by Lynsay Sands
“I am not a man,” he argued desperately, having to fight himself and his own wants now, as well as fight her. “Carlotta took my soul and damned me to—”
“Perhaps she didn’t,” Emily interrupted.
“What are you saying? Of course she did. She turned me.”
“Aye, she turned you, Keeran. But perhaps she couldn’t take your soul with that act. Surely only you can give it away and damn yourself.” Seeing the hope budding on his face, she took his hand. “Keeran, you told me that you wanted to stay on that bed and allow the sun to end your existence after she turned you. If that had happened, do you think you would have gone to hell or heaven?”
“Heaven. It was probably my only way to get there.”
A smile blossomed on Emily’s face. “Because you would have then been choosing your own death over others.”
“Yes.” His expression was tormented. “But don’t you see? I didn’t have the courage to do so. I damned myself with my own cowardice.”
“By choosing life?” she asked, then shook her head. “Nay, Keeran. According to the Church, it is a sin to take your own life.”
“Murder is a sin, too.”
“But you have never killed anyone to continue your existence,” she pointed out, then asked worriedly, “Have you?”
“No.” He shook his head slowly.
She beamed her relief at him. “Then you are not the monster you think yourself to be. Keeran, I think whether we go to heaven or hell depends entirely on our own decisions, not on those made for us or things done to us. The woman who is violated does not carry the stain of that sin on her soul; her rapist does. Carlotta took your life and turned you into a vampire. But you chose not to take life to sustain your own, and never to use your strength and powers to harm others. In fact, you have taken the time and trouble to save many a life, despite how poorly you were treated for it in return. Surely, you cannot be damned.”
He was silent for several moments, digesting what she said, then a smile spread his lips. “When put that way. ..” His eyes found hers, then he reached for her hand. “Emily.”
“Yes.” She answered his unspoken question. “I still want to be with you. I will give up the life I have known for an eternity with you.”
“It can be hard at times,” he warned.
“Life is hard at times,” she said simply.
“You will miss the sun, and have to watch those you care for go to the grave before you.”
“So long as it isn’t you I must watch go to the grave, Keeran. I can bear anything else but that.”
“Oh, my love.” He pulled her into his arms and held her close, hugging her as if he would never let her go. “You have given me so much in the short time since you entered my life. Love, laughter, sunlight, hope. And I have so little to offer you in return.”
“Aye.” Emily sighed, then leaned back to peer up at him and say, “Saving my life, saving me from marrying The Sinclair, a home, love, eternal life. Really, you have so little to offer, I should ask for a dower.”
A burst of laughter slipped from his lips. It was followed by a surprised expression that made Emily smile. He was always so surprised to find himself amused. His existence must have been terribly gloomy and lonely all these centuries. She would see to it that it never was again.
Reaching up, she slid one hand into the hair at the back of his head and drew him down for a kiss that soon turned passionate, but after a moment, Keeran caught her hands and broke the kiss. “We should go to your room.”
“Nay.” She pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth, then the column of his throat, before leaning back to smile at him. “Here. In the sunlight.”
Keeran glanced around at the candles and fireplace, then finally to the sunrise she had painted. “Yes. Here in the sunlight.”