Chapter 23: Watch Her Heal -->
It’s two weeks later, two weeks before Halloween, and I just woke up with the stomach flu. It’s five-fuckin’ thirty in the morning and I’m awake, puking at the toilet, praying to God that I don’t wake Becca up. The last thing I want is for her to come in and see me puking my guts out. Thank goodness it’s a Monday though. Stomach flu equals no school for me, which makes for a very happy Kade. However, with this painful stomach ache I’m starting to think I’d rather suffer through school. It feels like little munchkins are cutting my stomach with a thousand mini chainsaws.
I sit on the white tile floor and hope no more upchuck is coming. I take in a big breath and listen for anyone coming from down the hall. Nope. No feet coming from Lindsey and David’s room and no loud music coming from Becca’s. I get up off the floor and try to wash my hands. I can’t straighten my back; slouching is more comfortable on my stomach. I forget washing my hands and open the door, trying to walk back into my room. I let out a whine because my stomach hurts so fucking bad. What the hell did I eat last night? Is it normal for the flu to come on so fast? And what the hell is up with this throbbing headache? I’m falling apart here. I shut the door to my room and crawl back into bed. Can’t get comfortable. Stupid sheets. Stupid stomach ache. I lay on my stomach, trying to get the munchkins with chainsaws to go away so I can go back to sleep. It’s only five-thirty so even if I was going to school I still have an hour before I have to wake up. But I know I’m not. There is no way.
Now all of a sudden I’m sweating like a pig from head to toe. Like sweat is literally dripping down my forehead. I was just cold like two seconds ago. Great. A fever too? I feel like shit.
Then right when I stop pressuring myself to fall asleep, my eyes close and my mind shuts off.
Chapter 24: <-- Breaking
I’d rather focus on you NOT being in my life (so it’s easier when I move) instead of focusing and thinking of ways to get you back
…Henry.
“I’m not coming back, Henry.”
Chapter 25: Healing -->
My alarm beeps and I slowly get out of bed. Did I mention how much I hate school? It’s probably the most boring thing ever. Plus I already know what I want to do with my life, so why go? Can I just skip to college, and forget stupid high school bitches and their drama?
Then I remember I don’t want to go out into the real world. I’m scared. Henry said that one day, we will see each other in a restaurant or something and we’ll be with our families. He’ll look over at me and make eye contact and we’ll smile at each other. But let me tell you right now, I never want him to even catch a glimpse of my children.
I roll out of bed, frustrated already with my thoughts of Henry, and zombie walk into the bathroom. There is this horrible stench in the bathroom that is making me gag. Either Kade burped for a constant five minutes or he threw up. I walk to the door frame and peek my head around the corner, to see if Kade’s light is on in his room. It isn’t. If I don’t wake him up, we’re going to be late for school. Should I wake him up? Nah. Well, yeah, I really should. So I do.
I open his door slowly and find him sleeping peacefully in his bed, the covers over his body. Crap. What if he sleeps naked? I freeze in my path. I seriously DO NOT want to wake him up if he doesn’t have any clothes on. That would be soo screwed up on so many levels. I tap his head with my pointer finger, trying not to scare the living shit out of him. His eyes flutter open and look up at me. When he sees I’m in his room, he smiles. God, that smile. It can really mess with a girl’s mind.
“Get up. We have school,” I say then start to walk out of his room.
“I can’t,” I hear him say behind me. I turn back around and face him. He’s still lying in bed. “I have the flu,” he continues. So he did throw up in the bathroom. Ugh, nasty. My poor toilet. I just nod at him.
“Do you need anything?” I ask. I lean against the doorway.
“Seven-up, or something?” He shrugs.
“Sure.” I walk out of the room in my pajamas and walk downstairs. I hope we have Seven-Up because I’m really not in the mood to go to the store in my pajamas right now. I walk onto the cold, hard tiled floor, barefoot and open the fridge. No Seven-Up. Just some apple juice, milk, and this cucumber water my mom loves. Supposedly, it’s like the gross water a spa gives you, so it relaxes her. How does water relax someone? I sigh, grab my car keys, and head out the door. I hop in my jeep and pull out of the driveway. Why am I doing this for Kade? Why am I actually taking time out of my getting ready routine just to get him one bottle of Seven-Up? When did I become so nice?
I pull into the Ralph’s only a block away from the house and get out of the car. I lock the car, making it beep, and head into the store. Where would the Seven-Up be? Does it count as a soda? I mean, it fizzes, so it must be categorized as a soda. I walk over to where they put the huge bottles of Dr. Pepper and Coke and look for Seven-Up. They only have ginger ale. Knowing Kade, he will think there’s a difference, but I don’t care. He’s getting the damn ginger ale and not Seven-Up.
I walk up to a cashier and hand her the bottle. I grab a ten-dollar bill out of my pocket and put it on the counter.
“How has your morning been?”
“My brother has the flu, so it basically sucks,” I say. I tell the cashier Kade is my brother because I really don’t want to explain why I have a boy, my age, sleeping in the room across from mine, sharing my bathroom, eating my food, and getting to know me too much.
“Oh that’s awful, I’m sorry to hear that,” she says. We all know she’s really not sorry.
“Thanks,” I say as I grab the bottle and my change and walk out the doors. I hop in the front seat of my Jeep and drive back down the street toward home. I get home, put some ice and Ginger Ale in the cup and walk back upstairs to Kade’s room.
“Thanks, Becc,” he says as he takes the cup from my hands. Our fingers brush against each other and the room spins.
“No problem. I’m going to go get ready for school. I’ll call you between each period, okay?” I start walking out the door.
“You don’t have to do that, you know,” he says. I turn around and stare into his eyes.
“Yeah I do. Cynthia would want me to,” I say.
“What’s your secret, Becc?” I go blank. My secret? I don’t have a secret. Well actually, I have many – maybe too many. I walk out of his room and close the door behind me, refusing to let him see my sensitive side. Refusing to let him see my weaknesses and demons. They’re too dark. And if he looks closely enough, he will see that I have cold, scary traumas that not even I am able to handle. I’ve done a good job keeping the truth of what happened between Henry and me a secret, but since Kade is living with me, it can be easy for him to figure out. He’ll see that on cold days, he can look into my eyes and see where my demons hide. It’s dark inside, and no one can find out.
Chapter 26: Healing -->
I call Kade at lunch, just like I did between every period this morning. He’s home alone while my parents are at work, and somehow is moving around the house without barfing all over our nice carpet. He said he’s only gotten up once to get more Ginger ale. He doesn’t keep going to the bathroom to puke – he has a trash can and bowl by his bed. (A little too much information for me.)
“Hey, how are you doing?” I ask him when he picks up on the third ring.
“Becca, Lindsey is home now. You don’t have to keep calling,” he says from the other line. He doesn’t sound so out of breath now, which is a good sign.
“Yeah I do,” I respond quietly.
“Why?”
“Because I’m worried about you,” I respond again, wanting to take back what I just said. I worry about him so much. Cynthia left him here and I’m in charge of taking care of him now. I just can’t get too close to him or else I will never let him go.
“What happened that morning you were screaming?”
“I can’t tell you.” Why did he bring this
up now? Did he really have to? He basically just ruined the rest of my day.
“Why not?” He pushes me more. I don’t like to be pushed. Never.
I hang up.
Chapter 27: Watch Her Heal -->
Becca hangs up on me. Shit. I look up from my bed and find Lindsey in the doorway.
“Only push her little by little, Kade, and never twice in one conversation.”
“Will you tell me what happened? You had such a pale face, and she was so red from all the sobbing.” I look up at her. I know she feels bad for me. I wince at the thought. She was so upset. I never want to see her that upset ever again.
“She will open up soon, I can tell. Becca is an open book, you just have to figure out how she writes. Just know, when she does open up to you, you will be the first person she tells,” she says, then walks back downstairs. Was that conversation supposed to make me feel better or like shit even more? Fuck.
Chapter 28: <-- Breaking
“You didn’t tell me that I couldn’t tell Chasity you liked her. Plus, she’s practically my sister. I would have told her no matter what. She doesn’t like you anyways; she’s glad I told her,” I texted Henry.
“Fuck you, Becca,” he texted back. In that moment, I know I’m done. In that moment, I have no desire to say anything back. I put my cell phone away and don’t have a desire to take it out again. I don’t text back.
Little did I know back then, that I wouldn’t talk to him for three months.
Chapter 29: Healing -->
The next morning is Saturday. I wake up to the smell of pancakes. Kade’s already out of bed when I get up. He’s at the stove flipping pancakes and mom and dad are in the office working (as usual.)
“Hey, do you want pancakes?”
“No,” I say coldly as I open the fridge and take out an apple.
“Come on. They have chocolate chips in them,” he pressures, giving me a smile.
“I don’t want any.” I say with a strong tone.
“What? Do you have something against pancakes?”
“How is it that I just got up two minutes ago and you are already pissing me off?” I shake my head and walk into the living room, turn on the TV, determined to block him out. I chomp on my apple.
My mom walks in the room with her laptop and calendar in hand.
“Can you and Kade do me a huge favor? Can you guys go to Costco for me? I’ll give you a list. I am so crammed with work and don’t want you two complaining that there is no food in the house,” my mom says to both of us. It’s Saturday, Mom. I don’t think they even know what a weekend is.
“Sure,” Kade says right as I say “no.” Just perfect.
“Thank you Kade,” she says while giving me a cold stare. “You are so helpful.” Oh kiss my fucking ass.
So twenty minutes later, Kade and I are driving to Costco. He’s driving, and I’m in the passenger seat. I swear I am driving for the next like two weeks. Just because he is a guy does not mean he gets to drive me everywhere.
“So, what do you have against pancakes?” He asks as we pull into a parking space.
“Nothing,” I say once again, and look him straight in the eye this time.
“Why don’t you eat them then?” He takes the keys out of the ignition and sighs, still staying in his seat.
“I don’t like pancakes,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. I have nothing to prove to him.
“Now I know you are lying. We used to eat pancakes every morning when we were little. I remember, you would eat like ten.” He raises his eyebrows and I hate that he knows he is 100% right. Why is he always right? Was he this stubborn when we were little?
“I just don’t like them anymore,” I sigh, accidentally letting my vulnerable side show.
“Remind you of something bad?” Okay, now he is on to me. I do not like to be pushed. I stare into his eyes a second longer than I can handle, unbuckle my seatbelt, and get out of the car. He gets out, too, but keeps his eyes locked on me. Like he’s trying to figure me out. Well, good luck with that Kade, no one has ever figured me out, and no one ever will.
But he’s right. Pancakes remind me of Henry. And yes, he is something bad. We would always make chocolate chip pancakes for lunch. Until he stopped coming over, I mean.
“Okay. We need milk, eggs, juice, water, sparkling water, and lunch meat,” I read off the list as we walk from the parking lot to the entrance of Costco. I love this place. Samples plus lots of food is just brilliant. You can just come here for free lunches.
“Easy,” Kade says as he grabs a cart and starts to push it beside me. We walk in and go straight to the back of the store- that’s where the cold stuff is. Kade stops the cart and grabs a huge case of bottled water, picking it up like it’s nothing at all. His muscles are flexed and I admit, I have to look away. I don’t want him to catch me checking him out just like how I caught myself. Then he picks up a case of sparkling water and also puts it in the cart. To distract myself from how Kade looks picking up heavy things, I walk to the giant fridge, to get milk and apple juice. I hate orange juice, but my dad and Kade love it. Freaks. You can taste the pulp and it’s this gross texture in your mouth. No thank you.
Kade walks to the other giant fridge and takes out eggs. He gently puts them in the cart, not wanting them to crack. This is my mom’s pet peeve. We then walk to the right, where the meat is. I love meat. Especially Costco’s steak. It’s like heaven in squares that cuts like butter. I sound like a commercial. We go down the aisle that has the ham, turkey, and roast beef. Kade keeps pushing the cart next to me. Ugh, this reminds me of married couples shopping in the store together. That is definitely not what Kade and I are and it is making it awkward. I pick out lunch meat and put it on top of the water bottles in the cart. Are people staring at us? ‘Cause I feel like everyone is. We walk back to the front of the store, side by side of course, and check out. We take the cart out to the car, fill the trunk with groceries, and then Kade puts the cart back while I sit in the passenger seat waiting for him to come back. It’s like the most time I’ve had alone besides sleeping. I miss the quiet.
When he gets into the car, all I see is how he resembles Cynthia. His eyes. The way he puts the keys in the ignition. Cynthia really raised him exactly how she wanted and, of course, he turned out amazing. Truth is, if Rey and Cynthia aren’t here, I’m glad Kade is. It’s scary to admit that to myself. Now if I could only have Cynthia.
And I can’t hold it any longer. This is all too much. So I let the lump in my throat turn into a tear falling from my eye down to my cheek. Then two more. Then it becomes hard to breath, my nose is running, and the tears are making my vision go blurry. Kade puts the car back in park, pulls me over to his seat so I’m snuggled on his lap between his chest and the steering wheel, and lets me just sit there and cry into his chest. I don’t really care that I’m sitting here crying on him; I just need a good cry. So we sit there for about twenty minutes. I sit on his lap balling my eyes out, in the Costco parking lot, with the wheel digging into my side.
Chapter 30: <-- Breaking
“Don’t tell Becca this, but I really regret meeting her. If I would have never met her, my life would have been easier and better,” Henry texted my friend Chasity. She showed me.
He regrets meeting his best friend? He regrets meeting the only person that cares about him? He regrets meeting the only person that has been here for him. Well, he’s a fucking dick.
Chapter 31: Watch Her Heal -->
I come downstairs for dinner. Becca was crying in my lap just a couple hours ago, which I admit was adorable, yet sad, but I know that’s what my mom would want me to do. I’m supposed to take care of Becca while my mom is gone, so that is exactly what I am going to do. I find Lindsey and Becca sitting at the bar in the kitchen, drinking tea. When they hear me coming into the room, they stop talking and stare at me.
“Am I interrupting something?” I put my hands up in front of me, joking like an “I surrender” kind of thing. Becca ha
s this awful look in her eyes. They’re like daggers stabbing me. Then Lindsey looks me straight in the eye, and her eyes are just full of pain. Heart-wrenching pain. It’s the kind you can literally feel in your heart. It’s the kind that radiates all the way down to your fingers and toes.
“No,” they both say a little too quickly. Lindsey looks at me once again as Becca moves her spoon around in her mug. Then Lindsey squeezes Becca’s hand, gets up from the bar stool, and walks out of the room, leaving Becca and I alone.
I grab ice cream and two spoons and sit next to Becca at the bar. I hand her one spoon then help myself to the ice cream. She pulls the tub closer to her, shoving her spoon in the tub in order to get a huge spoonful of ice cream. Who needs dinner, right? Totally. Ice cream dinner is where it’s at.
“What were you and Lindsey talking about?” I look at her. Those eyes. Gosh.
“Oh, this guy just said he would commit suicide if I didn’t talk to him,” she says without any emotion in her voice or on her face, just totally nonchalantly. I, on the other hand, almost cough up the ice cream I am supposed to be swallowing peacefully.
“Who?” I manage to get out before having a cough attack since my ice cream went down the wrong pipe.
She just takes another bite of ice cream. I hear Lindsey in the back of my mind telling me to only push as far as Becca is willing to go. But seeing Becca like this, seeing her in so much pain, it’s hard not to push her to tell me what’s wrong. I know if my mom knew I know something is wrong with Becca but I’m not really doing anything about it, she would freak. Well, I wouldn’t say I’m not doing anything to help Becca get through whatever she is getting through, but I also wouldn’t say I am doing everything I can do to help her.
When I Forget You Page 10