Leah managed the tiniest of smiles. ‘Get back to me if that happens but I’ve got to be honest … Selina turning up has reminded me why a man with a kid isn’t my Plan A.’
He recoiled as if she’d slapped him. ‘Nobody gets their Plan A! Most of us are approaching Plan Z! We’ve had relationships that failed; we’ve compromised on our careers, where we live, who we love. Look at Michele. I’ll bet she was supportive about Tommy, wasn’t she? She knows life never goes to plan.’
Leah flushed. ‘Scott’s the only one who knew the whole story. He let me weep and wail all over him.’
He was silent for several seconds. When he spoke again his voice was low and tight. ‘You know he’s in love with you, right?’
‘What?’ She stared into Ronan’s face, reading anger and frustration there. In love? Scott? Scott, who’d alternately listened, counselled and teased until she’d finally been able to learn from the Tommy episode and move on? Scott, who’d never told a soul but just spent the next decade being her friend, funny and outrageous? Scott, who shared almost all her interests? A wave of resentment broke over her, making her shove blindly at Ronan’s chest as she scrambled to get out from between him and the stile. ‘Scott may be the only successful long-term relationship I’ve had with a man, but don’t try and make it something it’s not! We’re friends, that’s all.’
Ronan let himself be thrust rudely aside and jammed his hands into his pockets as if to ensure he didn’t yank her back. ‘I don’t think I’m trying to make it something it’s not – I recognised the way he looked at you in a second. And he was like an alpha male chimp, all bigged up and trying to stare me down.’
‘It’s not like that with Scott!’ she hissed in frustration. ‘You’re just like all the others – can’t bear me to have a male best friend.’
He snorted. ‘I could bear it with perfect equanimity if I thought that’s all he was. But he’s in love with you and you’re using him as an excuse for past relationship failure. And as a barrier.’
Leah backed away, heart thundering in ears that could scarcely credit what they were hearing. If she’d had to guess, she would’ve expected Ronan to take her standpoint about Selina quietly, though perhaps not hiding his disappointment. She hadn’t expected angry statements that would cut her to the bone. Or for his flash of temper to ignite hers. ‘A barrier against what, precisely?’
‘A barrier against anyone who might make you put Tommy down to experience and give a proper grown-up relationship a try.’ His usual expression of calm control had been wiped away by contempt. ‘It’s a bit fucked up, to be honest.’
Chapter Nineteen
His last, unwise words ringing in his ears, Ronan watched as Leah stormed back down the lane, ponytail swiping the air behind her as if prepared to strike at him if he followed too closely.
He gave her a five-minute head start while his blood pressure dropped to its normal level. Then he trailed in her wake, dragging his black mood behind him in the dust and cursing his big stupid mouth.
When he finally arrived back at Chez Shea he discovered Selina had been busy. Table and chairs, scrubbed after languishing neglected in the shed, were set out on the lawn. Risotto bubbled fragrantly on the hob.
In his current frame of mind it was hard to assume the polite veneer he usually maintained with his ex, let alone share a cosy meal with her.
He was angry and shocked at himself for the hard words he’d just spat at Leah. Where had they come from? Was this churning sensation jealousy? If so, he didn’t think he could have suffered from it before. He cringed to remember that his rage had actually escalated at Leah’s grief that her precious relationship with Scott was being questioned.
Now he was expected to watch Selina playing at homemaker. ‘You shouldn’t have gone to any trouble.’
Uncertainty stole across her face. She looked more like herself today in a dress and make up, her feet arched prettily into wedge-soled sandals. ‘I thought as you hadn’t begun dinner I could do something useful.’
He checked his watch – it was past seven. He hadn’t begun dinner because he’d been too intent on pitching his case to Leah to think about it. He managed to mutter, ‘Thanks,’ because his black mood wasn’t with Selina, even though, he reflected bitterly, she was the catalyst for this entire shit storm. As usual.
Selina was all about bad decisions. Abandoning university without completing her degree. Having a child with Ronan to pressure him into marriage. Dumping Ronan for the high life with Darren that had collapsed like a house of cards and brought her running scared on the edge of debt-driven desperation.
Each and every one of those choices had turned Ronan’s life upside down, and either she wasn’t aware of it or didn’t see it as important.
As she bustled around the kitchen as if she still had a right to, he leaned against the counter. ‘We need to talk.’ He’d tried to initiate the conversation a couple of times already but she’d skittered away from his overtures and he’d reasoned it was kinder to give her a day to calm down after what were undoubtedly traumatic events. ‘OK?’ he pressed, when she didn’t answer.
She nodded jerkily, avoiding his gaze. ‘Dinner’s ready. Would you call Curtis, please?’
Though she was as capable as he was of shouting ‘Curtis!’ in the general direction of Curtis’s bedroom, Ronan did as requested. Shit storms were not calmed by throwing in unnecessary shit.
Twilight loomed as they gathered at the table and the scent of lavender filled the air. Ronan’s frustrations had shrunk his stomach. Selina, too, pushed her food around half-heartedly. Curtis was the only one who wolfed his food as he chatted happily about the game he’d been playing online with a schoolmate.
Interrupting him, Selina dropped her fork with a clatter. ‘Ronan, I know me turning up must have been a shock and I’m really grateful that you didn’t chuck me out on my ear. You deserve total honesty in return.’
Prickling with alarm at the light in his ex-wife’s eyes, Ronan frowned. ‘But maybe–’ He looked pointedly at their son in the age-old parental communication: don’t forget who’s listening.
Curtis had paused mid-chew, expression enquiring.
Selina’s face set in the all too familiar lines that told Ronan she wasn’t about to be hinted off-course. ‘I wasn’t honest in the past, not even with myself.’ She paused to gulp her wine. ‘I shouldn’t have left you. I shouldn’t have begun anything with Darren.’
‘Selina–!’ Ronan started again, full of misgivings at what was about to come out of her mouth.
But Selina talked over him, rushing her words out onto the air. ‘I was an immature idiot. I couldn’t be satisfied with the things you’d provided, including security, because I wanted every day to be a passionate love affair. I was too much of a princess to understand that even a good marriage isn’t like that. That you showed your love for me and Curtis by working hard and looking after us.’ Though Curtis’s sandy eyebrows had flipped up to meet his hair, she seemed oblivious of there being things he didn’t need to hear.
Ronan was all too aware, though. ‘Selina, this isn’t the appropriate time!’
‘The truth is,’ she ploughed on, ‘I still love you. Maybe I went off with Darren to make you jealous, to make you fight for me. But it backfired, didn’t it? Because you kept your dignity, hid your hurt and gave me a divorce because that’s what you thought I wanted. You’re the father of my son, the most decent man on earth, yet I went off the rails because Darren seemed exciting. But he was also scarily unreliable.’ Tears streamed down her cheeks, dragging at the corners of her mouth.
Ronan made his voice as firm as a man could while teetering at the edge of the trap he’d just seen yawning at his feet. ‘We shouldn’t be having this conversation in front of Curtis.’
‘I’m sorry!’ Selina wailed, ‘I can’t do anything right. But I’m not sorry I told you. I didn’t ever stop loving you!’ She stumbled to her feet, shedding a sandal, knocking over her chair as she ran for the hou
se, her sobs floating behind her.
Not for the first time, Ronan was left to face Curtis, quashing the fury that bubbled inside him like black bile while he tried to explain the inexplicable, defend the indefensible, absorb the bitter realisation that she’d chosen her moment precisely because Curtis was listening. Words, once heard, couldn’t be unheard. And now thirteen-year-old eyes were looking to him for illumination, for the protection and stability that Ronan had always provided. He groped for an explanation that wouldn’t let Curtis see that the mother he loved had just put on a masterclass in manipulation, that her tears were those of a crocodile and her instincts those of a leech.
But a beaming smile slowly broke across Curtis’s face. ‘Does that mean you’re back together?’
In his room, Ronan paced morosely, mind spinning. This crap situation was all about womanly principles. For Leah too many and Selina too few.
His roaring need to make things crystal-clear to Selina couldn’t be satisfied with Curtis in earshot and, unfortunately, he was past the age of having an early enough bedtime to allow his parents a low-volume, high-voltage row.
Selina hadn’t reappeared since her dramatic exit from the table an hour ago and the need to beard the ex-wife in her den burned through him. He took out his phone and, gambling heavily on Leah coming through for him now and asking questions later, began to text.
Ronan: I’ll explain as soon as I can but please is there any way you could get Curtis invited to your place for a couple of hours? I apologise in advance but I think you’ll understand when you know my reasons.
And then, because he was nothing if not optimistic, he added three kisses. And then two more.
He opened his bedroom door and pretended to check email while he waited. In two minutes Curtis bounded onto the landing. ‘Going next door, right?’
‘Oh, I don’t know …’ floated out uncertainly from behind Selina’s door.
Ruthlessly, Ronan talked over her. ‘Yes, great. Be back by ten.’
Curtis began to clomp down the stairs in great strides. ‘Laters!’
Before the echo of the front door had died away, Ronan was rapping grimly at the spare room. ‘Talk time, Selina.’
Her response took so long that Ronan had raised his fist to bang harder when she opened the door. She’d reapplied her make-up so all signs of her earlier tears, real or crocodile, had already vanished. Her mouth was set mulishly. ‘I can’t do this now.’
He smiled in false geniality. ‘I have to insist.’
Clouds gathered on her face. ‘You can’t.’
‘Let’s not get into what I can and can’t do. Let’s go downstairs and talk things through like two civilised people.’ He stood back and gestured her politely ahead of him.
‘Don’t try to browbeat me!’
This time, he didn’t waste a smile. ‘If I were trying to browbeat you I’d be in there packing your bags and tossing them down the stairs.’
Selina gave him a look that should have flayed his skin. Then she thrust her nose in the air and stalked past.
Ronan waited until she’d seated herself at the kitchen table before taking the chair opposite. ‘“Disappointed” that you chose to enact your drama in front of Curtis doesn’t even begin describe how I’m feeling. We both know you don’t love me and that you left because you were happier with Darren. I wasn’t hurt, because I don’t love you either.’ He paused to let that sink in before going on more gently. ‘I understand you’re justifiably frightened of the situation Darren’s put you in and I’m willing to let you stay until we go back to the UK. I might be able to help you sort yourself out. But don’t try and manipulate me via Curtis, because he’s our child, not a weapon or a tool.’
Gaze sharpening, Selina responded to only one aspect of Ronan’s speech. ‘Help me? What, financially?’ She glanced around the kitchen as if assessing the worth of its contents.
Fighting for calm, Ronan shook his head. ‘There isn’t a tap on the settlement that you can turn on again now you’ve thrown away your portion of what were our joint assets. I’m simply offering to help you discover your rights and what people do in your situation.’
‘Rights? Oh, thanks.’ It wasn’t quite a sneer but she could almost have been thanking him for putting a turd in her shoe.
But he could see the fear in her eyes. Selina was used to nice things. She’d been the only child of doting parents. As an adult, first Ronan had provided for her, then Darren. How must it feel to suddenly find herself with only her wits to live on? ‘You might be entitled to support from the state. Or maybe you could get a job now Curtis is old enough.’
‘What kind of job?’
‘Anything you want.’
‘I left university to have Curtis. I don’t have qualifications.’
‘You did enough of your degree to get your HNC and you have your GCSEs and A Levels.’ If you don’t like that, you shouldn’t have made your unilateral decision that we were making a baby.
The washing up was still in the sink, smelling faintly of risotto. In the silence, a fly buzzed in through an open window and settled happily on the debris. Selina gave a great sigh. ‘Perhaps I ought to go and live with Mum and Dad.’
Her parents lived in Lancashire but Ronan wasn’t too alarmed by the thinly veiled threat. The last he’d heard, his ex-father-in-law, Perry, needed help with everything from eating a biscuit to visiting the toilet. Hardcore nursing wouldn’t appeal to Selina. Still, Ronan saw no harm in dismissing the idea from the outset. ‘Aside from the terms of the shared custody stipulating that you’d need my consent to take Curtis away, I know you’re much too good a mum to uproot him from everybody and change his school. Unless you mean to leave him with me?’
‘In your dreams!’ But then Selina dropped her head in her hands. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. But I have literally nowhere to go. I don’t have a roof to put over my son’s head or food to put on his plate. You’re wrong that I’m frightened.’
Her voice wavered and broke. ‘I’m terrified.’
Chapter Twenty
‘You’d better not let your parents hear you say it, that’s all!’ Leah’s voice shook with the effort not to giggle but it was hard when the teenagers were crying with laughter. When Curtis knocked and walked in, Natasha and Jordan just laughed harder.
Gazing at them as they wiped tears from reddened cheeks and Scott grinned from his perch on the corner of the kitchen table, Curtis scratched his chin. ‘What’s up?’
Jordan waved a packet he was holding. ‘Look! “Shit ache mushrooms”!’
‘They’re not shit ache mushrooms!’ Leah protested.
‘Let’s see.’ Curtis snatched the packet to read it then threw back his head with a huge guffaw. ‘It does say “shit ache mushrooms”. Have you been eating them, Jordan? You always give me shit ache.’
‘Shush!’ Leah tried to reprove. ‘It’s shiitake.’ She emphasised the pronunciation. ‘Shee-tarky!’
‘No,’ said Curtis, solemnly. ‘He definitely gives me shit ache.’
Natasha collapsed in fresh giggles, Jordan pretended to punch Curtis in the face and Scott’s grin grew ever broader at Leah’s failed attempts to restore order.
She fell back on chocolate. ‘As we’re all going out tomorrow, shall we make brownies for a picnic? Would you like to join us, Curtis? Oh, but …’ A lurch of misery reminded her that things were no longer that simple. ‘Your parents will have their own plans, of course,’ she backtracked feebly.
‘Isn’t it weird?’ Natasha smiled up at Curtis. ‘Our parents are split up but living together – and now yours are! Ours aren’t arguing any more, though. Are yours?’
Curtis took the seat beside hers with a flick of his waist chains to avoid sitting on them. ‘Yeah, but …’ He paused dramatically. ‘Mine are talking about getting back together.’
Leah, who had her head in a cupboard searching out ingredients for the brownies, almost dropped the flour. A thin, high-pitched whine began in her ears.
/> ‘Seriously?’ Jordan and Natasha chorused.
The bag of flour was a cold weight in Leah’s hand as she turned in slow motion and caught Scott looking at her with overflowing sympathy.
Curtis’s smile blazed. ‘Mum said she still loved Dad and wished she’d never got involved with Darren. Dad was hovering when I came out, watching the door to her room. I think he was waiting to go to her.’
The high-pitched whine became an angry buzz and Leah had to grope for the counter top to steady herself. She hadn’t in her wildest dreams foreseen reconciliation as the reason Ronan had asked her to get his son invited over.
From a distance, she heard Scott suggest that the kids hang out upstairs. She didn’t bother reminding them about baking brownies, just carried on clutching the flour as if it were a life jacket and she was in deep water while the kids clattered around grabbing drinks and making last jokes about shit ache mushrooms.
Eventually, their footsteps faded up the staircase. Leah felt Scott’s arm slide around her shoulders. His voice was soft. ‘Bit of a bolt from the blue?’
She turned blindly to burrow her face against his T-shirt, the blood still pounding in her ears. ‘Bit.’
Scott hugged her close. ‘Good job it happened before you got in too deep.’
‘Good job,’ she agreed, bleakly.
Upstairs, Jordan and Natasha were besieging Curtis with questions. ‘So, seriously, you think your parents might get together again?’ demanded Jordan. ‘But haven’t they been split up for years?’
Curtis took glasses from the cupboard but Jordan was obviously waiting for a reply before he was ready to share the two-litre bottle of fizzy grapefruit juice he’d grabbed from the fridge. ‘Doubt Mum would’ve told Dad she loved him if she didn’t. And he’s been seriously weird since she turned up. He–’ He glanced round apologetically, knowing he was about to say something uncomfortable about their cool auntie. ‘He went off with Leah this afternoon and I watched them come back separately. She looked mega pissed-off; he looked grim. I think he might have, you know. Told her. About still having feelings for Mum.’
Just for the Holidays Page 23