by Cosette Hale
I hadn’t decided on what I should do or say to Greg next. All I wanted now was the truth, but I couldn’t just come out and ask him— not if it was something he’d painstakingly hidden for months. He might think he could grovel his way out of a one-time fling born of a random night of desire. But a months-long affair with my best friend? That was something he would deny, deny, deny. I had no proof, but I needed it one way or the other.
I managed to avoid speaking to Greg that night since I complained of not feeling well. He apologized for his earlier comment, looking me in the eye, but my intuition was all out of whack, and I tried not to make any more eye contact. The next day Greg had a golf thing with coworkers. The second he left the house I was on a mission. Ransacking every drawer he came in contact with, I searched for any possible proof of his betrayal. His underwear drawer contained only his underwear. His suit pockets empty except for lint. Even his laptop computer contained a G-rated search history. Either he was being coached, or he really wasn’t cheating on me.
Greg wouldn’t know how to hide an affair this well. He barely knew how to hide my birthday presents from me. I’d always find a receipt or the actual gift ahead of time. Or a bank statement. His credit cards! I dashed to the computer and logged onto our bank account information, searching line by line for any suspicious transactions. He used his own card many times for business dinners that were later refunded by the company, so I couldn’t very well question all of those restaurant charges. The country club, cell phone, market, gas station— everything looked commonplace. Not even a porn site on his computer or charged to the card. Is it possible I had the only guy in America that never watched porn? Was he deleting his history?
By this time, the lack of proof was making it look even more like someone was coaching him on how to be sneaky. If ever I knew a sneaky person, it was Natalie. Tenth-grade dance after she flunked a test— Natalie told her parents I would tutor her that night. Instead she went to the dance to meet up with her boyfriend Kenny, whom her parents disapproved of. She called me and asked me to conference call her parents and tell them it was fine for her to be over at my house that late and she should just sleep over. I agreed to do it after rehearsing with Nat a few times. That was just the first instance that popped into my head, but I guarantee there were at least a hundred more stories like that.
I was rifling through the dirty laundry looking for clues (this was how low I’d sunk) when there was a knock at the door. I was not expecting anyone and walked over annoyed at whoever was interrupting my search. One look in the peephole showed Jeanette and— yes, Natalie. They had food in their hands. Groaning, I opened the door.
“Audrey we’ve been calling you all day!” Natalie said. At least she wasn’t out put-putting with my husband right now. I hadn’t heard my phone. Must be on silent.
“How are you feeling?” Jeanette inquired. Bad news travels fast, I guess.
I stepped back so they could follow me in and closed the door. I sent a quick prayer to whatever God was above to let their visit be nice and short.
“Much better. I guess Harvey told you.” Looking at Natalie, I tried very hard not to let my disdain show, but it was difficult. I’m usually very cheerful, so I tried to put my “work voice” on. It’s what Tammy and I call how we have to speak on the phone in our customer service job, even when the customer on the other end is screaming and dumb as rocks.
“Yes, but he only just told me this morning! I worked long hours Friday and yesterday, and for some reason, my silly husband didn’t think it was smart to text me or call me about it! So sorry I wasn’t there,” she said giving me a hug. I was trying so hard to read between the lines, to read her thoughts— a hint of anything to give me clarity, but she just sounded so damned sincere. I was so confused.
Jeanette was next at giving me a hug. “I hope it’s OK. Natalie called me as soon as she heard, and then when you weren’t answering your phone, we had to make sure you weren’t just withering away in bed. But I’m so glad to see you up.” She told me this with a bright smile, and I wanted to smack Jeanette over the head. She hadn’t done a thing except be kind, but I couldn’t handle all of this perkiness on top of my own fake cheer.
“I must have my phone on silent or something. I’ve just been doing laundry and watching a little TV. But I went for a walk yesterday, so you see I’m feeling fine. Nothing to worry about,” I said.
“But were you guys trying? You never said anything,” Natalie asked. I looked at her then, wondering if she was curious about how much sex Greg and I had been having since she had been denying her own husband.
I laughed. “We’ve just been having so much sex!”
Jeanette burst out laughing, probably because I never discussed sexual things, and I was known for being the prude in the group.
Then I said, “But no. We weren’t trying to get pregnant. Greg said he wants to now, though.” I kept my eyes on Natalie, and then I saw it. The forced smile that didn’t match the disappointment in her eyes. No one would have guessed if they hadn’t known her for years, but I could tell when she’s not pleased with surprising news.
“That’s great!” Jeannette said, “So you’ll be the first of us!”
“We’ll see. I think in a few months we can try to get pregnant, but I won’t get my hopes up too much, just in case,” I said turning my attention to Jeanette.
“Here, we brought you cupcakes,” she shoved the box into my hands. Jeanette loves to bake, and I’ve been trying to get her to sell her stuff— open a bakery, offer to make wedding cakes or something, but she was scared to venture into her own business. I wish I had a marketable skill like that.
“Thanks, girls, for coming over, but I was thinking of taking a nap before you came, and I’m a bit tired,” I lied. After that, they left, with many well-wishes and goodbye kisses, and then I was alone again.
The problem was that my mind kept going back and forth from hating Greg to loving him, from trusting him to feeling betrayed. But the look in Natalie’s eyes when I mentioned we were trying for a baby— that look meant something. My brain would explode soon if I didn’t find out for sure. I considered asking Greg outright, and maybe he’d do the decent thing and fess up. I’d almost decided to do this when I looked at my phone and saw it was on silent.
I had a missed call from my mother (who was so blissfully ignorant of the problems in my life right now). There was also a text from Greg asking how my day was going, three missed calls from Jeanette, four from Natalie, and a string of texts between them asking me to call them back. More notably, I had a text from Harvey.
It simply said, “Call me.”
So I called him.
Chapter Three
“Hey,” Harvey answered. I heard him saying something in the distance, and it sounded like he was at work. Harvey was manager of a restaurant. In fact, the reason any of us were in this town is because Harvey dragged Natalie there when he wanted to open his own bar. When that didn’t pan out, he tried for manager of the restaurant he was bartending at and got the job.
“Hey,” he repeated, “So how are you doing?”
“Fine,” I lied. Physically I was fine, but mentally and emotionally I was all over the place. “And you?” I was wondering where this phone call was headed.
“I’m tied up right now here so I can’t talk, but can we meet at eleven o’clock somewhere?” How was I going to get out of the house at eleven?
“Sure, how about by the lake?” I suggested.
“See you then, bye.” He hung up. Must be a busy Sunday night.
What excuse could I make up to take me out of the house at eleven at night? It was roughly six o’clock now, and Greg would be home soon. I picked up around the house, making sure I left no traces of my snooping, and prepared a quick chicken dinner.
“Audrey?”
I nearly dropped the knife I was holding. Greg scared the shit out of me.
“Don’t do that!” I yelled, waving the knife at him. He looked at the knife
and at me, and I put it down, laughing. I should probably use it on the cheating bastard, I thought.
“You didn’t hear me come in and call to you?”
“No! I was preoccupied with this chicken, plus the microwave is loud. I’m steaming veggies.” I also had my mind on your shenanigans.
“Oh. So are you still mad about last night?” He asked, putting his hands in his pockets and offering me the best Greg smile he had. That’s the smile I fell in love with— it could charm the pants off any girl. That stupid smile probably charmed off Natalie’s pants on many occasions.
“I am,” I said, still working that as an excuse to not have to be a loving wife.
“So this will be an awkward, quiet dinner?” he asked.
“Unless you’d prefer to argue.” I carried the food to the table.
We ate in silence, and then I said, “Natalie and Jeanette came over today. They knew nothing about the miscarriage until Harvey told Natalie this morning. I’m surprised you didn’t tell Natalie at work.”
“I didn’t want to tell anyone without discussing it with you first,” He said.
“Well, obviously Harvey would have told her.”
“I guess. How about your mom? Have you spoken with her?” He asked. I tried to answer, but my throat closed up with emotion. If I told my mom I wouldn’t be able to stop crying. She’d start crying with me, and it would upset her for no reason. No, I’d only tell her when I was actually pregnant, and now who knew when that would be. If ever. The thought was so depressing I practically threw my plate at Greg.
“No, and I’d rather we didn’t.”
“Alright then,” he said, thinking the matter settled. After dinner, Greg watched TV, so I sat down with him. I kept checking the time on my phone. 10:00, 10:14, 10:22, 10:37, 10:47. That’s when I went to the bedroom and changed into workout clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself I was ready for this, whatever Harvey would tell me. I did a little jog out to the living room and announced I was going for a run.
“At this time?” Greg asked, lowering the volume on the TV.
“Yup, I’m in the mood. I’ll stay on the lit paths,” I said heading for the door.
“Be careful,” he shouted as the door closed behind me.
“No, you be careful,” I said to no one. I walked to the path that led to the lake and was already breaking my promise. It was pitch black. My phone’s flashlight was the only thing keeping me from falling into the lake. That and some of the light that would spill over from people’s yards, if they were on. My phone said 10:55, and I walked all the way to the area right in back of Natalie and Harvey’s house. I flashed my phone back and forth to make sure serial killers weren’t lurking in the darkness, ready to attack.
“Psst,” I heard. I pointed my phone toward the sound but saw nothing. My heart had been racing already, but now it was trying to get out of my chest. I was about ready to run back to my house when I saw Harvey at the edge of the darkness.
“Holy crap, I almost died of fright!” I tried to whisper.
“Come this way,” he said, leading me to a bench a few yards away. I put the phone down so it could reflect light on both of us.
“Why this secret meeting in the dark?” I asked, wishing he’d say it was all for nothing, that he’d been wrong about everything.
“This was in Nat’s purse,” Harvey said, putting a heavy metal rectangle in my hand. I brought my phone up to examine it, but I already knew what the inscription on the side of the silver money clip would say. It was my present to Greg on our 1st wedding anniversary, engraved with our wedding date and the words, “Forever, Audrey”.
“I didn’t want to question her because she could make up an excuse about Greg having left it at our house at some point and her wanting to take it to him at work. Let’s not forget they are salespeople. They know how to improvise and make us see what they want us to see. Not to mention that Natalie met me when she was with her fiancée. This wouldn’t be her first rodeo.”
It was true. Natalie wasn’t feeling as happy as she should when she got engaged to her high school sweetheart, Ben. She told me she had met a ruggedly handsome new bartender, Harvey, at the place she was waitressing. They ended up hooking up, her not telling him she was engaged, and him not bothering to ask. Eventually, she told him when he asked her out on a proper date. When he said he didn’t want to play second fiddle to anyone, she promptly dumped her fiancée. Natalie followed Harvey to the ends of the earth, or so be it to this town, where she started off as a lowly customer service rep for a large company and grew through the ranks.
“We need real proof. I need something they can’t lie about,” I said, fiddling with the money clip.
“I’ve been thinking of hiring a private detective to follow them during the business trip,” he said.
I put my hands on my face. “I can’t believe this.” We sat in silence for a few moments, and I asked him, “Do we really need a PI? What if we can just catch them somehow?”
“I’ve been trying. She calls me to tell me she’s staying late at work, and I call her while she’s there, and she tells me she’s busy, but she answers. The only thing I haven’t done is follow her myself. It’s likely they’re… hooking up at work, which you know we can’t go up there unless you’re with someone who has the ID badge. But why did you agree to meet me here? Have you found something?” He asked. I hesitated in telling him about what Greg said last night, but I figured if we were both going down this rabbit hole together then I might as well come clean.
“Greg said something sexual to me last night, something I don’t do, and I thought— what if he’s been talking like that to someone else?” I knew I wasn’t giving him all the information.
“What did he say?” He asked at once. I was turning bright red, I knew, but thankfully it was too dark to notice.
“OK, so to tell you I have to start at the beginning. I have never… gone down on Greg, and we never ever talk about it. I don’t like it, and he promised he would never bring it up. Last night he was in the shower, and I was in the bathroom. Since I had my miscarriage and can’t have sex, he suggested that I…” I left it hanging there, assuming he understood where I was going with it.
“Oh.”
“Yes, I was so upset, thinking he could have said that because he’d been doing stuff like that with someone else, but I don’t know. I mean, maybe they haven’t slept together or done much. Maybe they’ve just been flirting and getting close, and we’re blowing this out of proportion.”
I saw him staring at me in the dark. “Maybe. But then again, your husband was asking you to do something to him that my wife used to do for me often enough.” As soon as he said it, I felt as if I’d been punched in the stomach. It hurt, it physically hurt. I felt the tears stinging the back of my eyes, but I furiously blinked them away.
“OK,” I said, “Let’s do it. How much will this cost?”
“I already talked to a guy who says he can either be paid $500 plus travel expenses in cash, or he can make the statement on a credit card say anything we want. I was thinking about how I could put a few hundred on the credit card as if it was a charge from Lowes and tell her I’m working on the yard. I doubt she’d ever even question me on it, but anything nearing $1000 she’d probably ask about.”
“I have around $800 cash stashed in the house for emergencies,” I offered.
“He won’t miss it?”
“Not unless there’s a catastrophe where we can’t use our credit cards.”
“I think we’ll be safe then, and slowly we’ll work on replenishing that cash afterward.”
“If...” I started to say.
“Hey, it’s possible I’ve been a fool this whole time and pulled you into my psychosis. We’ll be laughing at ourselves pretty hard in a week’s time when we’re out over a grand. I’m sure you’ll never trust my judgment again.”
I laughed, but it was a nervous and uncomfortable laugh. In a week’s time, we were all supposed
to be on our way to St. Thomas. Harvey walked me back as far as the path to the street where I’d go around to my front door. We whispered about meeting for lunch tomorrow at noon with the PI at a chain restaurant across town and said goodbye. Walking home, my thoughts were a big muddled mess.
Back at home, I tried to act as normal as possible when Greg jumped in the shower with me. That is until he pulled me towards him and pushed his penis toward my butt.
“I’m still bleeding, babe,” I said, moving away from him.
“Yuck.” He then washed his penis under the stream of water and smiled at me in his goofy grin sort of way. I laughed because that’s what I always do when he’s being funny, but I wondered if this may be one of our last silly moments together. Actually, those last moments were gone already, because this was now tainted with possible lies and suspicion. My marriage might have ended, and I wasn’t aware of it yet. The tears threatened to come out, and I pushed him out of the water so the water could spray on my face, camouflaging any tears that might escape.
The next day I woke up, and as always the space next to me was empty since Greg leaves early in the morning. My nerves messed with me as I was getting ready and then were on high alert as I drove to the restaurant.
Maybe it’s better if I don’t know, I thought. It was a mistake, and he’s learning from it and will never do it again. I considered how the $800 in my purse might be wasted on nothing. As I parked, I saw Harvey leaning against his car. He was lost in thought, but then he cracked a smile when he noticed me getting out of the car. I forced a smile back. My anxiety was the only thing I could focus on at that moment.