could take you to the ranch.”
“I love horses. I used to wish for a pony when I was little.” My lips curved in a bittersweet smile. “Santa never did bring me one, though.”
He stood up, sniffed the air, and peered over at me with a cocked brow. “Did you make coffee?”
“Oh, yeah.” I glanced at the tiny coffeemaker. “It’s almost done if you want some before you go.”
“Nah, I don’t like coffee much.”
“Me neither,” I replied. He laughed. What a great sound. I couldn’t help but smile.
He walked over and pulled me into his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world, like we’d been together for years instead of days. I returned the embrace, enjoying the warmth of his body.
“I’m sorry about being so stubborn last night,” I said against his chest.
“I don’t want anything to happen to you.” He stepped back and met my eyes. “I found his trail last night, but I lost him downtown. Did you find anything?”
“I may have. I’m not sure yet.” I took his hand, trying to ignore the sparks that slid up my arm from the contact as I pulled him over to my laptop. “I found a news story about a man in Temecula who survived what he claims was a jaguar attack. ’Course there aren’t any jaguars in California, so no one believes him. I emailed him. We’ll see what happens. Beyond that, I couldn’t find any links between jaguars and business organizations, Nero or otherwise, but…” I hesitated, ratcheting up my courage to share a little more of myself with him, and hating how insecure it made me feel. “There’s something else.”
Adam sat down, resting his elbows on his knees. “What is it?”
“That tattoo I told you about? The one of the lion head… I’ve seen it before.”
He frowned leaning back in the chair. “What?”
“Yeah, it’s the same emblem that’s on the sweatshirt I was wrapped in when Texas social services took me in as a baby.”
“Holy shit.” He rocked back in the chair, crossing his arms over his chest while he mulled over the new information. I could almost see the cogs turning. Finally, he met my gaze again. “This is big. How come you didn’t say anything before?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Between learning I’m not who or what I thought I was, and constantly having to watch over my shoulder for trouble, I didn’t want to add this to the mix.”
I dropped my gaze to my laptop, feeling a wave of tears lurking. I willed them back, but Adam reached forward, catching my chin. When I met his eyes, I didn’t see the pity I expected. Only kindness reflected back at me.
“What is it? Your secret is safe with me.”
A huge lump of emotion filled my chest, pressing against my heart. I swiped a stray tear, rolling my eyes. “You’d think I’d be over all this by now, but the mental image of me being given up to the state in only a diaper and a big sweatshirt is like the ultimate reminder that no one wanted me.”
Adam pulled me into his arms, and I didn’t fight the comfort. Sitting on his knee, I breathed him in while he kissed my hair.
“We’re going to figure out what happened to them.” He pulled back enough to see my face. “I don’t know why you ended up where you did, but it is not because you didn’t deserve a family.” He bent closer to me, and I tipped my chin up, feeling his breath on my skin. His lips brushed mine so slow and tender that my breath caught in my throat. He rested his forehead against mine. “You deserve to be loved.”
My heart lurched at his words, and I settled my head against his chest. They were kind words, I reminded myself. That was all. I’d heard kind words before, and they usually came before someone walked out the door. And the kiss…that kiss. My lips still tingled, wanting more of his attention.
I wiped my eyes, collecting myself. Clearing my throat, I got up and sat on the bed, facing him again. I needed a little distance from him and all the emotions he stirred within me. Keeping the walls secure around my heart was my self-preservation, my only defense.
“So, I guess I better get started tracking down my records to see if they lead me any closer to my parents.” I rubbed my hands on my je
ans and glanced over at him.
“You’re going back to the library?” I could see the tension building in his shoulders. “He’ll be watching for you.”
“I know.” I sat up straighter, welcoming the building frustration from his over-protective tendencies. Anything to escape his tenderness. “Believe it or not, I really did survive on my own before we met, Adam.” He shot me a cold look, but I went on. “I found a private investigator I have a connection to in Dallas. I’m going to call him and see if he can recommend anyone in San Antonio who does work inside the Children and Family Services Department over there. I can do it all from here in my room. No library.”
“All right.” He bent down to kiss me again, and without thinking, I kissed him right back. We both stared at each other, and my face flushed. Kissing men I hardly knew was miles out of my comfort zone, but with Adam it felt natural. Right.
He started to smile and my heart raced. I was definitely in trouble here. Adam had been kind to me and stood up for me more than once, but this was the same cocky man who sat in my booth at the diner and told me point blank that if he wanted to sweep me off my feet, I’d be swept. Once the chase was over and he had me, he’d be moving on. I knew this lesson well, and it was wise to remember it.
Adam whispered softly as he kissed me again, “I wish I could stay.”
He pulled me to my feet and into his arms as his tongue parted my lips. I moaned softly into his mouth, ignoring the voice in my head, the one I knew was right, and my fingers tightened in the back of his hair. Our lips brushed over and over, his teeth tugging gently at my lower lip. My body was on fire, aching for more. When he sat me back down on my feet, I was breathless. I wanted him anyway.
He stared at me with hungry, demanding eyes. “I’m not sorry about that.”
I started to smile. “No one said you should be.”
“Would you like to see the horses tonight? I could barbeque steaks.”