by Faraaz Kazi
She rarely ventured out of the area. She was like a prisoner at her home. Her mother was a traditionalist. With two daughters
and a son; she was a bit harsh on her younger daughter. I don’t know why, maybe because of the unwanted attention she generated or their inherent desire to keep a low profile but I understood that too late. As Rochefoucauld rightly said, ‘All the passions
make us commit faults, but love makes us commit the most ridiculous ones.’
***
“Hey, something is on between you and Rahul, isn’t it?” some girl of her class or one from another division would ask her and she would deny it immediately. I knew of the fact because the same girls would ask me out and I would tell them sincerely that I was seeing Seema.
“But Seema says that you two are just friends,” they would tell me and embarrassment would take over.
I could have cheated on her if I wanted to, like Juned, a guy from my class, whose girlfriend denied their relation due to fear, and he accepted the proposal of a junior. But I wasn’t like Juned and she wasn’t like the other girls.
She would reprimand me in her own silent manner for spreading the news of our relationship to my friends, who in turn would spread it to half the school. Some girls would even request her to hook them up for a date with me and she would remove all that frustration on me. I would shout at her for not giving me enough time, a result of the constant comparison I made to my friends and their ‘conquests’ which I increasingly came across.
We toppers have a good amount of ego and she hated being compared to anyone. If there was someone who could tell how different she was, it was me; but I found myself showing her, her different attitude for all the wrong reasons. She would come to meet me in the break even though people eyed her every step and I would be busy doing something or the other, related to the Science committee work as I was the student head and all that I would get to spare her was a hurried smile alongwith a movement of my hands signalling her to come later. Both of us were yet to express our hearts to each other and tried to remain happy with the ten minutes we would spend with each other after school.
I was outgoing, brandishing and flamboyant. I liked to show off my status like every guy my age did. She was modest, conservative and an introvert. With my boastful attitude and ostentatious living and her shy nature and desire to keep her personal life away from the persistent scrutiny of others, both of us went on doing the same things we wanted, much to the chagrin of each other.
My arrogance had increased manifold with time and all her pleas to not inform anyone about our clandestine relation fell on deaf ears. Imagine, she never even informed her best friends, Sapna and Jess. I can’t say whether she was too scared of the news reaching her home or she didn’t trust them. Obviously, my conservative girl found it shocking when people used to confront her with details that she had revealed to no one, not even Jess and Sapna but only to me.
On the other hand, I was proud that I had the school’s most beautiful and intelligent girl, the queen of every boy’s dream. Till I was not sure about her feelings, I had never told a single soul, but once I was I wanted to flaunt her. From my love, she soon became a prized possession. Soon, the news of the school’s most competent students dating each other reached the walls of the staffroom. The growth of my love story had been gradual but my success had always existed and both coupled together formed a deadly combination that was detrimental to our love. I wanted people to love me. She wanted people to leave her alone.
***
I had heard a Welsh proverb that no one acts more foolishly than a wise man in love. I saw it come true the day I forced her to meet me outside for dinner. There was this unusual obsession I had with candle light dinners, thanks to the amount of movies we
Indians watched.
“You have to come. I’m not hearing any of it,” I said during our ten minute date the next day.
“Rahul, don’t be stupid. You know I can’t,” she reasoned.
“No, I don’t. Why can’t you? Today I’m just not going to hear a NO from you. I’m fed up of this. Everywhere around us, people are hanging out with each other. Come on Seema, we’re not children anymore,” I said, hoping she would understand.
“Rahul, ma won’t allow me to leave so late in the evening. If you want I can try meeting you in mid-afternoon for fifteen minutes near your colony. I’ll say I’m going to visit Jess to collect a book....”
“Seema, please stop this nonsense. This is not some muh-dikhai ceremony; I want to take you out somewhere, a proper eating place….”
“Rahul...”
“Yes or no?”
“Rahul please...”
“YES or NO?”
“Ouch... Ok, meet me at the bus depot at 6.”
I could see that I had hurt her by almost digging my fingers into the soft flesh of her shoulders. I don’t know what made me do it. My eyes had looked at her with such mad desperation that I failed to notice unshed tears blur her vision. It was as if I had lost all sense and I wanted her more as a slave to my wishes than anything else.
I had it all planned out that evening. We would visit Seesha where the ambience was perfect for a romantic dinner; yellow lights, soft music, chicken kebab and maybe even a hukkah, if she relented. I visited Archies with Raj in the afternoon and brought this furry teddy bear for her. I was a little nervous, after all this was going to be our first unofficial date together as all the earlier ones were mere school events.
As the evening approached, I decked my body with an orange, striped shirt tucked inside my faded Wrangler jeans and stepped into my new Adidas sneakers. The sun was going to set in an hour yet I shoved the Rayban aviators on my face. Raj whistled on seeing me step out and I hoped it would have a similar effect on her, if not more pleasant.
She was late. In fact that was an understatement. I was
considering calling up at her place – a strict no-no according to her– after waiting for half an hour and just then at the end of the road, I caught a fleeting glimpse of a dark green striped tee over tight blue jeans, bobbing up and down hurriedly to where I was.
“You’re late,” I said the obvious. I had meant to shout but seeing her even in her simplest avatar, rendered me speechless.
“I’m sorry,” she apologised.
“Why are you late?” I asked, softly with authority.
“Can we go? Where are we going?” she said, looking everywhere but at me.
“Seema, I asked you...” I began.
Her ignorance of my query sparked the discontent within me.
“Rahul please, can we leave that for later?” she requested.
“Seema, I want to know why...” I said, raising my voice an octave.
“Rahul, where are we going?” she ignored me again.
“Seesha,” I replied absent-mindedly, knowing it was no use asking her the same thing again.
“What’s that? A night club?”
“No, we won’t be allowed in night clubs anyways and moreover I’m not that lucky. For the moment, let’s just make do with a good restaurant that doubles up as a hukkah joint.”
“I can’t come to a smoking joint.”
“For God’s sake Seema, it’s a hukkah parlour.”
“Where’s that?”
“Bandra.”
“Rahul, please not so far....”
“We’ll take a cab.”
“I can’t...”
“What the... Seema, I have it all planned out. Please don’t spoil
it today.”
I could just about make out tears welling up in her eyes again and she looked away.
“For fuck’s sake Seema, don’t cry everytime I speak my mind.”
She grimaced hearing me swear. A couple of individuals near the bus stop looked at me with disapproval.
“Rahul, we’re still near our area. Someone might see us, someone might hear us...”
“Fuck them damn it, let them!”
The result of my outburst st
arted to pour down from her eyes.
“Rahul, what’s gotten into you?”
“Your stupid behaviour!”
“What have I done?”
“Ah, it’s no use arguing with you. Can we make a move? Otherwise, you’ll start getting late again.”
“Do you still want to go?”
“Unlike you, I want to spend time with you.”
“Please don’t talk like that...”
“We will go to some small restaurant here itself and have our dinner.”
“It’s ok Rahul, let’s visit Seesha...”
“NO, I don’t want to go there anymore!”
“Please, Rahul...”
“I’d rather go there alone than go with you.”
“Rahul!”
“Seema, let’s visit Rashtriya. It’s a decent place and the food isn’t bad either.”
By then, I was too pissed off to allow my earlier plans to calm me down.
‘What does she think of herself? When she wants, she will say no and when she likes, she will agree. What am I? A puppet to her whims and fancies?’ I thought.
A strange silence enveloped us. I had wanted to say so many things to her, they were all a part of my advanced planning but my resolute anger had erased them all. She lagged behind me, a yard back, head hung low.
We went inside Rashtriya. It was a small place teeming with people but it was not exactly overcrowded and we managed to find a small table for two in a corner.
“What will you have?” I asked ten minutes after I had thrust the menu forward and she still had not spared a glance at it.
“Nothing,” she said in a low tone.
“There’s no such thing as nothing available here. So you’d better make a proper choice,” I said.
“I’ll take tea,” she said.
“I brought you out for dinner and here, you ask for tea! If tea was what you wanted so badly, you might as well have made it at home and invited me over,” I said, sarcasm dripping from my voice.
“What’s your problem, Rahul?” she tried to reason.
“Oh God, I just recited the entire Ramayana and this girl is asking me who was Ram!” I further mocked.
I think she gave up trying to resolve it there and then. It was not in her nature to chase someone so continuously. I should have washed her feet and drunk that sweet wine, for she spared me that glory.
I ordered a Pav-Bhaji for her when the waiter asked her for her order and she replied, “Whatever Sir pleases!” I ordered two.
I don’t know why but that the day the usually finger-licking delicacy of that place tasted painfully bitter. I could usually gobble four, even five breads sometimes but that day, I couldn’t make it past even one and a half.
She declined any drinks and I signalled for the bill. There was no use hanging out in a graveyardly silence.
I didn’t want to waste the teddy-bear, so I gave it to her. I don’t know what I was expecting but it was definitely something more than her dull response.
Raj had said that she would jump in her seat and scream ‘Cute’ with umpteen exclamation marks at its end, the moment she saw the furry bear. Just as always, Raj was wrong.
“You shouldn’t have...” she tried to say, still looking down.
“Oh, stop acting too pricey,” I said.
She did not fight with me to clear the bill like she had once. She
had finished her quota of fighting. I was just about searching for change in my pockets to tip the waiter when she suddenly
went “Shit!”
“What?” I asked her, hoping that it wasn’t the case of a cockroach under the table.
“My uncle,” she muttered.
“Where?” I asked suddenly aware of the setting anxiety.
“Near the entrance,” she said, not turning back.
I looked at the entrance. There was not a single soul there, except for the hotel manager.
“There’s no one there,” I said with a frown.
“He was there. He saw me,” she said in a shaky voice, eyes wide with fear.
“It’s just your imagination. Happens all the while, if you keep thinking of what you dread then your mind...”
“Rahul please, don’t you even trust me?”
Her voice was high, almost pleading.
“I’ve to go,” she said, getting up.
“Wait for a few minutes.” I didn’t want her to leave.
“No, I’ve to get home before my uncle does. If he reaches past me then I’m sure, he’ll blabber something in front of my mother,” she said in a worried tone.
“Relax, you’re thinking too much,” I said.
“Rahul, I live in a joint family where nothing stays a secret for too long. Please learn about my life if you want to stay with me,” she pushed me back but not as hard as the tears in her eyes.
I was too stunned to react.
“And please keep this with you. I won’t be able to take it. I wouldn’t be able to explain...” she said, dropping the teddy on the table.
“It’s ok, I understand,” I said. But... did I?
***
The next day, I didn’t see her at school. It was unlike her to miss school. Once she had made it to school when her forehead was burning with fever. Of course, I had been cross with her then but she managed to win me over again. She always did.
I waited for her after school for about twenty minutes, hoping that she would show up at least for our ten minute meet. I need not have bothered.
And this continued for the next two days. There was no sign of Seema and I was not the only one missing her. There seemed to be something lacking in the ambience. I don’t know but I expected to see her everytime I turned back to peek in her class. Something was seriously wrong and I needed to get to the bottom of it. My only option was to call up at her place, hoping that she would pick up. Jess and Sapna were the backup plan but I knew that she would blame me for confronting her friends with our relation. The phone was also a risky proposition but between the phone and the friends, I chose the former.
Hardly had I dialled her landline than someone picked up. It wasn’t her. It might have been her aunty or her sister but I didn’t speak. After relaxing my pulsating nerves, I tried again, praying to God to let her receive the phone.
This time it was worst. It was not God but her mom who answered my prayers, I mean, the phone. I banged the receiver before I could hear her screaming profanities.
It was a big mistake. I came to know about it the next day which was a weekly holiday for the school. Raj had dragged me to the playground in the evening alongwith other guys and after a decent game of cricket, we were returning home when I saw Jess on the opposite side of the road. She was with her little sister, as always in a hurry. I literally had to come in her way to keep her from
walking ahead.
“Hey, where are you headed to?” I asked.
“Going to the stationery store to get some notebooks for little Joylin,” Jess said.
“Any news about Seema? Haven’t seen her in school lately?” I broached the topic as casually as I could.
She was silent for half a minute. I guess she was contemplating whether to tell me or not.
“Tell me,” I almost pleaded.
“I had called her this evening to check on her. First she told me she’s unwell but I know her better than that. She said her uncle thinks he saw her with a guy at some restaurant and he went and spoke his doubts to her mother. Now, her mother has confined her
until she comes out with the truth, and to top it all, she’s been receiving blank calls, making her mother strengthen her doubts,” Jess said worriedly.
I didn’t know what to say. I can’t even describe what I was feeling then. Guilty? Angry? No, they were not appropriate words. Fucked up? Perhaps, it describes our age best. I guess I was shocked at the way she was being treated, and in that shock, I lost my voice. I nodded at Jess meekly and turned around.
“Hey, what happened? When is the inter-
house debate? When is the quiz?” she was shouting but I did not have the audacity to turn and show her my eyes.
***
Our school was not just an education temple; it was the centre of student development. We had four houses; Red, Green, Yellow and Blue. I was the head captain of the Blue and she was the assistant head girl of the school. Being junior to me, she was above me in hierarchy but I was above her in the sense that I was also the Science committee head and even the coordinator of the Student Council. Somehow, I could never fathom her hierarchical position above me and hence, I was more than disappointed when the head boy post had slipped past me into a traitor’s hands. That traitor was in my house and his name was Jay. Jay Deshpande.
That’s another story and though relevant, I won’t bore you with its details. Anyways, our houses competed amongst each other for the House-Cup every year. Last year, it had been the Green House that had laid its hands on the trophy and so technically, they were the defending champs that year. We competed on numerous competitions and one such was the quiz competition which heralded the fight for the house-cup.
Kaun Banega Crorepati was entering its second season on Indian television and people around me could not contain their excitement. However, not many in the audience were aware that we had no options and lifelines. It made our job tougher.
She turned up for it as four members from each house took to the stage. I knew the sense of duty towards her house would always pull her back to school. The volunteers were busy setting up the buzzers when our eyes met. There was a sweet sound in my ears and it wasn’t coming from the buzzers. I smiled at her and showed her my thumb, signalling luck. She smiled – the shine missing from her most potent weapon – and wished me back.
I had been too tensed for the past one week or so, due to her absence from school. My preparations for this quiz were limited to blankly staring at the pages of the yearbooks and asking Raj to randomly quiz me in the evening with the ten rupee packs of KBC cards.