I hate this. I need to find out what’s going on with him and why he’s suddenly gone cold on me after the wonderful night we shared together. Checking my watch, I see it’s almost two p.m.; a perfect time to stop for lunch.
Knowing Caleb loves pizza, I lead him to a little pizza place I’ve been to a few times before with friends. He doesn’t question me, just follows. I ask for a table for two, which we’re quickly seated at and told someone will be back to take our orders in five minutes.
Caleb picks up his menu and scans it, and I try and do the same, but I can’t concentrate. I need to know why he’s being like this. Usually the banter between us is easy and non-stop, but he hasn’t initiated a conversation since we left my house this morning.
“Cal, is there something wrong?”
He puts down his menu and looks at me intently. “Why would there be anything wrong?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because you’ve not said two words to me since we left my parents’ house unless I’ve spoken first. That crap you spouted about my mum hating horror movies was bullshit, so are you going to tell me what’s going on, or do I have to guess?” I keep my voice as low as I can, aware there are other people within earshot, but it’s clear from my tone that I’m more than a little irked by his sudden bout of silence. I keep my eyes on him and see him lean back in his chair and sigh. His expression changes from hard to soft in a nanosecond, and he looks… almost lost.
“Were you ever going to tell me about college and Birmingham? Or would I have found out when I went to pick you up one day and you weren’t there.”
What? How does he—my mum. She must have told him, but why? Why would she do that?
As if he can read my mind, Caleb speaks. “Don’t blame your mum. She thought you’d told me. I mentioned about you not wanting me to drive today, and she assumed it was because of all the driving I’d have to do when you go to college in Birmingham. Apparently, you told her you were going to tell me this morning. So why didn’t you?”
Damn it, I knew I should have said something to him. Why did I try to hide it? We were having such a lovely time until my mum opened her mouth. No, like Caleb said, I can’t blame her. This is all on me.
I look into Caleb’s blue eyes and can see he’s waiting for an answer, but I’ve no idea what to tell him. I decide to go with my heart. “I don’t want to lose you.”
I can barely look at him as I say the words, and I’m saved—at least for the moment—when the waiter comes back to take our orders. I’m aware that Caleb’s eyes never leave my face as he orders his pepperoni pizza with a diet coke. I glance at him as I order the same and see something different in his eyes. He actually looks pissed.
“Please tell me you’re not serious? You really think you’d lose me if you went off to college?”
“Well, we’ve only been together for four months, and if I go to Birmingham, we’d hardly see each other. It wouldn’t be fair of me to ask you to wait for me while I complete my studies. Besides, none of this matters anyway. I’ve decided not to go.”
“Like hell you’re not!”
My eyes widen at his words as the waiter brings our drinks over and, as if sensing the tension, mutters that our food will be with us shortly and leaves.
“I’m not having you miss out on college because of me, Cris. You were devastated when you didn’t get the grades you wanted, so how can you even think about turning this down? Having a career in forensics means the world to you. You can’t give all of that up because of me.”
“I’m not giving it up. I’m going to take a year out and reapply next year. Loads of my friends are doing it, so why can’t I?” I know I’m on the defensive, but I can’t think of any other way to be now. I knew he would try and convince me to go—that’s partly why I decided not to tell him—and I’m being proven right.
“Okay, and what if you reapply next year and don’t get accepted? Will you put it off for another year and try again?” He pauses before reaching over and taking my hand. “You can’t take that risk, Cris. This might be the only chance you get to go to college, and I’m not going to let you pass it up. Not because of me.”
“But what if you get sick of not seeing me and find someone else? You’re funny and handsome and kind… I can’t expect you to wait around for me to come back.”
And there it is, the reason why I’m so hesitant to leave him. I’m scared—no, I’m terrified—he’ll find someone else, someone prettier and sexier, if I’m not around.
“Give me some credit, Cris. I’m not that kind of guy. I love you. You could be going to study in America and that wouldn’t change how I feel about you. You’re my girl, Crissie; nothing will change that, especially not a two-hour drive down the motorway. I’m not going anywhere, and you need to start believing that.”
Oh, I want to. I really, really want to believe we can make things work, but everything inside me is screaming that it won’t. I mean, how can it? He’s a guy and he has needs. Needs I won’t be there to fulfil.
“Do you trust me, Crissie?”
“Yes,” I reply without hesitation.
“Then trust that we can make this work. Have some faith in our relationship. We’re great together, Cris, and a little bit of distance isn’t going to make any difference to how I feel or how we are together.”
I listen to his words and take a deep breath. I can feel my eyes welling up, and any minute now I'm going to be sobbing into my diet coke. It’s only the arrival of our pizzas that drags me back into the moment, and I quickly swipe at my eyes to eliminate any stray tears.
Dare I believe him? Is there a chance we can make this work, even with the distance between us?
I repeat those two questions over and over as we eat our lunch in silence. I can feel Caleb watching me, and I’m acutely aware I’ve not said anything since his last statement.
Can we make this work? God, I hope so. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Caleb, and I would do anything to make him happy. Despite my negative tendencies, deep down I know it’s the same for him.
Taking the last bite of my pizza, I push the plate to the side, seeing Caleb has already finished. He’s looking at me, a question on the tip of his tongue.
“Have you made a decision?” he asks quietly, and as soon as he asks, I know my answer.
“We should probably get back. I’ve an acceptance email to write.”
Chapter 13
Crissie
Present Day
Once we’d returned to Caleb’s flat after the pizza, I’d logged into my email account and found an email from the college waiting for me. It contained all the information about the A-Levels I’d chosen to do and instructions about what I needed to do next in order to confirm or deny their offer.
Caleb had insisted I print it all out and read through it before committing to attending, which we’d done together. He had seemed really impressed with the facilities, and by the time we’d gone through everything, he was adamant there was no way I could turn down the offer. He was so enthusiastic about it, for a moment I’d thought he might sign up to a course himself.
He had also pointed out I would need to find somewhere to stay while I was studying. As luck would have it, he had a cousin who lived just a fifteen-minute walk away from the college, and after a quick phone call, he arranged it so I could stay with her for the duration of my studies.
Luckily, Elise Roberts wasn’t a complete stranger. I’d met her a few times when she’d come up to visit her family in Chester. She had studied at the same college and loved the area so much she’d decided to stay there. Her life was in Birmingham now, as was her boyfriend of almost five years and her job as a legal secretary.
Sighing, I smile as I realise how often my thoughts drift back to the past and all the good times Caleb and I enjoyed. Even though the journey from Chester to Birmingham was only two hours, he had kept me entertained, despite me in hysterics most of the time.
We’d had our very own karaoke contest in the car, w
ith him winning hands down. I couldn’t hold a tune for toffee, but it turned out Caleb had an excellent voice. Even now, I still love it when he sings to me, but he doesn’t do it often enough for my liking.
As I hadn’t been due to start at the college until the Tuesday, Caleb and I had decided to travel down on the Saturday. We had agreed to take a look around the area, so I would know where I’d need to head on my first day. We’d spent most of the weekend exploring and had just enjoyed spending time together. We visited museums, went shopping, and had some lovely meals, just the two of us.
It was heaven, and I’d loved every minute of it.
I’d hated it when Sunday came around and he’d had to head back home. I hadn’t wanted him to go, but he promised he would come back down the next weekend. As a parting gift, he’d bought me my very first mobile phone, so we could call and text each other as often as we wanted, which we did. All the time.
I’ll always remember the disappointment I felt when Caleb didn’t come to see me the following weekend as planned. He’d text me to say he had to work and couldn’t get out of it. I had no reason to doubt him, but of course, my young and irrational self chose to believe a multitude of other reasons why he wasn’t coming to see me.
When his absence extended to the following five weekends, too, and his texts and calls got fewer and fewer, my paranoia took hold and I convinced myself he didn’t want me and my initial reservations about going to college had been right.
His arrival in Birmingham six weeks after he’d brought me down resulted in one of our deepest conversations. One, even to this day, I struggle to forget.
Chapter 14
Crissie
November 2006
Birmingham, England
He’s on his way.
Caleb is finally coming to see me. He’s just text me to say he’ll be here in thirty minutes. I’ve no idea what to say to him. It’s been over a month since I last saw him. I’ve missed him, desperately. Missed seeing him, missed his touch, his words. I’ve missed everything about him. But I can’t stop thinking that he’s hiding something from me.
Six weeks.
It’s been six weeks since he brought me down to Birmingham, so I could start college. Even though he promised he would visit me every weekend, this is the first time he has come down to see me. He’s told me he’s been working, but before I moved, he never worked a weekend.
Ever.
The only thing that’s changed is that I’m here and he’s there, and without his work, there’s no excuse for him not to come and visit me. I can’t shake the feeling there’s something he’s not telling me; that work isn’t the real reason he’s hasn’t come down to Birmingham.
I knew coming here for college was a mistake, but I let him talk me into it with sweet words and promises that nothing would change between us. I let him convince me he wasn’t going anywhere, and he loved me and would stick by me. I chose to believe him, but deep down, there was always a part of me that knew things wouldn’t go to plan.
I’m just not that lucky.
Grabbing my phone off the bed when it chirps, I see the text from Caleb telling me he is now only fifteen minutes away. The message also has a smiley face and several kisses. At any other time, the sight of those little x’s would make me smile from ear to ear, but not at the moment.
Elise has made herself scarce, obviously thinking that after almost six weeks, Caleb and I would want some time alone, and normally, she’d be right. Part of me wants nothing more than to grab Caleb as soon as he walks through the door and spend the entire weekend with him locked away in my room. Unfortunately, there’s a bigger part of me that just wants to know what’s been going on. Why hasn’t he come to see me?
Glancing at the clock, I see the time and know Caleb will be here any minute. I grab my phone and stuff it in the pocket of my hoodie and leave my room. As I descend the stairs, I see his car pull onto the driveway, and I freeze.
What’s wrong with me? I should be so excited to see him, my boyfriend, after six weeks apart, but I’ve no idea what to say to him.
I watch through the glass panels in the front door as he climbs out the car and grabs a small black case from the backseat. Within a few seconds, he’s stood at the door, and I see him raise his hand and rap his knuckles against the wood.
Taking a deep breath, I descend the remaining stairs and see him grin when his eyes meet mine. I smile back, but I know it’s not as excited as his. As I open the door, he bursts through, drops his case, and wraps his arms around me tightly.
God, he smells good—just as good as I remember. It’s a mixture of his body wash, aftershave, and something that’s uniquely him. It takes a moment, but I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him. I’ve missed him so much, but I’m so confused. I’m struggling to reconcile the man standing before me now, holding me in his arms, with the same man who has cancelled on me week after week for six weeks.
As if he can sense something isn’t right, Caleb pulls away and looks down at me. His confusion is clear on his handsome face, and it takes everything in me not to break down in front of him. I love this man, more than I ever thought I would love anyone, and suddenly, the thought of him not feeling the same way slices through me like a knife.
“Cris, what’s wrong? Has something happened?”
Removing my arms from around his waist, I move them to his chest and push. He stares as he releases me, his expression clearly showing what he’s thinking. I’ve never pushed him away from me before. I’m usually the one pulling him toward me, but right now, I can’t let him get too close. I need answers.
Wrapping my arms around myself, I walk through to the living room and sit on the sofa, seeing him still standing in the same position I left him.
He opens his mouth to say something, then closes it again before following me into the living room, sitting on the sofa opposite. As I look at him, I realise I’ve no idea what to say to him. I told him I trusted him before I left. I’m basically going to be calling him a liar if I come out and ask him what he’s really been doing for the last six weeks.
“Cris? Please, you’re scaring me.”
Here goes nothing.
“Six weeks, Cal. It’s been six weeks since I saw you last. I’ve missed you.”
Caleb gets up from his seat opposite and comes around the coffee table to sit next to me. He reaches out to take my hand, but I pull it away, causing him to frown at my reaction. “I know. I’ve missed you, too, but I had to work. I told you.”
“You never had to work weekends before I left.” I can barely look at him as I say the words. I don’t need to see his face to know what he’s thinking. His audible gasp is enough to tell me that.
“You don’t believe me?” he asks, and I can’t answer him. “What exactly do you think I’ve been doing, Crissie?”
What do I think he’s been doing? Now that he’s asked me, I don’t have an answer. All I know is he promised to come and see me every weekend, and he hasn’t.
“You said you’d come and see me, but you’ve not been down once since I got here. We saw each other every weekend when I was home. You never worked a weekend in the whole time we’ve been seeing each other, and then I move away and suddenly you’re working every weekend? As much as I want to believe you, Cal, I don’t believe in coincidences.” I watch him as he leans back against the cushions and lets out a long sigh. His eyes are watching me intently, and I have no idea what he’s going to say or do next.
“You’re right. I haven’t been working every weekend.”
I knew it. I knew I wasn’t being paranoid.
“But it’s not what you’re thinking, Cris.” He shifts forward and takes my hand, holding it tightly so I can’t pull it away. “The first three weeks you were here, I did have to work. My boss got a new contract. You remember I told you about it?” I nod as I recall the brief conversation we had halfway through my first week here. “Well, we had almost two dozen cars that needed to be worked on. I was practically
living at the garage. We all were. We even had to take on a new mechanic to keep up with everything. I didn’t see anyone other than my boss and the pizza delivery guy for almost two weeks.”
That makes sense, I guess. I do remember him telling me about a new contract his boss had signed, but he never mentioned anything about how much work would be involved, even when we spoke several times during the week. I’d commented about how tired he sounded, but he always brushed it off, saying he wasn’t sleeping well because I wasn’t there. I thought the answer was sweet so hadn’t pushed it. “And the other three weeks?”
“Those three weeks I wasn’t working.” I try and pull my hand away, but his grip remains firm. “But it’s not what you’re thinking. You have to know how much I love you, Cris. I would never do anything to jeopardise what we have.”
“You told me you were working, Caleb, and now you’ve just told me you weren’t. You lied to me. That’s putting what we have in jeopardy.” I can feel the tears filling my eyes, and I know that pretty soon they’ll be slipping down my cheeks. I was right. He was lying to me. I knew something was going on. To me, it looks like he spent three weekends without me and realised his feelings for me weren’t as strong as he thought. Sure, he’s just told me he loves me, but that’s just because I’m here in front of him. As soon as he returns home, those feelings will diminish again.
“Yes, I lied to you, but I had a very good reason for it.”
“What possible reason could you have for lying to me? If you didn’t want to see me, you only had to say. At least then I would know where I stand.”
“You’ve got it wrong, Cris. There hasn’t been a single moment in the last six weeks when I haven’t thought about you. Everything I see, smell, and touch reminds me of you. My bed has been so empty without you there to share it with me that I’ve slept on the sofa. I’ve hardly slept because I’ve not had you there by my side. I’ve missed you more than I ever thought possible, and honestly, that scares me, but not as much as seeing those tears in your eyes. It's killing me knowing they’re there because of me.”
Takes You Page 6