He was a strong man. He could resist any sexual advancements she made, right? And maybe it was only wishful thinking that she would make any at all. “Sure. That sounds good.”
She smiled up at him. “Thank you. Let’s make some popcorn and get the moviefest started.”
John settled onto the couch while Susan put the first movie on. She sat beside him so they could share the popcorn. They’d done the exact same thing many times before, but the children had always been in the house, if not in the room. They’d made excellent chaperones, and John wished they were still there. He wasn’t sure he could be trusted around Susan anymore without the kids to filter his responses.
Susan set the empty bowl on the floor, grabbed a throw pillow, and stretched out on the couch with her head in his lap. John tensed and then forced himself to relax. There was a pillow between her head and his body, so he hoped she wouldn’t feel what she’d done to him. A few minutes later he realized he didn’t need to worry. She’d fallen asleep.
Susan woke when John shifted his position on the couch. “I’m so sorry. You must have been awfully uncomfortable.”
He smiled down at her. “No, but you missed the end of the first movie and all of the second one.”
She didn’t really care about the movie. It had only been an excuse to keep him here, to be close to him. “I slept that long? Wow, I must have been tired.”
“From what you told me about the end of the school year, you were probably sleep deprived.”
“Pretty much. I don’t think I’ve slept more than four hours a night since the first of May. Still, it was rude of me to fall asleep on your lap.”
A grin spread across his face. “I didn’t mind, really.”
“Do you want to watch another movie?” she asked.
“Maybe later. Do you have any beer in the fridge? Because what I’d really like to do is sit by the pool with a cold one and just talk for a while. We haven’t had a minute alone all week.”
Susan fixed a platter of sandwiches and chips and carried it out to the patio while John changed into his swim suit. She loved sitting out here in the evenings after the kids were asleep. She lived in a quiet neighborhood, and sitting by the pool gave her a chance to think.
The house was the only extravagance she’d allowed herself from the money Dillon’s fans had donated after his death. She felt at peace when she was in the water, and being able to walk outside to swim when her nerves were raw had saved her sanity during those first years after the accident.
She’d set up a trust for the children with the remainder of the money, and now she worked to pay the monthly bills and property taxes. It was worth it. She loved this house.
“There you are.” John stepped outside. “Aren’t you going to put your swimsuit on?”
“I will after we eat. That popcorn didn’t last very long and I’m hungry.”
They ate in silence for a few minutes, but Susan could tell John had something on his mind. “What did you want to talk about?”
John shook his head. “Nothing in particular. I’ve missed you—and the kids, of course. Seems like it’s been a long time since spring break. Do you still enjoy teaching?”
“Most of the time, I do. Sometimes the parents drive me crazy. The good ones make the job worthwhile, but the bad ones—some days they make me want to give up. They won’t make their kids do their assignments, they don’t hold them responsible for their behavior, and they blame me or the school when something goes wrong. It couldn’t possibly be their fault.”
“Sounds like some of my patients. I try to educate them about their health, but they don’t listen. They eat all the wrong things, drink and smoke too much, don’t get enough sleep, and then they blame me when they get sick or hurt.”
“Yes, that’s what I mean. No personal responsibility. I worry sometimes that my own kids will grow up like that. I try very hard not to step in and make everything right for them. I don’t want them to think they’re entitled to everything they think they want.” Susan sighed. “I don’t know if I’m succeeding.”
John took her hand and looked into her eyes. “You are the best mother I know. Your children are wonderful. I’ve watched them and how they interact with you. They not only love you, they respect you. I know Christy has been resentful about losing her dad, but she’s at an age where she’s trying to figure out who she is and where she fits in the world. Not having her father here to help guide her makes that transition more difficult. But she’ll make it. She’s her mother’s daughter.”
“I hope you’re right. I try to be understanding, but sometimes she tries my patience. You’re very good for her. She behaved herself all week, just for you.”
John drained the last of the beer and went inside for another. When he came back outside, he sat on the edge of the pool. As soon as his foot hit the water, an alarm went off, making him jump.
“Oops. I forgot to turn off the alarm.” Susan ran to the control box and turned off the annoying noise.
“Have you ever had a problem with Damon getting in the pool alone?” John asked when she returned.
“No, he knows the rules. I took him to swimming lessons as soon as he was old enough to walk, though, just in case. I keep the alarm activated anyway.”
“I guess all the neighbors know we’re out here now,” John said with a chuckle. “Should we be expecting visitors?”
Susan shook her head. “In all the time we’ve lived here, I’ve never really made any friends. People move in, others move out, and most remain strangers. It sure is different than it was in the small town where I grew up. Everyone knew everyone else and we kids got away with nothing.”
“Boy, that’s the truth. A friend caught me smoking in the boy’s bathroom and told his mom, who in turn called my mom. I came home and she marched me straight to the wood shed before I even knew what I’d done wrong.” John smiled. “Probably a good thing, but at the time I didn’t think so.”
“I remember one time my friends and I decided to sneak out of the house and drive to the lake,” Susan said. “We stopped for gas and six blocks later we were pulled over by the local cops. The gas station employee on duty knew my dad and knew there was no way he’d let me out in the middle of the night. He called Dad and Dad called the cops. I was so mad, but I understand now. We never considered consequences like we do now.”
Susan set her drink on the table and stood. “I’m going to go change.”
She hurried into the house. While she enjoyed talking to John, she felt like it was an attempt on his part to keep her at arm’s length. He’d been painstakingly polite the past few days, and it was beginning to annoy her. Polite conversation wasn’t what she wanted from him.
Susan pulled her one-piece swimsuit from the dresser. It was simple, modest, and—boring. Not exactly the kind of suit to make a man sit up and take notice. She dug deeper into the drawer until she found the bikini she’d bought on a whim the previous summer but had never worn. When she tried it on and stood in front of the mirror, a smile spread across her face.
If John insisted on pretending they were still just friends, maybe the suit would shake his resolve.
John thought his eyes might pop out of his head when Susan stepped outside. It was a good thing he’d decided to get into the water because there was no way to hide his erection. Oh, Lord, what was she trying to do to him? When she turned her back to him and bent over to remove her flip flops, he knew for sure she was up to something.
There really wasn’t a back to that suit at all. Only a sliver of fabric that disappeared between two perfectly-shaped cheeks. His hands itched with the need to fill them with that rounded flesh.
Susan smiled at him from the patio, dropped her towel at the edge of the pool, and took her time walking down the steps. Inch by inch, the water rose higher as she moved into the water. When it reached the juncture of her thighs, she paused, letting the water lap at the edge of her suit and drawing his eyes to that spot.
She held his gaz
e for a long moment before she slid into the water and swam to his side. John turned quickly until his aching groin faced the side of the pool. Susan surfaced beside him, her leg brushing his as she reached for the side.
“The water feels really good. I was so hot, I thought I was going to melt.”
He felt sure there was a double meaning to the seemingly innocent statement. “It must be at least a hundred degrees today,” he agreed.
He felt the brush of her leg against his. This time it definitely wasn’t accidental. John scooted a few inches to the right. He would keep his hands off of her this time if it killed him.
She gave him a sly smile. “Race you to the deep end.” She dove under the water and disappeared from view. With her head start, there was no way he could beat her, but seeing her being playful and carefree for a change tugged at his heart. He could play along without getting in too deep, surely.
John surfaced under the diving board. Susan was already there, dog paddling in the deep water.
“You lose,” she said.
“I didn’t lose. You cheated.”
“Did not. You didn’t react quickly enough.”
“You were gone before the race began.” John reached up and grabbed the diving board, doing a couple of quick pull ups. He stopped when he saw where her gaze had settled.
“Too bad the neighbors are so close,” Susan said. “Otherwise we could go skinny dipping.”
It seemed like a good thing the neighbors were so close. John wasn’t sure what he’d do if she stripped off those scraps of fabric. “I think it would traumatize everyone if they saw me in my birthday suit. You most of all.”
“Why don’t you take it off and we’ll see?” Her tone was teasing, but her eyes told a different story.
“Susan, I…”
Once again, she took off, swimming to the shallow end, diving beneath the water, and surfacing between his legs, tipping him off-balance. He went under.
She stuck her tongue out at him under the water and swam for the side.
John wiped the water from his eyes and watched as she climbed out of the pool, her sweet, bare bottom the only thing he noticed.
Susan walked to the diving board and bounced a few times. His mouth went dry as her breasts nearly bounced out of the tiny triangles of fabric that made up her bikini top. She bounced again, once, twice, before executing a perfect dive.
This time when she surfaced, she slid up his body and came out of the water face to face.
She was killing his resolve, and the impish gleam in her eyes told him she knew exactly what she was doing to him. “Susan, I…”
She put a finger over his lips. “Shhh. Don’t say it. Let me pretend for a little while, okay?”
And then she kissed him. John wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to hurt her by pushing her away, but the kiss was drawing him in, threatening to drown him. Oh, hell, who needed to breathe anyway?
John wrapped one arm around her and used the other to move them toward the shallow end of the pool. Once his feet were firmly planted on the bottom, he abandoned all sense of reason and kissed her back.
Chapter Three
Susan wrapped her legs around John’s waist and held on. She had to let him know how she felt, what she wanted. If he couldn’t handle it, she needed to know now. She didn’t want to lose his friendship, but she couldn’t go on like this.
The hard length of his erection pressed against her. He wasn’t immune to her, that was for sure. The knowledge gave her a feeling of power and she pressed in closer, flattening her breasts against his chest. She ran her hands up his back, feeling the goosebumps that broke out across his skin.
When his hands cupped her nearly-bare bottom, Susan’s breath caught. He had strong hands, rough from working, but they felt wonderful as they squeezed her cheeks. He lifted her slightly and settled her center against his erection, rubbing against her through the thin material. She nearly climaxed right there in the water.
It had been so long since she’d felt like this, like a desirable woman with the ability to drive a man to the brink. She ground her hips harder against him while deepening the kiss. She traced his lips with her tongue until he opened his mouth, and then she mimicked the movement of their bodies with her tongue against his.
John carried her toward the steps. “If you’re sure about this, let’s go inside where we don’t have an audience.”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
He carried her through the family room, down the hall, and into her room. The air conditioning against her wet skin made her shiver. John set her on the bed and went into the bathroom, returning a moment later with two large bath towels. He wrapped one around his waist before using the second one to carefully dry her hair before moving it down her body, wiping away the moisture.
Susan waited in anticipation as he stripped out of his wet suit and then slowly removed hers, taking his time as he looked his fill.
“You are so beautiful,” he said as he peeled away the scraps of fabric.
Susan shook her head. “I have stretch marks. I hate them.”
“I don’t. They’re badges of honor, evidence of the love you shared with Dillon and a testament to the strength it took to bear his children. Don’t ever be ashamed of them.” He kissed her belly, running his tongue over the marks she’d never think of the same way again.
“My breasts are beginning to sag, too.”
He slid up her body and ran his tongue across her nipples. “Another testament to love, that you cared enough to feed your children with your own body.” He took a nipple into his mouth and tugged, sending a sharp arc of desire racing through her.
“My neck is too long and my ears are too big.”
He ran his tongue up her neck, across her cheek, to her ears. He circled her earlobe with his tongue and she shivered.
“My thighs are too big.”
It had become a game now and John played it with her, moving his mouth to her thighs.
Before she could think of a complaint that would take his mouth where she most wanted it, he parted her thighs.
“In case you were wondering, it’s perfect. From both a personal and professional perspective.” John chuckled when she blushed.
John concentrated on her pleasure, on making her feel sexy and beautiful and cherished. He took his time worshiping her body with his mouth, taking her to the brink before moving on to another spot to give her a chance to come back down. Then he took her to the edge again, ignoring her pleading once again as he moved away to kiss her knees, her feet, the inside of her elbows.
He flipped her over to her stomach and traced his tongue up her spine. He slid his hands under her and cupped her breasts while he nibbled on her shoulder, the side of her neck, and her shoulder before sliding down to kiss the back of her knees. She giggled when he tickled the sole of her foot with his tongue.
She rolled over to her back and reached her arms out. John lowered himself over her, supporting his weight with his arms. Susan wrapped her legs around him and pulled him in, rocking her hips upward to draw him in as deeply as possible.
He postponed his release for as long as possible, but it came sooner than he wanted. Getting old sucked. In his younger days he could have made love to her all night long, but now he worried that she might feel cheated.
The lay joined together for several minutes, exchanging kisses and caresses, until John began to worry his weight was too much for her and rolled to his back, bringing her with him. He tucked her into the curve of his arm, her head against his chest, and lay there listening to her breathe. His own chest rose and fell, the effort of breathing harder than it should be.
Her breathing slowed and she stretched, like a lazy cat with its fill of sunshine and ready for a nap. “I love you, John,” she said as her eyes closed. Soon she was sound asleep.
Those three little words jerked him to his senses, sending a surge of panic racing through his veins. He shouldn’t have given in t
o temptation. He knew there was no future for the two of them. With his family’s medical history, he didn’t have the right to ask Susan to take a chance on him. He would only end up breaking her heart.
He couldn’t risk making her a young widow for the second time. He’d watched his mother age quickly after his father passed away in his fifties. She’d died young, too, at only fifty-five. He’d always believed she’d died of a broken heart, though the official cause of death was congestive heart failure.
A faint twinge of pain in his chest was all he needed to remind him yet again that this was a really bad idea. What if he had a heart attack in her bed? She was just getting over losing Dillon. Who would help her get over losing him?
John slipped quietly from the bed, grabbed his clothes, and dressed quickly. With his shoes in his hands, he tiptoed from the room and closed the door. He needed to leave, to get away before she woke. If he stayed, he might say or do something he shouldn’t—like ask her to marry him. He let himself out of the house, locking the door behind him. He should have left a note, but he had no idea what to say. He’d call her later and try to explain. But how could he explain something he didn’t really understand himself?
Once in his truck, he popped a couple of Aspirin for the chest pain, took a few deep breaths, and started the engine. As he drove away, he had the feeling he might never see Susan, or the children, again. All the way to Morris Springs, he wanted to turn around, climb back into Susan’s bed, and take his chances. But he would be playing Russian roulette with her heart, and he couldn’t do that. So he kept driving, feeling like his own heart was being ripped from his chest.
When he reached Morris Springs, John stopped by the hospital. He’d made some friends there when he was overseeing Cooper’s care, and one of those friends was a cardiac specialist. He stopped and searched the hospital directory for Dr. Adam’s office, then took the elevator to the third floor. He didn’t have an appointment, but he’d called Mark on his way through Lubbock and he’d ordered John to meet him at his office as soon as he got into town.
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