by Nora Shkodra
our eyes. “Two can play this game.”
I shivered at his cold tone, and as he walked away, I felt sick to my
stomach. “Amber, come on, let’s go!” Jodie tugged at my arm. I allowed her to
drag me all the way to my house where we met Jaylin.
“Oh my God, girls, that was so easy!” Jaylin exclaimed as I opened
the front door to let us in. The warmth of the house welcomed us cosily. “Yeah, but Trey’s on to us. He saw me and Amber,”Jodie explained
causing Jaylin’s smile to fade.
“What? How? Why didn’t you run at the same time as me?” Jaylin
In My Arms by Nora Shkodra asked in a hushed voice.
“Well, we stayed for a little while longer after you left, and he heard
us laughing.when he turned around, he said something...”
My voice trailed off as I looked at Jodie for assistance.
She sighed, for a girl who speaks a lot, she wasn’t saying much. “Two can play this game,” she mumbled as I watched her fiddle with
her fingers; she had a lost expression on her face.
“When Trey thinks something is a game, he doesn’t back down, he
goes out of control,” she added, causing me to catch my breath. Fear swelled up inside of me and I started regretting my actions. I
shoved away what I was feeling and cleared my throat.
“Do you two want to stay the night or...?” I asked, hoping my voice
wasn’t as shaky as I thought.
“No, it’s okay, thank you though, we really should get going,” Jaylin
said as we all started to get off my bed.
I walked them to the door and as Jodie was putting on her shoes she
looked up at me and mumbled something. “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.” I shook my head.
“It’s not your fault,” I replied, watching them leave.
I walked back up the stairs and glanced into Jacob’s room. The light
spilling in from the hallway was enough to show me that he wasn’t in his
bed. In all honesty, I knew he wouldn’t be there; I just wanted to check, for
no reason. It wasn’t unusual anymore for him to be out very late on a Friday
night.
I missed Jacob, even if I did see him every morning, it wasn’t the
same. It’s like my brother was abducted by the Russian Mafia, cloned and
brought back here, just an evil version of him.
As I made up more crazy scenarios in my head, I went down to the
kitchen and heated my dinner in the microwave. When it was done I went
44 | In My Arms into the living room and ate while watching a recorded episode of Teen Wolf. After the meal I had a slice of carrot cake, and some coffee. I wasn’t planning on sleeping until Jacob got back.
When the episode finished, I turned the TV off, and saw that the porch light was on, I heard voices too.
Grabbing my fork, I walked towards the front door and looked through the peep hole. My heart sped up and my hands started to sweat. My brother was there, which was a relief, but so was Trey.
“Don’t you have keys?” Trey asked him.
That cold, sharp voice sent a shiver down my spine.
Chapter 10 Drugs
Jacob was standing right in front of the door, fumbling in his pockets for his keys.
Out of a crazy, spur of the moment decision, I opened the door and yanked my brother inside.
As I did this, I made the horrible mistake of looking at him, a malicious smile spread across his face, lighting struck in his stormy eyes, all in that brief moment. Dead bolting the door, I pushed Jacob into the living room and followed suit.
“What the hell was that for?” he yelled.
“Shut up! Mum and Dad are sleeping, if they wake up you’ll be answering all their questions! I hissed furiously as I paced the living room, looking through the curtains.
Trey was nowhere in sight; my breathing slowed down a bit as my body relaxed a little from how tense it was just a few moments before.
I glanced at Jacob who was sitting on the sofa, gazing dreamily around the room, his eyes never focused on one spot. Realisation suddenly struck me.
“Oh my God Jake; are you high?” I fumed, trying really hard to keep my voice low.
He started giggling. That was a yes then.
“Oh Jacob, what has happened to you? Why are you doing this?” I mumbled as I sat on his left and grabbed his hand.
“Can you make me a Nutella milkshake, you know, like the ones you always make?”
He fluttered his eyelashes, so I nodded and led him into the kitchen, and as I worked away, my brother sat on the counter, staring at his hands as if they were new to him.
Handing him the drink, he slurped it all, and the soberness slowly came back into his eyes. The silence surrounding us was suffocating. My ears were ringing and I desperately wanted an explanation.
“What’s happening to you? Why have you changed so much this last month? Mum, Dad, and I barely see you anymore, you’re always out. I feel like I’ve lost you.”
My voice cracked on the last sentence, when suddenly tears were dripping down my face, soaking my cheeks and landing on my lap. I couldn’t stop them, no matter how much I wanted to. They just kept coming as Jacob watched me.
“It’s nothing, I’m going to sleep,” He croaked, getting up to leave, but I stood in front of him, blocking his path.
“No Jacob, there must be a reason why you have gotten involved with people like them! You were never a bad guy.”
My voice was fierce, yet hushed. My hand gripped his arm.
“You’re so oblivious to everything, aren’t you?” he almost shouted.
“I’m only oblivious because you never talk to me!” I ranted, matching the tone of his voice.
“That’s just it, isn’t it? Perfect Amber Rose, Daddy’s little princess, soon to be famous writer; with the help of Mummy of course. Golden girl will shine like never before.”
In My Arms by Nora Shkodra His voice was cold, hard, and spiteful as he screamed hurtful words at me. I had felt like a million daggers had been thrown at my chest and each of them hit bulls eye; my heart seemed like it had been pierced with many knives as he spoke those words.
“You don’t really feel that way,” I whispered feebly as he angrily shoved my hand off of his arm.
“Oh shut up Amber, you can’t tell me what I do and don’t feel. Just because you can’t handle the truth, doesn’t mean you should try to change it. This isn’t one of your stories where everything is happy ever after, this is real life. So deal with it.”
He stood there, panting, as my eyes transformed into waterfalls. My vision was blurred and I couldn’t see the anger in his eyes anymore, I was kind of grateful for that. The tension between us was so thick; a knife wouldn’t be strong enough to cut it.
“You know, I would give anything, and I mean anything, for Mum and Dad to look at me the way they look at you. Like, their eyes light up, and their smiles show that they are so proud of the golden kid they raised, the kid who’s going to get so far in life. And you know what the sad thing is Amber? They have never looked at me like that, no matter what I have achieved; they’ve never looked at me like that. So now, I just don’t bother anymore, because the truth is, I am never going to be as good as you.”
This time, my heart dropped from the place where it was, leaving a hole on the left side of my chest.
I watched Jacob leave the kitchen and fly up the stairs, the door to his room slammed shut.
I stood there, staring at nothing in particular, for a few moments. Then, with wobbly knees and a distraught heart, I climbed the stairs, slowly, heaving myself up, step by step.
Once I got into my room, I fell onto my bed, burying myself under
48 | In My Arms
the warmth of my covers. That’s when, for the first time, in a long time, I allowed myself to silently let
it all out. I cried, and cried, and cried, until I was raw to the bone and completely numb. I couldn’t feel my heart anymore, it had all gotten too much for me to handle. With a black hole in my chest, because that is how it felt, and a sore throat, from much crying, I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 11 What Is Happening To Me?
I was standing on the sidewalk outside my house with Adam, Jacob and Liz. The sun was shining, and we were chatting away.
“We should totally have a water fight!” Adam suggested as he flicked his hair.
“Yeah, that would be fun!” Liz cheered as she tossed her long blonde hair out of her face.
It all seemed so perfect, yet so fake, as if they were being forced to smile and act happy.
“Yeah, that’s an awesome idea. Amber, can you go and see if we have any water balloons?” Jacob asked as he batted his eyelashes.
“Why me?” I moaned, leaning against the wall of our front garden.
“Because, you know where everything is kept?” he replied, causing me to sigh and trudge back into the house in search of some balloons.
I opened the door to the basement and found a packet of them down there. I smiled happily to myself and walked out of the basement. I locked the door behind me and went outside.
“I found a …” I started however I stopped mid-sentence. The sun that was there just moments before had vanished, only to be replaced by dull, grey clouds. A gasp escaped from my mouth as I looked down at the sidewalk.
There were three shadowy figures, their faces masked. Each of them had a person in their grasp, with a knife to their throats. The faces of my loved ones were plastered in fear. My whole being was screaming at me to help them; however I was rooted to the spot, my limbs paralysed. I stared at them as a malicious laugh erupted in my eardrums. I had heard that laugh before.
Jacob, Adam, Liz, my heart ached for them.
The figures smiled, sending shivers through my whole body. I still couldn’t move. I watched them dig the knives deeper, slicing their throats open, blood pouring out. I screamed, and right before my eyes, they vanished from the spot. I was able to move then, but it was too late, they were gone.
‘It’s not real.’
The thoughts came to me as I thrashed around in my bed, screaming.
In an instant the lights in my room went on, which was blinding due to its suddenness. My mother rushed to me and embraced me in her arms, followed by my father and brother who stood nearby.
“Sshh, baby. It’s okay, it was just a dream,” Mum cooed softly as she rocked me back and forth.
I was soaked in sweat, shivering in my mother’s arms; her body heat was not warming me up.
“Jacob, go and get her a glass of water, and a sleeping pill,” she ordered him.
My doctor advised me to use a sleeping pill after waking up from a bad dream. Especially if I was screaming.
As my mother whispered reassuring words into my ear, my father stood there, staring helplessly. He was never as good as Mum with emotional
In My Arms by Nora Shkodra
stuff. Seconds later, Jacob walked back into my room with a cup of water and a pill.
“Here baby girl, take this and everything will feel better,” my mother said as Jake handed them to me. I put the pill in my mouth and drank some of the water, without swallowing the tablet.
“I need to wee,” I mumbled, scrambling out of my mother’s arms and hurriedly went to the bathroom.
I spat the pill into the toilet and sat on the lid for about thirty seconds before flushing, washing my hands and retreating back to my room.
I stood in the middle of my room for a few seconds as my family stared at me. A few tears began to slide down my face.
“It was horrible,” I managed to croak out.
“It’s okay love, you don’t need to tell us if you don’t want to,” my father said as he tucked a stray hair behind my ears. He kissed my forehead as my mother came towards me.
“You just go back to sleep, we can talk in the morning,” she whispered before kissing both my cheeks, and then they both left the room, leaving me alone with my brother.
I climbed back into my bed with a note pad and a pencil.
“What do you want Jacob?” I asked him, my voice tired, however my brain was alive and alert.
“What happened in the dream?” he asked, answering me with a question. Clever.
“I... I can’t tell you,” I stuttered as I scribbled words down on the note pad.
It was weird, how Jacob could act as if nothing happened earlier that night; when he spilled his feelings to me -feelings that really hurt me.
“Was it that bad?”
“Of course it was bad Jake; I woke up screaming for heaven’s sake!” I replied, getting rather agitated.
“Was I in it?”
“Jacob, I’m tired, so quit with the freaking questions,” I snapped, sounding bitter.
He flinched as if I had hit him, and for a moment, I was glad. He had felt it too, that stinging feeling when someone who you thought loved you, says something that shows the opposite of love. Brother or not, I didn’t feel loved.
He slowly left my room, shutting the door behind him.
I flopped back onto my pillows, relaxing every muscle that was tense a few moments ago. I looked down at the words I had written.
You haunt me when I’m awake You haunt me when I’m asleep. You’re in my dreams, Torturing me,
Day, and night.
It can be 2pm, or 2am, And I’m still an emotional wreck.
This described exactly how I felt at the time. It was like no matter what, I couldn’t escape from him. In school, when I was out with friends, even my home wasn’t safe for me anymore, because he was there. Maybe not physically, but mentally, he was always there. Hammering my brain and chipping off pieces of my sanity. He was slowly burning me alive, from the inside out. And it scared me, to the point I felt I was losing my mind. I hated him.
Chapter 12 The Old Jacob
In the end I had fallen asleep, after a few hours of writing my heart out, the sun had come up by the time I was drifting off.
I awoke to the afternoon sunlight streaming through my windows; automatically I regretted not closing my curtains when it was dark. I groaned at the sunlight glare because it hurt my eyes as I threw a pillow over my head.
The night before was hell for me, the dream that I had would not leave my mind! Because, all dreams mean something right? Even the bad ones.
I tossed and turned in my bed for a while, however there wasn’t any point since my eyes wouldn’t stay closed. In the end, I decided to make my way downstairs.
“Hey sweetie, did you sleep well after you took the sleeping pill?” Mum asked me as I stumbled into the living room and fell on the couch,sitting next to her.
“Yeah, I was out like a baby,” I managed to lie, planting a little smile on my lips to make it more believable.
“That’s great then. Are you hungry? Do you want me to make you some breakfast?”
I nodded. “Could you make me those chocolate chip pancakes you used to make, please, Mum?”
Her smile warmed my insides.
“Of course darling, I’ll be ten minutes.” She got up from the sofa and made her way to the kitchen.
I watched the news until she brought my breakfast, along with some warm milk. I munched and sipped at a normal pace as she watched me. Her brow furrowed; I felt like she was analysing me.
“Are you going to tell me what happened in your dream, or do you want me to take you to see a therapist?” she finally spoke, breaking the awkwardness that was thick in the air.
I shook my head, not wanting to remember the hour long, daily sessions in an office.
You don’t really call them brain doctors, which they actually are. I think being a therapist is a really hard job because you need people to open up to you, however when you’re a doctor that performs operations, it’s a little easier. I’m not saying it isn’t hard, because it is; it’s
just not as difficult. When you cut someone open, you fix what’s wrong with them, and that’s it. Needing to know what goes on in someone’s mind is really tricky because people are different, and not everyone opens up. I surely didn’t.
“Mum, I don’t like talking about it. Talking just makes things worse,” I huffed, placing my plate on the coffee table.
I stood up; I knew my Mum was watching me with that little furrow she always had on her forehead when she was worried about something, but I didn’t look back, I didn’t want to talk. I marched up the stairs and into the bathroom. I brushed my hair and tied it into a ponytail.
When I was back in my room, I changed into my running clothes, grabbed my phone, headphones and keys before I made my way back downstairs. I grabbed a bottle of water and as I reached the door my mother’s voice stopped me.
In My Arms by Nora Shkodra “Where are you going?”
I turned around to face her.
“For a run, to clear my head,” I answered, tapping my foot
impatiently.
“Okay, go, and if you see Jacob on your travels, please bring him
home.”
I gulped loudly and nodded before running out of the house and
sprinting down the street.
When I reached the end of my road, I paused to take a few breaths.
I gulped down some water, and then continued jogging. I emptied my mind,
and just concentrated on the words of the songs I listened to. I ran and ran
until the point where I couldn’t feel my legs anymore; it was like my legs were
moving on their own. After a few more minutes, I felt like I had come into
contact with a brick wall. I fell to the ground and landed on my butt. “Oh my God, I am so sorry! Are you okay?” the voice that spoke to
me sounded very familiar because when I looked up, I saw Jacob. “Oh it’s you,” he said as he helped me up.
“Mum said she wants you home,” I told him as I stopped my music. “Why?”
“I don’t know, she just said that if I see you, I should tell you to go
home,” I replied as he followed me back in the direction of our house. “So, why were you out so early?” I asked him after a few moments of