Lightning flashed in the rain, followed by thunder. I looked toward the storm-drenched night. Something out there pulled at me and I knew I needed to find it. I turned back to the kitchen. A dark shape hovered over my mom. Oblivious to it, she pulled a pan of cookies from the oven. My stomach turned as she set them to cool and they morphed into seran eels. The dark shape, threatening in its movements, reached for my mother. At the same time, a sound echoed through the rain. I didn’t recognize it, but knew I had to get to it. I stood frozen in the doorway. Save my mom, or save whatever was outside. I couldn’t do both, my dream-self was certain of that.
The shadow seized my mom in its claws at the same time a scream from the darkness tore at my soul. Terror etched my mom’s face, her eyes pleading with me to help her. I couldn’t leave her, but I couldn’t stay either. Tears coursed down my face as I stepped into the torrent of rain.
A crash of thunder vibrated through the rock walls of the cave. I bolted up in the bed with a gasp. The air was cool against my face and I realized the tears from my dream were real. I struggled to get them under control, to fight back the awful despair that was like a yawning hole inside me. Reaching a hand out, I found Caius’s side of the bed still cool and untouched. I flopped back and stared at the ceiling for a long time, trying to shove the dream away. Laying in the dark wasn’t helping.
I got up and paced the room. It wasn’t enough. Crossing to the door, I opened it and stepped into the dimly lit hall. Amisi blinked sleepily at me but didn’t move as I closed the door behind me. I walked slowly, needing the movement to get myself under control. Another crash of thunder reverberated through the stone and I shivered. It reinforced the feelings from the nightmare, making it seem as if the dream and reality had blended together in some way.
A man entered the hall. I largely ignored his presence and headed for the stairs. Walking had always helped me get my emotions in order, shape them into something I could either deal with or lock up. Hopefully, it would dispel the lingering effects of the nightmare. As I drew even with the man, I glanced up and faltered to a stop. It was Bryson. Something in his violet eyes when they met mine set off an instinctive warning. I knew I was probably the odd person out that didn’t find him attractive.
He sauntered closer to me, a disarming smile on his face. “The storm keeping you awake too?”
I hesitated to answer, not particularly in the mood for conversation and wary of what he was. There was too much chaos inside. I just wanted to wander around alone until I could pull myself together. “Something like that.”
Bryson moved closer. An edgy feeling twisted in my gut, wreaking havoc with the mess my emotions already were. I took a small step back. His smile widened. “Would you like some company?”
“Not particularly.”
“Surely you don’t mean to wander the halls all alone.” His voice had an odd hypnotic quality. It snagged at some small part of me and slid away. Although I had known it wouldn’t work on me, it irritated me that he’d tried.
Frustration replaced his smile as he studied me. “Hmmm, it would seem there isn’t enough mortal in you for that.” He moved impossibly fast, his hands flashing out to grip either side of my face, his gaze capturing mine and holding me prisoner. “Thankfully, even one such as you isn’t immune to this.” His lips twisted in distaste. “Not my favorite flavor of food, but sometimes we have to take what we can get.”
I wanted to scream, to hit him with fire or my staff or even just run away. Rooted to the spot, unable to break away from his gaze, I could do none of those as I felt him push into my mind. The intrusion made me shudder as Bryson shoved his way into memories I avoided, forced me to relive them.
I experienced again with perfect precision being ignored by my peers in the mortal world except for when the occasional bully took notice of me. The horrible way those bullies had made me feel. Unable to break away from the negative emotions, I was forced to experience them fully. Made to feel the sense of abandonment the absence of my father had instilled in me. Compelled to relive every moment of my mother’s disease, to watch her waste away, watch her die. The terror at being marked for death by Sentinels, my fear over what I would do or become in the future, all came to the surface and there was no escape, no door to block it, no façade to hide behind.
The gaze that held mine captive lit up with excitement as tears streamed down my face and a low keening of despair slipped between my lips. Every terrible memory, every hurt, every moment of weakness, every emotional blow was plundered by him and then piled on me at once as he exulted in what he was doing.
A deep growl barely registered through the pain a split second before Bryson’s hands were ripped away from my face, the gaze broken. I crumpled to the floor, gripping my head as the floor began to shake.
Caius held Bryson by the neck, his face changed with the demon side dominant, teeth buried in the man’s throat. I tried to close my eyes, only to have the memories and emotions jump into greater clarity behind my lids. They wouldn’t stop. Every wall I had constructed was obliterated. Every protection my mind had used to shield me from the things that hurt or frightened me was shredded by the invasion that left behind a building headache.
My eyes snapped open again as Caius yanked his teeth from the man and leaned into his face. It almost looked like Caius was getting ready to kiss him until he stopped a fraction of an inch from Bryson’s mouth. Something that looked like a thin wispy cloud flowed between them as Caius consumed Bryon’s soul.
The terrified expression on Bryson’s face went slack, the eyes that had looked so thrilled a moment ago emptied as his body went limp. Indigo shadows seeped from Caius’s skin and flowed around him briefly before sinking back into him. Caius released Bryson. The body hit the floor with a muted thump.
The demon side of Caius faded until his fully human form stood in the hall, his mouth already cleaned of blood. The floor continued to shudder as my scrambled mind desperately struggled to regain control that wouldn’t come.
Caius’s expression became one I’d never seen before. Something that walked a line between caution, worry, and rage. He knelt, his hands cradling my face. “Jo?”
I stared into Caius’s golden orbs only a few inches away. Throat too tight with the sobs I was holding back to answer him as his face blurred behind more tears. It was then I realized the floor wasn’t shaking, I was and I couldn’t stop. With a curse, he gathered me close and lifted me. I buried my face against his chest as he murmured words in my ear that didn’t penetrate the fog of horror at the mental violation.
The door to our room swung open and Caius carried me in. He sat on the bed, leaning against the headboard with me held tight in his arms. My body still trembled, a chaotic kaleidoscope of emotional pain still raged inside my mind, competing with the headache as I stared blankly at the window that wavered and swam through the tears.
Still holding me securely with one arm, he raised his other hand and turned my face to his. There was so much rage and concern in his eyes, I struggled to reassure him.
“I’m fine.” I managed to whisper as I tried to get my mask back in place. It wouldn’t come.
“Damn it, Jo. You are not fine.” His voice held a rough edge. “I know how those like Bryson work. I know what he did. You are anything but fine.”
I tried to push away from him, but he didn’t budge. Like a reflex, I opened my mouth to say I was okay. Instead, my breath hitched and a broken sob took the place of the words I’d meant to speak. Caius continued to hold me as I caved into the grief and finally wept over the loss of my mother, allowing everything to crash over me. It wasn’t just what Bryson had made me see and feel, it was the intrusion itself that left me emotionally weakened and trembling. No matter what else happened around me, I was always safe inside my own head. Bryson had stripped that from me.
It terrified me to have so little control. Happiness, love, these were things I was used to sharing. I never shared hurt, despair. I’d always kept them bottled up and
squashed down. I’d never felt more vulnerable than I did in that moment. As the waves crashed over me, Caius never let go. I was a drowning woman, his arms were my lifeline.
There was no way to tell how long it took me to cry myself out. How long afterward I lay held against him. Neither of us slept while we listened to thunderstorm slowly abate. Caius didn’t ask me to talk about the memories Bryson had rummaged through and I didn’t volunteer. After having the inside of my head violated, I was deeply grateful to Caius for letting me have the privacy of my own thoughts. For letting me breakdown without asking for details.
In the silence that stretched out after the last of my sobs faded and the trembling stopped, I realized a few things. I had survived dealing with it all. Somehow, feeling everything had opened my eyes and I could see where I’d handicapped myself by trying to keep so many hurts buried. And where I wouldn’t go to purposeful lengths to dwell in those dark spaces again, I wouldn’t actively try to avoid them either. At least, not in Caius’s company. That was the last thing I became absolutely certain of. No matter what, I could trust Caius with everything. When it came to others, I would still be fine, that part of me wouldn’t just disappear. But with Caius, I could be not fine and it was okay.
Amisi prowled restlessly around the room as if she was upset that I was upset. I watched her movements, noticing that somewhere along the journey she’d lost most of the kitten clumsiness. It was an idle thought, something for my mind to think about and concentrate on in an effort to put itself back together.
When I finally broke the silence it was to ask, “How? Why?”
Caius didn’t seem to need clarification. His golden eyes studied me for a long moment with a tenderness I hadn’t seen there before. It warred with the hard glint my questions had sparked. “An Incubus feeds off life energy. They prefer that which is generated by a willing sexual partner. You were safe from those charms. But they can also feed off any negative emotions their prey is feeling. A hungry Incubus will quite literally take what they can get and they can siphon that from anyone who is younger than them, or who isn’t at least part Archangel or Archdemon.” He shook his head, a grim expression tightening his face. “I shouldn’t have lingered to speak with Nyx so long. Had I realized Bryson would be hunting despite Nyx’s rules, I wouldn’t have left you alone.”
Hunting? Bryson had disregarded the rules of a goddess to hunt for energy… “Bethany!” I bolted up.
“She’s fine. Malik had the good sense to camp out in her room.” Caius pulled me back against his chest.
“Bethany let Malik sleep with her?” I knew Bethany was falling faster and deeper for Caius’s younger brother, but I hadn’t realized it had reached that level yet.
“No. He waited until she fell asleep. When I checked in on my way to join you, Malik was sitting on the floor just inside the door, half-asleep leaning up against the wall.”
“What about James? Was he in danger?”
“Possibly, Bryson was interested in both sexes. Lilly slept much the same way inside James’s room.”
I twisted so I could get a better look at his face. “Lilly?”
“She seems to have taken a liking to him. He will be a good friend for her I think.” A small smile touched his lips.
I pondered over that. James was easy to be friends with. James and Lilly as friends still seemed odd, but maybe if those two were getting along, she wouldn’t dislike me so much.
***
“If I could destroy Bryson again, I would. A thousand times. I took comfort in the fact that once I’d used up his soul’s energy, it was bound for the pits. I would make sure it suffered there.” ~Caius
Chapter 20
Since more sleep wasn’t going to happen, I finally dragged myself from Caius’s arms and stretched. Amisi passed me, pausing to rub against my legs when I stood. The heavy clouds beyond the window made it difficult to judge the murky light. “What time do you think it is?”
“It’s just after sunrise.”
I wasn’t even going to bother asking how he knew that with such certainty. I’m sure it was some sort of demon thing. Or maybe it came from his powerful Archangel side. Either way, since there wasn’t a clock, I could only assume he was right.
The inside of my head still felt fragile, my control tenuous. Carefully, I built up my wall. Not the ones around the memories, those were gone now, forcibly removed. This wall was the one I would keep up between me and the others. The wall with “I’m fine” written on it. It wasn’t perfect, but I continued to work on it while I put the armor on again.
Caius said nothing as he watched my struggle and I knew, even once I had achieved what I wanted, he saw right through it. He moved to where I stood, enfolding me in his arms once more. “I’m okay,” I mumbled.
“No, you aren’t” he sighed as he stepped away from me and headed toward the door. “But you will be. Your resilience is one of the things I love about you.”
“You won’t tell anyone will you?” For some reason the idea, of the others knowing what happened, the idea of them hearing about my breakdown was mortifying. All my life, that kind of thing either burdened people, pushed them away, or made me a target. It was a weakness.
Caius searched my face. “If you prefer it that way.”
Relief and gratitude rose inside me. “Thank you.”
He only nodded as he opened the door. Nyx stood on the other side, anger twisting her expression. Her voice was a low snarl as she said, “What in the nine hells, Caius? I offer you food and shelter and this is how you repay me? By disrespecting the rules of my house?”
Amisi crouched, her ears back and hissed at Nyx. Caius didn’t say anything; he just opened the door wider so she could see me. Her gaze flicked to my face and then paused. I’m not sure what she saw there, but her scowl deepened and eyes narrowed. “He didn’t.” It came out as a hiss.
“He did. You granted me the right to retribution.” I envied the fearless way in which he said it. As if he wasn’t standing in front of a goddess that could kill him for what he’d done to Bryson.
It was apparent he had reason to be confident. Nyx snorted in disgust, her eyes moving to Caius. “Then he got what he deserved.” She turned her attention back to me. “I sincerely apologize. My house is to be a safe haven for all, not a place where you have to fear any kind of violence or violation. If you ever have need of anything, simply call my name and I shall be there.”
I blinked, astounded. “Th-thank you, but there is no need for that. You didn’t know.”
“I insist. This must be made right. Just be sure when you call for me, you really need me. I will come but once, it isn’t open-ended. One time and I will consider us square.” Without waiting for further argument, she turned and walked away.
For some reason, her words made tears prick at my eyes. Caius glanced at me. “Better get it together, Reaper.”
I shot him a glare and blinked to dispel the moisture. When control returned, I said, “I’m okay.”
“Sure you are.” His mouth lifted in a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes as we left the room with Amisi padding close beside me.
When we reached the dining room, we found the others already there and breakfast spread on the table. Ugh, another meal filled with strange foods. The eels the night before made me wary although everything else had been pretty good. I placed a few pieces of what looked like fruit on my plate, but nothing else. It wasn’t that the rest of the food didn’t look good, I just didn’t feel that hungry.
I might not be hungry, but I knew Amisi was. I selected several things from the fish based dishes and piled them on a plate for the cat. Amisi let loose her bug-like meow as I set it on the floor. I wasn’t sure if that was her way of saying thank you or if she was telling me to hurry up. Either way, she started making quick work of it.
There was good-natured chatting around the table as everyone ate. Enough to keep anyone from noticing at first that I didn’t participate. While I nibbled on my food, I listene
d to Bethany and James discuss their new armor, the comfort of the beds, and how sculpted and pretty everything was. It didn’t seem that pretty to me, I just wanted out. When they asked me for my thoughts, I only shrugged.
The lack of sleep on top of everything else kept me from being interested in talking. What I wanted was coffee, but there didn’t appear to be any. Of course, James and Bethany were quick to pick up on my mood.
James frowned. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just tired.”
“How can you be tired?” Bethany seemed to think nothing could be better for sleep than an oceanside cave. And maybe for most people, there wasn’t. But even before the encounter with Bryson, I’d been having nightmares.
“I don’t know. It just wasn’t the most restful night I’ve ever had.” That was an understatement.
James grinned across the table at Bethany then said to me, “Maybe you and Caius should spend more time sleeping when you two are alone.”
Bethany giggled and I stuck my tongue out at both of them. James seemed pleased to think he’d figured it out and I let him run with his assumption. It worked.
While they chatted on with each other, I continued to pick at my food. It was a relief when everyone else was done and we were ready to leave. With the storm passed, there was no reason to linger. As we stood, Nyx appeared with a couple of large leather satchels which she handed to Caius and Malik. “These should keep you in nourishment for a good while.”
She then spent some time saying goodbye to each of us. When she reached me, she took my hands much like she had everyone else’s. “I hope you enjoyed your stay, know my home will always be a haven should you have need of it. May your journey see you safe to your destination.” The same words she’d said to everyone else. And then she leaned closer and whispered barely loud enough for me to hear and certainly no one else, “Remember, if you ever have need.”
Betrayed (Raven Daughter Book 2) Page 15