by Lee Brazil
“I want all of us to be together.” He pushed the painful words past the lump in his throat. “I don’t want to lose either of you.” He shushed Jesse with a finger on his lips. “Let me finish. It isn’t fair.” He tilted his head to meet Drake’s eyes. “It isn’t fair to put limits on who can do what with whom when. I know that. But...here’s where I’m coming from.”
Gathering his courage he let his fingers fall from Jesse’s lips and clutched Drake’s hand. “I’ve had Jesse my whole life. He’s the only thing, the only person, who’s always been there for me. He’s not just my soul mate; he’s the other half of my soul. People think I’m the strong one, that I take care of him, but it’s really the other way around. Without Jesse, I’m weak, I’m aimless. I am nothing. Then you came along.”
“I don’t want to take Jesse from you, Jay.” Honesty and need rang clear in Drake’s voice, his arms tightened protectively around Jay. Jay nodded.
“Intellectually I get that. Emotionally, I’ll get used to it... I’ve decided that that isn’t even the bottom line here Drake. I think I can’t quite believe you want me as much as you do Jesse.” He wasn’t explaining well, the exasperated huff stirring the air at his temple, and the pinching of Jesse’s lips said as much.
“Jay, didn’t you just get done telling me the two of you fucked like bunnies in a supply closet at work? Doesn’t that tell you he wants you?” Jesse picked up the knife and Jay knew from the randomly sized bits of apple falling into the pan that he was upset.
“Yes. And that’s what gave me the idea that I need Drake to live here.”
“I’m not sure I’m following you sweetheart,” Drake rumbled in his ear. “I’m considering moving in, I’m not dismissing your invitation out of hand, but you have to know it comes as a complete surprise.”
“I know it does. I want to see the two of you together.” Neither of them seemed to get what he was saying. Jay wasn’t sure he got it. He scrambled to find the words to make his meaning clear. “When I learned to skate, I spent weeks just standing on my board. Trying to learn to balance. Then another God knows how long just rolling along flat surfaces. It was boring and no fun at all. I’d have given up if some jackass hadn’t shoved me one day and I ended up grinding along a curb and spinning into the street. Skating got exciting again when I started taking risks.”
Jesse’s smile was broad and happy, Drake’s chuckle was warm honey in his ear that damn near melted his spine. “So you want to take risks and make our lives more exciting?”
“I want to learn that there’s nothing to be afraid of by taking a risk on you, on us. The only way to do that is to get my shit out there, into the street.”
“So you’re saying it’s okay for me and Jesse to have sex together in this house?” Drake’s body was lean and hard against his back and its heat and tension seeped into Jay. He tried not to let it worry him.
“I’d like to start with that, but for now with the stipulation that I’m there.”
Jesse’s lips fell open in a perfect “O” of surprise. “You want to watch?”
Shivering, Jay leaned into the cock rubbing against his backside. “Yes. I think seeing it...um...” How to explain? “You know how they say that exposure to something makes it less traumatic? Like all these violent games make kids more accepting of violence?”
The blank expression on Jesse’s face frustrated him. “I’m not good at this explaining shit! Can’t we just try?”
“I’m not sure we need to understand why you think it’ll help you if we have sex in front of you. I’m all for it.” Comforting, warming, arousing, he could feel his lover’s immediate response to the idea.
Of course Drake would be all for it. Jay bumped back against the man who had him pinned to the counter. “I thought you would be.”
“I’m just not sure why you think I need to move in here in order to do that.”
He was blushing. He knew it. His cheeks felt like they were on fire. He struggled to escape Drake’s hold so he could get some distance between them and maybe look at something other than Jesse’s stunned face. Drake, despite his injury, refused to budge though. Finally, Jay fell back on his self defense classes and stepped on the man’s foot before ducking low and under his arm. He darted across the room while Drake cursed and Jesse fussed in the background. He stopped at the glass patio doors, where the gathering darkness sort of let him see their reflections in the glass. They stared across the granite counter at each other, and the glass distorted their eyes into deep blank pools of want and need that made his heart heavy. Or was it his own want and need reflected there?
In the reflection they whispered, but his heart beat too loudly in his ears to let him hear what was said. “Forget it.” The words escaped his lips in a mere whisper but both heads snapped around in response.
“No!” Both Jesse and Drake sounded adamant.
“We’re not forgetting it.” Jesse crossed the room to stand near him. “Jay. This is a good thing. It’s not just a step in the direction I want our relationship to go; it’s a huge leap into the future.”
“Your enthusiasm and support just shine through,” he muttered bitterly. He shook off Jesse’s hand on his arm. “I thought you’d want to be together?”
Jesse’s sigh pissed him off. “It’s not that I don’t want to be with Drake, and its not that the idea of you watching me with Drake doesn’t make me burn.” His twin grabbed Jay’s hand and pressed it to his cock. “Does that prove how much I want what you’ve suggested?”
“Then why are you all acting like this?”
“Hey,” Drake slid into view close behind Jesse. “Don’t look at me. I don’t know what his problem is. Why are you holding back, Jesse? Jay’s given his approval. Let’s give his plan a chance to work.”
Jesse jabbed Drake hard in the gut with his elbow. With a grimace of pain Drake stepped back. Jay spun about and watched in astonishment as Jesse flew off the handle for probably the first time in memory. “Holding back? Why am I holding back? Why the fuck do you think I’m holding back?”
“Um,” Drake rubbed his gut with his good hand and backed slowly away from the stalking Jesse.
“My brother feels guilty about having sex with you in a supply closet at work, so he concocts some grand scheme that allows us to get back on the same footing...by letting us have sex together while he watches. It’s a fucking punishment, is what it is.” Jesse whirled back around to stalk Jay this time. “And you’ve done nothing to be punished for, do you hear me?”
Jay’s eyes widened as he caught Drake’s scowl. “Is that what this is all about then? Guilt?” Disgust rang in the cop’s voice and Jay nearly gave up and agreed to just get out of the tense situation.
“No. Not really. I know I’m not explaining it, but yes I felt guilty earlier, but that’s honestly not what it’s all about.” Jay retreated from the advancing men until the sofa hit the backs of his knees and he fell down onto it in relief. Now at least his knees weren’t shaking and he didn’t have to worry about making a fool of himself any more than he already had.
“You swear?” Jesse slipped onto the sofa next to him. “Promise me this isn’t some guilt trip punishment your fragile ego has plotted to put us all back on even footing?”
“No, it’s not, I swear! I believe Drake living here would be for the best, give us all more time to get to know each other. If our work hours didn’t conflict so much, I wouldn’t have suggested it. And the other,” he brushed his lips over Jesse’s forehead and whispered the final bit. “The idea of watching the two of you makes me hot...and I like the idea of waiting my turn. But mostly this is about moving us all forward, I promise you that.”
“But I don’t have to live here for us to move forward.” Drake drawled.
“No. Your living here would just be for me.” Jay admitted. “It would be a sign that you’re as committed to this as we are.”
Chapter Nine
Drake lay on the sofa with his eyes closed, head propped in Jesse’s lap
, savoring the glide of Jesse’s fingers through his hair. He was comfortable, well fed and cared for, pampered by his boyfriends. The delicious chicken noodle soup had been soothing and filling, the apple crisp delightfully refreshing with a side of melting vanilla ice cream. On the television a smooth voiced narrator babbled on and on about the arctic ice and the vibrant life found there. Jay cradled his feet at the opposite end of the comfortable sofa, massaging his heels, his clever fingers finding pressure points that dragged groans of pleasure and relief from Drake.
His arm had subsided to a dull ache so he’d refused the second dose of pain killers. They made him less than brilliant, and he had a growing certainty that he’d fucked up an important moment before dinner. They hadn’t made love, of course they hadn’t. Who could perform on command in such a situation? Besides, all it had taken was one unguarded wince and Jay and Jesse had both shelved the conversation and ushered him to the sofa where he’d been hand fed and caressed into slumber and well being.
But as the fog of drugs had cleared, the conversation had returned and he’d spent the last ten minutes chasing it around the dark corners of his mind. Jay needed to know he was committed to them.
Committed? He was more than committed, he was in love and maybe it was time to admit that? He’d withheld a part of himself, just as Jay had, certain that at some point he’d be the one on the outside left alone with memories of a broken relationship. How was he any different than Jay in this situation?
Now he had a decision to make. Was he going to be looking back regretting that he’d not taken the opportunity, every opportunity that came to him to prove he belonged in this family on a permanent basis? Was guarding himself against future pain, just a way of ensuring that that pain would come? Was he the one avoiding commitment?
When he’d met Jesse on that rainy roadside, he’d been enthralled by what he took for fragile beauty in need of a caring hand. He’d thought Jay was the strong one, the dominant force in the twins’ relationship, and he’d had every intention of breaking the two up and claiming Jesse for himself. He had a deep need to be needed, to protect and nurture. It hadn’t taken long to realize that Jay was the more vulnerable, the more emotionally fragile of the twins after all. And his goals had changed. He wanted both twins; he wanted to care for and protect them, to love them and be loved by them. And for that to work, he had to stop protecting himself from them.
The television went silent and he peeled his eyes open to find pale blue eyes staring down at in concern. “You ready for bed?”
Jay pushed his feet gently out of his lap and Drake sat up. The other two men slid to his sides and smoothly assisted him to his feet. He didn’t need the help walking, but he enjoyed the closeness so he ignored the implication that he was weak for the moment. “Bed sounds good.” He admitted, but not because he was tired or needed rest. He’d rested all day and a few stitches weren’t going to keep him inactive any longer.
They trekked down the hall to the bedroom in silence heavy with tension. A swift glance to either side clarified that both twins wrestled with feelings. Drake sighed. Discussing feelings was not a highlight on his list of things to do in bed, but Jay had been remarkably courageous in exposing himself earlier, and Drake had reacted as though sex were the most important thing to him.
Right now, he could fully imagine from the fingers twitching for a cigarette he wasn’t allowed to smoke and the rapid darting glances of his eyes that Jay wondered if they’d hit the bedroom and Drake would take him up on his offer to let him have sex with Jesse while Jay watched.
On his other side, Jesse’s lips set in tight line of determination that would have been funny if Drake hadn’t come to realize just how stubborn the “sweet” twin could be. Jay was determined to be a noble guy and martyr his own emotional needs for the sake of fairness, whatever he might say to the contrary, and Jesse was equally determined that Drake was going to rest until he completely recovered from the whole ordeal of a puny knife wound that required a few lousy stitches.
In the bedroom he shrugged them off and hid the wince that little maneuver created by biting hard into his cheek. “Why don’t you two hit the shower and I’ll just crawl into bed, here?” He offered. “I don’t want to get this bandage wet just yet.”
“I can cover it with a plastic bag.” Jay countered with narrowed eyes.
“Nah. Don’t worry about it, I’ll just wait here.” He withstood suspicious glances as the twins retreated to the master bath, breathing out a sigh of relief when they began to chat and the sounds of preparing for bed came from the little room. Jay was right. They needed to remodel that bathroom so they could all fit in there comfortably.
Swiftly he stripped off his jeans and boxers and chanced Jay’s pending anger by tossing them on the floor. Naked, he rifled through the bedside drawer for condoms and lube which he stashed under the middle pillow. Then Drake crawled across the queen size bed, which would have to be replaced with a California king if he moved in. When you move in, he adjured himself. Quit thinking about protection and start thinking about earning a permanent place for yourself by sticking around. Normally Jay slept on the far side, Jesse slept in the middle, and Drake slept on the edge by the door.
The protector’s spot. The “if an intruder breaks in I can leap off the bed and tackle his ass before he touches anyone” spot. Tonight, he was doing something he’d never wanted to do before. He was claiming a spot in the middle. For the first time he was confident enough in Jay that he didn’t think Jay would leap to the conclusion that he was trying to come between the brothers.
He settled himself in the dead center of the bed, legs splayed, covers kicked to the bottom of the bed where they could be easily pulled up later, and he waited. Everything he had was on offer tonight, and he hoped his lovers realized that he was offering more than sex.
Swallowing his nerves, anticipating a protest, hoping for acceptance, he closed his eyes and waited. His cock lay semi-erect against his thigh, his heart beat in a steady, nervous rhythm. The first time he’d come to the house, Jay and Jesse had made love in front of him, and he’d fallen into instant lust with the sight, the two slim firmly muscled bodies writhing together, the long pale hair and slender hands, and he’d wanted to be a part of it all.
The sex they’d had since then, it had been good. It had been hot and some of the best damn sex of his life, but he’d always withheld something, he knew that, in an effort to make the eventual parting easier. Tonight, there would be no withholding. He was as nervous as a virgin on her wedding night, and for what?
No matter what happened, it wouldn’t be anything he hadn’t done before. He was just going to do what he’d insisted on Jay doing this morning. He was going to ask for what he wanted.
He was so absorbed in his own thoughts that the dip of the bed on either side of him was the first sign that his lovers had left the bathroom.
“Drake?”
Time to get it over with. “I want to ask you something.” Stalling? Seriously? What happened to the guy who grabbed life by the balls and forced it to give him what he wanted? Oh yeah... Cool hands were pressed to his brow, to his abs. Sensation bloomed in the path of touches that should have been clinical but from these two never could be.
“Anything you want to know, we’ll tell you.” Jesse leaned over and followed the hand on his forehead with a minty kiss.
A little more hesitant, Jay cuddled close and rubbed circles on his belly, playing with the dark hair that grew thickly on Drake’s body. “What is it?”
“Will you make love to me?” The stillness of the room wasn’t much of an answer, and he could feel reluctance like a blanket in the room.
“Gladly.”
“You’re hurt, Drake. We should wait a few days.”
Surprisingly, it was Jay who agreed and Jesse who demurred. “It’s just few stitches. I may have exaggerated how I felt when you picked me up, just a smidgen because I was enjoying the attention. But I’m fine, and if I promise not to move my a
rm, to just lie here and let you do all the work—” He broke off, chewing his lip. “I need you to love me.”
Chapter Ten
“I do love you,” Jesse whispered, awed by the need in Drake’s eyes. He cast a quick glance across Drake’s supine form and met his twin’s eyes. Jay nodded slightly, and Jesse took that for approval, an indication that they wouldn’t hurt Drake by making love to him.
In unison he and Jay shoved off the matching flannel sleep pants they’d donned by mutual accord in the bathroom when they thought they’d spend the night cuddling instead of loving. Drake lay between them, and Jesse didn’t miss the symbolic nature of the position. Jay didn’t either, from what Jesse could see, and he saw the protest tremble on his brother’s lips and get dismissed as Jay took in the need in Drake’s tense form.
Jay scooped a bottle of scented massage oil off the bedside table, and Jesse shook his head. “I like the other one. It tastes better.”
Jay’s brows quirked and the corner of his mouth tilted up in an impish unaccustomed grin. “Are we tasting?”
Laughing softly, Jesse let his gaze roam the expanse of muscled flesh from Drake’s dark hair to his broad chest where copper nipples peaked between wiry strands of dark brown hair. “I’m tasting here.” He pointed, “And here.” He dragged his finger down the center of Drake’s chest in a line to his belly button. “And more...”
Jay’s gaze followed the path of his finger, and Jesse smiled when the grin faded and Jay set aside the scented oil and popped the cap on the flavored one. “You win. I like the flavor of Drake’s skin though—so we’ll have to divide him equally.”
“Draw a line down the middle and get on with it!” Drake ordered huskily, his stomach quivering in response to their touch. His cock stirred thickly where it lay against his thigh.
Chuckling over the demand, because what had happened to the man who pleaded to be loved? Jesse bent and kissed Drake. Drake in typical Drake fashion immediately opened his lips and tried to steal control of the kiss by pushing his tongue into Jesse’s mouth. Jesse bit down lightly and Drake froze, eyes widening at the warning. Jesse pulled back. “Let us love you...our way.”