Mama shushed me. “Pearl, honey,” she said. “You do not need to worry about that. Hank Delany is the first cousin of the judge in Madison County, and it is likely that the judge himself is a member of the clan. Nobody is going to the electric chair. We just have to make sure everybody believes that Billy Ray died in a house fire, and to do that we have to make them believe that the clan set that fire. They will be looking for any way out of this that they can, and if they get the least suspicion that your Uncle Woodrow was there that night or that Mrs. Carlton might have had something against her husband, then they’re going to find a way to point the finger at them. You just have to trust me. They will find a way to get Hank Delany off. They probably will call it an accident, or someone will give him an alibi. They won’t let one of their own be found guilty. If by some crazy chance they do, we will find a way to make them doubt what happened. Believe me, honey. I won’t let anything happen.” Then she wrapped her arms around me and laid me down on the couch. She brought me more water and a wet washrag to put on my forehead, and then next thing I knew it was suppertime and everybody was filing in to eat. Darlene sat on the couch with me and held my hand until I felt like getting up.
May 10, 1932. I do not know what is wrong with me. I feel like the world is a heavy place to be. It is all I can do to get out of bed of a morning. Mama does not let me go out to the field with the others, but just coddles me and puts a book in my hand and tells me to read. Darlene came by, but I did not want to play with her, either. I just want to stay in bed and sleep.
May 10, 1932
Dear Jonathan,
You are such a treasure! After all I have done and said to you, I find it hard to believe that you still want me. I feel very comforted by that, but I must tell you, dear Jonathan, that I have changed a great deal since I have come here. I am not the same society-loving girl who left last August. Now, I have come to realize that the world is a broken place, that people are broken, that good people will suffer, no matter how good our intentions are. Still, I feel I must do all I can to help alleviate that suffering.
I will not say that I do not want to marry you. I just cannot look that far in advance. At this time, the only thing I can think of is how I can get my special, gifted children away from the poverty and despair that faces them in this place. I have you to thank that Jasper and Sardius will be attending Wheaton this summer, but I still have to find a place for Pearl, their sister. She is precious, Jonathan! So smart, so wise beyond her years, so kind hearted and innocent, and facing such hardships as you cannot imagine. She will be ready for high school in a year, and she is far too young to be going to a boarding school, even if her brothers are there. She is very close to her mother and sisters, and I believe it would be cruel to put her in an institutional environment at her tender age. She has never been out of the mountains of East Tennessee. The culture shock alone would be enough to undo her!
I beg you to counsel me. I realize now how much I love you, and I truly want to marry you, but I cannot ask you to wait until I have got Pearl sorted out and on her way, nor can I ask you to include her in your life, to raise a child not your own. But my mind is made up. I cannot marry until I have brought Pearl into a loving and comfortable home. Tell me what to do. Is it possible we could find a home suitable for Pearl, good people who will take her in and give her a sense of family? If we could, she could attend school with her brothers and still feel safe. Please tell me what to do! And please forgive me for my willfulness.
With fondest regard,
Emily
May 11, 1932. I wish Daddy would get better.
May 12, 1932. Darlene came to see me today, but I did not want to play with her. I feel bad because I am too weak to go help with the planting. Mostly I sat by Daddy’s bed and watched him sleep. When he woke up, I listened to him cry. Oh, Lord Jesus! Make him better! I am sorry for ever wishing him dead. Please do not let them send Hank Delany or Uncle Woodrow to the electric chair. Please help Mama.
May 13, 1932. Poor baby Charles Lindberg was found dead yesterday. I am so sad I cannot stop leaking tears. Who would do that to a baby? They paid the ransom and everything, and still he was killed. It makes me want to sit down and give up on the human race. Beryl is begging me to go to the creek with her, but I just cannot get my legs under me.
May 14, 1932. Miss Weston came to see me today. She brought me some peppermint candy, and she went over some of my lessons with me. Exams begin in a week. I cannot remember anything. I keep thinking about Billy Ray lying in the fire with a knife in his chest, and then I think about Jasper’s hands. They are so rough and chapped that he has to hold his pencil funny. Mama’s hands are rough and chapped, too. Just when I find a way to think about something nice, I remember poor Charlie Lindbergh lying in his grave, and sometimes Daddy cries out, and it all comes back to me.
May 15, 1932. Mama got us all up this morning and made us go to church. Mrs. Carlton and Darlene sat with Daddy so Mama could go. Everyone came over for dinner at our house, even Miss Weston. She looks sad every time she looks at Uncle Woodrow, and I feel so sorry for her I want to cry again. Uncle Woodrow and Mrs. Carlton try not to look at each other when Miss Weston is around, but sometimes they cannot help it. It seems that the looks that pass between them sometimes are the only good things that happen.
Miss Weston says I do not have to turn in my Journal entry for tomorrow. I am glad about that. I cannot think of anything to write. All that comes into my head is how much everybody is hurting.
May 16, 1932. Even though we are supposed to be back at school today, we had not finished with the planting, so we stayed home one more day. I had planned to get out there early to start to make up for my laziness over the last week, but before I could get out the back door, Mama came, put her arms around me, and said, “I’m glad you have gotten your feet back under you. Let’s celebrate that by going for a walk.” That sounded good to me. It’s not often I get Mama all to myself.
We went down to the river. It was a beautiful morning. The river seemed extra swift, and the smell of honeysuckle was so strong it made my mouth water. Here it is the middle of May, the prettiest month there is, and I had not hardly noticed it. Mama joshed with me a little bit about missing out on so much prettiness. By the time we made it back to the house, I was feeling a whole lot better about everything.
Mama did not want me to, but I went out in the fields to help plant corn the rest of the day. We got it all done, and then we celebrated. Pap-pa, Janey Jo, Mrs. Carlton, and Darlene came over. We took food into Daddy’s room, and he looked at us without crying, and he even ate a little. He is able to move his arm a little bit. I think I saw him smile once with his eyes.
May 17, 1932. You will never believe what happened today. Mr. Dean came back! We were just getting out of school, and as we went out the front door, there he sat in his fancy automobile, waiting. We all ran over to him, and Sadie Maclean hollered at Miss Weston, “Your man is here!”
Miss Weston came out, and you should have seen her face! She just lit up all over, and then she laughed, turned red, and ran over to the car. Mr. Dean got out, and he held out his arms. I think he was hoping for a hug, but he did not get one. Miss Weston just took his hand and held it for a minute before she dropped it. Then she said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Mr. Dean. How nice to see you, although I did not expect you. Have you come to visit the Aikens?” Mr. Dean laughed then, and picked up her hands and held them.
“Yes,” he said. “I was just there, and Mrs. Aikens has invited you and the Millers for dinner. Come on, I will take you home to get them so we can all go over there together.” Then he opened the door for Miss Weston, got in himself, and they drove off. Everybody cheered. It was just like a scene from a movie!
May 18, 1932
Darling Cecilia,
What a week it has been. Jonathan has paid me another surprise visit! This time was much better—he arranged to stay with the Aikens before coming to the schoolhouse to see me, and he graciously waited in his car
until the end of the day, when I came out after school was dismissed.
As you can imagine, I was very surprised, especially since I gave him such a lecture the last time he drove down unannounced and uninvited, but this time it seemed much different, much more comfortable. I think he wanted to make a statement, that he is not afraid of me, and that he genuinely wants to marry me. To prove that, he drove all the way here as soon as he had gotten a letter from me telling him that I want little Pearl to come live with me in a year, in order to personally offer to open “our” home to her!
Cecilia, do you understand what I am saying? He wants to marry me enough that he is willing to take Pearl in and let her share our lives! What a generous spirit! What a loving thing to do! All of my prejudices against him have simply dissolved, and all I can think of is that I have been foolish and callous to put him off for so long.
There is more. I told him about Darlene, and although he has not yet met her, I explained her situation, and he generously offered to let her come, too! I hope he means it, and I hope he will not change his mind when he sees her, but I am oh, so hopeful. If Pearl has Darlene with her in Chicago, she will be so much more comfortable, and if Darlene has an opportunity to get an education, her horizons will be so much broader than any of us might imagine. Jonathan acts as if it will not be a problem to bring a mixed child into his home, especially when the home is going to be as large as he says it will be. He even suggested that I teach both girls at home for at least a couple of years
So, sweet Cecilia, I think what I am trying to tell you is that I am engaged to be married! Be happy for me. I am blissful! I am so in love with Jonathan at this moment, I find it almost impossible to wait. I cannot believe I actually spurned him for this whole year. He is a saint!
Love and kisses,
Emily
May 18, 1932. Our first day of exams was not that bad. I think I did better than I thought I would. The boys feel good about theirs, also. Beryl is the only one who is complaining about them being hard. I told Daddy all about them. He smiled at me with his eyes and made grunting noises like he was laughing.
Uncle Woodrow is not sleeping here anymore. I think he is sleeping over at Pap-pa’s place because every morning he brings Sapphire her goat milk.
May 19, 1932
Dearest Mother and Father,
I have some news that I hope will make you happy. Jonathan and I have set a wedding date for August!
The school term will be over next week, and I plan to pack up and leave by May 28. I will stop overnight to see Jenny Sunlee, and then will be home on the 29th or 30th.
I am very much looking forward to being home. It has been a wonderful year of serving the Lord, but now I am ready to resume my life with my family back in Chicago.
Much love,
Emily
May 20, 1932. We had our last exams today. Beryl cried because she thinks she failed hers. Both Jasper and Sardius act like they are happy. I know I did well.
The full moon is tonight. The Cherokee call it the full flower moon. I know Daddy will be looking at it and wishing he were out foxhunting. His hounds are already baying. They know they are supposed to be hunting tonight. Poor Daddy.
Something good happened today. Amelia Earhart left all by herself from Newfoundland, up in Canada in her little plane to become the first woman to make the same flight as poor Charles Lindbergh did five years ago. She will go to Paris, France. It took Lindy 33½ hours, and even though I feel sorry for him about his little baby being murdered, I hope she beats his record, just to show that women can do anything a man can do, and do it better! I hope this is not mean. Lindy is a good person, but so is Amelia Earhart, and she deserves fame, also. I am praying for her safety.
May 21, 1932. This morning, Mama told Jasper and Sardius to not even think about going out to the fields, but to spend the whole day hunting or fishing, whichever they chose. Pap-pa and Miss Janey Jo came over right after breakfast. Uncle Woodrow stayed at Pap-pa’s place with Darlene and Mrs. Carlton. I wanted to ask Mama if I could go with Jasper and Sardius, but before I got the chance, she said to me, “Pearl, why don’t you and I go for a walk? I have missed talking to you.” Beryl looked like she wanted to come, too, but she never leaves the house if she can help it during May and June. Being outside makes her sneeze so much it gives her a headache. Mama and I slipped out before Ruby even knew we were going.
I just love having Mama all to myself, and I hoped we could take a good, long walk because I wanted so much to talk to her about what to expect if Hank Delany has to stand trial and how she was so sure he would not get the electric chair.
She just said, “Don’t worry, Pearl. Hank is already a free man. There won’t be a trial, unless Celeste makes trouble about it, and of course she won’t. People would just as soon pretend nothing ever happened.” She stopped to smooth my hair down. “You look beautiful with your hair short,” she said before she looked out toward the river and added. “I think some good will come of this. Even though nobody is going to be punished for what they did, a lot of people around here don’t like what happened, and I doubt that those men will come back to bother Darlene or her mother again. Maybe people will think twice before they go butting into other folks’ business from now on.”
We walked alongside the river for a while, then Mama sat down on a rock. She patted the place beside her. “Sit down, sweetheart. I want to talk to you about something.”
I sat. I got a funny feeling going up my back. Mama had turned very serious.
“Pearl,” she said, “you know your brothers are going to go to Chicago in two weeks. It is very important to me, to them, and to all of us that they go. They have to get out of here, get an education, and make something of themselves. If they stay here, they will miss out on what the world has to offer. They will miss out on having a good life. Do you understand that?”
I did understand it, even though I was worried about how we would be able to make it without them to help on the farm, but I did not say anything. I hated to let Mama down by letting her know I could not even begin to make up for what Jasper or Sardius do, let alone both of them. Beryl cannot do a lick of work, especially in the spring.
Mama did not stop to let me say anything. “I have some news that may disappoint you. Miss Weston will not be back next fall. She wanted to tell you herself, but I thought I would give you some time to get used to the idea. She is getting married to Mr. Dean. I believe you met him when he came to visit her at the schoolhouse.”
“But Mama, I don’t want her to go!”
“I know, sweetheart. But I have some very good news. She wants you to go to Chicago, too. She and Mr. Dean have invited you to live with them. She will teach you at home until you are ready for high school. Even though I could teach you, I think it would be best if you went to stay with Miss Weston and had a chance to get a really good education.”
I felt panicky. “I can’t leave you, Mama!”
“Of course you can, my darling. I have Beryl, Ruby, and Sapphire to keep me company. And Daddy, and Uncle Woodrow, and Celeste. And you know what? Miss Weston also says she wants to bring Darlene to Chicago. She is a very bright girl, and she would be a lot better off up there than down here. You should know there is nothing here for her.”
“Mama, Darlene can’t leave her mama any more than I can leave you.” I was crying by then.
Mama laughed. “Darlene would be much happier in Chicago, and so will you. Did you know that Mrs. Carlton and Uncle Woodrow probably will be getting married?”
I nodded my head, not knowing what to say. I could not imagine either me or Darlene going to Chicago. I looked around me. “Do they have mountains there?” I asked.
“No, it is very flat. But they do have a river. And a big lake. It is very beautiful.”
I got to thinking about it. “Could I come home for Christmas and maybe for summer? And Easter? Or could you come see me?”
Mama drew a breath, and I noticed her blinking hard before she look
ed away. “I don’t know, my darling. My place is here, at least until Daddy gets better. And it costs a lot of money to travel. But you will be there with Miss Weston, Jasper, and Sardius. And, we hope, Darlene. That is almost like being home, isn’t it?”
I thought about it some more. Mama had gotten up with her back to me. She gazed out at the river for a few minutes before she turned to me with a big smile on her face.
“You don’t have to think about it too much for now, but I just want you to know that this is my plan for you. As bright as Jasper and Sardius are, you are my very smartest baby, and I know you will go far.”
In a way, it was tempting to think of going to live with Miss Weston and Mr. Dean in Chicago. I could imagine myself being there with Jasper, Sardius, and Darlene, but I knew it would be impossible. Mama could never make it without help.
“Mama,” I said, as nicely as I could. “You don’t have any money. I mean, you can have my hair money, but I don’t think Daddy is going to be able to go back to work. Without Jasper or Sardius to help you, you can’t run the farm by yourself. And who will help you take care of Daddy and the little girls? You need me too much to let me go.
Mama laughed. “So you think you will help me make enough to get by? How many customers do you have?”
I did not think I had understood her right. I just looked at her.
“Pearl, I know why Jake Hatton comes around the house. I know that Walt Bittertree and your Pap-pa get a little thirst now and then, and I also know your Daddy makes the best whiskey in the county. I would think that by now you would have at least a dozen customers.”
I was flabbergasted into admitting. “I don’t. I just have that one feller that Jake Hatton gets some for sometimes.” I was stammering. “How did you know?”
“I know more that you think I do. I am ashamed to say that I let you get by with it because we needed the money so badly. It was worth it to see you be able to get yourself new shoes for Easter. And I have to say, Pearl, that I am proud of how you spent your money on your family. You have a good heart.”
In the Midst of Innocence Page 28