“Those streamers are crooked,” says Kade as he comes in the room with a big pot of tamales. The pot is literally from his head to waist. Can you even get a pot that big? Or did Cynthia have Rey make a pot that big with metal?
“Oh my gosh that is the biggest pot I have ever seen,” I tell him as I climb down from the latter. I giggle as Kade takes my waist in his hands. Cynthia comes up from behind us.
“So how long has this been going on?”
“I kissed her on Christmas, Ma. Isn’t that romantic?” Kade asks Cynthia, winking at me.
“Well it wasn’t on Christmas. It was Christmas Eve,” I clarify.
“You just have to ruin the moment, huh?” Kade shakes his head at me. I shrug, giggling and feeling my first turn red. I let go of Kade and continue to put up streamers.
“Okay, Kade, you need to take tons of pictures tonight, okay?” Cynthia gives Kade a really nice camera. Kade has always loved to take pictures. He’s good at it too. Well, Cynthia is horrible with technology so it makes Kade look like he’s really good at it.
“And when tonight is over, you can just keep that camera for other events you want to take pictures of.” Kade’s face lights up.
“Wait. Did I just get a camera?”
My mom and dad walk in. “You’ve been so strong through all of this, honey,” my mom says to Kade, wrapping her arms around him. “We thought you needed a little something.” She giggles. Kade takes my mom and dad into a big hug and says his thank yous. As Kade and my parents are hugging it out, Cynthia takes me in her arms.
“You have your nervous face on,” she tells me.
“My what face?”
“You’re nervous, bebé. What for? It’s just family,” Cynthia tells me. I know she’s right, and I don’t really know why I am nervous. Destiny is practically my sister. I have known her my whole life. Why am I so nervous? I know mostly everyone coming to the baby shower. Except for Destiny’s baby’s daddy and his family.
“What about you? Are you nervous?” Cynthia is amazing at hiding her nerves; I’m still trying to learn the body language she has when she is timid.
“To meet Fernando’s family? Yes, very much. Fernando himself is quite a gentleman, though,” she tells me. Whoa? A gentleman?
“Whoa! Hold up guys,” I stop my parents and Kade from talking to announce this big moment to them. “Cynthia just called Destiny’s boyfriend a gentleman!” I turn to Cynthia and put my palm on her forehead. “Are you okay? Wait, wait, you do feel a little warm, we should get you to a doctor,” I tease her. Cynthia is the strictest person I know when it comes to approving girlfriends or boyfriends for us kids. Except for Will, Kade’s older brother. Cynthia is trying to get him to find a girl. Will still thinks girls are crazy, which we are, and he’s twenty-three. Cynthia says the only missing piece of Will’s life is the love part. He’s already got a stable job. Now he just needs a girl. Cynthia just laughs at my joke and swats my butt.
“Get to work you two!” She instructs Kade and I.
“Where’s the cake?” I ask.
“Rey is going to go get it soon, aren’t you Rey?” Cynthia asks. Rey just raises his eyebrows and smiles. Cynthia can be quite demanding.
“Of course, dear,” he jokes. He walks out of the big party room and gets in the car to drive. Kade hands me blue streamers and instructs me to hang them above the cake/cupcake table.
“Um. No. See, this is why I’m the decorator. Destiny is having a GIRL. Not a boy, geez,” I giggle. His jaw drops and eyes raise, pretending to be so offended. I shake my head. “You are awful,” I confirm. He shakes his head in disagreement and takes me in his arms and off the ladder. I’m being baby cradled by Kade and I can barely breathe. We are a very lovey dovey couple, and I love that. People can say all the crap they want about our PDA, and I promise I won’t care. Being with Kade makes me forget all the bad, so I’m going to spend all my time with him. I need some good in my life, and he is it.
“Okay my babies. Since it’s Destiny and Fernando’s day, I don’t want you guys acting all love dovey when the family is around, okay? I mean, if people find out you guys are finally together it will cause a lot of attention to you two and not to the main couple we are throwing this party for. You know?” Cynthia really makes it clear that the family has been waiting for us to be together for a while now.
“Okay,” Kade and I say while Kade puts me back on my feet, obviously already listening to Cynthia’s command. Even though I understand what Cynthia is saying, it’s already driving me crazy that Kade’s hands won’t be on my waist the rest of the night. Kade takes pink streamer off one of the tables and instructs me to put more up over the doors. I sigh and drag the latter from the cupcake table to the door. I hang and string streamers for the next five minutes until someone in high pink heels and a grey sweater catches my eye. She’s walking from a little red VW bug and toward the Clubhouse. My head snaps around so my eyes can find Kade’s. He sees me trying to get his attention as I wave my arms to catch his eye. He looks at me questioningly, and I nod my head toward the door. He looks that way right as she enters. She’s even prettier than I remember. A pixie haircut, pink high heels, a grey sweater and tight black leggings. Her nails are painted pink. Oh, and her belly looks like it’s about to burst. We are about three and a half weeks until her due date. She looks up at me and I realize I am still standing on the ladder. My eyes meet hers and I can feel a lump in my throat forming. Her makeup is perfect, of course. Her eyeliner and mascara frames her eyes. It takes me back to the day where she taught me how to do my makeup. I was in the eighth grade. She was babysitting me. She was my role model.
“Hey, Becca,” she says, giving me one of her sweet smiles. The way she says my name makes me want to forgive her for leaving us. But all those nights Kade blocked me out because he was so upset is something I can’t forget. I have never seen Kade so upset, and she needs to know how she affected him.
“Kade,” she screams as she takes her brother in her arms, or at least tries to. With that big baby belly she has to give him some sort of awkward side hug. “How’s being a senior guys?” She asks Kade and me. Kade and I just look at each other.
“Good,” I say. “Easy.” Kade nods his head in agreement. I can tell he’s so nervous. He’s speechless and that’s so not normal for Kade. This is so awkward. Finally, Cynthia walks over to Destiny and pulls her into a hug and it’s as if a weight is lifted off the whole freakin’ room.
“Where’s Will?” I ask. Will is Cynthia’s second son and middle child.
“He’s not coming, bebé.” Cynthia confirms. What? Not coming? I’ll get the scoop on that later tonight from my mom or Kade when no one else is here.
An hour later Kade and I are sitting at one of the tables eating tamales, rice, beans, and cupcakes. There has to be like sixty people here; it’s insane. Cynthia loves throwing parties. Kade and I have been doing a good job keeping us on the down low. We only “accidentally” touch legs under the table every thirty seconds.
Destiny walks over to us and sits down. “So Carr had puppies, right?” She sits down and takes a bite of her tamale, waiting for Kade or me to answer.
“Yeah,” I say with a big heartfelt smile. Thinking about Carr and her babies makes me feel so warm and happy.
“The reason I ask is my boyfriend’s niece wants a puppy. What are the names by the way? The day Kade texted me saying Carr was pregnant we started coming up with cute names. Then the day I texted him telling him I was pregnant, we did the same thing for my baby. We were thinking something pretty like Peyton?”
“When did you find out you were pregnant and tell Kade, again?”
“About five months ago,” Destiny says. I look at Kade, pissed beyond belief.
“You have been talking to her this whole time?” I stand up in my chair and Kade’s eyes go wide. He stands up too.
“Becca-” He starts.
“YOU KNEW ALL ALONG THAT YOU COULD CONTACT HER. SHE COULD HAVE COME HOME. CYNTHIA AND
REY COULD HAVE COME HOME.” I’m yelling. If he would have told me that he had been talking to Destiny this whole fucking time, Cynthia and Rey could have come back to the United States sooner.
“Becca-”
“YOU KNEW ALL ALONG. How could you Kade?! You knew how hard it was for me to be away from Cynthia! Yet you didn’t do anything about it. You knew where she was THE WHOLE TIME,” I yell. I know the whole party is looking at us. I don’t care. Cynthia could have come home. I could have had my senior year with her. Things didn’t have to be this way, and he wanted to help his sister. When she was the one hurting us all, and hurting me.
“You knew,” I say as I shake my head, turn my back toward him, and start walking out the door.
“Becca the only reason I didn’t tell anyone because if my mom and dad came home, I would of had to move out. I love living with you.” He calls to me. I stop in my path and turn around to face him. Tears are streaming down my face. “I love living with you,” he says again as he starts to walk towards me. He walks up to me and takes my hand. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Cynthia’s face. A tear just slipped from her eye. I pull Kade by the arm and take him outside. We walk to the car in silence. I hop in the driver’s seat as Kade gets in the passenger side. For once, Kade doesn’t question it. I put the keys in the ignition and slide out of the parking spot and drive fast down the street. We pull into the Albertson’s and I instruct him to stay in the car. I run in the store, pick up packaged brownies, cookies, and Mrs. Field’s Mint Brownie ice cream and pay. I run back out, put the groceries in the trunk and drive us home. He doesn’t say anything until I sit him on the bathroom floor with brownies, cookies, and of course, Mrs. Field’s ice cream.
“What’s happening?” He asked. I would be confused, too. But sometimes, confusion is good. It’s the type of safe rush I know he craves.
“I’m telling you the story. And this is where I first met Henry,” I tell him. He just picks up his spoon, opens the tub of ice cream and takes a bite, waiting for me to tell him moment by moment what happened with Henry, why it was such a terrible, traumatic thing, and why it’s taking me forever to recover from it.
Chapter 49: Healing -->
It was February – the week after Chase and I started dating. Chase was this guy in my P.E. class. He had me wrapped around his finger, that’s for sure. Everyone would tell me he was a dick, but he wasn’t a dick to me, and in my mind, that’s all that mattered. I really liked him, so I followed my heart and decided it was nobody else’s decision but mine, so I got into a relationship with him. I was sitting on the bathroom sink counter, putting on eyeliner before going to a football game with friends when I got a text from a number I did not recognize.
“Hey,” it said.
“Hey! Who is this?” I was one happy girl back then. I was always so hyper and cheerful. Nothing scared me. I wasn’t broken or bruised. All people were good and when they weren’t good, they were always sorry. I didn’t understand that sometimes, people never change. I loved meeting new people back then. It was always an adventure and a fun time. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
“Chase’s friend,” the person on the other end of the phone texted back. In that moment, I asked myself, “What if this friend fell in love with his best friend’s girlfriend? That would make a great story.” Now looking back, I guess I could predict the future. Well, at least some of it.
**
We texted twenty four seven. Then we started hanging out at school and outside of school. Henry never thought that Chase was good for me. He said he was an asshole, which I never got because Henry knew Chase even before I did. And they were such good friends.
That leads us to the night it all started.
We all went to the movies. Chase, Chasity, Cassidy, Henry, Cassidy’s boyfriend, and me all went to the movies. It was one of those cartoon ones that I don’t like, but I just wanted to hang out with Chase so I went anyway. I mean, going to the movies with your friends even though you don’t like the movie. How bad could it be?
It started off great. Henry sat on the end, then Chase, me, then Cassidy’s boyfriend, then Cassidy and last was Chasity. Like I said, it started off great. Chase kept giving me kisses on the cheek and forehead and I was super happy, but being a teenager, I made a stupid decision. Chase went for my boobs and I let him. He kept caressing my boobs and I let him. Henry’s eyes went wide – he was the only one that saw.
The next day he texted me. I remember clearly what I was doing. I was lying on the trampoline relaxing. It was early in the morning and I was still in my pajamas. It was cloudy and foggy and looked like it was about to rain.
Why’d you let him feel you up?
I don’t know. It felt right, okay? I didn’t realize I didn’t have to explain myself. It was my private life. Even though I called him my best friend, that didn’t mean I had to tell him every single detail about my life. He would have disagreed with that thought though, anyways, though.
Did you like it?
I guess. I kind of regret it, though. It wasn’t as great as I wanted it to be.
You know what they call girls that do something with a guy and then regret it the next day?
What?
A slut.
That’s where it all started – the name calling and emotional abuse. I never forgave him for what he called me, but I wasn’t mad enough to not be friends anymore. He was my best friend. At that time, I felt like I could never live without him. I guess I was wrong.
After that, mean things he would say only happened occasionally. He would get mad when I didn’t invite him places. He would get mad when it would take me over five minutes to respond to his text messages – he said he felt like I was “talking to someone better than him” because I wasn’t responding. Sometimes he would get annoyed with me and call me annoying and then would miss me five minutes after we stopped texting. He would call me selfish because I was still dating Chase and not “listening to him.” He said I was selfish and didn’t think of how he or Chasity felt, but Chasity understood that I was going to date the guys I wanted to date because I liked the guy, not because she thought the guy was good for me. So Chase wasn’t the nicest guy; I admit, he could be a dick sometimes, but that doesn’t mean Henry had to get mad at me.
He would ask me to send him nudes. He said he was a guy and “needed” it or else his penis would get infected. He claimed that all guys need to feel “good” at least once a month or their penises would get infected, and if they got infected, they couldn’t produce sperm. Of course, none of this at the time sounded like complete bull shit to me, but I still didn’t send him pictures. He would get mad and tell me I am a terrible friend.
He would always make things into fights. I don’t think “peace” is in that man’s vocabulary.
The worst part about him was how stressed he made me. He would always try to get me to feel sorry for him. His dad lived far away. His mom would always get mad at him. He lived far away from his sister and his brother was a loser. No one at school liked him. He had terrible grades. He was always the victim. Everybody always hurt him. He never hurt anyone else. Everyone just hurt him.
Chase and I broke up after three months. I was happy about it. I was sick and tired of Chase’s immatureness and ego. Some of the things people said about him did end up being true, but I’m glad I learned that on my own. Sometimes, you can warn people as much as you want, but sooner or later you have to back down and let them learn on their own time.
The next school year started, and we were juniors. That’s when the worst thing happened. Henry admitted he was in love with me two days before school started. He kissed me and I kissed him back. It was horrible. Then he whispered he loved me right after kissing me and I told him I loved him back. I was so mad at myself because I didn’t love him back. I was such an idiot. I swore to myself after that day that I would never tell anyone I love them unless I really did. I really hate myself for that day. I totally brought that drama upon myself. It
was my fault. It’s all my fault. I trusted the wrong friend. I will never forgive myself for that.
I broke the news to him and told him I didn’t love him. He was pissed beyond pissed to the point that I had to worry about whether he would physically hurt me or not. He turned on me. He told me he hated me.
I met this guy, Travis that year, and I really, really, really liked him. He was funny, sweet, but did drugs. Henry found out I liked Travis and not him. Then Travis and I started dating, so Henry sent me this message:
You know they say history repeats itself. The ONLY reason I’ve been “being nice” to you is to try and win you back. But it looks like that isn’t going to happen. And the reason I’m telling you this is because eventually you and Travis will break up. We could have maybe had a thing. Maybe you would have liked me for a day or two, just like you said you did the day I kissed you. But then you would find someone better than me... So that’s why I am ending this “never ending cycle of shit” right now, and I know something about Travis- I know what his plan is. I would tell you, but you wouldn’t believe me. Instead, I am just going to sit back and watch. When you fuck up? I’m going to be there. Laughing. Because you chose a druggie over me. And there’s no good that would ever come out of that. Why would a SENIOR go out with a JUNIOR? LOL, I am not even hurt anymore. For once since I met you, I’m happy. You turned into everything you said you’d never be. “No matter what, I will never let him go.” LOL WHAT A JOKE! See? It’s all one big LIE.
Yep. My “best friend” said that to me. I was so upset I ended up barfing in the toilet. I showed Travis that message too. It made the big badass Travis Becker cry.
We didn’t talk much after that. Until November 7th. It was a Wednesday. I was doing rehearsals for choir at school. It was around four o’clock.
When I Forget You Page 18