“Don’t throw that back in my face,” she pointed an accusing finger at him. “I promised that under duress, before I knew you were hiding that child from her grandmother. How can I trust you after something like this? Don’t you see how reprehensible this? ”
“Jess, you don’t know the whole story. Just wait and I’ll try and explain.”
She just looked at him, curling her lip in distaste, and pulled on the doorknob. “Today was a mistake. A huge mistake. I should have stuck with my instincts and stayed away from you, but I just get overwhelmed when you’re around. I won’t make the same mistake again, I can guarantee you of that.” Daring him to try and stop her, she looked pointedly at his hand where it rested on the doorjamb to block her progress.
Once again, Duncan wanted to force her to listen to him, but removed his hand resignedly. He couldn’t keep her here against her will, and to be honest, he was tired of defending himself. He was in the wrong, he knew that, but how could he explain if she wouldn’t even listen? “I’ll call you,” he said, trailing her to the front door where she scooped up her shoes and twisted her bare feet into them without looking at him.
“Don’t bother,” she said softly, pausing in her flight long enough to glance at him. The anger drained out of her and she suddenly felt very empty. He was so handsome; it was painful to look at him. His face was tight and drawn, nothing like the laughing, exuberant expression of ten minutes before. She wanted to leave cleanly, but she couldn’t help reaching out to touch him one last time. Laying her hand against his cheek, she said, “For what it’s worth, I’m really glad I met you, Duncan.”
Duncan looked at her in horror. This really sounded like good-bye. He’d prefer her anger to this sad resignation. “Then why is it over? Why can’t we work this out? Jessie, I really care for you,” he said desperately, tightly pressing her palm to his cheek with his own hand.
It killed her to do this to him, but she had no choice. She had to think about her own feelings and what it would do to her to allow herself to love someone so deceitful. Twice in the eleven days she’d known him, he’d proven himself to be a liar. It was all too much for her. “Because you don’t take honesty very seriously and I do. It’s as simple as that. I can’t be with someone who lies about little things, let alone huge things. I’m sorry, but I don’t see how we can overcome something like that.” She pulled her hand from his cheek and turned away from him.
Duncan didn’t touch her, but his voice was tight with strain. “Listen Jess. Things just aren’t that simple. Not everyone has a clean slate like you. I had a life before you came along—not much of one, granted, but a life, with an absent sister, and a wife, and a domineering grandmother. I wish I didn’t. I wish things were easier, but they’re not. If you’ll just give me another chance, you’ll see that I’m really not the creep you seem to think I am.”
“I don’t think you’re a creep,” she said gently. It was true, in many ways he was wonderful, but she couldn’t get past this one thing. “I just think you have a tendency to omit the truth when it’s convenient for you. Lots of people are like that. But the man I want, the man I thought you might be, isn’t like that.”
“But Jessie, you understood about Kerry once I explained it to you. If you’ll just listen, I’m sure you’ll understand about Theresa too.”
“Don’t you get it? I don’t want this to be a pattern in my life. From what I’ve seen, you always have something to explain. I can’t live like that. I’m not going to live like that.”
Frustrated and helpless in the face of her rejection, Duncan had finally had enough. In a deceptively cool, calm tone of voice he said, “Jessie, I guess it all depends on your definition of living. Like I said before, I had a life before you came along, and I’ll have one when you’re gone. What you have to ask yourself is: will you?”
Jessie flinched from the cruelty of his words, but she didn’t stop. “Good-bye, Duncan,” she said, easing out the door and clicking it firmly closed behind her. She didn’t cry; she was too dead inside to cry.
Chapter 26
Two hours later Duncan sat down wearily on the bar stool at Steamworks and waited for Kevin. Unable to sit calmly in his apartment, he’d called his friend and asked him to meet for a drink. He knew Kev was fighting a tight deadline on a particularly harrowing book, but his desperate tone must have convinced the writer to abandon his latest project for a couple of hours. Without hesitation, Kevin had agreed to meet at their usual place.
The bar was much busier on a Friday night, but Tessa, the bartender still found time to come over and look deeply into his eyes while taking his drink order. “Just a beer,” he said with an absent smile, breaking eye contact with her by pretending to look for a bowl of peanuts.
“Are you sure that’s all you want?” She asked with a slow, sensuous smile, leaning over the bar to display ample golden cleavage in a very tight, long-sleeved wrap top.
“Just the beer would be great,” he said, pretending not to understand what she meant. She had the kind of figure women today were always moaning about achieving, with tight abs on display and large high breasts he suspected couldn’t be real. With her long blond hair and deeply tanned skin she was extremely beautiful in a hard sort of way, but he didn’t feel even remotely interested in flirting with her. Hadn’t Kevin spent several evenings with this girl following their last meeting here two weeks ago? Then why was she so obviously coming onto him now?
Tessa shrugged her slim shoulders, and gave him a disappointed look. “Suit yourself,” she said, grabbing a Corona from the cooler, she set it in front of him, deftly removed the cap, and moved on to more likely prey.
Duncan took a deep swig from his icy bottle and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind the bar. He didn’t like what he saw at all. Partly because he was so pale and drawn, but mostly because he knew he was looking at a liar and a sneak. He’d never thought of himself in those terms before. He considered himself a decent person, not a saint by any means, but someone who did the right thing—no matter what. He prided himself on it. That altruistic streak was why he’d gotten into police work in the first place. It sounded hokey, but he really did want to help people. But lately he seemed to have lost sight of that person and turned into someone he despised—someone selfish and downright deceitful. Was it possible that the things he saw everyday were starting to rub off on him? Was he actually becoming what he hated most—someone who didn’t play by the rules unless it suits them?
If that was true then Jessie was right to have left him. What kind of decent woman would want a man who conveniently forgot to mention he had a wife, and then compounded the problem by revealing that he was harboring a runaway? God, what was he doing? When had things gotten so messed up?
His only hope was to straighten out his life and then try and work things out with Jessie. Maybe if he gave her some time, she would be able to forgive him for being such a complete slime ball. That would be the decent thing to do. She certainly didn’t deserve all these complications and lies. But how was he going to stay away from her for the time it would take to get a divorce and settle things with Theresa and his grandmother? It could take months or even years. He didn’t think he could wait that long. Even a day away from her was more painful than he’d ever imagined.
It had been just about impossible to watch her walk away this evening. He’d thought about her every moment since, and he didn’t see his ache for her subsiding any time soon. Somewhere along the line she’d become as important to his survival as food, and sleep, and hockey. He seriously didn’t know what he would do if it was really over between them.
He had no doubt that if he waited too long, she would find someone else--who didn’t lie to her. Another man would make her laugh and would breath in her fresh, clean fragrance. Duncan’s hand tightened on the Corona bottle and he felt a vein fluttering at his temple at the thought of another man exploring her newly awakened body and hearing her soft moans and sighs of pleasure. He shook his head to
clear this image and pushed the bottle away before he crushed it.
Duncan felt a large hand pulverizing his shoulder in a familiar squeeze.
“Hey man,” Kevin said, sitting down beside his friend. “How’s it hanging?”
“It’s not hanging much,” Duncan said with a wry smile. “That’s part of the problem.” He glanced at his large friend and took in his unusually rumpled appearance.
Kevin looked like he’d been on a bender. His short, golden hair was standing out in spikes, like he’d been pulling on it convulsively, and his jaw was darkened with the tawny fuzz that passed for a beard on him. Clearly, he hadn’t shaved in days, and the buttons on his long-sleeved denim shirt were askew, like he couldn’t be bothered with such mundane tasks as dressing himself properly. Duncan smiled to himself, recognizing the familiar signs of a project finally coming to an end. Kevin always looked a bit like a mad scientist when he was finishing a book.
Duncan suddenly felt very grateful that his friend would take time out when he was so deeply entrenched. Idly, he wondered if maybe he wasn’t such a bad guy if he was capable of maintaining a friendship with Kevin for twenty-five years. The writer would have given up on him years ago if he thought he was a weasel.
“And you’re complaining?” Kevin asked, smiling as he tried to get Tessa’s attention. His smile turned into a scowl as she ignored him. “Wait twenty years until you’re popping Viagara like M & M’s and I’ll remind you of this conversation.”
Ignoring the slur on his manhood, Duncan asked, “How’s the book going?” He knew how this query aggravated his friend, and couldn’t resist prodding him a bit. Whenever new acquaintances learned Kevin was a writer, they inevitably asked him this question. At first, he’d answered it thoughtfully and in depth, until he realized that people’s eyes glazed over after about thirty seconds. Lately he’d been telling people he was a plumber, whenever he was introduced, just to avoid the question.
“Arrrgh,” Kevin said, glaring at Duncan fiercely. “Do I ask you how your latest investigation is going?”
“Yes, you do actually. Constantly.”
“Research, man. Can’t be avoided.” Kevin said evasively. He finally made eye contact with Tessa who had been casting flinty glances his way from the far end of the bar. Kevin smiled charmingly at the gorgeous blond while putting his hands together in front of him in a prayer. She slowly slinked over, chewing on her gum furiously, and plunked another beer down in front of him. “Thanks sweetheart,” Kevin said with his most sincere smile. “I was parched. You may have saved me from dehydration.”
“Really,” she drawled, raising a pierced eyebrow. “I’d hate to see you shrivel up and die. That’d be a real shame,” she called over her shoulder as she retreated back to the other end of the bar. Her venomous tone said clearly that she would like nothing better than to see Kevin in a pine box.
“Jesus, what did you do to her?” Duncan asked. He thought he knew, but it was always interesting to hear the story behind the enraged female. “Do you want to go somewhere else?”
“Nah, she’s just mad because I didn’t call,” Kevin said, regretfully. “I told her I wasn’t interested in anything serious, but she’s still pissed.” Kevin took a sip from his beer and turned toward Duncan. “Now, why are we here exactly? Your virgin still giving you trouble?” The two men hadn’t met the previous week, so Kevin was completely unaware of what was going on with Duncan and Jessie.
Duncan spent the next twenty minutes getting Kevin up to speed. Knowing his friend wouldn’t judge him; Duncan spilled everything, including his lies.
Kevin’s expression remained unchanged throughout the entire recital. He didn’t look shocked or surprised when Duncan told him that Kerry was back in town demanding money, or even when he revealed that he’d lied to his grandmother about Theresa’s whereabouts. He just listened and nodded.
Finally, he couldn’t restrain his curiosity. “And you and Jessie have consummated your relationship then?” He asked, watching Duncan closely.
Feeling slightly embarrassed, Duncan peeled the label from his beer, and spoke softly. “Yeah, we did. Then Kerry showed up and ruined everything.”
Kevin nodded knowingly. “Your wife has a way of doing that. But how do you feel now that you’ve been with this girl? Was it just a case of you and Mr. Winky finally getting some action, or what?”
“I wish that was all it was. It would be so much easier to just let her go. But I think I might actually care for this girl. Little good it does me when I’ve fucked things up so royally. She probably won’t even talk to me again, let alone want to spend some quality time with Mr. Winky ever again.” Duncan stared morosely at his beer bottle. Tessa hadn’t returned since wishing death on Kevin, so both men were sitting there with empties in front of them.
“So what are you going to do about it?” Kevin asked.
Duncan looked at the huge blond man blankly for a moment and then got instantly defensive. “What do you mean? What can I do about it? I’m already possibly facing one set of kidnapping charges for Theresa. Do you think I should kidnap Jessie and make it an even pair? You could write a book about me—the Vancouver serial kidnapper.”
“I think you’ll have to do it a few more times before you’d be book-worthy,” Kev said speculatively. “Kerry’s still in town isn’t she? How about her?”
Duncan shuddered. “No way. I’d give myself up after a half hour with that woman. Wouldn’t make for good copy at all.”
“What I meant was, are you going to let this one get away, or what?”
Duncan paused for a second. He didn’t want to give up on Jessie, but he didn’t really see what choice he had—for now. “What are you suggesting?” He looked at Kevin suspiciously.
“Well, last time you phoned her constantly and sent presents and everything, right? Did the whole ‘I’m a bastard. Please forgive me,’ stalker routine.” Kevin rolled his eyes and looked at Duncan like he’d betrayed their gender.
Annoyed, Duncan said dryly, “And eventually she forgave me. Besides, I really was wrong to keep Kerry from her.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But we’re not talking about that. We’re talking about what you should do to get her back.”
“So apologizing is out?” Duncan asked, puzzled. He’d been out of the dating world too long. Apparently, honesty wasn’t as popular as it once was in relationships.
“For now.” Kevin stretched his long arms down the bar and confiscated another bowl of peanuts from the oblivious couple down the bar. He emptied a handful of nuts into his mouth and then handed the bowl to Duncan who waved them away. “If you really want this girl, and I think you really do, you can’t have her walking all over you. She won’t respect you and you’ll lose her—this time forever?”
Duncan felt a wave of panic wash over him at the thought, but wasn’t prepared to play games with Jessie. “So, what you’re saying is that if I want Jessie, I have to act like I don’t want her.”
“Exactly.”
Duncan couldn’t help it; he laughed and slapped Kevin on the back. “Man, I’m so glad I called you. In a million years I didn’t think I’d be laughing tonight.”
Kevin glared at him and said through gritted teeth. “I’m serious. Maybe instead of laughing you should be listening.”
Duncan tried to stop it, but a wide smile still cracked his face. “I’m sorry. I just thought we were adults. This all sounds a bit too much like high school for me.”
“Fine. Don’t listen, but you might want to keep in mind that I have a lot more experience with this than you.”
“Enraging women.” Duncan said, laughing again at the murderous look on Kevin’s face. “Yeah, I guess you do have more experience with that, but it’s hardly something I aspire to. I prefer not to have women making voodoo dolls from my pubic hair,” Duncan said sarcastically.
“Hey, that only happened once and she was certifiable. What I mean is that women enjoy the hunt as much as men do. They never want the guy th
at makes himself too available. They want the guy they have to work for a bit. Why do you think so many hot chicks are with total assholes?”
“I don’t know. Karma maybe?” Duncan interrupted, unable to resist answering Kevin’s rhetorical question.
Kevin continued like Duncan hadn’t said a word. “I’m telling you. If you give this girl some time, she’ll come around. And you won’t have to humble yourself like a complete wuss.”
“But I did do something shitty. I should be the one that begs her for forgiveness.”
“Listen. If you act like you’re in the wrong all the time, you’re going to be in the wrong all the time. It’ll set the precedence for your entire relationship and you’ll be apologizing for the rest of your life. Don’t be one of those pathetic schmucks who lets his woman carry his balls around in her purse, okay?” Kevin said, giving Duncan a look that said he couldn’t imagine anything worse.
Duncan shook his head in disbelief, still grinning. “Man, I had no idea you had this many issues. I thought you liked women.”
“I love women. I can’t get enough of women. But relationships are complicated.”
“How do you know? When was the last time you ever had one?”
“Hey, I’ve had more than you, Mr. three-and-a-half-years-with-just-my-hand-for- company.”
Duncan didn’t have any response to that. Kevin was way, way more experienced with getting back into the good graces of women. In fact, Duncan was pretty sure that the next time they came to Steamworks, Tessa would be flirting with his friend like nothing had happened. He’d actually seen this occur on several occasions with other women. They just couldn’t stay mad at his friend. “Alright, so you think the key to getting Jessie back is to let her make the first move.”
“Now you’ve got it. I’m not saying don’t apologize or even act like you didn’t do something shitty. That would be wrong, especially considering your very underhanded behavior.” Duncan scowled at him, but Kevin continued. “Just give her some time to think about it, cool off, and realize how much she misses you.”
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