“So who’s Henry?” I look at her. She sighs, then looks up from her burger at me. She stares blankly at me for a couple minutes. Or hours.
“The worst thing that has ever happened to me,” she says. Then puts the car in drive and doesn’t say another word.
Chapter 11: Healing -->
By the time we get back into town, it’s noon. Before even going home, we take Car and Terance to the vet. I love Car’s vet. He’s the best vet I’ve ever had for an animal. He’s totally honest, and not in it just for the money.
“Hey, Becc, I heard the news. Are you excited?” Dr. Jerson comes into the doctor’s office and smiles at me.
“Excited and nervous. Surprised. Definitely,” I giggle.
“Who’s this?” He points to Kade.
“My mom’s best-friend’s-son,” I say. What a mouthful. It’s better than explaining why the hell he’s here, though. That would be even more of a hassle to say.
“Ah, and the other little cutie?” He asks, referring to Terance while he scratches him behind his ears.
“Car’s boyfriend,” I say, giggling again.
“Ah,” he chuckles. “Alright well I’ll tell you what, I’m going to do some blood tests on Car, then give her all the shots she needs to keep those puppies growing inside of her, healthy. Is it alright if I keep her over night?” He knows I hate being away from Car, especially overnight. It’s like sleeping without sheets; it just doesn’t work.
“Sure,” I say. “Whatever keeps her healthy.” Kade and I walk out of the vet’s office and climb back into the car.
“Let’s go home,” I say. Kade nods and puts the car in reverse and backs out of the parking lot.
When we get home, Kade puts Terance out in the backyard and I get two blue, glass bowls out of the cupboard. I walk over to the freezer and get out the Mrs. Field’s chocolate mint brownie ice cream. The best ice cream of all time. I put five large scoops into each bowl and pour chocolate sauce on top. Kade and I sit at the breakfast bar and eat.
“So now that I live here, I’m going to need to know how to stay out of trouble,” Kade says. I give him a weird look like what do you mean? He just smiles at me.
“Like, how do you possibly stay out of trouble? Your parents are so strict, and I’m sure you’re not as perfect as you pretend,” Kade says and raises his eyebrows.
“That’s the good thing about being an only child,” I begin. “You know your parents really well – what bugs them and what makes them happy,” I say.
“What bugs them?”
“That’s a long list.” I giggle.
“We’ve got time,” he says pointing to the huge bowl of ice cream I made him.
“Well, never be in the kitchen when my mom’s unloading the groceries – she’ll go crazy. And never ask to change the channel when my dad’s watching football on TV. Oh, and never ask my mom to do a favor for you right when she gets home from work. Just let her change into her pajamas and eat, then you can ask. Oh, and when my dad gives you a really long lecture that has nothing to do with what you asked him or a lecture that he thinks you need, but you don’t, just nod and say “uh-huh.” But don’t say “okay.” He’ll think you’re a smart ass.” Kade laughs, telling me to go on. “And my parents can be really, really insanely irrational. Like, don’t get me wrong, my parents are awesome, and I’m super glad to have them, but sometimes they do the stupidest stuff. Like I’ll ask to go to Chasity’s house just to hang out and watch movies, and she has two other sisters right, and my dad will ask ‘are there going to be boys there?’ Like, wtf? Oh and my mom goes on rants that nobody is helping her with any of the ‘shit’ in the house, and you’ll be like sitting in front of her folding the damn laundry and she’ll get mad that you’re not helping out.” Kade throws his head back and laughs.
“You’ve got it all figured out,” he says.
I smile at him and our eyes lock. “Oh, and when they take your phone away for something you did, then the next day they give it back to you, tell them it didn’t affect you. Tell them they’d be smarter if they would take something that is much more important to you. Like, I said it would affect me more if they took away my phone instead of my IPod. Which is the opposite. I love my IPod, and I could care less about my phone. So I told them my phone means more to me, and now they never take away my IPod, so everyone’s happy!” I can feel my eyes sparkle when I smile at Kade and he smiles back at me. His eyes lock with mine and I literally cannot look away.
“So that’s how you manage to keep your ‘perfect’ reputation. You’re not perfect, but you know how to make sure people think you are,” he challenges me.
“I don’t try to make people think I’m perfect,” I say.
“Oh please. Your hair, outfits, shoes, nails. Everything is always perfect and in place,” he says. “I’ve seen you at school. You are 100% different at school than at home,” he continues. So he has a point. I try to make sure everything looks good, but I know I’m not perfect; nobody is. I try my best to be as close to perfect as I can be, though. I just love getting all the compliments. How random people come up to me and tell me I’m gorgeous. My favorite compliments are about my outfits. I always make sure my outfits are perfectly cute and match my personality. I’m definitely known as the girl with the amazing outfits. There’s nothing wrong with that.
“You watch me at school?” I challenge him right back.
“I don’t think ‘watch’ would be the appropriate word,” he says. “Well, sometimes I did watch you. My mom tells me to look after you,” he says.
I giggle. I can totally picture Cynthia telling Kade to watch over me and make sure I’m okay. “You don’t have to look after me, I can handle high school,” I say.
He laughs at my response. “When we got into high school, it wasn’t me my mom was worried about. She was worried about you,” he says. “She literally thinks of you as a daughter.”
“I am her daughter,” I say. I truly am. I would go to Cynthia for anything I need. She has been in my life since I can remember. I don’t know what life is without her. I start to think about how I’m going to have to learn how to live without her. She’s in Mexico, and now there’s only a phone between us. She won’t be able to come see us. The only way we will be able to go see her if we go to her. Mexico isn’t the safest place for me as a total snow-white girl. Maybe Kade will take me. I doubt he wants to go to Mexico, though. He tries to cover up the fact that he’s Mexican, and speaks Spanish. I see it at school. He even refuses to speak Spanish to Cynthia and Rey. I’m not really sure why, though. Scratch that. I know exactly why. See, the people at my school are superficial bitches. They think that anyone who isn’t white is either 1) really fucking smart (Asians) or 2) slackers that do drugs. What has this world come to? Just because someone is a different color than white, does NOT mean they are different personality styles. I mean, yes, some of those labels are true, but not for everyone. Kade tries to hide his Mexican heritage because he doesn’t want to be labeled in the wrong way. I mean, in my opinion there shouldn’t be any labeling at all. Does no one remember what Martin Luther King said to us? He was the one that talked about all men are created equal, right? Wait... that was Abraham Lincoln. I think. Oh my gosh. I really need to pay attention in history.
“So what makes you mad, Becca?”
“Excuse me?” I nearly spit out the spoonful of ice cream.
“We talked about what makes your parents mad. What makes you mad?”
“Nothing really makes me mad. I just make everyone else mad.” I stare into his eyes.
“And why do you think you make everyone else mad?”
“Because I take things too seriously. I analyze everything. I question why people love me and can’t just accept that they just do. Little things hurt my feelings. I’m a mess. I take everything out on other people and it makes them hate me.”
“That’s not true,” Kade whispers.
“But it is. No one sticks around because I’m too much to han
dle,” I whisper back. I get up and put my bowl of ice cream in the sink, and walk upstairs. I can’t handle more negative thoughts. My brain feels like it will explode. I need to go to sleep. The thoughts echo over and over again and I can’t do anything to stop it. I hurt everyone. I’m impossible to be loved. I take things too seriously and it freaks people out, so they leave me. And I hate myself for it.
Chapter 12: <-- Breaking
“So you know Chasity? Well I liked her. Then I asked Becca if I could trust her and she said yeah and I told her that I liked Chasity and then she went behind my back and told Chasity. That’s why all this is happening. I’m sure Becca doesn't want anyone to know, and that’s kind of why I’m telling you. But I don’t think Chasity believed her when she told her I liked her, so it worked out. The reason I’m telling you this is because I trust you. Please don’t ruin that trust.”
I’m sitting here reading this message Henry sent one of my friends, Daisy in shock. Henry never asked if he could trust me. He never said him liking Chasity was a secret. And of course I was going to tell Chasity that Henry liked her. She’s my best friend. Besides, she doesn’t even want Henry as a friend in her life. I re-read the message again and all I can think is, dick.
Chapter 13: Healing -->
I decide at three in the morning that there’s no way I’m ever going to fall asleep, so I get up out of bed and walk down stairs in my fuzzy pajamas and robe. The only thing I find that remotely sounds good is some pudding in the back of the fridge. But it isn’t the standard chocolate pudding, it’s some new flavor called sugar cookie. I miss the days when the only flavors of pudding were chocolate, vanilla (for the boring people that don’t like to go out of their plain-tasting comfort zones), and tapioca. I take my sugar cookie flavored pudding into the living room with me and click on the TV. The only stuff I know of that is on at three in the morning are those boring commercials about “Snuggies” and large cupcake pans. But I decide to give it a try. I scroll through the guide using the up and down arrows on the remote, checking all my favorite channels. Even the Food Network doesn’t have anything interesting on. I decide to just start from channel one, and work my way up the list, figuring something somewhat good might be on. I’d rather watch old CSI re-runs that I’ve already seen three times, than stare up at my bedroom ceiling waiting for my mind to fall asleep.
Just as I am starting to relax and let my body sink into the couch, I hear a pair of feet coming down the stairs. My mom and dad are still driving home from the lake, so there is only one other person that can be coming downstairs. And I don’t want him too. I look across the house over to where the staircase is and see Kade coming down in a black t-shirt and blue pajama pants. He doesn’t have socks on.
“What are you doing up?” He asks me as he comes into the kitchen. Before I respond, he opens the freezer and takes out the Mrs. Field’s ice cream. Look, I know he lives here now, but that is my ice cream. Mine.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I say and keep my eyes on the TV, which isn’t playing anything except for the guide remote, I might add.
“That’s like a thing for you, huh?” Kade sits on the couch next to me with a giant spoon and the whole thing of Mrs. Field’s ice cream.
“Um, excuse me, I eat out of that too,” I say.
“I know.” He then hands me my own big spoon. I shrug then scoop a big bite. The mini brownie bits mixed in with the mint ice cream is my kryptonite.
“What are you watching?” I look back over at the TV, remembering it’s on the guide and I’m not watching anything. I look back at Kade and shrug. He laughs.
“Here,” he says as he takes the TV remote out of my hand and begins to scroll through the guide. He pulls up ABC family on the guide then clicks on it. “Full House, is where it’s at,” he says. I used to love Full House, now I can’t stand it.
“How did you know I was down here?” I ask a few minutes later.
“I heard your room door open, and then the TV turned on,” he says like it’s not rocket science. Full House keeps playing and I think I will go insane if he doesn’t turn it off. I feel trapped in a cage having to listen to this show. I want to get out of this cage. I need to turn the channel. I got down here first, don’t I get to control the TV?
“Can you turn it off please?” I ask referring to Full House.
“Why? You don’t like Full House?”
“Not particularly,” I say.
“Why not?” He asks. I shrug.
“Why not?” He repeats. I look over at him and shrug again. “Why? Remind you of someone you hate or something?”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” I say.
“Who could you possibly hate? Everyone loves you and you love everyone,” he says.
“Hate is a mean word. I, well, in the nicest way, do not like him,” I say.
“Oh so it’s a ‘him?’” Fuck. He’s got me.
“I never said that,” I say, mad at myself for saying “him” instead of an “it.”
“So who’s this guy?”
“None of your business,” I say. I know, it’s a really lame comeback, but it’s all I’ve got. I start to take the remote out of his hand to switch the channel.
“Is it the same guy we were talking about on the porch back at the lake?” He looks over at me, genuinely wanting to know. He doesn’t let me take the remote out of his hands. He just turns the volume up. Right now, DJ is mad at her dad because he was spying on her. Sounds like a typical episode of Full House.
“Yes,” I answer.
“You need to cut this guy some slack, Becc. I mean, what could he have possibly done to make you despise him so much?”
“He’s the reason I have so many self-confidence issues,” I say. I look from his eyes, to the TV, then back into his eyes.
“I don’t think it’s right to blame him for your own personal issues, Becca,” he says. He puts one hand on my knee and an electric shock runs through me.
I stand up and stand in front of him. “See, I tried telling myself that too. But then I realized, all the negative thoughts that are always lingering in the back of my mind are all words he said to me,” I say. I take his hand in mine and squeeze it before deciding to get up and go to bed. I don’t know why I grabbed his hand. Scratch that. I know exactly why. I just wanted some comfort. I walk up the stairs and climb back into bed. Finally, I fall asleep.
Chapter 14: Healing -->
It’s about three weeks after the trip to Idaho and three days before school starts. I’m sitting on the couch watching the sunrise. This time of day and about five thirty at night are my favorite times of the day. The sun is so gorgeous in California, especially on a summer morning. I could sit here with my tea and peanut butter and honey sandwich and watch the sunrise all day long. The best part is I don’t really have to get up early to see the gorgeous morning sun during the summer. It’s about seven o’clock. I sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. I scroll through the guide, remembering the night Kade made me watched Full House. That was horrible. I try not to hold it against him, though. My mom says that it wasn’t his fault. I know that, too, but it’s hard for me to remember that no one really knows what happened between Henry and me, or why I’m so sensitive to the topic. A couple months ago, I decided to pretend I never knew him. People would come up to me and ask me about Henry and I would pretend to not know him. I still do that. Eventually, the questions slowly started to fade away. No one was curious about what happened to Henry anymore. It’s like that part of my life completely faded away. I became a new person without him and now have a new life. I don’t think people even remember that part of me.
I turn the channel to the Food Network when I hear Kade coming down the stairs. I know it’s Kade and not one of my parents. There’s just a certain way he steps down on each step. It’s like how I can always tell which one my best guy friend is when he’s on the soccer field. He just has this certain way he stand or runs. It’s not hard to miss him. My best guy friend is amaz
ing. He is always there for me and I love him to death. We went through some shitty times, but it just made us stronger.
Just then, Kade plops his butt on the couch right next to me.
“Morning,” he says. I decide I don’t want to respond. I just keep my eyes on Giada, the host of my favorite cooking show. I see him roll his eyes. I’m not in the mood to deal with his stupid face today. I get up off the couch and walk into the kitchen. I take the leftover pizza from Friday night’s pizza night, and heat it up in the microwave.
“Will you heat me up a piece?” He looks over at me. I still refuse to talk to him or look at him. He realizes that I’m giving him the silent treatment, so he gets up from the couch. He opens the microwave door and takes out MY piece of pizza, takes a napkin, and sits back down on the couch. My jaw drops.
“What the hell!? Give me MY pizza,” I yell. I run over to the couch and try to grab the pizza from his grip. He’s stronger than me though. He pulls the pizza away from my reach. I kick him in the shin then try to reach for the slice. He won’t let me win, and I know I won’t win. So I go over to the bag of pizza slices and take out a cold one. I throw it at his face and hit him right on his nose. I start laughing until I feel a warm piece slap me in the chest. I give him a dirty look.
“It’s on,” I say. I take the sprayer of whip cream out of the fridge and start to soak him in whip cream. He picks me up by my waste, forbidding me to spray him any further. He grabs the olive oil and starts to put it all over my hair. He puts me down from his grasp and I continue to spray him with cold whip cream. This is a really cool way to take my anger out. I mean, I know I can’t hit Kade so if this is the closest I get to fighting with him, I’ll take it. I push him away from me as he continues to pour olive oil all over me. He’s laughing at my angry face.
When I Forget You Page 6