by Mary Monroe
“I wouldn’t do that yet if I were you,” Rhoda told me. “Divorce is a very serious situation.”
“So is another woman having my husband’s baby! As far as I am concerned now, divorce is probably the only solution to this!”
Rhoda was taking too long to respond, and it didn’t take me long to figure out why. She didn’t believe in divorce. When her husband, Otis, cheated on her more than twenty-five years ago, divorcing him didn’t even enter her mind, even though she had a lover at the time herself (and still had that same lover ... ) .
There was another reason that divorce was such a sensitive issue to Rhoda. Her twenty-one-year-old daughter, Jade, had gone through a very nasty divorce this year, and it had practically destroyed her. Rhoda had taken it very hard, too, because Jade still lived with her. That girl was, and had always been, a very difficult person to deal with. Living with Jade, having to support her financially and tolerate her bad attitude, had to be hellish for Rhoda. Jade was a nasty piece of work in every sense of the word. She was spoiled, hostile, self-centered, vindictive, and more; the list was endless. Right now she was so depressed and upset about her divorce that she couldn’t go out and get a job, or even clean up after herself. But being depressed didn’t stop her from shopping up a storm several times a week with her parents’ credit cards and partying with her friends at the bars, almost every night. I knew that Rhoda had her hands full already, so I wasn’t too thrilled about bothering her with my problems. But this was something that I couldn’t deal with on my own.
“Don’t jump the gun, Annette. Get all of the facts first. Find out for sure if this baby really is Pee Wee’s. And if it is, it’s his problem, not yours.”
CHAPTER 5
“RHODA, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME OR NOT? IF PEE WEE AND I do get back together, he’ll be bringing Lizzie’s baby around! She might even be coming to my house herself—with that baby! And you know how I went off on her the last time she was brazen enough to bring her skanky self up in here!”
“No matter what happens, I’m goin’ to be here for you. You know—”
“Hold on,” I said, cutting Rhoda off. “There is another call coming in. Let me call you back. We are going to have to get together for drinks. I’ll call you when I get to work!” I clicked over to the call that was waiting for me. It was Pee Wee. He was the last man on the planet that I wanted to talk to at the moment.
“Hello, baby,” he began, doing a fairly good impression of Barry White. He could be real sexy when he tried, but his timing was way off. “I didn’t mean to run off the way I did this mornin’, but I promise I’ll make it up to you.” I was just waiting for him to stop talking long enough so I could jump in and say what I had to say. “Listen, I’m goin’ to get in touch with Lizzie today. I’m goin’ to tell her to stop callin’ your house.”
“You do that,” I said in a stiff voice.
“I don’t like to see you as upset as you were when I was there—and that’s the only reason I left so abruptly. I just wish you had said somethin’ sooner. Like when I first got to the house. I felt like a fool runnin’ off the way I did right after we’d made love. But I had to be by myself so I could clear my head.”
“I hope your head is clear enough now,” I said, my voice still stiff.
“Oh yes, baby! Everything is real clear now, and I hope it stays this way. I can tell you one thing: after I talk to Lizzie, you won’t have to worry about her pesterin’ you no more. I am goin’ to make sure she gets out of our lives for good. If she don’t, I am goin’ to file a harassment charge against her, hear?”
“Uh-huh,” I muttered. I decided to let Pee Wee say all of the sweet things that he wanted to say to me now while he still wanted to. I knew that after I told him what Lizzie had told me, things would never be the same between us again. “See, baby, I just wanted to let you know how wonderful you made me feel this mornin’,” he continued, making kissing noises with his lips. “Oomph! I am so glad that things are workin’ out so well between us. I know we agreed to take things real slow, but ...”
“But what?” I barked.
Pee Wee was so caught up in a state of rapture that he didn’t even notice the anger and coldness in my voice. “Well, we’ve both made some mistakes, but nothin’ we can’t overcome. We can put the past behind us. I know we can move forward and resume our marriage. It’ll be like neither one of us ever messed up at all.”
“We could probably forget that I ever had that affair with Louis Baines last year. He’s long gone and—and he didn’t leave me a souvenir like Lizzie did you!”
“Annette, you ain’t makin’ no sense. Lizzie didn’t leave me no souvenir. The important thing is, she will never be part of our lives again. I am goin’ to make sure she realizes that when I talk to her. And I hope I can catch up with her today.”
“I’ve got news for you. That slut will always be part of our lives now! Yours at least!”
“Say what? Part of my life? Uh-uh. Once Lizzie left me and moved in with Peabo, she was no longer part of my life. You should know that by now. I don’t see, or talk to her. The last time I saw her walkin’ down the street, I made a U-turn on a one-way street just so I could avoid her.” Pee Wee sounded exasperated, but he was not half as exasperated as I was.
“Pee Wee, you will be connected to that woman forever now,” I informed him, almost choking on each syllable. The words left a bitter taste in my mouth.
“Whoa now! You just hold on right there! Annette, I got a feelin’ you are tryin’ to tell me somethin’, but I have no idea what it is. Do you think I still have feelings for Lizzie? If you do, you are wrong. My relationship with that woman is over and done with. She wasn’t even clean! You know how I am about that subject. That woman used to wear the same underwear for three days in a row!”
“You didn’t know she was nasty before you screwed her?” I demanded.
“No! She kept herself clean until she took advantage of me!”
If I had not been as pissed off as I was, I would have laughed about what Pee Wee had just said. It was just as ridiculous as a rapist claiming his victim wanted to have sex as much as he did. I decided that it was better for me to pretend like I didn’t even hear his last comment.
“Annette, I swear to God, even if that woman had not left me and moved in with Peabo, I would have kicked her to the curb anyway. Don’t you trust me?”
“Brother, I wouldn’t trust you as far as I could throw you,” I wailed.
The silence that followed for the next few moments was chilling. You would have thought that Pee Wee and I both had suddenly turned into mutes. I cleared my throat and was about to speak again, but he beat me to it.
“Wait a minute now. You sound more upset now than you were when I was there! You wasn’t talkin’ this crazy then. What the hell happened since I left you less than half an hour ago? I know you was mad about Lizzie callin’, but you couldn’t have been that mad if you waited until after we’d made love to mention it. Does your sudden mood change have anything to do with that comment you made about me makin’ you feel like a prostitute? You was the one who brought that up. You know I don’t ever go there because I know it’s somethin’ personal in your past that you don’t like to discuss. Not even with me. Now, is that why you suddenly got such a big bee in your bonnet?”
“No, it’s not. But I’m telling you now that you couldn’t pay me enough to crawl back into bed again with your ashy black self.”
There was more silence. This time it was even more disturbing. I coughed to clear my throat some more. “If you are still on the line, say something,” I ordered.
“Maybe I should hang up and call again. Let’s start all over. I don’t know why in the hell you are talkin’ so crazy. And the way you keep beatin’ around the bush, I’ll be on this phone all day tryin’ to find out why. Now, if I did or said somethin’ to upset you before I left you, I’m sorry. But I would like to know what it is that I did or said, so I’ll know not to say or do it again. I ain’t no mind reader.”
I could still hear Lizzie’s shrill voice ringing in my ears. It was as painful as somebody batting my head with a baseball bat. I was so glad that she had called me up and not come to my house again—for her sake as well as mine. If she ever came to my house again, she’d probably be carried out on a stretcher. I had seen her on the streets and walking through the mall a few times since the day she stuck a knife in my back. Each time I saw her, I had to leave the premises as fast as I could. Otherwise, I don’t know what I would have done to her, whether she provoked me or not. But come to think of it, she didn’t have to do or say anything to provoke me now. She’d already done that by befriending me and then stealing my husband.
“Lizzie drove by here this morning. She saw your car parked out front. She called me up again a few minutes after you left.”
“Oh. Well, now ... uh ... now I can understand why you seem so much more upset,” he sputtered, releasing a sigh of relief. “Uh, I’ll try to reach her right now. The sooner I straighten her out, the sooner you can stop worryin’ about her callin’ you again.”
“You do that, Pee Wee. And when you talk to her, ask her what she’s going to name your baby.”
He let out a gasp that was so profound, it sounded like it had come out of a geyser. I hung up before he could say another word.
CHAPTER 6
I CALLED UP RHODA AGAIN AROUND TEN DURING MY FIRST COFFEE break. “I’m glad I found out about this baby before I let Pee Wee move back home,” I told her, speaking into the telephone on my desk in my office. “God is good.”
“That is so true,” she agreed. “Look what the good Lord’s done for me.” I knew exactly what Rhoda was talking about. She often gave God credit for allowing her to survive breast cancer and a stroke. “And He’s done a lot for you too.”
“I know He has, but where do I go from here?” I wondered out loud.
I clutched a large cup of coffee that I had picked up in our employee break room, wishing it was something a lot stronger. I needed something a lot more potent than coffee to dull my senses. Like a shot of tequila. But I was glad that my mind was sharp and alert. I didn’t want alcohol or anything else to alter my mind until I had digested this latest uproar.
“Does this mean that there is no chance that you and my boy will get back together now?” Rhoda asked. From the tone of her voice, I could tell that she was worried about her boy Pee Wee. But I knew she was even more worried about me.
I took another sip from my coffee cup before I answered her question. The coffee was too hot for my taste, but the sudden discomfort on my bottom lip didn’t even faze me. I continued to drink anyway.
“What would you do?” I muttered, sliding my tongue across my irritated lip. “What if it was your husband who got another woman pregnant? Can you imagine the hurt you’d have to deal with for the rest of your life? Would you welcome that child into your home with open arms? I don’t think I can do that, Rhoda. Pee Wee having an affair is one thing; him making a baby with another woman is another. Do you think he would want to get back with me if I was pregnant with another man’s child?”
Rhoda’s silence spoke volumes. Early in her marriage, during her affair with Ian “Bully” Bullard, her husband’s best friend, she had become pregnant with Bully’s child. Unfortunately, the little boy died when he was a toddler. To this day, as far as I knew, I was the only person, other than Rhoda, who knew about her indiscretion.
“You know what I mean, I hope. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories for you. I’m sorry,” I apologized.
“You don’t have to apologize for anything,” Rhoda told me. I could tell by the way her voice suddenly dropped that she was getting emotional. “What I did happened a long time ago. I was very young and very foolish. And there was no excuse for me bein’ so careless that I would get pregnant by another man. I’ve learned to live with what I did, and I still think of that child as a blessin’ from God. With that in mind, I can only imagine how that baby boy would have enriched my life if he had lived.” Rhoda stopped talking long enough to exhale. “Now, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you might one day look at Lizzie’s child by Pee Wee as a blessin’.”
The next thought that entered my mind was that Rhoda had lost her mind. She knew how badly I’d been hurt by Pee Wee’s affair. Why would she think I would ever look at his love child as a blessing? “A blessing? Woman, have you lost your damn mind?”
“No, I have not lost my mind,” Rhoda said calmly.
“You must have! What makes you—of all people—think that I’d ever look at my husband having a baby with another woman as a blessing?” I was sorry that Rhoda was not in the same room with me. If she could have seen the look of disgust on my face because of what she’d just said, she would have taken back every single word. Despite how I was feeling right now, one of the many things that I loved about Rhoda was that when I approached her with a problem, she approached it with caution. But she was being a little too cautious for me right now. “I know how close you and Pee Wee are. But whose side are you on?”
“Annette, honey, I’m on your side. You know I’m always on your side when you have a crisis. Pee Wee will always be my boy, but my first allegiance is to you. You know I’ve got your back no matter what.”
“Then act like it. Don’t say any more stupid shit like what you just said!”
“Annette, please be quiet and let me finish. First of all, I am sorry to hear that that woman is pregnant with Pee Wee’s child. But let’s not jump the gun.”
“Meaning what?”
“Well, first of all, we don’t know for sure if Lizzie is tellin’ the truth,” Rhoda pointed out.
“All right. We don’t know if Lizzie is telling the truth about being pregnant, or telling the truth about Pee Wee being the daddy?”
“Both.”
“I will find out for sure soon enough!” I boomed. “Just when I thought things were going so well between Pee Wee and me, now this.” Lizzie’s announcement had hit me like an atomic bomb. “Rhoda, I don’t know if I can get through this in one piece,” I admitted.
“You can and you will,” she assured me. “Because I am goin’ to make sure that you do.”
“I really appreciate your saying that,” I managed, feeling slightly better.
“Annette, I really am truly sorry about what’s been goin’ on between you and Pee Wee. And it’s normal for you to be upset right now, but let’s look at the whole picture.”
“I think we are already looking at the whole picture. If a baby doesn’t complete a relationship, nothing does.”
“Just listen and let me talk. You told me that your half sister Lillimae was one of the best things that ever happened to you. You didn’t let it bother you that another woman had her by your daddy... .”
That was true. I loved my half sister, who happened to have a white mother. My relationship with Lillimae was very important to me. Other than Rhoda, she was the only female in my age group whom I could turn to in a time of crisis. Lillimae’s mother was the woman whom Daddy had left my mother and me for. Lillimae had her mother’s blond hair and blue eyes, but she also had features similar to mine. Every time I looked at her, it was like looking at the photo negative version of myself. I loved my half sister to death.
“Lillimae is ... an exception.”
“And why is that?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I just know she is. I don’t know what I’d do without her in my life.”
“Uh-huh. Exactly. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”
“How can you compare Lillimae with—”
“Now, you shut up and listen to me!” Rhoda ordered, her voice so shrill it made me flinch. I was glad she had cut me off, because some of the words coming out of my mouth were contradicting my feelings about Lizzie’s baby. It didn’t make any sense to me that I could accept my daddy’s love child, but not my husband’s. I was concerned because I couldn’t help the way I felt. A sharp pain shot through my head, right behind the thought th
at I might some day accept Lizzie’s baby. “I know your mother was hurtin’ real bad when your daddy took off. Her findin’ out that he had kids by the other woman must have ripped her heart in two.”
“That happened a real long time ago. My mother eventually got over it or she would not have taken my daddy back after a thirty-year separation.”
“Exactly,” Rhoda said again, louder and with more conviction this time.
“Exactly what?”
“I am not condonin’ what Pee Wee did, but don’t let it destroy you today, because you don’t know how you will feel about it next year, or in a few years. Do you understand what I’m tryin’ to say?”
“Hell no! And I don’t know why you’re saying what you’re saying. This is not the time to be telling me that something good might come out of this. I am too mad to even think that far ahead! When you walk in my shoes, maybe you’ll know what I’m feeling like right now.”
“I haven’t worn the same shoes you have on now, but I’ve had my feet in shoes that didn’t feel too comfortable. Had my son lived, I know my husband would have accepted him and raised him as his own.”
“But Otis didn’t know that your son wasn’t his, did he?”
“No, but I was goin’ to tell him the truth one day.”
“Rhoda, your situation was not nearly as traumatic as the one I’m going through right now—or the one that my mother went through with my daddy. You could have kept your son’s father’s true identity hidden until the day you died. Otis and Bully look enough alike that they could pass for brothers. If your son had lived and grown up to look like his biological father, nobody would have guessed the truth. You know how bitter my mother is when it comes to Lillimae and her siblings. I don’t want to be like her.”
“Yes, I do know and I don’t blame your mother. But she’s not as bitter as she was when it first happened. A few years ago, she told me that she wouldn’t change anything that had happened to her because it eventually made her the woman that she is today.”