by Mary Monroe
After dinner, Harrietta finally allowed the girls to join Charlotte in her room. I saw them smile for the first time that evening.
“Uh, are your girls always this quiet and well behaved?” I asked Harrietta as we cleared the table.
She didn’t reply right away. But it looked like she was considering my question. Finally, she said, “Always. My girls are always quiet and well behaved. They’d better be ...”
Fifteen minutes later, when I went upstairs to check on Charlotte and the girls, I found them sitting on the floor at the foot of Charlotte’s bed watching cartoons. “Aren’t you girls a little old for cartoons?” I asked, standing in the doorway with my hand on the knob. “I thought kids your age liked those music videos.”
“We are not allowed to watch videos or anything on cable,” Vivian said in a weak voice, her eyes on the floor.
“Well, I don’t allow Charlotte to watch whatever she wants to either. But as long as it’s not obscene, or too violent, you girls can come over here and watch whatever you want.” I entered the room and gently closed the door behind me, and moved closer to the kids.
“I keep telling you their mother is not normal,” Charlotte said, giving me a smug look. “Tell her, y’all. Tell my mama that your mama is not normal.”
CHAPTER 32
VIVIAN TURNED TO ME WITH A FRIGHTENED LOOK ON HER FACE. She resembled Harrietta the most. “We hate her,” Vivian said, looking at her sisters for support. They both nodded.
“Why?” I asked.
“We just do,” Diane said. This was the first time that she had spoken since I’d met her. I was amazed at how deep her voice was. She was the youngest, but looked and sounded the oldest.
“She don’t beat us or nothing like that,” Lucy quickly offered. “We just don’t like her. We wanted to live with our daddy. He’s real cool. When he lived with us, he let us do whatever we wanted to do, and Mama didn’t like it. That’s why he left.”
So that was it! They missed their father. Now it all made sense. Harrietta’s kids “hated” her because she’d divorced their father.
I didn’t like to discuss certain subjects with children. I didn’t like to get too personal with people I didn’t know that well anyhow, so I didn’t continue the conversation. Now that I knew a little more about Harrietta’s situation with her children, I couldn’t help feeling a little bit of sympathy for her. But knowing what I knew now still didn’t give me a clue as to why my daughter disliked Harrietta so much. It was something that I was going to have to keep at the front of my mind.
I was glad to see that Lillimae had returned home by the time I made it back down to the living room. She and Harrietta were chatting away like old friends.
“Did you know that Harrietta teaches Sunday school at her church, and she used to be a Girl Scout troop leader?” Lillimae said as I dropped down into the La-Z-Boy.
“Oh,” I mouthed. “You spend a lot of time with kids, huh?” I said, looking at Harrietta.
She was beaming like a lighthouse. “Honey, I love kids. We don’t spend enough time with them, if you ask me. But it’s something I’ve always enjoyed. I had to help my mama raise my nine younger brothers and sisters. We were all raised the old-fashioned way, so none of us ever got into trouble the ways these kids do nowadays.” Harrietta shook her head. “One of the little boys that I look after now, he’s so grown and arrogant, you’d think he was paying the bills in his house. His mama and his daddy act like they are afraid of that little boy! You wouldn’t believe how they pamper that little devil when they drop him off on their way to work. But I’ve got his mannish little ass under control now.”
“I raised my boys with a firm hand too,” Lillimae said with a proud sigh. “Kids need to always know who has got the upper hand.”
“I won’t argue with that,” I said with a nod.
The more I talked to Harrietta, the more sympathetic I felt toward her—despite Charlotte’s feelings. I had to be honest and admit to myself that when I was a child, my mother had had a few female friends whom I didn’t like. With that in mind, I realized my daughter’s feelings were not that unusual. Even though Harrietta was younger than me, I thought that maybe I could learn a few things from her about “tough love” childrearing methods. Maybe I’d avoid problems with my daughter later on, and she wouldn’t do some of the dumb shit that I’d done as a youngster—prostitution being the worst. I was only sorry that Rhoda had not met a woman like Harrietta in time to “save” Jade.
“Annette, I can’t believe how much we have in common. The bitch that stole my husband was supposed to be a close friend too.” Harrietta seemed eager to discuss the break up of her marriage. Lillimae and I shared a bottle of white wine, but since Harrietta didn’t drink alcohol, she clutched a glass of Pepsi in her hand. She took a long swallow and burped.
“I hope you didn’t take it too hard,” Lillimae told Harrietta, giving her a pitiful look.
“Oh, it hurt like hell!” Harrietta shouted, balling her fist.
Harrietta and I did have a lot in common. She was about my size, which was a fourteen these days. She was dark like me, but she could have used a few makeup tips to enhance her beautiful chocolate complexion. At least I knew how to hide the fine lines around my eyes with the right concealer. I also knew how to enhance my best feature, which was my eyes, with the right shade and quantity of eyeliner and mascara. Harrietta’s makeup, which was at least two shades too light for her complexion, ended abruptly at her jawline, like an ill-fitted mask. She had more candy-apple red lipstick on her teeth than on her lips. A short, curly black wig snugly covered her head like a bathing cap.
Harrietta had eagerly accepted my dinner invitation when I called her a few hours ago. As a matter of fact, she didn’t even wait until dinner was ready. She had come over as soon as she got off the telephone.
Now she seemed so comfortable she couldn’t stop talking.
“Girl, I came home from my job at the post office that day and I—”
“Post office? I used to work for the post office,” Lillimae blurted, cutting Harrietta off.
“Yeah, I had been there for nine years. Anyway, I was supposed to go out of town after work for a church retreat that Saturday, day after my birthday. Would you believe that that snake I was married to had the nerve to take me out to dinner on my birthday, give me a gorgeous new bracelet, and make love to me like it was for the last time—which it was—that night. All the while knowing what he had planned.”
My stomach tightened. Pee Wee had made love to me hours before he left me. I nodded for Harrietta to continue.
“Anyway, I had eaten some tuna salad for lunch that Saturday, and it must have been bad, because I got sick on the way to the retreat. I had to turn around and come back home. The kids were with a sister from church. When I got home and saw Derrick’s car in the driveway, I got scared. He was supposed to be on a fishing trip with one of his buddies. Naturally, I thought that he must have gotten sick from that same tuna salad because he had eaten some of it too. I eased into the house, went up the stairs to our room at the end of the hall, and opened the bedroom door. That motherfucker was sick all right! And even sicker when I got through bouncing lamps, books, and my fists off his head. That bastard had the nerve to have his bitch in my house—in my bed!”
Lillimae squawked like a dying chicken. I groaned so loud, I almost fell off the love seat.
“Men ought to know better than to bring their whores into their wives’ homes!” I offered. “I’ll bet mine won’t do it again.” I had already shared bits and pieces of my story of betrayal with Harrietta before tonight. But from the disgusted look on her face, you would have thought that she was hearing it all for the first time.
She whooped and hollered louder than me and Lillimae put together. “Damn! Damn! Damn! Annette, you went through hell. Well, Paulette had been my home girl since junior high! Now there she was—in a gown that I hadn’t even worn yet! Stretched out in my bed with my pink sponge rollers on he
r nappy head! She left my house running, wrapped up in one of my best sheets. I chased that heifer all the way down the block. When I caught her, I whupped her ass some more for running off with my four-hundred-thread-count sheet.” Harrietta seemed to be enjoying her rant. There was a dark, hollow look in her eyes and a cruel smile on her lips.
“And what did you do to Derrick?” I asked.
“There was only one thing I could do. I divorced him. A woman would have to be crazy to stay married to a man who pulled a trick like that.” Harrietta paused and gave me a wan look. “I know your situation with Pee Wee was a little different, and I know you and him are trying to work things out, but Derrick didn’t want to work anything out. He couldn’t wait to marry Paulette. That’s what hurt the most. He wasn’t even sorry. He didn’t even want to be with me after that—even though I told him we could work things out!”
“My man has his faults, and I will overlook all of that eventually and go back home,” Lillimae confessed. “It’s so hard to find a truly righteous man these days.”
“Well, I have not dated much since I divorced Derrick. The last man I did go out with was so useless in the bedroom, he couldn’t turn me on with a pair of pliers,” Harrietta laughed. “I am so glad I got my kids to keep me company. People thought I was a fool for quitting my job at the post office to start doing child care. But taking care of kids is my calling. I don’t have to worry about them hurting me. They are so easy to control... .”
“Not all kids are easy to control,” I pointed out. I hadn’t told Harrietta about Jade, and I didn’t plan to. The last thing Rhoda needed was for all of the town gossips to be discussing her business before she resolved things with Jade. Besides, Harrietta would hear about Jade soon enough anyway. And I was sure that when she did, she would toot her horn some more about how well she was raising her kids.
I just hoped that she didn’t toot it in Rhoda’s face.
“That’s true, but we have to control our kids for as long as we can. Regardless of whether we do a good job or not, only the good Lord knows how they are going to treat us when we get old,” Harrietta said with a frightened look on her face. “Speaking of getting old, Annette, Charlotte told me that your forty-eighth birthday is coming up soon.”
I nodded and swallowed a lump that had suddenly formed in my throat. “Uh-huh. Next week,” I practically groaned.
I didn’t know where Harrietta was going with this conversation, but from what she’d said so far, it didn’t sound like it was going in a positive direction. “Well, just be glad that you are still able to take care of yourself,” she told me, giving me a look of pity—and I didn’t know why. She didn’t waste any time telling me why. “Turn on the TV and watch Cops or any other true-crime show. Read any issue of Essence magazine. Good black men are as scarce as hen’s teeth. Half of them are either in jail or in a hospital dying of AIDS or a drug overdose. Half of the half that’s left, who are not with women of other races—or other men—they don’t want old crones like you and me. Our chance of landing a good man is next to none. That just leaves our kids to keep us company. Ha! That’s a joke within a joke. The way kids are turning on their mamas and daddies these days, killing them for insurance money or dumping them off in some nursing home where they’ll get abused, neglected, raped, and beaten, there is no telling what we have to look forward to. Either we put up with all of that or we bite the bullet and grow old alone... .”
CHAPTER 33
IT SADDENED ME TO HEAR THAT HARRIETTA HAD SUCH A GRIM OUTLOOK on life. Even though what she said was true for some people, I didn’t like to think about the comments she’d made about some of the problems that we would probably face as time moved forward. Other than that, I didn’t mind getting old—even if it meant I wouldn’t have a man.
I felt so sorry for women like Harrietta. She seemed to be in control of her life and her children, so I couldn’t understand why she felt the way she did. But like a lot of women in our age group, she was confused and frightened. Her kids would probably remain in her life once they reached adulthood, but from what she’d told me, she’d never have another serious relationship with a man. She was probably going to grow old alone.
A week after the dinner with Harrietta, my mother called me up at seven in the morning. It was my birthday. Instead of wishing me a “happy birthday,” she greeted me with, “I just wanted to remind you that you ain’t gettin’ no younger, girl. The older you get, the harder it’s gwine to be for you to keep off all of that blubber that you lost. And with Lillimae cookin’ up a storm all the time now, you’re gwine to end up lookin’ just like her, maybe even worse. Lord help you!”
“Lillimae does not hold a gun to my head to make me eat, Muh’Dear,” I said with a yawn. “Charlotte loves her cooking so much she doesn’t even complain when Lillimae cooks collard greens like she does when I do.”
“Uh-huh.” Muh’Dear suddenly started to cough, and she did that for a full minute. The same way that Pee Wee did the last time he was in my bedroom.
“Are you all right?” I asked.
“Don’t you worry none about me,” my mother whined.
I sat up in bed, still slightly hungover. Pee Wee had delivered a bouquet of red roses and a birthday card the evening before. Even if he had invited me out that night, which he hadn’t, I probably would have declined. I had decided that the less I saw of him in an intimate setting, the better. I had enjoyed a candlelit dinner with Roscoe at his house last night. While we’d slow danced in his living room, he had surprised me with a few quick pecks on my cheek. Other than him pinching my butt a few times, that was as far as our “lovemaking” went this time. And as usual, Roscoe had apologized. He told me again that he was no “lover boy” and that he was glad that that didn’t bother me. However, he did tell me this time that if we got more serious, he would get some professional help with his “problem” if I wanted him to. I didn’t want Roscoe to do anything special for me. As long as I had Ronald, I was all right for the moment. Ronald had some flaws too. He was going through a bitter divorce, so he didn’t want to flaunt our relationship. Very few people knew we were seeing one another. I went along with that because I enjoyed his company and he was a fantastic lover. “If that greedy bitch I married found out about me and you, she’d be trying to get even more of the shit I worked for for so many years,” he told me the same day we began our relationship. I had met him two months ago in a coffee shop while I was having lunch.
I knew of women like Ronald’s estranged wife, so I understood where he was coming from. But I had been around the block enough times to know that Ronald probably had other reasons for wanting to keep our relationship quiet. He was no doubt dating other women and probably wanted to avoid any public embarrassments by running into one while he was with one of the others. I didn’t have a problem with that either. As a matter of fact, I preferred to keep my personal life somewhat quiet. I was tired of being fodder for the Richland gossips.
Yes, I was trying to restore my marriage, but until that happened, I wanted to have as much fun as I possibly could. An hour after Roscoe had brought me home last night, I went back out to meet Ronald at the hot tubs out on Sawyer Road.
Roscoe wanted to see me again on the upcoming Friday night, but I had not decided yet if I wanted to see him again so soon. The main reason was because Ronald had hinted that he wanted to see me again on that same night.
Muh’Dear interrupted my thoughts with more coughing.
“Muh’Dear, you don’t sound too good to me. Have you been taking those vitamins that Dr. Green gave you? I’m about to get up and get dressed. Is there anything you need me to do for you?”
“Naw, you stay home and keep that Lillimae company ... like you been doin’ since she got here.”
I sighed. “I’ll come over later today.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll be all right, somehow, God willin’... .”
“Well, if you do need me before I get over there, just call me and I’ll come over right
away.”
“I don’t want to bother you if I need help. That’s what they got the ambulance service for... .”
I got off the telephone in a huff. Then I got up and dressed. I was on my way to my parents’ house fifteen minutes later.
Muh’Dear must have had a miraculous recovery, because by the time I let myself in to her house through the back door, she was hovering over the sink like a horsefly. “Frank, is that you?” she asked without turning around. Then she started to hum her favorite B.B. King tune, “The Thrill Is Gone.” That told me that she was not feeling as badly as she sounded on the telephone. She paused again and yelled over her shoulder. “I’m fixin’ to make some more buttermilk biscuits. Then we can check with Sister Miller to see what time bingo starts this evenin’. I—” She whirled around and stopped talking as soon as she saw me standing in the middle of the floor with my arms folded.
“Shouldn’t you be lying down? You sounded awful a little while ago,” I said in an accusatory tone.
Muh’Dear responded with a loud cough. “I still don’t feel too good,” she croaked. “Uh, you didn’t have to rush over here. And how come you didn’t bring Charlotte with you?”
“She wasn’t up yet,” I answered, easing into a chair at the cluttered kitchen table. “And she wanted to stay around the house to help Lillimae make me a birthday cake. Are you and Daddy going to come over this evening to get some cake?”
“Well.” Muh’Dear wobbled across the floor, wiping flour off her hands onto her apron. She sat down hard in the chair across from me. “Well, we might and we might not. You know I don’t eat everybody’s cookin’. Is that Lillimae clean?”
“Lillimae is as clean as you are, Muh’Dear. If you and Daddy can make it, come around six,” I said. I rose and headed back toward the door, even though my mother had plastered one of her puppy-dog looks on her face.