*
‘You’re sure he said St. Michael’s Church?’ asked the tall man with part of his ear missing.
‘Yes, I’m sure.’ The assistant tried to watch both men’s faces as she spoke but the smaller man’s face remained hidden under a hooded jacket.
‘Did he say he was getting married or just attending a ceremony?’
‘He didn’t say.’
‘You don’t talk a lot to your customers, do you?’
‘Some are great conversationalists. Others are shy about buying clothes here and want to be gone as soon as possible.’
‘One last question and we’ll be gone and don’t think we don’t appreciate the help you have given us. Did that bastard give a date or time for the wedding?’
‘He mentioned two days but gave no time. If you ring the P.P., he will give you the time of the service.’
Realising that no other information could be gleaned the taller man turned and spoke to his brother. ‘Pay the woman,’ he said.
Putting a hand in his jacket, the man handed over two notes stolen earlier from a snatched handbag.
Chapter 29
The Last Pipe
“Corner” stood in front of a hardware store and looked at his reflection in the plate glass window. Because the clerical collar needed straightening, he raised his hand to fix the problem. Suddenly an elderly woman grabbed his hand. ‘It’s Jack! It’s jack!’ The woman said.
“Corner” looked up and down the street. No other pedestrian graces the sidewalk.
‘No it’s not. It’s O’ Connor! O’ Connor!’ The would be cleric replied
‘No it’s not,’ the woman blurts out. ‘We’ve been married for over thirty years and I know my Jack.’
‘And I know O’ Connor,’ “Corner” replied.
Holding back tears the woman continued, ‘My Jack is very ill. The doctors say there is no hope. He has been a good man all his life and never did anyone any harm.’
The woman paused for breath and then started again.
‘Except for the six months he did for robbery and the nine months he did for beating up that fellow that insulted me.’
‘The Lord forgives all,’ said “Corner” consolingly.
‘Then you will come and give him the “Last Rites”?
Just then, a car with a noisy exhaust pipe goes past and “Corner” mishears the word “Rites”. He thinks the woman said the “Last Pipe”.
Never heard of the “Last Pipe”, but you learn something new every day. This “Last Pipe” business must be a long forgotten Red Indian tradition. Of course he would go.
Still holding “Corner’s” hand the woman escorts him to a block of flats a hundred yards along the thoroughfare.
‘It’s on the second floor the woman explains, walking up the stairs.’
Opening the door of the flat, the woman beckons “Corner” inside, gesticulating at him to wipe his shoes as he does so.
The smell of wax polish permeates the flat. Every wooden surface gleams from years of waxing. The carpet, though threadbare in places, was spotless. Not a speck of dust dared alight on any of the ornaments scattered around the flat.
‘He’s in that room.’ The woman points to a door leading off from the main room. ‘I’ll make a drop of tea and knock when it’s ready.’
“Corner” enters the bedroom and stands at the bottom of a large double bed. Even here the smell of polish is overpowering.
The figure in the bed lay motionless. A thin face topped by a mop of white hair protruded from above the blankets.
What to do now thinks “Corner”. The woman clearly wanted him to do something for her man. She wanted him to say a few words over her dying husband. Racking his brains for a solution, scenes from an old movie suddenly pop into his mind. In the movie, an Indian chief died and the braves placed his body on a funeral pyre. As flames from the funeral pyre reached towards the blue sky a medicine man with an East Coast accent intoned prayers for his departed spirit.
Yes, that’s what he would do. He would follow the example of the medicine man. He begins to intone, “Great Spirit of the mountains, rivers and plains, carry this noble warrior’s spirit across the great darkness and find for him a fertile place to set up his tepee. May the game be abundant and may the spirits of his ancestors look over him”.
As “Corner” finishes speaking the body in the bed moves and the man says, ‘what was all that about?’ ‘The spirits have brought you back, ‘exclaims a surprised “Corner”
‘I’ve never been away,’ the frail man answers.
‘Your wife said that the spirits were taking you,’ explained “Corner”.
The elderly man moves up further in the bed before speaking. ‘Sometimes I wish the spirits would take me. For the last ten years all I have done is clean and paint, paint and clean. The only peace I get is when I take to my bed. I have a bad ticker-it’s been that way for years- but the doctors say I will not be popping off any day soon.’
“Corner” still believed that his plea to the spirits had brought about the man’s remarkable recovery.
The man coughed to clear his throat and drank some water from a glass.
‘The words you were speaking earlier… You’re not a western fan are you?’
“Corner” admitted that he was.
‘I’m a fan myself,’ the elderly man admitted. ‘I’ve seen all the “greats” myself; from the silent days right up to the present. I have never met any of those Hollywood greats in the flesh of course.’
The elderly man sits up in the bed and props himself against the headboard.
“Corner” sits on the bed and does likewise.
The two men chat away and discuss important issues such as: who could draw his gun the fastest? How many miles would a Pony Express rider ride in a day? Did the medicine men really dispense medicine?
Presently a knock sounded on the bedroom door. “Corner” stood and the elderly man disappeared once more beneath the bedclothes.
The woman brought in tea on a tray for both of them. She pulled up chairs by the side of the bed and poured tea for both of them.
‘Any movement from Jack?’ she asked, between sips of tea.
‘No,’ “Corner” answered, lying.
‘He could go at any time.’
‘It’s sad,’ “Corner” agreed.
The tea finished, the woman stood to take the tray away.
‘I’ll stay here with him a little longer,’ “Corner” told her. ‘I’ll give you a call when I am finished.’
‘If only all priests were like you.’
When the door closes behind the departing woman the frail man sits up and “Corner” sits beside him.
For the next two hours the men chat about the Wild West before “Corner” stands up to go.
‘Call again,’ said the sick man.
‘I certainly will,’ answers “Corner”. It’s a pleasure to talk about what really matters.
“Corner” turns to go but stops and turns back. ‘Tell me about the tradition of the “Last Pipe”.’
‘The “Last Pipe”… The “Last Pipe”…’the elderly man looks at “Corner”. ‘Never heard of the “Last Pipe”; I’ve only ever smoked cigarettes.’
Disappointment showed on “Corner’s” face.
‘What a pity. All the old traditions are dying out and will soon be lost to us forever. If we don’t preserve them then who will?
‘I’ll have to go and buy a pipe and revive the custom.’
Chapter 30
“High” and “Low”
Because they were national officers and were in the area, “High” and “Low” were asked to assist the local police in their investigation into the car ramming at the Social Welfare Office. The police were being urged to find the culprit or culprits as soon as possible by the politicians. The politicians in turn were responding to newspaper headlines that screamed: “An attack on the Social Welfare System is an attack on the basic fabric of our society”, and,
“Civil Servants working in the Department of Social Welfare demand “danger money”. The politicians were more worried by the latter than the former.
‘OK! Let’s go over our conclusions one more time.’ “Low”, because his expertise covered social welfare matters, took charge of the briefing. ‘We are all of the opinion are we not - a nodding of heads in agreement – that the ramming was in retaliation for something that the department, one of its staff, or my colleague and I did to some claimant. I know from experience that every day there will be several incidents of friction between staff and members of the public. Every day a member of the public will walk out the door of that building believing he has received a raw deal. Besides the ordinary citizen in conflict with the system my colleague and I - “Low” pointed at “High” - in the course of our investigations have stopped social welfare payments to those we suspect are criminals and are defrauding the state.
“Low” seemed to grow in stature as he continued, ‘Our best shot at catching whoever did this ramming is to work backwards from the day of the incident. Every person that came to the office and made a query had to provide a name or a service card. Those details are on computers and officers are at this minute compiling a list of suspects for us. For those few cases, where we do not have a name we have video footage and we will use that if we have to.
“Low” paused for breath before carrying on with his briefing. ‘For this exercise we will split into teams of two and each team will bring in a subject for questioning. If after questioning you are reasonably certain that he is not involved in the crime then release him and go on to the next suspect. I suggest we start early in the morning. And, our bosses are expecting results on this one.’
Chapter 31
The Runaway Groom
‘Listen, Ma, I’m going to kill that bastard when I find him. He did promise to marry you and look at the condition he left you in. Now we hear that he’s turning up for a wedding tomorrow and we don’t know if he’s marrying someone else or not.’
The taller son fiddled with his hair in frustration. ‘I swear to you that we’ll get him this time. The service is supposed to take place at 12 noon and we’ll be there.’
A widowed, middle-aged Anne Keating, midway through her pregnancy, began to sob.
The younger of the two brothers, still wearing the hooded jacket in the house, continued to lick a lollipop.
Through her sobs, Anne managed to speak. ‘I don’t want anything to happen to him. I know he is a bit mixed-up in the head and not sane like us but I love him. All I want is to have him back here with the baby and me.
Anne’s sobs got louder and the two men looked at each other.
Then in a short break from the sobbing Anne declared, ‘I’m going with you whether you F*****G like it or not.’
Chapter 32
The Wedding Day
The day promised much. A blue sky dominated, with the occasional ball of white cloud barely moving along in the jet stream adding contrast. The conditions guaranteed that the overnight dew would soon evaporate in the warmth of the day.
*
At the appointed time the police operation swung into action and all across the city, officers began calling on premises and bringing in suspects for questioning. “High” and “Low” decided to operate as one team and went to call at the first name on their list.
*
Liam woke and looked at his wristwatch. He noted the twenty minute discrepancy between the time displayed by his wristwatch and the time displayed by the battered alarm clock. Liam decided to believe his wristwatch, which meant he could lie there for another hour.
On the back of the door hung the hired wedding outfit complete with bow tie and white shirt and underneath the bed lay the black shoes specially bought for the occasion.
I hope Bobby turns up on time, Liam thought, as he lay there in bed. Surely, he knows what a stickler Mary is for punctuality? I want our marriage to get off to a smooth start.
Liam picked Bobby to be his best man over Patrick and Henry because of his 1,000 Euro engagement present. Liam explained his decision to Patrick and Henry and they understood completely. He did not even consider “Corner” because anything could happen if he were to be best man.
*
“Punctual” Mary rose early and took a shower. Her waterproof watch told her she had plenty of time to get ready so she stayed longer than normal under the refreshing spray. Nothing is going to go wrong with my big day, she told herself. The hire company promised her faithfully that the coach and driver would be at her house at least half an hour before the wedding, which would allow them plenty of time to travel the short distance to the church. She could hear her mother calling her for breakfast so she stepped out from under the spray and towelled herself off.
*
Bobby looked at his appearance in the mirror and what he saw there pleased him. His blonde close-cropped hair and blue eyes contrasted with the dark of the suit gave him the look of a successful executive. He felt in his pocket for the wedding ring and finding it there returned his attention to the mirror. He had time to spare before he met Liam and the rest of the boys for a pre-wedding drink at the “Worker’s Inn”.
*
“Corner” adjusted his clerical collar before he entered the “Worker’s Inn”. I hope some of my parishioners don’t see me drinking this early in the day, he thought, pushing the door open. In “Corner’s” mixed-up mind, wearing clerical garb automatically gave him a parish to administer complete with parishioners.
Inside the pub, Liam, Henry, Bobby and Patrick were having a drink courtesy of “Curly”. No one batted an eyelid as “Corner” entered dressed as a priest and walked to the bar.
‘You know Liam that if he marries you – Patrick pointed at “Corner” then the wedding will be invalid.’
‘Very funny, Patrick! Liam retorted laughing. He really didn’t feel like laughing. His stomach felt queasy at the thought of the approaching wedding.
‘Take it easy on the drink, Liam or you won’t be able to perform tonight.’ This came from Henry.
Liam gave the doctor the two fingered salute and said, ‘Thanks for the advice, doctor but I need something to settle my nerves.
‘Why are you dressed as a clergyman?’ asked Patrick of “Corner” when he joined them.
‘Because my career as a law enforcement officer is over,’ replied “Corner” without batting an eyelid.
This came as a complete surprise to the group who had no knowledge of his career as a law enforcement officer.
‘This may be a stupid question to ask,’ butted in “Curly”, ‘but why did you take up a career as a law enforcement officer?’
‘Because my disguise as a woman had served its purpose,’ answered “Corner”.
‘What disguise as a woman?’ asked Bobby foolishly.
‘My disguise in a red polka dotted dress. Very fetching it looked too, I’m told.’
The group decided to halt the questioning and concentrate on the forthcoming wedding.
*
“High” and “Low” interviewed their first two suspects and drew a blank. The first “suspect” happened to be a few months short of pensionable age and the second “suspect” happened to be a pregnant teenager.
‘Who’s next on the list?’ asked “High”.
‘An interesting case named Sean O’ Connor,’ answered “Low” referring to his printed list. Apparently, he exposed himself to a female assistant and called himself “Corner”, Geronimo and Sitting Bull.
‘Who’s next?’
“Low” looked at his list again. ‘Why it’s our friend Bobby Byrnes. I’m looking forward to meeting him again.’
‘Did he threaten or verbally abuse an assistant?’
‘No.’
‘Then why is he on the list?’
These revenue people thought “Low”. All they are focused on are profit and loss accounts and VAT returns. Aloud he said, ‘He’s on the list because we put a stop to his paym
ents and placed a marker opposite his name on the social welfare computer. If a person with a mark opposite his name calls to the office and makes a query then the assistant records the fact. That is why Bobby Byrnes’ name is on our list.’
“Low” looked up at his partner. ‘Let’s go and visit this Sean O’ Connor first.
*
“Punctual” Mary’s mother buzzed around her daughter as she donned her wedding dress, pulling a piece of ribbon here and adjusting a piece of lace there. ‘You look lovely, dear,’ she said, spreading the wedding dress train on the floor behind her daughter. Then she thought: won’t the neighbours be envious when she steps from the house and especially when they see the horse drawn carriage. They will be talking about this day for years to come.
“Punctual” Mary looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror for the tenth time. She had plenty of time to spare before she left for the church. Tradition dictated that she is late arriving at the church, but the hell with tradition. She would be there exactly on time. A small area on her cheekbone needed more powder and she called, ‘Mother….’
*
“High” and “Low” parked outside the building given by Sean O’Connor as his address to the social welfare services office. Something was wrong.
‘Let me see that list.’ “Low” snatched the list from his colleague’s hands and confirmed that the address tallied with their present location.
‘Plenty of dough there,’ said “High”, attempting a wisecrack not appreciated by his dour partner.
‘Who’s next on the list?’ asked “Low”.
‘Bobby Molloy.’
‘OK! Let’s go and pay him a visit.’
“High” turned the steering wheel and drove away from the building that displayed a large sign over the entrance. The sign, painted in six-foot high letters, bore the legend: “NUNAN’S BAKERY”.
*
The smaller of the Keating brothers kicked the car in frustration. The old vehicle, stolen the night before by ripping the wires out from beneath the dash and cross wiring them, now refused to start.
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