Crissie
July 2014
“That’s it, Crissie. All done.”
I look up at the nurse and give her my biggest grin, which, considering how tired and worn out I feel, is some achievement.
It’s been almost three months since I had surgery to remove cancerous cells from my cervix, and today marks the day when I complete my radiotherapy. I can’t tell you how happy I am about that.
The doctors warned me of the possible side effects before I had my first treatment, and I swear, I’ve never felt so ill. The nausea and lethargy knocked me off my feet ninety percent of the time. I’ve probably lost a stone in weight, not that I had much to lose in the first place, but thankfully, I’ve still got a full head of hair.
Yeah, I know it’s vain to think that, but come on, I’m a girl. I love my hair and, even though I know it would grow back eventually, it’s taken me years to get it to the perfect length.
“Thanks, Penny.” I smile my thanks to the nurse who has been administering my treatment since the very first time. She’s only a few years older than me and reminds me of Pippa in so many ways. She’s been a breath of fresh air while I’ve been here; always making me laugh and trying to take my mind of what’s happening. I swear, if it hadn’t been for her, I don’t think I’d have made it through the last eight or so weeks.
Cal loves her too. He’s been to almost every session with me, and she’s had him in stitches as often as she has me. He’s mentioned to me many times that he’s grateful for a nurse who is as dedicated to her job as Penny is, and I can’t deny that she’s made this process a whole lot easier for me to get through.
I wait while she unhooks me from the machines, and a huge smile spreads across my face when I see Cal standing in the doorway. I hadn’t anticipated seeing him until later this afternoon. He dropped me off this morning then had to go to the garage to see to a rush job. He’d tried to get one of the other mechanics to go in, but they were all busy with other jobs.
I’d been expecting my mum to come and pick me up, so seeing his handsome face standing there has only made this day even better. Penny sees my smile and looks towards the entrance. She, too, is grinning when she looks back at me.
“You know, I wish I could find a guy who looks at me the way he looks at you.”
“Yeah, I guess I am lucky. You know, he told me once that he was happy he could put the smile back in my eyes.”
“Wow, he definitely has a way with words,” Penny says as she glances over her shoulder at him. “He’s handsome, too. Damn girl, you’re one lucky bitch.”
We both laugh at her words as she finishes up and helps me down off the bed.
“Now, you know the drill; rest up as much as you can for the rest of the day. I’ll go grab your prescription for the anti-nausea medication and then you’re good to go.” She pats my shoulder before she leaves, saying hi to Cal as she passes him. He takes a few steps into the room and falls down in the chair next to the bed. He’s only been gone for a few hours, but he looks exhausted, which is how I’ll probably look by the time we get home.
After every treatment session I’ve had, I’ve always slept like the dead afterwards. Cal told me that once I fell asleep in the car on the way back and he had to carry me to the flat and put me to bed, and I didn’t wake up until noon the next day. I had slept for almost twenty hours, yet I still felt like I’d not slept in days.
I know Cal hasn’t been sleeping well, especially the nights before I’m due to have treatment. It’s almost as if he’s expecting me not to come home. He always looks so relieved when we’re walking out the hospital after the treatment is over, and it’s only when we’re back at the flat that I see him relax. I’m guessing tonight will be no different.
Penny returns a few minutes later with my prescription, and ‘accidentally’ knocks into Cal’s outstretched legs. He jolts up at the unexpected contact, and I can’t help but laugh at him. I’m the one who’s been having radiotherapy and should be half asleep, yet he’s the one who dozes off when he’s been sat down for less than ten minutes.
He stands quickly and holds out his hand to me, looking sheepishly at Penny as he pulls me to his side. “Thanks for everything, Penny. You’ve been a great strength to us these last two months.”
“It’s my pleasure, Cal. You know what you need to do when you leave here so I won’t go through it all again with you. You just look after her, you hear me? Don’t forget, I know where you live.”
Cal nods and leans in to place a kiss on her cheek, and I smile when I see her blush at his action. I’ve yet to meet a woman who is immune to Cal’s charms, and clearly Penny isn’t either.
I take my hand from Cal’s briefly to give Penny a quick hug, then return to his side as we leave the room and eventually, the hospital itself. I hope I don’t have to see that place again any time soon, although I know I’ll be back there within a few months. The doctors told me I’ll need to have repeat scans every so many months over the next couple of years to ensure that everything’s okay and the cancer hasn’t returned. If it means I don’t have to go through that treatment again, I don’t mind in the slightest.
We cross the car park and walk over to Cal’s car. When I’m buckled up, he climbs in next to me, and before I know it, we’re driving home. I lean my head back against the seat and close my eyes, intending to just rest for a few minutes, but when I open them again, I’m back in the flat wearing one of Cal’s old t-shirts, wrapped in our duvet, with no sign of Cal.
How long have I been out?
I throw the duvet off me, almost sighing when the cool air hits my overheated skin. One of the side effects of the radiotherapy I hate is the hot and cold flushes I keep getting. One minute, I feel like I’m about the freeze to death, and minutes later, it’s like I’m my own personal radiator. This is one of those moments where even the t-shirt feels like it’s burning me.
Swinging my legs over the edge, I plant them on the floor before standing. My head swims for a moment and a wave of nausea hits me before I can stop it. As I’ve learnt to do over the last few weeks, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. The anti-nausea pills haven’t kicked in yet, either that or they have, and they’ve worn off. I’ve still no idea how long I’ve been asleep.
When I feel normal again, I cross the room and open the bedroom door, seeing the living room is in darkness, apart from a stream of light coming in through the window from an outside security light. I see Cal stretched out on the sofa, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. The sheet he had covering him has fallen to the floor and, even though I know I shouldn’t, all I want to do is touch him, but I don’t.
Touching him will only make me want him, and until I’m fully healed—something that is taking longer than expected—we can’t have sex. It’s been hard on both of us, but we both agreed to wait until the doctor gave me the all clear, not wanting to risk causing any complications to the healing process.
When we do get the green light, I’ll be going back on the pill, seeing as we can’t even think about getting pregnant for at least the next twelve months. The doctor explained getting pregnant too soon would put additional strain on my body that, until it’s fully healed, it may not be able to cope with and could do more harm, which is the last thing we want.
As if he can sense I’m here, Cal stirs, and in the dim light, I see his eyes open. “Hey, you should be sleeping.”
“I have been sleeping. I just woke up. How long have I been out?” I watch as Cal stretches his arms above his head, letting my eyes sweep over his lean torso, before he lowers them to glance at his watch.
“It’s just after midnight, so about eight hours.”
“Seriously? Where did the day go?”
“You were fast asleep before we left the hospital car park,” Cal says as he shifts onto his side and waves me over. I don’t hesitate as I take two steps towards him and lie down, his front to my back. He drapes an arm over my waist and pulls me into him.
It never ceases
to amaze me how well we fit together. Cal tangles his legs with mine, and I can feel his breath on my neck as he breathes steadily. It’s late, and despite having been asleep for almost eight hours, I feel like I’ve been awake for days on end. I hate that the radiotherapy zaps me of all my energy, and I especially hate that I’m so dependant on Cal until this stuff is out of my system.
I know he doesn’t mind taking care of things, and of me, but I hate feeling like I’m a burden to him. He’d slap me silly if he heard me call myself that, but I can’t help how I feel. It’s only really at times like now, when he’s holding me and we’re just lying here, that I feel like everything is normal and we’re just a regular couple in love. I guess in some ways we are, but we’ve been through more things in our eight years together than most couples go through in a lifetime, and we’re still going strong.
“Sleep, Cris. I’ve got you.” I feel the arm he has wrapped around me tighten, and then he places a gentle kiss on my hair, something he has started doing often, and it makes me smile every time.
“I love you, Cal.”
“Love you too, Cris, always and forever.”
With his words in my mind and a smile on my lips, I drift off into a peaceful sleep in the arms of the man who is my world.
Chapter 42
Crissie
“Are you ready? They will be here any minute.”
And I thought I was bad. Cal has been driving me crazy all evening, and I’ve made a mental note to say something if he ever accuses me of nagging again.
It’s my birthday weekend, and tonight, I’m going out for cocktails and dancing with Pippa and Lizzie. It’s the first weekend I’ve felt well enough to go out, and as a present, Cal treated me to the works at a local spa, along with a new outfit, seeing as most of my going out dresses are too big for me now, owing to the weight I lost while having treatment.
Actually, it’s a double celebration as we had the results from my latest scan this morning and everything looks good. The doctor told us that the first scan after completion of treatment is one of the most important, so the fact it came back clear is a huge weight off our shoulders.
“I’m coming,” I call out as I grab my clutch bag and secure it on my wrist before walking out in my brand new four-inch Christian Louboutin heels. I have no idea how Cal got the money together to buy them, but the pink sparkly heels are beautiful, and even if I only wear them the once, I love him for knowing how much I would love them.
I enter the living room just as there is a knock on the door. I can hear the voices from outside and don’t need to be psychic to know everyone is out there. While the girls and I go out, Cal, his best man, Gary, Lance, and Lizzie’s new boyfriend, Shaun, are having a games night, which will probably involve pizza and numerous bottles of beer.
You say games night to me, and I think back to the ones I used to have with my parents, involving board games, but I think the games the guys have in mind are of the electronic variety, which is confirmed when I see Cal setting up all the controllers.
I shake my head and smile at him as I go to the door. I’m almost knocked off my heels by the noise that greets me as everyone streams into the flat. I’m about to close the door when I hear someone holler, and I see Gary coming towards me. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek as he walks in before joining the rest of the guys across the room.
They do their usual handshake-back slapping routine as the girls start eyeing up my shoes. I can see the question in Pippa’s eyes; we are the same size and she’s going to want to borrow them, and as much as I love her, she’s not getting her hands on these babies.
“Ready to go, ladies? I think the boys want to get their game on.”
We all look over at the guys and see them deep in discussion about which game to start with. Each of them is holding a different game in their hand and clearly each one thinks theirs should be first. What is it about computer games that makes grown men turn into little kids?
“Let’s just leave them to it,” I say as I open the door again, and we all exit the flat. We’re almost to the main doors when I hear my name from behind us. Turning, I see Cal coming up behind us. “Hey, everything okay?”
“Everything’s fine, but you forgot something.”
I furrow my brow and automatically open my clutch, seeing my phone, money, lipstick and keys. Closing the clasp, I look up at him, just as his mouth closes over mine. My whole body heats up instantly, and I lift my hands to grip his biceps as his tongue plays with mine.
God, I love it when he kisses me. His mouth is so skilled I swear he could push me over the edge with just his lips and his tongue. I pull him closer, our bodies now pressed together. I want to climb his body so badly right now, and the fact that I can’t pours a proverbial bucket of cold water over my head.
I loosen my grip on his arms as he slows the kiss. It’s only when we break apart that I remember Lizzie and Pippa are with me, but when I turn, they’re gone, and I’m grateful they gave us our privacy. I look back at him, knowing my cheeks are flushed. I can feel my pulse beating in my throat and my heart in my chest.
“Have a good night, baby.” With one final kiss, Cal releases me and heads back to the flat, throwing one last look over his shoulder, giving me a wink for good measure, something he knows makes me go weak at the knees. I resist the urge to fan myself as I leave the building, seeing Pippa and Lizzie waiting for me by my car.
“My brother finally let you go, then?” Lizzie says with a smile, and I just grin at her.
“Your brother wanted a good night kiss.”
“Oh, he wanted more than a kiss. He wanted…” Pippa starts, then stops herself, her face falling, “God, Cris, I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”
“Don’t worry about it, Pip,” I say as I shake my head, “It’s no big deal. I forget myself sometimes, too. It’s so easy to get carried away with Cal.”
“La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.” We both turn to Lizzie to see her with her fingers in her ears, making the sounds a child makes when they’re trying not to listen to something. When she sees we’ve stopped talking, she removes her fingers.
“Sorry, Cris, but I really don’t want to hear about how much you want to bang my brother. I get it, he’s cute, but still, ewww. Now, can we go? I need a drink.”
Grabbing the keys from my clutch, I unlock the car and we all pile in. Minutes later, we’re on our way into town for the first girl’s night we’ve had in several months.
It’s almost midnight, and both Lizzie and Pippa are three sheets to the wind. Both of them are wobbling on their heels as we work our way around the dancefloor to cheesy eighties songs. They’ve worked their way through every cocktail on the menu, and we’ve never laughed as much as we have tonight.
As designated driver, I’ve been on soft drinks all evening. I couldn’t drink even if I wanted to, not with the medication I’m taking. Just one of the downsides of the treatment I’ve had.
When Chesney Hawkes’ blasts over the club’s speakers, all three of us scream the lyrics at the top of our lungs as we raise our hands above our heads. I can’t remember the last time I had so much fun with my girls. It’s been way too long.
“Look at those three. I’d give the brunette a good seeing to.”
“Fuck that, mate. Give me ten minutes and I’ll be screwing the blonde’s brains out.”
“Nah, the chick with the black hair is the one. With a rack like that, she’s bound to be a great lay.”
It takes me several moments to realise the guys stood to the side of the dancefloor are talking about us. I try to concentrate on dancing and having a good time, but the crude comments from the guys are distracting. Do men seriously talk about women like that? Even with the drinking they’ve bound to have done tonight, there’s no excuse for it.
Pushing their words to the back on my mind, I continue to dance with the girls, stopping suddenly when I feel hands on my hips and a mouth on my neck. It takes me just a moment to realise he’s sucking and licking m
y skin as his hands fist in my dress in an attempt to pull up my skirt.
Without thinking, I whirl round, my hand connecting with his face. I feel the sting in my palm as he staggers back, his hand against his face, his eyes blazing. Everyone around us has stopped dancing, wondering what’s going on.
“You fucking bitch.”
Before I know what’s happening, he’s coming at me, only stopping when one of his friends grabs his arm and pulls him back.
“Let me go, you fucking bastard. Did you see what she did? The fucking whore slapped me.”
“Yeah, well you were being a dick. You can’t just grab a girl like that, Dave. You’re lucky slapping you is all she did.”
I watch the two men as one glares daggers at me and the other tries to calm him down. By now, Pippa and Lizzie are flanking me, and everyone around us is trying their hardest not to make it obvious they’re avidly watching what’s happening.
“I’d have kneed him in the balls,” Lizzie shouts at him, quickly taking a step back when the guy tries to shake his friend off him.
“I’m sorry about this, girls. My friend has had a few too many to drink.”
“Don’t fucking apologise for me,” the guys shouts. “All of ‘em want it. Just look at them, flashing their tits and legs. They all need a good seeing to, and I’m just the guy to give it to them. All fucking three of them. You’d better watch your back, blondie. Fucking you would make my fucking year. Goddamn filthy whore.” He grabs at his crotch through his jeans to emphasis the point he’s trying to make as his friend finally manages to drag him back off the dancefloor. I shudder as his words sink it, realising he just threatened me, threatened us. A bad feeling descends over me, and I know our night is over.
“Come on, let’s go. It’s getting late anyway.”
The three of us head towards the exit, when I suddenly get the urge to pee. I give Pippa my keys and tell them to go ahead and I’ll be there in a few minutes. She grabs Lizzie’s hand and tugs her towards the exit when she doesn’t move quick enough. Knowing the queue for the ladies’ room is going to be longer than my bladder can take, I head in the direction of the men’s room.
Takes You Page 20