The Epochracy Files

by Chele Pedersen Smith

  “It’s an optimistic drink,” Lyrehc observed.

  “Exactly,” Esile Mahgirb brightened. “How was school today?”

  “There was a time capsule from a hundred years ago,” Inot informed.

  “Wow, I would love to see that!”

  “It’s on display until Thursday, and they’re moving it to City Hall for the public on Friday,” Lyr offered. “You should go. There were a lot of cool things. Like this—”

  “Like this old technology your grandparents probably used,” Inot jumped in, shielding the book from her mother. “We saw a pokey circle maker and metal keyboards that used ink.”

  “Oh, that sounds educational. I’ll take a look.” Mrs. Mahgirb gathered the pitcher and backed out the door. “Have fun girls.”

  When she left, Lyr gave Inot a bewildered look. “What was that about? It’s not like we stole it.”

  “Oh, right. I forgot. Well, it’s not like she has to know everything we do. We don’t know what’s going on inside that thing. Let’s take turns reading it out loud.”

  “Okay, do you want to go next?” Lyr handed the flowered volume to her friend. “So far we know she got the diary, then the diamond stick pin for a birthday consolation, she’s crushing on Tommy but he dissed her to cut in line, then Janet and her brother sent him a revenge pizza.”

  “Not much of a mystery,” Inot chuckled and leafed through to the next entry. “February 5th. I wonder if Tomdork even got the pizza. Since he lives on the other side of town, Joel and I can’t see the joke unfold. It’s not like I can ask him either. Maybe I will hear him brag about it, but that’s unlikely now since there’s been warnings of another big snow storm all over the news. What’s a prank without the satisfaction?

  At least the pie didn’t get delivered here like when Joel and I ordered one for his nemesis Gary across the street! We hid behind the den drapes to watch but when the doorbell rang, we knew who it was—Karma! We freaked and ran around like maniacs. Then reality hit me. It was just a zit-faced kid like me making two bucks an hour; he had no idea we made the call. So, feigning our best Emmy-winning performances, Joel and I opened the door and tried to act natural, pointing him across the way. After he left, we couldn’t stop laughing as we spied on the bewildered family huddled on their porch with the equally confused delivery dude. We were beside ourselves with glee. But poor pizzerias. I did feel a twinge bad. I bet it’s a roll of the dice these days on how many orders are bonafide deliveries.”

  Inot and Lyrehc cracked up on the bed. “Imagine! That would be my luck too,” Lyr choked. “I’d definitely zork out. Maybe it’s a good thing we can’t block our identity. It sure avoids a lot of trouble.”

  Inot sat up to gulp some juice. “Yeah, but look at all the fun we’re missing.”

  Lyr snatched the diary and read the next page. “It’s the evening of Feb 6th, and we are in the thick of a blizzard! My driving appointment had to be rescheduled. (Drawings of mad faces) The news channels are calling this a White Hurricane. They’re forecasting two feet or more and there’s speculation of being snowed in for days. At this rate, I’ll never get my license. It’s just as well. I don’t know how to drive in this mess, anyway.

  Luckily it’s not going to be as bad as the Great Blizzard of 1888. They got fifty feet, reporter said!!! Oh scratch that, I’m lousy with math. 50 inches. Gad, if they got fifty feet they’d be buried for good. But it’s still bad here. Power outages are blacking out all over and we’re getting a lot of ice too. Maybe my Dorothy Hamill haircut will come in handy after all.”

  “Who’s that?” Inot asked, confused. “A famous ice deliverer?”

  “Maybe in 1888. But I think they were more advanced in Janet’s time.”

  Lyrehc thumbed another page. “February 7th. As if I’m not deep in the dumps already, I’m being blackmailed!”

  That got the girls’ attention.

  “Somehow Joel found out about my crush. He better not have snooped in here, Diary! I’ll have to devise a lock. Anyway, he played football on the same rec league last season and knows how fast Tommy is and how he plays the field. And he didn’t mean running touchdowns, like I thought! He said he’d tell Mom unless I did his chores for him. Yikes. Then she would tell Dad.”

  “Oh, it’s just her brother, “Inot groaned. “I thought it was related to the robbery.”

  “It could be. Maybe it’s a gateway crime.”

  “What would Joel want with a girly pin?” Inot asked. “My brother sure wouldn’t care.”

  “We don’t know him. Maybe he’ll sell it for some reason.”

  “True. Okay, read on.”

  “Last year I got teased for liking Martin Langis. Just because I mentioned how adorable it was that he couldn’t reach the pencil sharpener in class and had to sit on the counter. It was just an observation, I swear. My folks wouldn’t let it go. They even played a trick on me during Christmas break, telling me he was at the door under the mistletoe! When I protested, they insisted he really was. Of course when I finally came out of my room, he wasn’t. Yes, if Joel is a fink, this could be bad. And if Tommy is bad news, it could be worse.”

  “Well, it doesn’t sound mysterious yet,” Inot pointed out. “Just a case of a teasing family. Maybe we should skim after all.”

  “Impatient, as always,” Lyrehc pretended to scoff. “But since we only have three days and we do have to study for finals, it’s not a bad idea.”

  “On second thought, let’s keep reading.”

  “You can’t get out of studying,” Lyr lectured lightly.

  “Sure I can. I know where the Pop Rocks are,” Inot joked.

  Lyrech parted the book down the middle. “Okay, so I saw the jewelry disappear somewhere.” She shuffled through more entries until she found it.

  “May 20th. It’s junior prom night! Grayson Matthews asked me and since Tommy acts like we never went out, fine. I’m going with Grayson.”

  “So they did date! “ Inot scolded.

  “Relax, you’re not her mother. And this was eons ago, remember? We’ll backtrack and see but let me finish this part.” She cleared her throat to continue. “He’s so much nicer. Grayson is as cool as his name, even down to his hair, which is shoulder length, wavy, and an attractive brown to match his eyes. He’s down to earth, plays guitar and aces science, too. I was shocked when he asked me. Normally, he’s so quiet, ya know. I mean, we were in the middle of dissecting a frog for goodness sakes! Not exactly romantic. But he’s gutsy and I like that. He never acts like a poster stud like Tommy who thinks he’s Scott Baio or TV’s Vinny Barbarino.

  What a mistake going out with him. I kept the dates hushed, so Joel didn’t know, but I kept having a sneaking sense of being trailed. The first time out was just Slurpees after school. And the second was bowling. Man, Tom sure is the gutter king. He got more goose eggs than I did. Just as well, because he said if he got a strike it meant we had to kiss. I hoped we would but to be honest, I was nervous. For the third date, we met the ticket window at the movies.

  I was shocked when Rose said Tommy was only going out with me because we live on the fancy side of town. She’s such a snot. I don’t know if I believe anything she says. But that would explain why he expected me to pay on the three dates we did have. I should’ve known he was slime but my lovesick heart was too blind to buy it. All I could think was, “Tommy likes me!” What a joke. And when they had a special extended preview of the new film, Grease, he made a move on me during the drive-in scene. I’m embarrassed to say I really wanted him to kiss me, so I let him. But when he got handsy, he deserved that slap. Just like Danny Zuko.

  Maybe that’s why he’s been acting like I don’t exist. But no matter. I’m happy to say I’m over him. And bonus, Joel has nothing on me and can do his own damn dishes. Good thing because my hands were getting waterlogged. Plus Mom was suspicious why I was taking Joel’s turns. All I could think to mutter was Joel had papercuts. When I think about it, maybe he was just being a brother looking out for me,
protecting me, not being the opportunist rat I thought he was. Oh well. All this is a poof of dust now but at least I can smile knowing I kissed my crush, and he’s out of my system, like a bad infection. Best of all, I’ll be with a real gentleman tonight.”

  “What a jerk. Why is it always the cute ones everyone likes? I prefer to take the road less traveled,” Inot yawned.

  Lyr scrunched her nose at the surprise quote. “I know what you mean. But see, now you don’t have to worry. It all worked out. Oh, here’s where I saw it:

  May 21st. It’s 2 a.m. and I can’t sleep. The worst thing happened at the prom!! My gold owl is gone!!! My folks are going to KILL me!! Not really, but you know. I remember it was on my shawl in the restroom when I freshened my makeup. After a few dances, I lowered my wrap because it was too warm and that’s when I noticed it was gone. Oh why did I wear it? I’ve tried tracing my steps. I checked the bathroom stall and looked in all the sinks. Grayson had a flashlight in his car and he ran to get it. My hero! (I only wish we’d found it.) My bet is it fell off and Rose stole it. Or it fell in a toilet.

  So here’s the night in chrono order. Maybe it will jog something. After a nice dinner at Arby’s, we arrived at school. I couldn’t believe the cafeteria looked so spiffy. You’d never guess subpar school food churned out from behind the crepe paper and glitter. My sleeveless lavender and lace dress was gauzy and matched Grayson’s cummerbund, which looked great with his gray tux. The big lapels were accented with black ribbon. For the record, I think the oversized tux designs are stupid this year, but Grayson wanted to be in style, not wear his dad’s blue leisure suit, for which I am thankful!

  Anyway, after a few numbers, I noticed Rose dancing with Tommy. Maybe she only told me what she did so she could have him. Well, in your face, Rose! I really like Grayson better. I mean really, really like! I thought I was in love before but oh never mind. More on that later. I have to think where the owl could be!

  While we danced, every time we turned, I saw Rose ogling the pin with disgust. Maybe I was just being paranoid. It was probably just the disco lights in her eyes. If so— good! She deserves it for being a snoot. But why would she want payback when she already has Tommy? Or maybe he’s seeking payback for my slap. Yes, that must be the motive! They are in cahoots and want to sell the pin.”

  “What a smear of cosmic crap,” Inot fumed.

  “What?” Lyrehc chuckled in disbelief. “You don’t believe Rose took the pin?”

  “Sleaze balls Tommy and Rose. But since you’re asking, my bet is it fell off. Maybe they pocketed the trinket, but who would notice on a crowded dance floor? It probably got kicked around and wedged into a crevice. What do you think?”

  “If Rose was in the bathroom at the same time, I would suspect sabotage for sure,” Lyrehc deducted. “But Janet doesn’t say. She does point out that Rose was already with Tommy, so it’s not like they had a reason to mess with her. Hey, maybe she wants us to solve it! That’s why she put the diary in the vault.”

  “Yeah!” Inot snapped her fingers. “Our school was her school. We can check under the stage or in sink pipes!”

  “We’ll get there early tomorrow and take a look. Bring your cave exploration tools. Good thing you took that course.”

  Inot hopped up, dug them out of her closet, and put them in her backpack. “I wish you could spend the night. Then we can stay up writing a plan.”

  “Yeah, only a few more school nights and I can. “ Lyrehc clicked her earpiece for the time. “Eeks, I have to get home and help with dinner.” She scooped up the journal and tucked it in her bag. “See you at six.”

  Inot plunged backward on the bed. “That early?”

  As Lyr left, Inot realized something and ran to the window. As her friend was about to head toward Puff Street, Inot stuck her head out. “Promise not to read ahead!”

  “I won’t. I swear on Janet Marsh!” she assured, holding up the book.

  Darkness was slowly evaporating when Lyrehc signaled Inot’s earpiece outside her house. Still in bed, her eardrum whistled a soft bird call and she jumped out of a drowsy comfort. Pressing the window button, the barrier lifted and Inot shouted down, “Are you crazy? It’s five in the morning!”

  “Sorry, Innie. I was too excited to sleep. I thought we could get a head start.”

  “I’ll let you in and we can have breakfast. We’ll look suspicious arriving to school so early.”

  No one else was up yet so Inot slipped on an outfit and her boots and roved quietly through the house. Once downstairs, she keyed a code on the back door and led her friend into the kitchen.

  “Shhh. My folks will wonder why you’re here at this hour. If they wake up, what will we say?” Inot dished out a bowl and a packet labeled Bacon and Eggs.

  “Um, how about we wanted to study for the mapery final? Or better yet, I’m here to insist you do.” Lyr chuckled.

  “Yeah, that’s more believable.” Inot relaxed and didn’t mind running the water to reconstitute their meal. Even though it flowed from a faucet, the water supply came from an arid crop-growing system, thanks to Inot’s father. The town rigged these water gardens into each household’s backyard. It produced hydrating plant fusions similar to strawberries, cucumbers and melons. Spigots were spiked into each one and hooked up through the plumbing. Even though each residence had their own aqua oasis, limits were enforced to prevent personal droughts. The government placed restrictions but Inot’s parents added their own just to be safe.

  While they mixed the coagulated concoction, Lyr’s arm muscles grimaced. She preferred her food thinner but knew she had to make do. Inot liked a thicker oatmeal consistency, probably due to being raised under the water limit.

  “You can have another tablespoon of H2O,” Inot whispered, knowing her friend well.

  “That’s okay, I don’t want to deplete the rations. Besides, isn’t it really H2F?”

  “Hydration to fruit? Good one. Or more like F2H.” Inot reached for a container on the counter and offered some to Lyrehc. “My dad’s also working on a water substitute made from a lettuce-like replicate. He’s in deal talks with the president and United Nations. If approval goes through, it’ll be a real game changer. For the world, and for my family.”

  “Wow, that’s exciting. Does it taste good?” Lyr opened the cap and sniffed.

  “Yep, or I should say no since it doesn’t taste like much except water. You had it in the lemonade yesterday. Mom added lemon packets to it.”

  She sprinkled just enough on her mush to smooth it out, then put a spoonful to her mouth and nodded approval. “Your dad’s a genius.”

  “Why thank you, Lyrehc.” His presence and sudden light startled them as he pressed a switch. “Why are you girls eating in the dark at this hour? Uh, Moonbeam… Is that what you’re wearing to school?”

  Lyr burst out laughing and sprayed bits of breakfast across the table. Inot looked down and realized she was still wearing her favorite cartoon PJ top. That would’ve ruined her image for sure. In her haste to dress, she had pulled on her swirled Mylar leggings but forgot the blouse.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Five minutes later, Inot returned and the girls were on their way.

  “Whew that was close. Imagine if I went to school wearing that!” Inot laughed.

  “Just when we had a leg up on the fashion squad. I think you would’ve acquired a new nickname, Snookum Bear,” she teased. “Seriously though, I didn’t know you liked that show.”

  “The coati is cute,” Inot defended. “We saw some in South America when Dad met with the World Innovation Committee. Anyway, did he bore you with details of his latest discovery?”

  “He’s never boring. I think his ideas are fascinating. But no, he only asked what we were up to. I said there was a special viewing of the time capsule. Which isn’t an exact fib, since it’s related to our mission.”

  “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree with his question. What’s with the head start? I don’t think
the school will be open yet. Won’t we look suspicious lingering around when the principals show up?”

  ”We’ll have to be sly. I thought we could snoop the perimeter to look for the best way in, in case we need to come back later.”

  “Hey, I see what you’re doing. Stop intersloping math terms into the conversation,” Inot winked, surprising her.

  “I guess you are sneaking in some studying,” Lyr said, relieved.

  “And look at you, sneaking around. Have we switched brains?” Inot mocked.

  “Maybe we aren’t really awake. We’re just—ouch, what did you pinch me for?”

  “See, unfortunately, we are awake. So, the only reason we’re up at Venus 0’clock is to find places to come back later? Because we could have done that, like, uh …later.”

  “No, arriving early gives us plenty of time to investigate the restrooms before students arrive too. I wonder which one Janet was in at the dance.”

  “Well, when we had that Astronomical Affair of the Year, they only kept the restrooms closest to the gym open. So maybe they did that back then too,” Inot reasoned.

  “Great memory! I completely forgot,” Lyr beamed. “We’ll start there first.”

  The sun was rising when the girls reached school grounds. They circled the campus and discovered an overlooked second story window left open a smidge. They hovered up and peered in.

  “Score! It’s the science room next to a bathroom. Easy entry!” Lyr screeched, forgetting to be quiet.

  “Shhh, should we crawl in?”

  “Might as well.” Lyrehc tapped the bullet-proof glass, but it didn’t budge.

  “Must be set to ventilation,” Inot reasoned.

  “We’ll revisit it later. Let’s just go in the front entrance.”

  Gravity brought her back to her senses and Lyr wondered why she was prowling around before six in the morning. Strange how this diary had a hold on her. As the girls rounded the corner, someone sprang from the shadows, his height looming.

  They screamed, forgetting to be quiet yet again. Could it be the backpack bandit?