He knew he should’ve told someone where he was going and what was happening, but he felt like his redemption depended on this. If he could do it on his own and prove he could be useful, maybe Dominic would reconsider kicking him out.
“You came.”
Shad swung around, but he couldn’t see anyone. The voice told him he was dealing with a man, but that was about all. “Where are you?”
“You didn’t really think I’d show myself, did you?” The man chuckled derisively. “Maybe I should’ve asked your brother to do this for me.”
“Leave Darin out of this,” Shad said between gritted teeth. He knew the guy’s voice, he knew he did, but he couldn’t place it.
“Oh, I will, don’t worry. You’re much easier to use. You’re already a traitor after all.”
Shad tightened his fists, but he couldn’t deny what the guy was saying. “What do you want?”
“The same thing you gave Glass. Information.”
“About what? It’s not like I actually know stuff. I don’t work for the pride, I just live there.”
“I’m sure you’ll do your best, though. Right?” There was a hint of threat in the man’s voice. It didn’t take a genius to understand that bad things would happen to Shad if he said no or if he didn’t bring the info the guy wanted back.
“Yeah.”
“Good boy.” There was a rustling to Shad’s left and he took a step backward in the other direction.
“What do you want exactly?”
“The council. I want to know when and where they meet, who’s going to be there. I want to know about Dominic’s movements, when he leaves the mansion and where he goes.”
“I’m not sure I can find all that out. I have nothing to do with the council.”
Shad shuffled and tried to ignore the instinct to run as fast as he could until he reached safety.
“You better find something, because otherwise you won’t get the pills you need to survive.”
Shad’s stomach dropped. “You have the pills?” He’d thought he’d do this only to help the pride, but knowing he could have a chance at getting better almost made it worth going through with it.
“Yup, but you’ll have to work hard to get them.”
“How do I contact you?”
“You don’t. I’ll get in touch over the next few weeks. I know the council is meeting soon, and I want the details.”
“I’ll try. I—”
The bushes moved and Shad’s heart jumped in his chest. He stood still and waited for the guy to attack, or at least say something, but nothing happened. “Hello?”
No one answered. Shad was relieved to know he was alone, or at least he thought he was. He took a step backward toward the gate, then another. He turned around and ran as fast as he could until he got through the gate and slammed it shut. Only then did he start breathing more easily, even if he still wanted to continue running until he reached his room.
He made his way to the house as fast as he could without outright running, though, and he slipped inside. Shad locked the door behind himself, and leaned back against it. He thumped the back of his head against the wooden surface a few times, then started to slip off his gloves.
“Where were you?”
Shad yelped and jumped. Gabriel raised a brow at him. “Sorry to scare you. I didn’t mean to.”
“Why are you lurking around in the middle of the night?”
“I could ask you the same thing. In fact, I think I just did.”
“Are we kids or something? You asked first so I should answer first?”
“It’s only fair.”
Shad tugged his beanie off and shook his hair out. “You know, I think I liked you better when you stayed away from me and spent all your time hidden in your room.”
“I never actually did that.”
“Did what?” Shad untucked his scarf from his jacket and unrolled it from his neck.
“Hid away in my room. I always came out, even in the very beginning.”
Shad stopped and looked at Gabriel. “Really? Then how is it that everyone thinks you’re a hermit?”
Gabriel shrugged. “I never said I did it when anyone could actually see me.”
He looked so relaxed, standing there in front of Shad, his back against the wall and his arms crossed over his chest. Gabriel didn’t seem to care about the tail swishing behind his legs or the way the tiger ears twitched slightly every so often. He looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, and Shad found himself wanting that, too.
He wanted to be able to forget about his problems like Gabriel obviously was able to do. “What do you care where I was anyway?”
Gabriel grinned and Shad saw a hint of fangs in his mate’s mouth. “Well, we’re mates. I thought every shifter wanted that. Isn’t it logical to worry about a mate?”
Shad shrugged. He didn’t really know how to answer, because he did want it. It was the circumstances—everything else that was happening that was keeping him away from Gabriel. “You sure don’t seem to want it.”
“I thought I didn’t.”
Shad stuffed his hat and scarf in the pocket of his jacket and took his time unbuttoning it as he reflected on Gabriel’s words. His fingers were trembling slightly and he hoped Gabriel wouldn’t notice just how nervous he was making Shad. Too many things were happening at the same time and it was exhausting.
“You thought? Does that mean you don’t think so anymore?”
Gabriel pushed away from the wall and Shad finished opening his jacket. “Exactly. I needed time to think about what had happened to me and what I’d do with my life now that I can’t go out anymore.” Gabriel stopped in front of Shad. “I was angry for a while, very angry. I hated everyone, but then I realized I should really hate the one person who did this to me.”
“Glass.”
Gabriel slid both his hands under Shad’s jacket and rested them on Shad’s hips. “Yes. He’s the one who did this to me, and he’s the only one I should be angry at. I know coming out of the shell I built around me won’t be easy, but I’m tired of hiding, of being alone.”
Shad took a deep breath and inhaled his mate’s scent. “So—what? You’re going to start coming out of the attic at times when people are actually awake and could see you?”
“Uh huh.”
“And why are you telling me this?”
“Because you’re the one who pushed me to take that step.”
Shad frowned and looked up at Gabriel’s eyes. “How? I didn’t do anything.”
“That’s exactly the point. You saw me, you saw the tail, the ears and everything else, and you didn’t even react. You behaved like they were absolutely normal. That’s something I didn’t think I could have.”
“Sorry to tell you that, but I already knew about them. It wasn’t a surprise.”
Gabriel’s hands tightened on Shad’s hips. “That’s not what I’m saying. Everyone knows about them, I know that. But it doesn’t stop them from reacting to them as if I’m a freak show.”
“Who did?”
“It doesn’t matter. I know they didn’t do it on purpose and they apologized. But I thought everyone would react that way. I thought I was a freak show, and I probably am, but I’m done caring about what others think of me.”
Shad shook his head. “I still don’t see what it has to do with me.”
“I’m coming out.” Shad snickered and Gabriel smiled at him. “Okay, so I’m coming out again, although in an entirely different way, and I hope one of the perks of doing that will be getting you.”
“Getting me? As in...”
“As in this.” Gabriel leaned forward and kissed Shad.
* * * *
Gabriel tried not to show just how hesitant and afraid of rejection he was to Shad, and he hoped his fear didn’t pass through the kiss.
Shad responded enthusiastically, his mouth opening as soon as Gabriel’s lips pressed on his, and Gab
riel finally took what he’d wanted for months and thought he’d never have. He tightened his arms around Shad’s waist and pulled him closer. Shad’s hands were already moving over Gabriel’s body, over the clothes for the moment. He felt a hand slip under his sweater at the small of his back and hissed from the cold sensation, but Shad didn’t move away.
Gabriel smiled into the kiss and decided to do a bit of exploring of his own. He stroked one hand down Shad’s waist and around him until he could cup one ass cheek. Shad’s ass felt perfect in Gabriel’s hand, but then they’d been made for each other, so he’d been kind of expecting it.
He slid his other hand up and cupped Shad’s cheek even as he used his hold on Shad’s ass to press their hips together as well as he could, considering their different heights. They were both growing hard already, but just as he was wondering if Shad would say yes to taking it somewhere more comfortable, Shad suddenly pushed on Gabriel’s chest and stepped away.
Gabriel needed a few seconds to come out of the lusty cloud that filled his mind and blinked.
Shad’s eyes were huge and Gabriel couldn’t understand if it was in lust or something else. He did recognize the bit of panic from what he’d seen on Shad’s face that morning, but he didn’t know why Shad was panicking.
Gabriel held his hands up to show he didn’t mean any harm. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this.”
Shad’s tone and his behavior told Gabriel the contrary. His voice was trembling and he was stroking his lower lip with a finger, as if not quite believing they’d just kissed.
“Why not?”
“You know why. I told you this morning.”
“You told me only a part of it, but if you can’t do this because you think you’re a traitor, then you should know that I don’t care.”
“It’s... it’s not that, well, not only.”
“I’m guessing it had to do with the reason why you were out in the cold at one in the morning.”
“Yes.”
“And you can’t tell me what’s going on.”
“No.”
“Look, I’m going to be blunt, okay?” Shad nodded. “I’m pretty sure you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing, something that will probably end badly for you. I don’t want you to be hurt, which means that if you don’t want to tell either me or someone else, I’m going to do my best to find out, even if it means spying on you.”
Shad’s mouth opened and closed as he spluttered, “What? You have no right to-to spy on me!”
“No, I don’t, but that’s not going to stop me.”
“There’s nothing between us,” Shad said with a defiant look on his face.
“Not yet, and even if we end up going our separated ways, it doesn’t mean I don’t want you safe.”
“Just leave me alone. I’ll be fine.”
Shad straightened his back and stormed off, not giving Gabriel even one last glance. Gabriel smiled ruefully and picked up Shad’s hat. It had probably dropped from Shad’s jacket while they were kissing and Shad hadn’t noticed.
Gabriel’s nose twitched and he gave in to the tiger’s instinct to bring the wool to his nose and smell it.
“What are you doing?”
Gabriel smiled at the sound of Keenan’s voice and turned to face one of the few friends he had. “I think I should ask what you’re doing here. It’s nearly two AM, after all. That’s like my midday, but it’s the middle of the night for you.”
Keenan waved and Gabriel noticed he had something in his hand. “I was working on my Christmas presents.”
“You realize Christmas is more than a month away, right?”
“Oh, thanks. I really wouldn’t have known that if you hadn’t told me.”
“No need to be sarcastic.” Gabriel stuffed Shad’s hat in his jeans’ pocket. “Do you need help with them?”
“Do you know how to crochet?”
“Did you say crochet?”
Keenan huffed. “Yeah, you heard me. Do you know how to crochet?”
“Ah, no.”
“Then you can’t help.”
“I’m almost afraid to ask, but I’m way too curious not to... are you telling me you’re crocheting your Christmas gifts?”
“Yeah, so?”
“But why?”
“I wanted to do something special, that showed how much I cared.” Keenan sighed and looked at the bundle in his hand. “But this is hard as fuck, and I can’t seem to be able to do it. The hat I managed to finish yesterday looks like something a cat puked up. It’s even green.”
Gabriel felt an unexpected wave of affection for the man standing in front of him. Keenan had accepted him unconditionally. The only reaction he’d ever had to Gabriel’s tiger bits was to ask if he could pet the ears and tail and if Gabriel ever felt the need to eat someone with those wicked fangs of his.
“I can’t really help you with crochet, but I make a wicked hot chocolate. Would that help?”
Keenan’s face illuminated. “I love chocolate.”
“Who doesn’t?”
Keenan started walking to the kitchen. “Jonah doesn’t.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I know. It probably means I can’t trust him or whatever, but what can I do? He’s so cute.”
“Not to mention that you’re already mated.”
“That too. Although I sometimes wonder if it’s because he’s a wolf shifter, you know, the dog and chocolate thing?”
Gabriel smiled and opened the fridge to get the milk. “I’m pretty sure I saw Adam hiding behind the couch and eating an entire bar of chocolate yesterday.”
Keenan sighed heavily. “I guess it’s all Jonah then. Oh, well. I’m keeping him anyway.”
“That’s what I thought.”
Gabriel opened the pantry and took a bar of dark chocolate. He broke a few pieces into the heating milk on the stove before putting it back and reaching for some of the spices lined on the shelf above the stove.
“What are you putting in it?”
“Family secret.”
“Aww, really? I won’t tell! Besides, we’re basically brothers.”
Gabriel arched a brow. “Really?”
“Sure. We’re both pride members and I love you. In an entirely brotherly kind of way, of course.”
“Of course.” Gabriel couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on his face. “So, tell me about your crochet thing.”
“I wanted to do something nice. Not that just buying gifts isn’t, but you know, I wanted to show how much I cared, so I decided to actually do it myself.”
“And you chose crochet?”
Keenan shrugged. “It was that or pottery, and crochet seemed less messy. The girl on the tutorial made it look so easy, so I went and bought a hundred shades of yarn and a dozen crochet thingies and started doing that stuff, but it’s fucking hard.”
“I’ll take your word for that.”
Keenan pushed away the bundle he’d dropped on the counter. Gabriel could now see it was an orange ball of yarn with a crochet needle planted into it and a tiny crocheted thing poking out. “What’s that supposed to be?”
“I found the cutest pattern to crochet an owl. I thought it’d be perfect for Nysys.”
Gabriel tilted his head and tried to make sense of the yarn. He really couldn’t see the owl anywhere. “So...” he pointed at the yarn.
Keenan pushed it a bit more with a disgusted expression on his face. “That’s supposed to be the beak.”
Gabriel turned the heat off and grabbed two mugs. He put the mugs on the counter, filled them, then sat in front of Keenan and leaned forward to take a better look. “Now that you told me, I think I can see it.”
“Yeah, if you tilt your head and squint. Hard.”
Gabriel couldn’t stop the laughter that rose from his chest. “I can’t deny it’s a nice idea, but I’m pretty sure everyone knows how much you care. You don’t really need to
show it this way.”
Keenan shrugged and drank his chocolate. “I’ll have to think of something else.”
“I’m sure you’ll find something.”
“I already have a few ideas.”
If only appeasing Shad was as easy as appeasing Keenan.
* * * *
Shad couldn’t sleep. Heck, he hadn’t been able to really rest ever since the night he’d met the guy who wanted info and kissed Gabriel, and that had been a week ago.
He rolled onto his back and looked outside the window. It was snowing, and he was due an encounter with the guy soon. What was Shad going to tell him? It wasn’t like he’d found anything. He hadn’t tried very hard, of course, but he still hadn’t decided if he was really doing this or if it was just pretense until he could tell Dominic something more.
He was going to have to come up with something, though, or the guy wouldn’t be happy. Shad needed the pills the guy had used as the dangling carrot in front of Shad’s nose.
It wasn’t only worry and thoughts that didn’t let him sleep—it was also the pain, a deep seated ache in Shad’s belly that never completely disappeared. He’d almost forgotten what it was like to live without pain by now, and he knew he couldn’t have all that much time left. It had never been so bad, not even when he’d just arrived in Whitedell and hadn’t started to take the meds yet.
So what was he going to tell the guy? Maybe he could talk with Dominic and somehow convince him they could do this, that he could be used as bait. Shad was pretty sure Dominic wouldn’t go for it, though. Of course he wouldn’t. Dominic wasn’t the kind of man who put anyone in danger willingly.
Shad sighed and pushed the covers away. He shivered in the cool air and grabbed a sweater from the chair next to his bed. It was early, not even six AM, but it was no use trying to fall asleep again, especially not after the vivid nightmare that had woken him.
They didn’t happen often, not anymore, but the problems arising lately had probably triggered this one.
Shad walked to kitchen. He’d have an early breakfast and go back to his room to work a bit, or at least try to. It was more probable he’d end up trying to decide what to do, though.
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