by Mary Monroe
“Don’t you remember Roscoe? I met him at the Easter church picnic,” I responded, gently waving my mother out of the doorway so I could enter the house. “You’ve been buying vegetables and fruit from his garden all summer.”
“What about that Ronald Hawthorne? I thought you was foolin’ around with him.”
“Uh ... I’m still dating him too.” I gave my mother a guarded look and braced myself for her response. “I’m not serious about either one of them,” I quickly added. “Roscoe is a fun guy, and I like spending time with him.”
“What in the world do you think you doin’, girl?” Muh’Dear asked, following me across the floor.
“Do you mean me dating two men at the same time?” I asked dumbly, moving toward the couch with her so close behind she was stepping on my heels.
“That ain’t what I’m talkin’ about!” I could smell the BEN-GAY that Muh’Dear had slathered over various parts of her body, a nightly ritual of hers for years.
“Then what are you talking about?” I asked as I set the large Tupperware bowl that I had filled with strawberries from Roscoe’s garden on the coffee table. I removed the blue knitted shawl that I’d worn over my matching blue dress and placed it across the back of the wing chair in front of my big-screen TV.
“You know damn well what I’m talkin’ about, gal!” Muh’Dear hissed. “You ain’t got no shame. What I want to know is what you got to say for yourself this time?”
“This time? What do you mean by that?” I asked as I plopped down on the couch, breathing through my mouth. I kicked off my shoes, crossed my legs, and began to massage my left foot. “I don’t know what I should be ashamed of, Muh’Dear. It’s no secret that I have a social life. I told you earlier today when we were talking that I had a date tonight.”
Muh’Dear narrowed her eyes and gave me an impatient look. “Didn’t you just hear what I said? I ain’t talkin’ about them men you foolin’ around with,” she snapped, pointing toward the steps leading to the rooms upstairs. “You know what I’m talkin’ about.”
“Oh, I guess you’re talking about Lillimae being here,” I muttered, rolling my eyes.
“Yes, I’m talkin’ about that Lillimae bein’ here. After all I done said to you today, you got your daddy’s white child up in this house again anyway? Didn’t you hear all what I said to you about Frank’s other kids? Why didn’t you tell me then what you was cookin’ up?”
I was tired, and not remotely interested in doing battle with my mother. I had things a lot more critical on my mind that I needed to be concerned about. The news about Lizzie’s pregnancy had not really sunk in yet, but I knew that when it did, I was probably not going to be the most pleasant company for anybody to be around. I could already feel the knots forming in my stomach and the bile rising in my throat.
I did not enjoy having this conversation with Muh’Dear. What I really wanted to do was run upstairs, dive into my bed, and pull the covers up over my head.
“What’s Lillimae doin’ up here, Annette? You know how I feel about that woman in this house.”
“Muh’Dear, I didn’t even know that she was coming up here until she showed up this evening. She has left her husband again and needed a place to stay until she decides what to do next,” I explained. “She had no place else to go.”
“Well, this ain’t the place for her to go! You know better! Ain’t you in enough of a mess with your own husband?”
“Muh’Dear, keep your voice down. She’ll hear you,” I whispered. The only light on downstairs was the one in the living room, so I assumed Lillimae was upstairs. “We don’t want her to hear us,” I said with the hint of a smile on my face. “She’s company.”
“Company? Company my foot. She’s the result of your daddy’s shame, and she’s come to rub herself in our faces again. I don’t care if she hears me! I tried to call you before I came over here, but the cab that I called showed up quicker than I expected.” Even though my mother owned an Altima that was only a few months old and my father owned a truck, she often rode around in cabs. She didn’t like to drive at night, and she didn’t like the way Daddy drove. Besides, he was so grumpy and nervous now, that riding in a vehicle with him behind the wheel was like riding on a roller coaster. And his mind was not as sharp as it used to be. A trip that normally took everybody else a few minutes to drive usually took him up to an hour.
“Muh’Dear, don’t get mad, but I am kind of glad Lillimae came up here. She really needs my support, and with this latest mess with Pee Wee and Lizzie that I’m going through, I need some emotional support too. Lillimae has always offered her shoulder for me to cry on.”
“Oh? Since when was my shoulder not good enough for you to cry on?”
“I didn’t say that—”
“You don’t need her as long as you got me.”
“Muh’Dear, you are not being reasonable,” I protested.
“Reasonable, my foot. I am bein’ a mother. I can give you all of the emotional support you need. When you can’t catch up with me, you can always find your godmother Scary Mary and get some emotional assistance from her.”
After all of these years, I still didn’t have the heart to tell my mother that she and my godmother were often the reasons I needed to cry on somebody’s shoulder. Between the two of them, I got badgered and harassed enough for three people.
“Muh’Dear, I am sorry that you feel the way you do, but I can’t please everybody. Now, Lillimae is here, so let’s make the best of it,” I bleated.
I was already tired of defending Lillimae, and she had only been in the house for a few hours! But as long as Muh’Dear or anybody else trashed her, I would defend her. As far as I knew, Lillimae had done nothing to deserve even the slightest bit of hostility. “Muh’Dear, Lillimae is a really nice person once you get to know her,” I declared. “She’s one of the nicest women I know.”
“Only in a pig’s eye. I know she’s after somethin’,” Muh’Dear insisted.
“I can’t imagine what that something could be. I don’t have anything that Lillimae doesn’t already have,” I shot back. “I wish I could be more like her.”
Despite Lillimae’s estranged husband’s multiple flaws, she had supported him and their two sons on her own for years at a time. She had even helped support half of her in-laws. Before I’d left to go out with Roscoe, she told me the main reason that she had left her husband: He’d slapped her because she sassed his mama. That didn’t sound like a good enough reason for a woman to quit her job and run away from home, but I didn’t get in my sister’s business, unless she invited me to do so. I knew that there was more to her story than her face getting slapped, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out that that slap was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I was just happy that we had each other’s shoulders to cry on. Besides, I knew that Lillimae would eventually tell me all she wanted me to know about her breakup.
I couldn’t stop myself from recalling what Rhoda had said to me about Lillimae and how important she was to me. Since I’d met Lillimae and gotten to know her, not once did I ever wish that my daddy had never slept with her mother. But that still didn’t stop me from wishing that Pee Wee had never slept with Lizzie.
I didn’t like having to listen to or respond to Muh’Dear’s less than pleasant comments about my beloved sister. I loved my mother in spite of the many flaws in her personality. She was still my most important role model. She had raised me to be strong and independent. Unfortunately, when it came to dealing with her, those qualities usually worked against me. Despite the fact that she’d overcome poverty and so many other obstacles, and was now one of the wealthiest black women in Richland, Muh’Dear was also my biggest critic. As far as she was concerned, her opinion of me was the only one that really mattered. And even though I was approaching fifty, she still took it upon herself to tell me how to live my life.
“Muh’Dear, I’m tired. It’s been a long day for me, and all I really want to do now is get some rest.”
> My mother gave me a weary look. “I bet you are tired. That Roscoe looks like a bull. I was raised on a farm, so I know how frisky bulls can be... .”
“Oh, come on now! Let’s not go there,” I retorted with my hand in the air and my eyes rolling from side to side like marbles. My mother and I had some tense conversations from time to time. But there was one subject that I absolutely did not feel comfortable discussing with her: my sex life.
I just shook my head. Rhoda was the only person I’d told about Roscoe’s lack of interest in sex. That was not the kind of information an opinionated blabbermouth like my mother needed to know. I decided to divert the subject back to Lillimae. It was the less painful of the two. “I hope you didn’t hurt my sister’s feelings, Muh’Dear.”
“No, I didn’t hurt your sister’s feelin’s. I was real nice to her, but she ain’t as stupid as she looks. She got real good sense for a white woman. She knows I don’t care too much for her.”
My mother said a lot of things that could have easily been construed as racist, but that was hardly the case. She had a lot of white friends. I knew that she would have been just as bitter if a black woman had stolen my daddy.
“What is that white woman gwine to do for money while she’s stayin’ with you? A woman her size must spend a fortune on food every week.” Muh’Dear glanced toward the kitchen with a pinched look on her face.
“That’s for sure. I used to be a woman that same size, and I spent more on groceries than I spent on all of my other bills put together,” I admitted.
From the way Muh’Dear’s lips were quivering, it looked like she wanted to laugh. Instead, she clamped her lips together and shook her head. But the amused look remained on her face anyway. “This ain’t about you. It’s about that woman and how she is goin’ to support herself while she’s in this house.”
“You don’t have to worry about that. She brought enough money and credit cards with her to last a few months,” I replied. That was true. Lillimae had emptied out the joint savings account that she shared with her estranged husband, and she had cashed in some bonds. She had also sold most of her jewelry. She informed me that she would split the cost of the utility bills and pay for half of our groceries for as long as she stayed.
Muh’Dear gasped so hard that her top dentures shifted and almost popped out of her mouth. She clamped them back into place and continued her rant, but speaking more slowly. “A few months? She plans on stayin’ in this house for a few months? Lord help me! Girl, you have truly lost your mind, ain’t you?”
I knew that no matter how I answered my mother’s last question, she wouldn’t be satisfied, so I ignored it. I looked around the living room. “Did you bring Charlotte home?” I asked.
“She was asleep when I left the house. Curled up on my couch like a snail. I came over here so I could be here to soothe you when you got home from your date. I know firsthand how painful it is for a woman to hear that her husband done shoved a bun into another woman’s oven.” Muh’Dear gave me a look that made me feel like the most mistreated woman in history. I was surprised that I was still conscious. She sucked on her teeth before she allowed herself to release a hearty, open-mouth cackle; one that could have easily dislodged her dentures again if she did it for too long. She stopped abruptly, as if she knew what I was thinking. “I about dropped to the floor when I stepped into your livin’ room and seen Lillimae on that couch, lappin’ up wine like a seal. And drinkin’ out of one of them monogrammed wineglasses that I gave you for your birthday last year that you told me you’d only use for special occasions.”
I was glad when the telephone rang on the end table. Other than my mother, it was the last person in the world I wanted to speak to at the moment: Pee Wee.
“Annette, I talked to Lizzie after I talked to you this mornin’,” he began. “Uh, yeah, she is pregnant. I met up with her and ... I ... I saw the doctor’s report. I’m comin’ over tomorrow to talk to you about it.”
CHAPTER 13
“OH.” THAT WAS ALL I COULD SAY AT THE MOMENT. PEE WEE had confirmed Lizzie’s pregnancy, and it had almost left me speechless. Hearing the shocking news had been painful enough coming from her, but hearing it from Pee Wee made it sound like a death sentence. If this didn’t kill our marriage, nothing could.
“Annette, are you all right? It sounds like you’re cryin’,” Pee Wee said. Yes, I was crying, and it sounded like he was about to do the same thing.
“I’m fine. I just choked on some air,” I lied. The inside of my throat felt like somebody had just scraped it with sandpaper. I had sobs forming in me that were so massive I couldn’t even squeeze them out. I just stood there sucking hot, stale air into my lungs. I sounded like a drowning man. I was having such a difficult time breathing, I had to open my mouth and lift my chin up so high that I almost slid off the couch. Somehow, after only a few seconds, I managed to get some more words out. “Uh, we can talk about this when you come over here.”
My mind was reeling. I could not believe what Pee Wee had just told me.
PREGNANT! Right now that word sounded like the most obscene term in the English language. It stung my eardrum like a wasp! Hearing that Pee Wee had actually seen the proof in a doctor’s report was almost more than I could stand. Now I could easily see how people snapped and lost all control of their senses. I felt like going outside and running up and down the sidewalk screaming like a banshee. But what good would that do? Lizzie would still be pregnant by my husband!
For a moment, I forgot that my mother was still in the room. “Who was that?” she asked, looking at the telephone in my hand.
“Uh, nobody,” I mumbled.
“Now, you know you can talk to me about anything. But if you don’t want me to know your business, just say so,” Muh’Dear told me. My mother could pout better than a two-year-old. Her bottom lip was sticking out so far, it extended beyond the tip of her nose. “But if you do want me to know, tell me quick so I can give you some good advice.”
“I said it was nobody,” I repeated, giving her a dismissive wave. “Nobody important.”
There was a lot that I wanted to say to Pee Wee about this turn of events. And I would do just that when I saw him again, but only if he and I were alone. My mother was going to be all over my case again soon enough. There was no doubt in my mind about that. And so would everybody else I knew. This was the kind of scandal that the people I knew reveled in.
“Nobody? Your telephone rang, you picked it up. Somebody was callin’. And they must have said somethin’ mighty bad for you to have such a sour look on your face now.”
“It was just somebody from work,” I lied. “There’s been a small emergency at the office.”
“This time of night?”
“Uh, it was something that happened earlier. Right after I left to come home.”
“Oh. You need to be more like me, you know. I told my people not to call me after work hours unless the restaurant was on fire. Whatever your coworker just said, it must not have been too nice for you to be screwin’ your face up like you just bit into a rotten lemon.”
“It’s nothing, Muh’Dear,” I insisted.
Muh’Dear gave me a suspicious look, but at least she dropped the subject. “So what are you gwine to do about Pee Wee? Especially now.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Girl, you know what I mean by that. Everybody is talkin’ about Lizzie bein’ pregnant with Pee Wee’s baby. And I do mean everybody.”
“News sure travels fast around this town! I wish those women at Claudette’s beauty shop would mind their own business. This is something that you should have heard first from me, not those gossips,” I boomed.
“I didn’t hear it at the beauty shop first. I heard it first from my butcher when I went to get some neck bones this mornin’, before I even got to the beauty shop. He plays checkers with Lizzie’s stepdaddy. Wouldn’t it be a shame if Lizzie gives Pee Wee the son he always wanted?”
I couldn’t stand anoth
er minute of Muh’Dear’s comments. I knew that she thought she was being supportive, and she was. But her kind of support was usually just as destructive as the source of my pain. “Muh’Dear, I hate to be rude,” I groaned, wobbling up off the couch. “But if you are not going to spend the night, please go on back home so I can get some sleep. There are a lot of things that I need to sort out in my mind.”
Muh’Dear looked at me with a tortured look on her face. “Uh-huh. I guess you better get some sleep because you look like a mud puppy. We’ll deal with this Lillimae problem later. But I hope you agree with me that the main thing you need to figure out now is what you are gwine to do about that Lizzie baby-mama drama.”
“What do you mean? Exactly what am I supposed to do about Lizzie’s baby? I have no say-so about that subject whatsoever.”
Muh’Dear gasped so loud and hard, her eyes rolled back in her head. “What are you gwine to do when you see it?” The way she practically spat out the last word made “it” sound like a cuss word. It was an innocent baby that she was talking about. And from the looks of things, the father was my husband.
DAMN!
In spite of my anger, I knew that it was in my best interest for me to keep things in perspective. A baby was a baby, and there had not been a single one yet who had asked to be born.
“Muh’Dear, Lizzie is carrying an innocent child, not the anti-Christ. I hope it’s healthy, and that she raises it right.”
For a brief moment, my mother looked disappointed, as if she had not expected me to show any compassion on this subject. But I did. That baby did not ask to be conceived, and I could not allow myself to harbor any resentment toward him or her.
I knew that I could not change what had already happened. I decided that it would be easier for me to be somewhat sympathetic than for me to let my anger consume me. At the end of the day, Lizzie would still be carrying my husband’s child, or so she claimed....