Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  All the pent up emotions and fear he’d been repeatedly shoving down suddenly came roaring to the surface even as Rob struggled to keep them at bay. Tired of fighting it all, he finally simply gave in as he leaned back against the shower wall and closed his eyes. A sob tore through Rob’s chest, and tears born out of frustration and fear ran down his cheeks mixing with the water.

  He was so scared…scared of how sick Jillian was right now, and scared that maybe they weren’t winning the fight. He’d never felt so helpless in his entire life, but the stakes were too high for him to give into his fears now. He just needed a minute, though. One minute to let it all out…to let down his defenses, and to drop the brave front he tried to maintain at all times for Jillian’s sake.

  The tears finally stopped, and Rob blew out a harsh breath. The cold block of dread and unease that had taken up residence in his chest seemed to have eased a little, and he quickly finished his shower. Jillian needed him, and that was his priority. Nothing else…just simply getting through each day with the woman he loved who was fighting to win.

  Sometimes you will never know the value of a

  moment until it becomes a memory.

  -Dr. Seuss

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Several hours later, Rob sat tiredly beside Jillian’s hospital bed after his parents had left for home. They’d managed to get Jillian here without any problems, and his mom’s idea to use their much roomier car had worked perfectly. His dad had driven it over, and then Sylvia had gathered blankets to line the seat making it more comfortable for Jillian to lay down. Rob had carried her out in his arms, and then sat with her head on a small pillow resting against his leg as they traveled.

  Jillian had cried quietly when Rob had told her what they had to do, but after another bout of retching into the bucket they’d both known it was time. Her temperature had risen to one-hundred two degrees by then, and her body ached so badly it was painful to move at all now. Jillian realized her condition was beyond what Rob could manage at home even with his mother’s help. The hospital was the best choice for now, so she just accepted the inevitable. She needed fluids and medication by IV, neither of which she could get at home.

  Sitting forward in his chair, Rob rested his elbows on his knees with his head lowered into his hands. He’d tried…he’d tried so hard to take care of her, but it simply hadn’t been enough. Jillian was just too sick this time to manage it all at home, and she was already resting better after arriving here and receiving the medications she needed. The emergency room doctor had contacted her oncologist right away, and they’d soon had a plan of action in place. IV fluids had been started immediately, and then Rob watched as a laboratory tech entered the room and utilized Jillian’s port to draw blood.

  A nurse had arrived shortly afterwards carrying syringes filled with medication, and she’d explained they were giving Jillian anti-nausea medication as well as something to help with the fever. Evidently her blood counts had been extremely low as well, and the doctor had also ordered a medication to help with that. Rob had watched anxiously as they slipped oxygen tubing around her head and placed the prongs in her nose, but his mom had assured him it was needed. Jillian’s oxygen level had slipped too low, and the doctor didn’t want her wasting precious energy trying to draw enough air into her lungs.

  The nurses had removed her scarf, and Rob gazed at the frail, bald woman lying in the bed. Her face was so pale that it simply blended into the white of the sheet giving her an almost ghost-like appearance. Her lips were devoid of any color as well, and the dark circles beneath her eyes stood out prominently against her skin. A little frown line suddenly appeared between her eyes, and Rob wondered if she was still in pain. They’d given her something for that as well, and the nurse had assured him she’d sleep for a while now.

  Looking around the room, Rob’s gaze landed on the food from the cafeteria that his parents had gotten for him, but he didn’t feel like eating. He felt a tiny smile tug at the corners of his mouth knowing Jillian would have something to say about that if she were awake. Rob not being able to eat was essentially unheard of, but he simply wasn’t hungry. He was exhausted, worried, scared… but he wasn’t hungry. The ball of unease burning in his stomach made the thought of food completely unappealing right now, but he did manage to get down the drink his parents had left.

  A quiet knock at the door had Rob turning in that direction, and when his two sisters entered the room he wasn’t surprised. Ric had called everyone to alert them about what was going on, and Carli and Isa showing up was a foregone conclusion. He was just surprised Melanie wasn’t with them too, and voiced as much after hugging his sisters.

  Isa gave him a look and said quietly, “Well, big brother, our other big brother is probably going to become a Papa for the second time later tonight. Our Melanie is already dilated to a six, but she was arguing with Rico just a short time ago that they still had plenty of time. He finally won, though, and they’re up on the maternity ward getting settled in.”

  Smiling through a yawn, Rob said, “Hey, that’s great news. Our little nephew will be here soon then. If it’s anything like when Gabriela was born we should hear something within a few minutes.”

  Isa chuckled quietly and looked closely at her brother. The fatigue and worry were etched onto his features, and Isa’s heart went out to him. Glancing towards the bed, Isa struggled to hide her reaction when she saw Jillian lying there. Isa had stopped by Rob’s house just a few days earlier, and she was shocked that Jillian looked so much worse today. She knew Jillian had received a treatment yesterday morning, but obviously things had quickly spiraled out of control following her visit.

  Glancing back toward her sister and brother, Isa was just in time to see the frantic look on Carli’s face as she clamped a hand over her mouth. Rob or Isa either one had time to react before Carli rushed toward the open bathroom door and then hurriedly shut it behind her. They looked at one another in surprise when they heard retching noises coming from inside, and Isa quickly strode to the door and knocked.

  “Carlita? Are you okay? I’m coming in,” announced Isa.

  She opened the door to find her sister crouched beside the toilet and reaching for the handle to flush. Eyeing Carli suspiciously, Isa asked bluntly, “When was your last period?”

  Struggling to keep from dissolving into a heap against the wall, Carli glanced up at her sister in confusion.

  “What?”

  “I said, when did you have your last period? You know…the few days from hell every month…we’ve been doing it for years now. That period,” said Isa patiently.

  Stunned into silence, Carli frantically thought back over the past few weeks. She’d been so stressed…so upset over everything going on that she honestly couldn’t remember. Oh no, the bouts of sickness she’d thought were just anxiety, the nagging headaches, the fatigue…could it be? Just as her twins were about to turn two, and they’d added another child to their lives…could she be pregnant?

  Shifting onto her knees, Carli shook her head wearily. “I don’t know, Isabella. There’s been so much going on…so much stress. Martina’s death…Jillian’s diagnosis…Angelina coming to live with us…I’m just not sure.”

  Isa sighed and shook her own head. “Well, I think a quick stop by the lab might be in order, my dear clueless sister. What trigged this bout?”

  The initial sickness over now, Carli stood carefully to her feet and looked at Isa. “I think it was just the hospital smells in general. Oh, and probably whatever food is in the trash can out there.”

  Laughing, Isa said, “Well, I can do something about the trash can but we still have to go back into the room. Do you think you can do it?”

  Squaring her shoulders, Carli said, “Yes, I have to for Jillian’s sake. Just go get rid of the trash, and I’ll stay in here to rinse my mouth and wash up.”

  Isa turned toward the door and then looked back at her sister. “Carli, I know what you’re thinking…the twins are young, and no
w you have Angelina. It’ll be okay, though, you know that. We’re all here to help, and Reid will do everything within his power to make it work for you guys. He loves you, and he loves those girls. Everything will be fine.”

  Carli watched her sister exit the small room and then turned to the sink. After rinsing with some of the hospital issued mouthwash sitting there, she washed her hands and dried them. Pregnant. They hadn’t planned on having another baby just yet, but the topic had come up several times right before everything had seemed to explode in their lives. Pressing a hand to her belly, Carli knew…she knew that yes, she probably was pregnant with what would be child number four in their lives. With a resigned sigh, she knew Isa was right. She’d stop by the lab, and then go home to prepare her husband for the news.

  Melanie Santos had just delivered a beautiful baby boy, but she knew her husband wouldn’t appreciate hearing his new son being described that way. Rico was holding said baby boy in his arms right now, and Melanie felt her own tears flow as she watched a tear trickle down Rico’s cheek. He’d already experienced expecting a son once before in his life, but that had ended tragically with the death of his first wife during her pregnancy.

  Now Melanie’s heart went out to him knowing the arrival of Mateo probably resurrected those memories, however, he’d never say anything because that simply wasn’t Rico’s way. He’d never mention it in fear of hurting her in some way, but Melanie understood completely. She knew he still thought about Camila and their baby from time to time, and Melanie wouldn’t have it any other way. Rico was a good man…a man who felt things deeply, and it was just one of the reasons Melanie had fallen so in love with him.

  Watching him holding their new son, Melanie reached out a hand and placed it on Rico’s arm. “Hey, are you okay, sweetheart?” asked Melanie quietly.

  Rico started, and then smiled at his wife. “Of course I’m okay, babe. You’ve just given me a healthy son, and he’s as handsome as his sister is beautiful.”

  Smiling at his words, Melanie shifted up in bed and tugged on Rico’s arm indicating she wanted him to sit. The nurses were out of the room for now, and they were alone for the moment. Once he was settled beside her, and she’d placed another kiss to her son’s dark hair, Melanie said, “That he is. How can two people possibly make babies as beautiful as ours?”

  Grinning, Rico smoothed a finger down the baby’s cheek and his eyes then settled on his wife’s beautiful face. She’d done it again, and Rico had no idea why he’d thought this time would be any different than the first. He’d been at work earlier when Melanie had called and calmly informed him that she was probably in labor.

  Panic had gripped him, and he remembered glancing at his friend and manager, Franco, before saying, “You’re in labor? Are you sure? I’ll be right there, Mel. Don’t do anything, you hear me?”

  Rico had left immediately, and had probably broken several speeding laws trying to reach home. He had no idea what “probably being in labor” meant with his wife, and he had visions of the baby being born on their living room couch. Melanie had seemed fine when he’d left this morning, but Rico knew he couldn’t judge by that either. His wife had gotten a pedicure while she’d been in labor with their daughter no so long ago.

  Melanie had been calmly waiting when he’d arrived at home, and already had her bag downstairs sitting by the door. Gabriela was apparently with her uncles, Marco and Reid, who’d descended on his parents earlier with all the grandkids in tow. Rosita was helping mind them all while everyone was scattered elsewhere because of Jillian’s situation.

  Rico had quickly loaded Melanie into the car while she protested all the while saying they had plenty of time, sugar, and there was nothing to worry about. Rolling his eyes at his wife’s attempts to placate him, Rico had done things his way this time and drove them straight to the hospital.

  Melanie had been dilated to six centimeters, and rapidly closing in on seven, when they’d arrived at the hospital. Her water had broken just as she stood from the wheelchair after arriving in her room, and then things had escalated quickly from there. Before Rico knew it they were pushing and then the baby was being born. Once again his wife had made giving birth seem like a walk in the park, and Rico said a silent prayer of thanks for it.

  Studying Melanie for a moment, Rico saw the underlying concern on her face and it suddenly occurred to him why she was asking if he was okay. They’d had a son…and he knew that she was referring to the fact that he’d been expecting a son once before in his life, but that baby hadn’t stood a chance under the circumstances. His first wife had died…hemorrhaging to death as a result of a something that was unpreventable. It’d been too early in the pregnancy for the baby to survive, and Rico had lost both of them in one terrifying night.

  And now his caring and compassionate wife was worried about him on a day which should be filled with nothing but joy at the birth of their little Mateo. Taking her hand in his, Rico closed his eyes for a moment fighting the emotion of having this new miracle in their lives, and the overwhelming love he felt for the mother of his children.

  “I’m fine, sweetheart, really,” Ric assured Melanie.

  Searching his face, Melanie said, “I was just afraid…I’m sure this has brought back some painful memories, too, Rico. And I understand…I really do. Having a son…knowing that you were expecting a son in the past…I’m sure it hasn’t been easy at times.”

  Squeezing her fingers with his, Rico leaned over carefully and pressed a kiss to his wife’s mouth. He let his forehead rest against hers for a moment and then pulled back to look into her eyes.

  “Truthfully, yes, I have thought about it a few times after we learned we were having a boy. But, Mel, it had nothing to do with me thinking of Mateo as my second son, okay? It had everything to do with me feeling so blessed and fortunate that we were having a son together. A healthy, amazing baby boy who’s going to do nothing but add to our already perfect family,” explained Rico.

  Sniffing back tears, Melanie ran her free hand over the baby’s head and watched as he squirmed in Rico’s arms. “He is amazing, isn’t he? And I’m so thankful we’re doing this together, too, Rico. I love you, and I love our perfect little family.”

  “Then that’s all that matters, Melanie. We have each other, and these wonderful kids who we’ve made together. It doesn’t get any better than this, baby. And I couldn’t possibly feel any more blessed than I do right now,” declared Rico giving his wife another kiss.

  His thoughts quickly shifted to his younger brother who was somewhere in this same building, and Rico’s heart went out to Rob. Holding the baby tightly in his arms, Rico prayed that Rob’s future would include the woman he loved because he simply couldn’t imagine his brother without Jillian Barnes in his life.

  When a man truly loves a woman she

  becomes his weakness.

  When a woman truly loves a man he

  becomes her strength.

  This is called exchange of power.

  -Unknown

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Pregnant. Reid’s head was reeling with the news his beautiful wife had just presented him with, and he felt his own stomach take a dive. The signs had been there, of course they had. She’d been sick, which she’d blamed on stress, as well as the headaches she’d been having. He’d found her sitting dejectedly on the couch more than once admitting to being so tired, and that the stress was zapping her normally high energy level. Her breasts had been more sensitive than usual, too, but he hadn’t really questioned that either.

  Stress had played a part he was sure, but their baby growing inside of her had been the biggest contributing factor. Reid glanced at the twins who were playing quietly for a change, and then his gaze swept over to the little girl who was sitting close by looking at a book. Sensing his scrutiny, Angelina looked up and smiled sweetly at Reid. His own features softened at the look, and he returned her smile. The little girl went back to turning the pages of her book, and then Reid looked
at his wife who sat anxiously waiting for his response.

  Reaching for Carli, Reid pulled her from her spot beside him and drew her onto his lap. He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips and said, “Another baby. Do you think you could possibly make this one a boy, Mrs. Brandt? I’m feeling a little outnumbered here.”

  Laughing through her tears, Carli shook her head as she placed her arms around Reid’s neck. With everything going on in their lives, she’d been anxious about telling him she was pregnant but now realized how foolish she’d been. Reid was a wonderful husband, and an equally loving father to their girls, so his reaction to her news was exactly what she should’ve expected.

  “Well, Mr. Brandt, basic biology says that you’re the one who determines that outcome,” said Carli with a kiss to his forehead.

  Scowling playfully, Reid squeezed Carli and then placed a hand on her belly. “Yeah, I know. I just hope I deposited the right chromosome in there this time. I guess time will tell, huh?”

  Snuggling close to Reid’s chest, Carli absently played with his hair above the collar of his shirt.

  “Yes, time will tell, or the ultrasound will in a few weeks,” she agreed.

  Pulling back slightly, Reid eyed his wife curiously. “So, how far along do you think you are, babe? I have to admit that with everything that’s happened it hadn’t crossed my mind that you’d missed your cycle. You did just miss one, right?”

  Thinking for a moment, Carli nodded. “Yes, just one. I’m sure of it. I’ll make an appointment this week with the doctor and go in.”

  Looking across the room, Carli watched as Angelina finally put her book down and drifted over closer to the girls. Pilar immediately welcomed her with her own jibber-jabber language, and held up the doll she’d been playing with. Malaya just eyed the other two carefully making sure they weren’t after whatever she had in her possession at the moment.