He shrugged. “I keep a variety on hand.” He took two bottles from the fridge and opened them. “The guys come over for a poker game now and then. Blake drinks that brand, too.”
“Do you have something non-alcoholic?”
He looked at her, surprised. “I have water and orange juice. Oh, and milk.”
“I’ll take a glass of milk.”
“Okay, why don’t you take your coat off and have a seat in the den. I’ll be right there.”
Susan nodded and left the room. John thought it was odd that she still wore the wool cape. The house was warm, but maybe she was still chilled from the cold outside.
She was looking out at the snow when he came into the room. She’d taken off the coat and now wore a long-sleeved red dress that hit her mid-calf. He noticed her backside looked a bit fuller than he remembered. When she turned to face him, he understood why.
That belly wasn’t fake.
“You said you wanted to talk. Can we get on with it? I’d like to get back soon in case the kids need me.” Susan ignored John’s shocked look and sat in an armchair, hands clenched across her belly.
“Everything I was going to say has flown right out the window. When were you planning to tell me about this?” John reached out for the fireplace mantle and leaned against it.
Susan laughed. “Well, let’s see. The first twenty times I tried to call you right after I found out. And then the next twenty times I tried in the next thirty days. I even thought about taking out an ad in the paper. I had no idea where you were, your number was disconnected, and you never called. How was I supposed to tell you, John?”
“You could have called Cooper.”
“And tell him what? Oh, by the way, John got me pregnant and skipped out on me, so if you see him, would you tell him he’s going to be a father? Yeah, that’s the mature way to handle it.”
“I guess you’re what, nearly seven months along? That doesn’t give us much time to plan a wedding. We probably should just go to the courthouse and get married.” John rubbed his chest. “I’ll check into getting a license on Monday. Have you been getting prenatal care?”
Susan couldn’t believe her ears. “Who said anything about getting married? The kids and I are fine on our own. I’ll have six months off of work and then I’ll either hire a nanny or find a good day care center. I only came here because I thought you had a right to know.”
John shook his head. “Of course we’re getting married. I’m not letting any child of mine be born illegitimate. We’ll need to get you and the kids moved down here as soon as possible and get them enrolled in school. I have three spare bedrooms, so Damon and the baby will have to share, but he’s still young so that shouldn’t be a problem. We can add on a room later.”
“John, you’re not listening to me. I’m not moving anywhere. I love my house, I like my job, and I refuse to be roped into a marriage neither of us wants.”
He took two steps toward her, then swayed on his feet. A few seconds later he pitched forward and landed face first at her feet.
“Oh my God. John, what’s wrong?” Susan struggled to get out of the chair and knelt by his side. She checked his pulse, but all she could tell was that he had one. She shook him, but he didn’t wake up. Susan fished her phone out of her pocket and called 911. Then she called Nancy. “Help! Something’s wrong with John. He passed out and fell on the floor. I’ve called an ambulance, but can you send Cooper please?”
Within five minutes, the house was filled with people. The paramedics, Cooper, Nick, Blake, Logan, and Rand, Jean and Nancy. With everyone staring down at him, John’s eyes fluttered open. His gaze locked on Susan.
“We’re getting married,” he said.
Everyone turned to look at her and for the first time, they noticed her condition.
“Susan! Why didn’t you tell us? I thought it was part of your costume.” Nancy hugged her. “Did John know?”
Susan shook her head. “Not until a few minutes ago.”
“Well no wonder he fainted,” Cooper said with a chuckle.
“I did not faint,” John protested. “Men don’t faint.”
Susan gave him a pointed look. “You fainted.”
The paramedics finished checking him over. “His blood pressure is very low. We’re taking him to the hospital. If you guys would clear a path, please?”
“I’m going with you.” Susan grabbed her cape from the closet.
“We’ll drive you to the hospital, Susan. You don’t need to be in the ambulance. You’ll only be in their way.” Jean followed her to the door. “Nick, would you bring the truck closer so she doesn’t have to trek through the snow?”
“I guess we should get back to the party, but as soon as everyone leaves, we’ll come up to the hospital,” Nancy said. “Mandy and Megan will stay with all the kids.”
The drive to the hospital seemed impossibly long. The snow swirled across the empty streets, creating mesmerizing patterns. Susan barely noticed the beauty of the moonlit night. She was too worried about John. Was it her fault that he’d fainted? Cooper hadn’t seemed too worried, so maybe it was something minor, something he’d dealt with before.
“So, when is the wedding?” Jean asked.
“What wedding?” Susan knew what she meant, but she had no answer.
“John seemed pretty sure you were going to marry him.”
“Well, he’s wrong. I’m not going to marry him just because I’m pregnant.” If she married again, it would be for love. Yes, she loved John and of course she wanted to marry him, but not unless he loved her, too. She wouldn’t put herself or her children through a one-sided marriage. She’d seen what a relationship like that could do to people and it wasn’t pretty.
“I never thought you would,” Jean said. “And I would try to discourage you if I thought that was the case, but I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. You belong together.”
“Maybe. For now, I’m too worried about him to think about anything else. Do you know what’s wrong with him? He seemed fine at the party.”
“He came down with the flu a couple of days after Christmas and he was pretty sick for a few days. In fact, I think today was the first time he’s been out of the house since then. I suspect this has something to with that. It’s probably nothing more serious than dehydration or an electrolyte imbalance. I know his heart checked out fine a few months ago, so I don’t think he’s having a heart attack.”
“He takes care of everyone else, but he doesn’t take very good care of himself,” Susan said. “He drinks too much caffeine, eats on the run, never sleeps a full night through. I don’t know if that’s changed since he’s been here, but that was his normal life with the rodeo.”
Nick pulled into the hospital parking lot. “Doc is tough. He’d walk through hell for someone he cares about, and most of us would do the same for him. He’s also stubborn as hell, so you’d best start looking at wedding dresses.” He grinned as he helped Susan from the truck and held her arm so she wouldn’t fall on the snowy sidewalk.
“Don’t pay any attention to Nick, Susan. It’s not like Doc can kidnap you and force you to marry him.” Jean punched Nick in the arm. “Quit scaring the girl, Nick.”
“I don’t scare that easily,” Susan said. “John might be stubborn, but he’s got nothing on me. When I dig my heels in, I’m worse than a mule.”
They entered the emergency room and Nick went to the window to see if Susan was allowed to be with John. Susan and Jean found seats in a back corner, away from the waiting patients.
“They said you can’t come back right now, but they’ll send the doctor out as soon as they know something.” Nick took a seat across the aisle, facing them. “If you’d like to talk, Jean and I are good listeners. She’s a licensed therapist, as well, so she might be able to help.”
“John is probably the one you need to talk to,” Susan said. “I know what I want, but he panics at even the thought of commitment. He disappeared for six months the last t
ime, and this time he landed himself in the hospital. He might say he wants to marry me, but the idea of marriage terrifies him.”
“I’ve had a few sessions with him, but I can’t divulge what he told me. I will agree that he could use a little help, but it would be even better if I could see you both as a couple.”
“Let’s see if we can get through tonight, first.” Susan couldn’t get comfortable in the hard chair. “I’m going to take a walk. Please call me if you hear anything about John.”
She tore a deposit slip from her checkbook and handed it to Jean. “My number is on there.”
Nick started to stand to go with her, but Susan waved him away. “I need to be alone. I’ll be inside, just down the hall.”
She walked through the empty hallways lined with offices that were closed for the night, past the closed gift shop, past another waiting room. This room was almost empty and had couches that looked much more inviting than the emergency room chairs. She nodded at the lone woman in the corner and lowered her aching body onto a couch. Her eyes fluttered closed. If only she could sleep, just for a little while.
“I don’t understand you, dear. He’s giving you what you want, and yet you refuse to accept it.”
Susan opened her eyes and looked at the woman across the room. Was she speaking to her? No, the woman was on the phone. But her words stayed with Susan as she closed her eyes again. Marrying John was exactly what she wanted, but not this way. She didn’t want him to marry her because he had to. He had to want to.
Susan’s phone rang.
“They just came out and said you could go back and see John now,” Nick told her.
“I’ll be right there.” Susan struggled to her feet and headed back to the emergency room. A nurse waited at the door and waved her on back.
John lay on a gurney, a bag of fluid hanging above his head. He had some color in his cheeks and he seemed stronger.
“Hey,” he said as she stepped into the room.
“Hey yourself. How are you feeling?”
“Like a damned fool. Cooper will never let me forget that I fainted.”
“You gave us quite a scare.” Susan sat in a chair near the bed. “Have they told you what caused it?”
John nodded. “A combination of dehydration, alcohol, and stress. The IV should fix the dehydration problem, and the alcohol is easy enough to avoid.”
“I guess the stress is my fault,” Susan said. “I’m sorry. I should have eased you into the news instead of confronting you with the evidence.”
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t handle that well at all. I could blame the dehydration, but we both know I tend to take over and think my orders should be followed. It’s a hazard of the profession, I guess. They’re going to let me out of here as soon as that bag is empty, and I’d like you to stay with me tonight. I still need to explain why I ran away last summer, and Mark insists I need someone to keep an eye on me for the next few hours.”
“Alright. I owe you at least that much. But I need to get the kids sometime tomorrow, and we both need some sleep.” Susan was so tired she thought she could curl up on the cold, hard floor and sleep for hours.
“I agree. We’ll sleep first, talk over breakfast, and then go get the kids together.” John stopped and gave her a sheepish grin. “If that’s okay with you, that is.”
Chapter Six
Susan woke before sunrise. She turned on the bedside lamp and checked on John. He was still asleep, breathing easily, and his color was still good. She breathed a sigh of relief. He’d given her quite a scare, though probably not as big a scare as she’d given him.
He stirred beside her and turned onto his side, draping an arm across her chest. “Is it morning yet?” he asked.
“Almost. You should go back to sleep.”
“Thank you for staying with me.” His hand moved to her protruding belly. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“No. I’d rather be surprised.”
He rubbed her belly gently and was rewarded with a kick. “Did you feel that?”
Susan laughed. “Um, yeah. I think we’re having a soccer player.”
“We’re having a baby,” he whispered. “I never thought I’d have kids of my own.”
“I don’t know why,” Susan said. “You’re still young.”
“I’ll explain later. Right now, I just want to be with you.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I’ve missed you so much.”
She started to remind him that it was his own fault, but she’d already made that point. She didn’t want to argue anymore.
He made love to her, slowly, gently, as though she might break. Susan blinked back tears, thinking of the time they’d lost. He should have been with her at the prenatal appointments. He should have been there to watch her body change and grow. But he was here now. If it was all she could have, it would have to be enough.
As she lay against his side later, he kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Susan. I can’t offer you any excuses, but if you’ll bear with me, I’d like to explain why I left.”
“I’ve figured out some of it from things you’ve said, but I’d love to hear the full story. These last six months have been awful. I tried to figure out what I did wrong. For the longest time, I thought maybe it was my fault.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for that last night to happen. Afterwards, when I realized what I’d done, I felt so guilty that I couldn’t face you again. I felt like I’d betrayed Dillon, you, the kids. I was supposed to be your friend, and I took advantage of that.” John couldn’t look at her. What he’d done was unforgivable.
“Don’t you mean what we did? If I remember correctly, I was the instigator, and you were a willing participant.” She shifted to a sitting position and looked into his eyes. “Don’t you think I’m strong enough to say no if I don’t want to do something? If I hadn’t wanted it as much as you did, I’d have told you to leave. You had no right to decide how I felt without asking me.”
“I know.”
Susan wasn’t finished yet. He’d never seen her so angry.
“The only person you betrayed was me, and that was when you walked away. Dillon would be thrilled to know I’d fallen in love again. It was what he wanted. He always knew there was a chance bull riding would kill him, so we talked about the possibility. He never wanted me to be alone, for the kids to grow up without a father.”
He vaguely heard the last part, but he was still focused on the part where she said she’d fallen in love again. “I didn’t know…”
“Of course you didn’t. You ran instead of staying and talking to me about how you felt.”
“There was more to it than that. I’m too old for you. You need someone your age, someone who will still be around when you get older, someone strong enough to keep up with you. When you get to be my age, you’ll be at your prime and I’ll be getting old, getting weaker. At some point, you’d end up having to take care of me, and that’s not right.”
“There you go again, putting feelings on me that have nothing to do with how I actually feel or think. You’ve met my parents. You know Mom is much younger than my father. Did she seem like she had any regrets about marrying an older man? No, she loves him. And at sixty, he more than keeps up with her.”
Doc sighed. This wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. He’d thought she would realize he was all wrong for her, that she needed someone strong, someone healthy. He didn’t want to admit he was neither.
Susan leaned over and took his face in her hands. “I’m only going to say this once. I love you. I want to be with you, even if that means I have to wipe your drool, change your diaper, and feed you through a tube. I would have done the same for Dillon if he’d lived long enough. I’m not going to miss out on happiness now because of what might happen in the future.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“The hell I don’t.” Susan glared at him. “Do you think if I had known I’d lose Dillon after less than ten years of marri
age that I would have chosen not to have those years with him? I loved him. I still do. If he’d been paralyzed from that aneurysm instead of dying, I’d be by his side right now, doing whatever needed to be done for him. I’d have lived every day thankful he was alive. If you can tell me you wouldn’t do the same for me, I’ll leave right now and never look back.”
“Of course I would. But that’s different.”
Susan shook her head. “No, it isn’t. I want to be with you, to make love to you. To have as many nights as we can before your dire predictions come true, if they ever do. Who knows what tomorrow might bring? I’d rather take one day at a time and be thankful.”
Doc stroked her hair, loving the feel of the soft strands beneath his fingers. Could he take the risk? It would kill him to have her and then lose her later to someone younger. But it just might kill him to not have her at all. The last few months had been hell without her.
“Does that mean you’ll marry me?” He held his breath, willing her to say yes.
“Maybe. We have some things to work out first. The children, my house, my job. There are lots of things to consider.”
“I was hoping for a yes,” he said. “But a maybe is better than a no.”
“I want to talk to the children first. They should get a choice in this, as well.”
“Absolutely. We’ll go talk to them as soon as they’re awake.”
Susan shook her head. “No. I want to talk to them alone first. If I marry you, that means the kids have to leave their school, their friends. I need to be sure they’re okay with that without you there to make them forget why they might want to stay in Amarillo.”
“Okay. Let’s fix breakfast before we go. I’m starving.” John grinned down at her. “I never believed my patients when they told me all that bull riding made them hungry. I thought it was just an excuse for why they gained weight.”
Susan raised an eyebrow. “I really hope you didn’t just call me a bull.”
John crossed his heart with his index finger. “I swear I did no such thing.”
Over breakfast they discussed some of the logistics of combining households, potential names for the baby, whether or not she would work after the baby was born. John began to feel hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time. He might have avoided marriage for forty-five years, but now he found himself getting excited about the idea.
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