“I may be many things, but a fool ain’t one of them,” Joan had bristled. “Who do ye think ye’re fooling? ’Tis good news, this is. Why not tell yer husband?”
“I’ve been wrong before.”
“Well, ye’re not wrong now. Ye’ve been sick for near a fortnight now, and yer courses haven’t come. Ye think I don’t pay attention?”
“I’m sure you do.”
“Oh, I’m pleased for ye, Kate. I really am. Hugh will be beside himself when he finds out. A baby, after all this time. I was beginning to think ye must be barren.”
Not only did you think it, but you mentioned your suspicions to Hugh time and again, Kate had thought bitterly.
“How long will this awful nausea last?” she asked, desperate to change the subject.
Joan shrugged, rolling her ample shoulders. “Can’t say with any certainty. Some women feel better by their fourth month. Others suffer till the babe is born. There’s no telling. Ye need to eat lots of bread. It soaks up the bile. Here, have a slice. Fresh from the oven.”
“I think I need to lie down,” Kate muttered. She was so weak she could barely stand.
“Ye go on, then. I’ll bring ye a cup of ale later on. Best thing for a pregnant woman.”
Kate had trudged up the stairs to her bedchamber, her stomach twisting with more than nausea. It was only a matter of time before Joan let it slip that Kate was with child. She wasn’t one to keep secrets. Kate supposed it was as good a time as any for everyone to find out. She’d have to face the consequences sooner or later; it might as well be today.
She was just drifting off when the scrape of the door opening roused her from her stupor. Hugh stood in the doorway, looking at her as if he were seeing her for the first time. Sunlight fell on his face, its merciless rays underlining the softened jowls and the puffiness beneath the eyes. Strands of silver had invaded his dark mane, congregating at the temples. Hugh was only one and thirty, but years of frustrated plans, heavy drinking, and lack of purpose had taken their toll.
He shut the door and advanced into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed. “Is it true? Are you really with child at last?”
Kate felt a twinge of panic as she studied his face. He didn’t look angry, but her guilty conscience wouldn’t let her believe that she might get away with the sin she’d committed against him.
“Yes, it’s true,” she finally replied. She sat up and scooted backward, huddling against the headboard as she held a pillow in front of her like a shield.
Hugh’s face broke into a joyful grin. “Oh, Kate, what splendid news. The good Lord has seen fit to bless us with a child at last.” He came closer and sat on the side of the bed, reaching for Kate’s hand. He looked contrite, not an expression one normally associated with Hugh de Rosel. “Kate, I’m sorry, eh? I know I’ve been less than gallant these past few months.”
These past few years, Kate amended silently.
“I was disappointed and I didn’t handle it well. Please accept my apology. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything I can get you? Nurse says you’ve been fearful sick these past few weeks. Can I tempt you with a tasty morsel or a length of damask for a new gown?”
“Thank you, but I don’t require anything at the moment. My only wish is for this ceaseless nausea to pass.”
“Well, I can’t help you there,” Hugh replied. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it, as he had done when they were first married. “I do love you, Kate. I want you to know that.”
Kate acknowledged his declaration with a nod, but couldn’t bring herself to return the sentiment. She didn’t love him, and never would, even if he treated her with kindness and respect.
“Well, I’ll leave you to rest.” Hugh got to his feet and kissed her lightly on the brow. “Ironic that you should finally conceive now, seeing as how I’ve barely been around you these past few months. The Lord certainly works in mysterious ways.” He gave her a bemused look before leaving the chamber and shutting the door behind him.
Kate breathed a sigh of relief. Hugh didn’t know about her and Guy, not yet. Her brow broke out in a cold sweat as another bout of nausea assaulted her. She grabbed the basin and retched again, belatedly realizing that the illness might be caused more by anxiety than by the pregnancy. Now that Hugh knew about the baby, Guy would know too. When Kate hadn’t gone to Guy’s room several days in a row, she’d allowed him to assume she had her courses. It was dishonest of her, but she’d had her reasons. She needed time to think. She’d managed to talk him out of running away together. Carrying on with him under Hugh’s nose was bad enough, but publicly dishonoring her husband was another matter altogether. She couldn’t do that. That would be snatching happiness from the jaws of betrayal, and it wasn’t the way she wanted to start her life with Guy. But once he found out about the baby, there was no telling how he might react.
Kate sank deeper into the pillows and closed her eyes. She’d remain in bed for the rest of the day. She knew she was being cowardly, but felt too ill to face Hugh’s bloated, self-congratulatory grin, Eleanor’s ill-disguised envy, or Guy’s accusing stare.
Chapter 67
Kate covered her eyes with her arm as bright sunlight flooded the dim confines of the bed. Joan yanked aside the bed-hanging, glowering at Kate, her hands planted on her hips.
“Ye should get some air. It ain’t doing ye any good, moldering in here. Come. I’ll help ye dress.”
Kate reluctantly got out of bed and stood like a tree stump while Joan pulled the skirt over her head and tied the laces, then stuffed her into her bodice and sleeves. “Lift yer leg,” Joan ordered as she crouched next to Kate with a rolled-up stocking in her hands.
“I can do it myself,” Kate protested.
“Oh, aye? Can ye? Could have fooled me. I’ve seen corpses livelier than ye. Come on. Finish dressing and come down. I have some fresh broth for ye. Ye look half-starved from all that puking.”
“I’m hardly half-starved, but I would like something aside from bread. Might there be an egg?”
“I’ll get ye an egg. Will do ye good. Do ye feel up to a bit of cheese?”
Kate shook her head. “No, not cheese.”
“All right. I’ll have some roast fowl for ye for dinner. Can ye stomach that?”
“I think so.” Roasted fowl actually sounded appealing at the moment. She needed to eat something besides soggy bread. Joan was right; she was starved for solid food. She’d sell her soul for an apple, but there wouldn’t be fresh apples until the autumn. Some jelly perhaps. She craved something sweet desperately.
“All right then, I’ll see to it. Ask Eleanor to join ye for a walk. Ye shouldn’t be traipsing about alone in yer condition.”
Kate shook her head. She couldn’t think of anything she desired less. After countless hours spent in each other’s company, the two women had never developed a bond, and Kate frequently wondered if Eleanor even liked her. Kate hadn’t left her bed since Joan heralded news of her pregnancy, and she wasn’t looking forward to seeing the simmering resentment in Eleanor’s eyes. As long as Kate failed to conceive, Eleanor could pity her and feel less disgruntled about her own situation, but now that Kate was pregnant, even that little bit of comfort would be denied her sister-in-law.
Kate finished her breakfast, donned her cloak, and stepped outside. The sky was a cloudless blue, and the trees were decked out in luscious shades of green, their branches bursting with life after months of wintery slumber. The river flowed in the distance, a speckled band of silver and gold that hugged the curve of the castle mound. Kate took a deep breath and set off toward the woods, lured by birdsong and the smell of pine resin. She felt well for the first time in weeks, and the realization added a spring to her step.
She rested her splayed hand on her belly. There, beneath her palm, she felt a tiny bump. It was invisible beneath the folds of her skirt, but it was there, testament to the life growing inside. Kate had no way of knowing exactly when she’d fallen pregnant, but if it happe
ned on Christmas, the baby would come in late September. Joan had said that expectant women felt movement midway through the pregnancy. She was almost there, so perhaps soon, she’d feel signs of life.
Kate caught her breath in wonder. Over the past few years, time had lost its meaning. She’d had nothing to wait for, nothing to look forward to. But now, time was everything. She’d bided her time until Hugh fell asleep so she could go to Guy, and with every passing day she was closer to holding her baby in her arms. She would not give in to despair. Guy would keep their secret, for her sake, and for the sake of their child. He loved her. He wouldn’t do anything to harm either of them.
Kate had been walking for about twenty minutes when she heard footsteps on the path behind her. The footsteps weren’t stealthy; they sounded brisk, as if the walker were in a hurry. Kate peered in the direction she’d come, but trees obscured the section of the narrow path beyond the bend. She wasn’t frightened. This was de Rosel land, so the passerby could only be a peasant, which was just fine as long as he wasn’t a poacher.
Kate smiled when Guy appeared round the bend. His color was high and his eyes glinted with irritation as he approached her. “You could have told me,” he began without preamble. “I had to hear it from Hugh, who is pleased as punch that you’re finally breeding.”
“Guy, I…”
“Is it mine?” Guy demanded, his eyes pinning her with their intensity. “Is the child mine?”
“Yes, it is.”
“How can you be sure?”
“I’m sure because Hugh hasn’t touched me since before Christmas. You’d know that if you ever asked.”
Guy’s face softened and he reached out and took Kate gently by the arms. “I couldn’t, Kate. I couldn’t bear the thought of him inside you, but I could hardly demand that you deny your husband. I had no right,” he explained. He was making excuses, but Kate saw the leap of excitement in his eyes.
“Are you pleased?”
“Of course I’m pleased.” Guy lowered his hands to her belly and cupped her tiny stomach. “How could I not have known?”
“It’s wondrous,” Kate breathed, putting her hands over his. “We’ll finally be a family.”
Guy’s gaze slid away from hers, as he shook his head in disbelief. “Am I meant to just step aside and watch you live happily ever after with my brother?”
“Guy, Hugh is my husband. What would you have me do? I must protect this child, above all else. I will not have it disgraced before it’s even born.”
Guy took hold of Kate’s hands, squeezing her fingers painfully in his agitation. “Kate, I want us to be a family. I want the chance to raise my child.”
“That’s impossible, and you know it.”
“Nothing is impossible.”
Kate snatched her hands out of Guy’s grasp and took a step back. “Guy, the only way we can be together is if Hugh dies, and I won’t wish that on him. Not ever.”
“What, so you love him now? Did you lie with me just to get with child? And now that you have what you wished for, you’ll just discard me?” Guy exclaimed. He looked like his whole world had just come crashing down, his eyes wide with shock and his hands trembling at his sides.
Kate reached up and cupped his cheek, smiling into his eyes. “Guy,” she said softly, “it’s you I love. It’s always been you.”
Her words worked their magic and Guy drew her to him, resting his chin on top of her head. “I can’t bear it, Kate. I can’t bear knowing I can never be with you or play a part in my child’s life. I will always be Uncle Guy, never ‘Father’.”
“Guy, there’s nothing we can do to change that.”
“I will change it. I promise you, Kate. We will be a family—soon.”
She pulled away from him and met his fierce gaze. “Guy de Rosel, hear me now, for what I have to say will not change. I will never be with you or allow you to raise our child if you lift a hand to your brother. Never. You and I have sinned against Hugh, and we will have to live with our actions and atone for our betrayal for the rest of our days, but I will not—I repeat—I will not live with Hugh’s blood on my hands.”
Guy stared at her in shock. “Who said anything about blood?”
“How else can we live together openly, as husband and wife?”
“I will speak to Hugh. I will explain things to him and ask him to step aside.”
“Guy, divorce is not sanctioned by the Church. You know that. Even if Hugh came around in time and forfeited his conjugal rights, the child would still be his by law. As would I.”
“There’s annulment.”
Kate stared at Guy. He was understandably upset, but what he was suggesting was lunacy. How could Kate and Hugh possibly get an annulment after five years of marriage and a child on the way? They could hardly claim non-consummation.
“Kate, there are many grounds for annulment: fraud, coercion, fear, misrepresentation. If we can get Hugh to admit he coerced you into marriage—which, let’s be honest, he did—we have a case.”
“Guy, this might come as a shock to you, but most young women are coerced into marriage, most often by their fathers. And they’re all afraid and ignorant of what marriage truly entails, but if those were all grounds for an annulment, half the marriages in the kingdom would fall apart. I agreed to marry Hugh. I stood in front of the priest, of my own volition, and made my vows. I will not use church doctrine as a scapegoat for my sins.”
Guy grabbed Kate by the arms and shook her. “Kate, be reasonable. It’s our only chance.”
Kate was about to reply when she saw a flash of rust amid the green of new foliage. Guy’s head whipped around, just in time to see Joan emerging from the trees, her cheeks ruddy with exertion, her rust-colored skirt billowing in the breeze.
“There ye are. I was beginning to worry. Ye’d been gone a good while.”
Guy instantly released Kate, but she wasn’t sure how much of their altercation Joan had heard. Possibly nothing, but she must have seen that the discussion between Kate and Guy had been heated, and private.
Joan pinned Guy with a steely stare. “Guy, will ye escort Kate back to the keep, or shall she walk back with me?”
“You go back with Nurse, Kate. I’ll be on my way.” Guy gave the women a stiff bow and disappeared down the track, walking away from the castle and deeper into the woods. Kate had no idea where he might be going, but it didn’t matter. She meekly followed Joan down the path, suddenly exhausted.
“Everything all right between ye two?” Joan asked as they rounded the bend.
“Guy didn’t think I should be out alone, is all,” Kate lied. Being deceitful didn’t come easily to her, but there wasn’t much choice. Going forward, deceit would be a way of life.
“And he’s right. Ye should have asked Eleanor to accompany ye, as I suggested. I know ye two don’t get on at times, but she’s yer sister by marriage, so ye must help each other. She’s not been herself since Adam left, or have ye not noticed? ‘Brethren, if a man—or woman—’,” Joan added, “‘is overtaken in any trespass, ye who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest ye also be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ’.”
“I’ll ask her next time,” Kate muttered, duly chastised. Joan didn’t often quote the Scripture, but when she did, it found its mark, like an arrow to the heart.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, each lost in her own thoughts.
Chapter 68
Kate curled up on the window seat and rested her head against the cool stone of the wall, both physically tired and emotionally drained by the morning’s events. The confrontation with Guy had been unexpected and eye opening. She’d foolishly assumed he would step aside and allow Hugh to raise his child, but she’d been woefully misguided. Guy was no longer the obedient younger sibling. He’d matured and seen more than his fair share of death. He loved her and was prepared to fight for her, even if that meant confronting Hugh and appealing to th
e Church. Guy would lay claim to his child, whether she agreed to it or not, believing that Hugh cared for him enough to forgive him and agree to his terms. Kate had her doubts. Hugh was not a man who would look kindly upon being cuckolded and deceived. He was prideful and possessed of a hot temper. He forgave easily enough, she’d grant him that, but this time, there was much to forgive.
Not for the first time, Kate wished she could talk matters over with her mother. Anne Dancy would have been shocked and possibly appalled by her daughter’s behavior, but she would have offered practical advice, as she always had. Surely Kate wasn’t the first woman to find herself in this position, and Hugh wouldn’t be alone in mistakenly believing the child his wife carried was his. Unless Guy told him otherwise.
Kate angrily wiped away a tear that slid down her cheek. Until that moment, she hadn’t permitted herself to imagine what life with Guy would be like. She’d indulged in romantic fantasies from time to time, but her imagination never strayed as far as marriage. To marry Guy and raise their child together was a dream of such shining brilliance that she didn’t even dare entertain it. It could never be, and she would not allow her mind to wander down the dark, twisted alley that beckoned her to consider the only solution that would make the dream a reality. Never. She had made a vow before God and she would honor it, no matter what, and if something happened to Hugh, she’s have no hand in it, and neither would Guy.
Kate heaved herself to her feet as a wave of nausea washed over her. She grabbed for the basin and was sick, expelling her dreams along with her dinner.
Chapter 69
Kate wasn’t overly worried when she didn’t see Guy for the remainder of the day, but when he hadn’t put in an appearance by the following evening, she grew concerned. Had he gone for good, hurt and rejected by her refusal to entertain the idea of an annulment? She went into his room under the pretense of collecting linen in need of washing, but couldn’t tell if he had taken anything with him. His sword was gone, but he’d been wearing it when she saw him last.
The Forsaken (Echoes from the Past Book 4) Page 36