by Mia Knight
“I can fix this,” he said.
She couldn’t let him do that. Khalid was the catalyst that brought the hammer down, but their arrangement began to unravel when he revealed that he liked things the way they were. He didn’t want things to advance. He had everything he needed, but she needed more.
“When I found out what Khalid said, I lost control. I choked him.” He dropped his face into her hair. “When I couldn’t get in touch with Mickey, I called Gavin. He told me what happened at the Red Diamond, that Angel was trying to figure out who’d taken you.” His warm breath seeped through her hair and caressed her nape. “I didn’t know what to do. Janice banished me from the office. I’ve been waiting here for word, and then Gavin called.”
“They were waiting for their shot, and I was dumb enough to give them one,” she whispered.
“Tell me what you need.”
“I need you to let me go.”
His arms flexed before he released her. She took several steps away and took a deep breath. Her control wavered, but this had to be done. She wished she had the time to shore up her defenses and face him weeks from now when she could act cool and indifferent. Instead, she was forced to face him without any shields, when the pain was so great that she had no hope of hiding it from him.
She turned to face him. He didn’t look like his suave, collected self. His clothes were in disarray, his hair was mussed, and he had a bruise forming on his jaw. Love and sorrow twisted her heart into knots. He was everything she needed, but he wasn’t for her.
“I don’t know how I would have made it through the past couple of months without you. You were there when I needed you. I overstepped yesterday.” She clenched her hands into fists as she began to tremble. “Everything that happened after made me realize something.”
She opened her mouth to go on, but her voice dried up. Marcus stepped forward with his hand outstretched, but she stepped back and shook her head wildly.
“No, you can’t touch me. Let me … I need to say this. You need to understand,” she said raggedly.
The only sound in the room was her hitched breaths as she tried to control herself and get through this confrontation.
“I get too attached to people. I hold on too tight. I need too much. That’s why I never recovered from Vinny. I let myself go too deep and you …” She shook her head. “You woke me up, you brought me back to life, and …” Her last bit of self-control ebbed away, and a tear slid down her cheek. “I won’t survive you either.”
Nothing showed on his face, but she felt the atmosphere in the room shift.
“Vinny’s need to prove himself to Gavin killed him. You feel indebted to Gavin for giving you a chance. That’s why you work so hard, why you’ll do anything for him. You’re trying to prove that you deserve your position, but no one is questioning it but you.” She tried to breathe past the pain. “I’m going to keep my promise. We’re going to be friends. I just … I just need some time …”
Oh, God, the silence was awful.
“I already know how this goes. I can’t love another man who needs work or someone else’s approval more than he needs me. I wasn’t enough for him.” She spread her hand across her aching chest. “And it won’t be enough for you either. I don’t have much left so … I can’t do this.”
The dam holding her emotions in check fragmented. Emotional overload. Too much in too little time. One event chased by another more traumatizing than the last. Her illusions shattered, another home that was no longer a home, and another man who couldn’t give her what she needed. She dropped to her knees, hands over her face, and bowed her head as heart-wrenching sobs shook her.
Marcus wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t have the strength to push him away. She cried for everything she had lost, and everything that was still slipping through her fingers. Life put her through the wringer, and she was tapping out. All the fire and zeal she once felt had been beaten out of her. She had nothing left.
Marcus picked her up and placed her on the bed. She buried her face in the bedsheets and grabbed handfuls of it as she let go of her delusions and fantasies. His hand rested at the base of spine. When the tears ceased and she was empty, he lay beside her and tipped her against his chest.
“No! I don’t want—” she said hoarsely.
“Shh,” he murmured.
He pressed her face against his throat, and she was wreathed in classy sin. Even though she didn’t want to, her body responded to his familiar scent and she relaxed. The only sound in the room was the occasional hitch in her breath as she tried to get herself under control. She was grateful for the darkness that hid the tears that slid down her face and soaked his shirt. She was too tired to battle for space, for privacy. Instead, she lay tucked against him with his hand tunneling through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. Her face rode the steady rise and fall of his chest. She trembled with fatigue, pain, shock, and heartache. She willed herself to sleep, but her mind wouldn’t allow it. Time passed.
“My mother sold me to Lucifer’s father when I was five years old,” Marcus said quietly. “He used me.”
She stopped breathing.
“He forced Lucifer to watch. I wasn’t the only one. There were others.”
There was no inflection in his voice, but his body was tense against hers.
“One day, Lucifer let it slip to a visitor about us. He saved my life.” His fingers played with her hair as he spoke. “We were taken to a hospital. The man who saved us thought we were broken. He said if we survived, to look him up when we got older and he would help us.”
He stopped. Even in her exhausted state, she had to know the rest.
“Who …?” she croaked.
“Emmanuel Pyre.”
The final puzzle piece fell into place.
“He gave me my name. I went into the foster system and had years of therapy. Out of the group of kids saved that day, I’m the only one still alive.”
Her broken heart bled for him. She reached up and cupped his cheek. His hand covered hers, holding her palm against his jaw.
“That image of Emmanuel is embedded in my mind. He’s my hero. When I made it to college, I contacted him, and he told Gavin about me. He knew the challenges I faced and gave me a chance. I don’t want to let him down.”
It all made sense now. All his life, he strived to be a Pyre. He clung to the goal of success to get through the hard times. He was living his dream, a dream he fought for tooth and nail. He made it and didn’t want anyone getting in his way.
“My whole life I’ve been trying to reach this pinnacle. That’s what kept me going and now … I don’t know anything about relationships. I’ve never had one. I don’t know what’s beyond this, but I like what we have. I don’t want things to change. I don’t—”
She put her hand over his mouth and shook her head. She didn’t want to hear the end of that sentence. He owed her no explanations, and he had actually come after her in Hell … She made him step into a place he hadn’t been to since he left. She closed her eyes against the burn of tears. Again, her fault. Now he owed Lucifer a favor because of her …
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“What?”
“You shouldn’t have come there. I didn’t know—”
His hand fisted in her hair. “I spent hours thinking you were dead. Hearing you were alive, I didn’t care that I had to go into Hell to fetch you.”
“You owe him a favor because of me.”
“I can handle it.”
“You don’t know what he’ll ask for.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
It did. Lucifer was twisted and maniacal. His favor could have deadly consequences and would no doubt twist Marcus’s scruples. More blame on her head. She’ll ruin your life. Gavin’s voice echoed in her head, and she flinched. Marcus should be proud of the man he was. He had survived Hell and come out the victor. She couldn’t say the same.
“I understand,” she murmured.
He presse
d his lips against her temple. “I care, Carmen.”
She rested her forehead against his throat as another tear slipped down her cheek. Caring wasn’t enough.
A ringing phone woke her. Marcus rolled away and picked it up.
“Yes?” He rose from the bed and headed to the closet. “The police are there?”
A casino emergency. She heard the rustle of clothing. She kept her eyes closed and breathing even. Her body felt heavy and unresponsive.
“Carmen, wake up.”
She played dead. She didn’t want to face him. He cupped her face.
“Come on, baby, wake up.”
She allowed her eyes to open. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to smell him. Yes, she was a sucker for a good guy who fucked like a bad boy, had a chip on his shoulder, and would never love her back as much as she loved him.
“My head of security’s dead. Witnesses say the assailants left on motorcycles.”
The Black Vipers were making hits on Pyre Casino employees? More death and drama that could be traced back to her.
“I’ll be gone three hours tops.” He stroked her hair back from her face. “Gavin comes back today. Once he takes over, we can figure this out.”
Figure out what? She understood his reservations. Knowing his background, his ambition and drive made sense. It meant he was Vinny on steroids. He would never stop, would never fill that well. If work made him happy, he attained a level of happiness and contentment very few people reached.
“Just give me some time,” he said.
Give him time to figure out how he felt about her? They already knew the answer. When he didn’t move, she nodded.
“Once I get back, I’ll take you to the doctor. I want to make sure you’re okay. There are guards outside. You’re safe here.”
He straightened and walked toward the door. He paused, looked back, and stared at her for a long minute. He opened his mouth, shook his head, and then disappeared.
She listened to him leave and stared straight ahead. Sunlight streamed through the windows. Her body felt as if it weighed one thousand pounds. She slid her legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a few minutes before she found the strength to move. She staggered to the window. There were two SUVs in the driveway full of Gavin’s guards. Fuck.
She hobbled to the garage and fetched her clutch from her car. The diamond necklace winked at her. She left it in the console and nabbed her phone, which beeped with messages she ignored. She stared at the damaged living room as she dialed and put the phone to her ear.
“Carmen?”
“Angel, I need a ride.”
Author’s Note
Hi All,
Yes, there is going to be another book for Carmen! I said each character after Gavin and Lyla would only get one book and broke my rule on the first try. Ugh! The characters have a mind of their own and I’ve stopped trying to control them. We’re gonna have to indulge them and just tag along for the ride.
I hope you enjoyed Awakened by Sin. This book took me over a year to write and is the most emotionally complex story I’ve written. When Vinny was murdered in Crime Lord’s Captive I didn’t know that Carmen would get a story or that one day, I would have to deal with her grief. She ripped my heart out. This has been a very trying year for me. It’s insane how my life paralleled a lot of the psychological struggles in this book. I had my first huge loss this year so writing this book was cathartic and gave new meaning to writing in your own blood. Carmen made me laugh, cry, cheer, and helped me through my darkest moments.
Thank you for giving the Crime Lord Series a chance and coming on this ride with me! I couldn’t do this without you. If you have a chance, please leave a review and recommend to a friend. It helps me out a lot!
Also, I’ve written a bonus scene from Angel's POV during his debut as crime lord in The Pussycat. Join my email list and have it sent to your inbox!
Love,
Mia
Books by Mia Knight
CRIME LORD SERIES
Crime Lord’s Captive
Recaptured by the Crime Lord
Once A Crime Lord
Awakened by Sin
About the Author
Mia lives in her head and is shadowed by her dogs who don’t judge when she cries and laughs with imaginary characters. Mia comes from a big, conservative family that doesn’t know how to handle her eccentricities, but with encouragement from her fans, has found the courage to put the characters in her head on paper.
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