“Guys! You couldn’t have gotten here at a better time. Not only did my assistant leave me, but I’ve had two people call in late.” Gracie had three or four pencils sticking out of the messy bun that sat on the very top of her head. She held two clipboards and had a walkie-talkie clipped to her jeans.
“Just tell us where you want us.” Calon put his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to settle her nerves.
Gracie smiled and took a deep breath. “I just sent Samantha over to the games area, but she’s going to need your help lifting some of the partitions into place. Calon, could you help her with that?”
“You got it.” Calon jogged over to a short blonde girl trying her damnedest to lift part of a structure into place. I could see her wide smile when she saw him coming her way. She dropped the piece she had been holding and ran up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“She’s a huge fan.” Gracie smiled and watched them through the introductions we couldn’t hear. Calon’s demeanor was so relaxed. Samantha had Down syndrome.
“She’s beautiful, Gracie.” I instantly pictured Abigail in her teens. I smiled, knowing I’d be proud of her from day one. I was already proud of her for being such a fighter and beating the odds in a womb that wasn’t supposed to work.
“She really is, inside and out. She’s one of the higher functioning students with Down syndrome we’ve had, and she has more energy than anyone I know.” Someone squawked over the walkie-talkie, and Gracie handed me her clip boards. “Becki, I just need to you check off the students’ names as they arrive. They all should have name tags, but make sure they all stop to check in. It’s part of their Life Skills class to follow appropriate directions when out in a crowd.”
“You got it. Now, go, BFF, do your thing!” I was so proud of her. The administration at The Extension School would be stupid not to hire her full time after graduation.
I eventually got to go work the games with Calon and Samantha. I couldn’t remember the last time I had so much fun or laughed so hard. The kids who came through were just adorable, and we gave out prizes to everyone. It was Gracie’s rule. “Everyone wins for their attempt,” is what she told us.
“So, Samantha, what do you do for Gracie?” There were a couple times when things were happening on the main stage that the games area was kid-free. I used that time to get to know Samantha. Her personality was so inviting, you couldn’t not want to know her.
“I’m her assistant on Wednesdays. Wednesdays are the days I read to the kids and do special art projects with them. I love the kids. I love to make them happy, because they make me so happy.” She smiled and went back to organizing all the darts according to color. Then she started laying out the replacement balloons for when the next round of students came through her Balloon Pop game.
“Do you live at the school?” Calon asked as he picked up a couple balloons the wind had blown off the counter.
“Thank you, Calon. You’re very nice.” Calon smiled and nodded his thank you. “No, I don’t live here. I live in one of those houses over there with my mom.” She pointed to the houses that bordered the school property. The ones I imagined Gracie and Jake living in.
“Just you and your mom?” Questioning whether she had siblings or not came from my subconscious because until that moment I hadn’t thought of the fact that I probably would never be pregnant again. This pregnancy was such a miracle, there was a good chance Abigail would be an only child.
“Yep. She’s a nice mom, and she’s super funny. Maybe you can meet her today. Wow! Your ring is very sparkly!” She took my hand and inspected my ring thoroughly.
“Thank you. Calon and I are getting married.” I loved saying that. Calon winked at me and smiled.
“That’s sweet.” Samantha patted my hand and smiled as some more kids walked up to her with tickets to play her game.
I shuffled back to my station and blew a kiss at Calon, who was helping a little boy at his station hold his putter correctly to make a hole-in-one. Everything about the day was perfect. The man of my dreams, my best friend, and my newly found comfort level with kiddos with special needs; something that came out of nowhere but cut my fears of becoming Abigail’s mom in half.
It was a long day, but one I felt honored to be a part of. Even though my feet hurt, and I was sure I had blisters, I didn’t want the day to end. Each and every one of the children that came through was beaming with joy.
“You guys want to do dinner? Jake just called, and Buzz isn’t feeling well again, so he’s gotta run the bar tonight. I thought we could grab a pizza out somewhere or something.”
“Sounds good.” I was starving. Gracie, Calon, Samantha, and I stood at what had been the registration table and watched the last of the groups leave through the carnival gates.
“Samantha, you coming?” Calon winked at her, and his invitation stole her breath.
Samantha wrung her hands, looked at Gracie and stuttered her way through a, “Yes.”
Gracie had thought of everything. She knew how exhausted she’d be at the end of the day, so she had a whole team of janitors from the school volunteer to break everything down and get it all back to the places that had donated it.
“LOS ANGELES HAS a lot of great things, but I have yet to find pizza as good as Brother’s Pizza.” I spoke with my mouthful and grease dripping down my chin, but I didn’t care. Five more minutes and I may have passed out from starvation. Calon grabbed me some funnel cake about half way through the day, but that wasn’t even close to being enough sustenance for a woman with child.
“Becki, you eat a LOT!” Samantha giggled when she said it, which made everyone else laugh along with her.
“I know. I really do. Do you know why?”
Samantha shook her head and sank her teeth into the tip of her next slice of pizza, knowing I was two pieces ahead of her already. Her eyes bounced back and forth between me and Calon.
“Because, I’m feeding two people with this pizza.” I smiled and waited for it to sink it, not completely sure she would understand.
Samantha ducked her head down and looked around like she was about to dispel a secret. She whispered as loudly as you can and still call it a whisper. “You’re having a baby?”
“We are.” Calon smiled and puffed his chest out like a stereotypical proud papa.
“A baby. I’ve never held a baby before.” She smiled shyly.
“Well, you can hold Abigail. I’m sure you’ll be a natural.” Just the thought of her with a baby in her arms was precious.
Samantha smiled at me from ear to ear and took another bite of pizza. I thought about the things I’d read in the literature Dr. Daily had given us. I understood that Samantha was mentally a young teenager, and that she was comforted by order and structure. I’d become quite the Down syndrome encyclopedia over the last month, knowing our baby would have the condition. I guess it was our first glimpse into the natural adaptation parents make for their children.
“Do you work anywhere else other than Gracie’s class, Samantha?” I smiled at Gracie, knowing she was reveling in my comfort level around Samantha.
“I work in the cafeteria at The Extension School on Mondays and Fridays and with Miss Gracie on Wednesdays.” She smiled and wiped her hands on her napkin. “What do you do, Becki?”
“Well, I was the manager for Calon’s band, but now that I’m having a baby, I’m going to stay in Knoxville, so I’m close to my doctor. Someone else will be taking over my job with Calon, so I won’t have a job until I find a new one.” I was going to die of boredom. So, Calon and I decided it would be a good idea to explore jobs I could do from home. That way I could have an income before the baby came. And after she was born, when I felt up to it, I could continue to work from home. It seemed to be the best plan. Babies were expensive.
“Gracie!” We all jumped when Samantha’s voice hit a more-than-a-whisper volume. “Gracie! Can Becki come work at the school? Please, Gracie?”
“Well, actually, in a staf
f meeting last week they were mentioning the need for a website with information and articles about the school, the events we run, and maybe even interviews with current and former students.” Gracie looked at me and smiled, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. “Becki, it’s pretty much a publicist’s job but without the high salary I’m sure being a rock star’s publicist plays.”
“Well, technically, I was Calon’s manager. He didn’t pay me as much as I was worth, but I let him work it off…” I stopped myself before saying he paid me in sex, when I realized Samantha probably didn’t need to be privy to the same information Gracie was privy to. Calon squeezed my leg under the table and smiled. He’d been really quiet, just saying a couple words, the whole time we’d been at Brother’s. So, when Gracie and Samantha started discussing the job opening at the school, I turned to Calon. He was watching every nuance of Samantha’s movements. He was completely still.
“Calon, what is it?” I whispered, not wanting to draw attention to his apparent uneasiness.
“It’s Samantha. I’m missing Kate. My heart hurts and I have that nervous homesick feeling in my stomach. I can’t shake it.” He rubbed his forehead and looked around to make sure no one picked up on his anxiety.
I squeezed his hand and laid my head on his shoulder. Instantly, I was filled with worry that Abigail’s birth would send Calon back to the heartbreak of losing Kate. As a stressed, new mom, I was going to need him to be my rock, and if he was crushed by his memories of Kate, I was going to have to walk myself through being a new mom while I walked him through the grief process. I was fully willing to do whatever I needed to so he could heal the wound I knew had been gaping for most of his life, but I wasn’t sure how well I could do it while learning how to be a new mom.
“Babe, I know you miss Kate—”
“Kate? Whose name is Kate? That’s my middle name!” Samantha was squealing and bouncing around on the vinyl seat cushion. I felt bad for drawing attention to my conversation with Calon, I thought I’d whispered her name.
“Samantha Kate?” Calon’s voice was monotone, like he was far away. “That’s a beautiful name.”
“Yep. Samantha Kate O’Brien. That’s me. I like my name.” She smiled from ear to ear.
Calon pulled his phone from his pocket and put it up to his ear. “Hello? Yeah. Yeah, whatcha need, dude?” He put a finger up toward us as an “excuse me” when he got up from the table and headed out the front door. I watched him walk to the corner and lean against a light pole. Whoever was on the phone was taking up the entire conversation, because Calon’s mouth wasn’t moving.
“Oh, gosh, look at the time. Samantha, I told your mom I’d have you home before six thirty. We need to go.” They stood, and Gracie took the check up to the register.
“Can you tell Calon I said it was nice to meet him? He’s real cute.” Samantha smiled and craned her neck to see him on the corner.
“Why don’t you walk out with me? Gracie will catch up. You can tell him yourself.” She smiled and took my hand.
“My heart beats so fast when he’s so close. Is that because he’s so cute?” She pressed her open hand against her chest and tried to steady her breathing.
“Yeah, he does that to my heart, too.” Calon lifted his head when we stepped out onto the sidewalk. He didn’t say a word to whoever was on the phone but stuffed his phone in his back pocket and his eyes locked on us. The way he was acting made me wonder if he’d just used his phone as a way to escape for a little while. Samantha let go of my hand, ran up to Calon, and grabbed both of his.
“I am so happy to meet you, Calon. I hope we can have pizza again soon.” She stood up on her toes and hugged him tight then took his hands again.
Calon looked down at her hands in his and a big smile spread across his face. Gracie walked up and bumped her hip into mine. We could finish each other’s sentences, and there was no doubt in my mind what she was thinking… we were forming a bond that would be a lifelong friendship with someone who is the older version of the baby I carried. I smiled at Gracie and nodded. But, when I looked back at Calon, his whole demeanor had changed. He seemed pensive. He and Samantha walked over to the bench just passed me and Gracie. They sat down, still holding hands.
I watched him, not knowing whether I should interrupt and quietly suggest he deal with his emotions somewhere other than in Samantha’s presence or just let them have their moment. I was so afraid he was freaking her out.
“Becki? What—”
“I don’t know. Should I make him stop?” I hated to do that, but Samantha may not be comfortable with whatever it was he was doing.
“No, it’s okay. Samantha is a strong girl. She’s been through a lot of emotional stuff. If it gets too intense, she’ll tell him. She has boundaries, and she’ll let him know if he’s making her uncomfortable. This is actually good for her.” Gracie never took her eyes off Calon and Samantha as she spoke.
“Calon, can I tell you a story?” Samantha’s voice was soft, and she squeezed Calon’s hands and rubbed them with her thumbs.
Calon nodded, and, at that moment, I wanted to read his mind. With everything I had, I wanted to take away all his pain. All the loss he had experienced was still so intense in his huge heart.
“Calon, I have something that makes me smile even when I’m really, really sad. You look really sad right now, and I wish you weren’t.” She smiled and waited for a response.
“Thank you, Samantha. I just miss someone very much, and I’ve thought about her a lot today.” He looked up at me and tried to smile, but his lips denied him the happy shape.
“That’s exactly how I feel, too. I get really sad sometimes because…” She took her hands from Calon’s, reached up inside her sweatshirt, and pulled something toward her wrist. From where I stood I couldn’t see what it was, but when Calon’s mouth fell open, I started to piece it all together. “The boy who gave this to me went away, and I never saw him again. He was my brother. He made this bracelet for me before he went away.”
Calon took her wrist in his hand and lifted it so I could see. An old, worn, rainbow-colored friendship bracelet hung around her wrist. It was obvious it had been lengthened over and over again to fit a growing girl.
“Samantha, where did you hear that story?” Calon’s eyes were wide, and I wasn’t sure if he had breathed in the last three minutes.
“I didn’t hear it, silly. I remember him. Now stop interrupting me.” Calon’s faint smile pushed tears out onto his cheeks. “I was trying to ask you if you wanted to wear my bracelet until you feel better. As long as you promise to give it back when you’re done. It’s been on my wrist since I was three.”
That comment sealed the deal, and there was no doubt in my mind that Calon had just been reunited with Kate. Gracie reached over and squeezed my hand, then blinked back tears.
“That’s very nice of you to share your bracelet, Samantha. Why don’t we take Calon and Becki with us to your house? I bet your mom would love to meet them.” Gracie walked up next to Samantha and put her hands on her shoulder. I had shared Calon’s story with Gracie soon after he told me. When she realized what was happening, she was quick on her feet to invite us to meet Kate’s mom.
“You can keep your bracelet on your wrist, Samantha. All of my sadness went away when you shared that story with me. Thank you.” Calon wiped the tears from his face.
“Oh.” Samantha looked around at all of us and shrugged. “That’s sorta weird but whatever.” She stood and walked away with Gracie. I took Calon into my arms and stood on my toes to get as much of him in my hug as I could.
“Becki,” he whispered, “It’s her.” He laughed and sobbed at the same time. It was obvious that it was not our place to decide when was an appropriate time to explain the story to her.
Gracie had pulled Calon aside at the beginning of our walk, and asked Calon if it was okay that she share what had just happened with Samantha’s mom. Of course, he said yes. Gracie was on her phone ahead of all of us as
we walked along the tree-lined streets. Samantha took Calon’s hand again and swung it between them as we walked.
Samantha’s house was exactly like the one I pictured Gracie and Jake living in one day. It was a white stucco Cape Cod style house with pale blue shutters and two dormers that jutted out of the roof. Samantha’s mom came to the door with her hand across her mouth and tears in her eyes. She went right to Calon and wrapped her arms around him and whispered into his ear.
“I swear if I’d have known how to, I would have found you. I didn’t get any information about any of her family through the adoption agency. They said, at the time, that it was in her best interest.” She took Calon’s face in her hands, “I wanted to find you all these years, but I didn’t know how. You have to believe me.”
“Mrs. O’Brien, please, don’t apologize. There’s no reason to feel regret. This is a good day. This is a really good day.”
“Well, come on in.” She hustled everyone inside, and Gracie introduced me, which resulted in another huge hug. I looked over at Calon, and we both smiled at Samantha sitting on the couch with her hands folded in her lap.
“Can someone, please, tell me what’s going on?” She tapped her foot like an impatient little kid.
Mrs. O’Brien smiled at Calon and nodded. “I believe you have a story to tell. I trust you to tell her the happiest parts.” Calon didn’t need her to tell him there were parts Samantha didn’t need to know, but I knew he understood her need to say it.
Mrs. O’Brien came over to Gracie and me and scooted in between us with her arms around our waists. We did the same and held each other’s hands behind Mrs. O’Brien’s back. Calon walked over and sat next to Samantha on the couch. He turned to her and took her hands in his once again.
“Samantha, about sixteen years ago I lost the most precious thing in my life. It tore my heart apart. I was six, and there was nothing I could do but trust the adults in my life that it was something that needed to happen.”
Above the Noise Page 29