“You needed to choose her despite what it may have cost you,” Ariel said firmly.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Why isn’t this widely known? I’ve lived two thousand years. I—”
“Angels are told only what they need to know. We were each created for a purpose, Clyde. Not every angel is destined for a soul mate such as you.”
He released a breath as a surge of emotions overwhelmed him: relief, joy, disbelief, anger and remorse.
His prayer had been answered. Ashley was his, and it hadn’t cost him his wings or heaven. His dream had come true, and despite finding his soul mate, he’d been promoted. He was a warrior angel, and Ashley was his, an outcome he wouldn’t have expected in his wildest dreams.
The moment should have been magical, but it wasn’t. It paled with the knowledge he’d had proof Ashley was his all along. Still he’d denied her, lied to her and attempted to convince her she wasn’t his.
How could she have ever belonged to anyone but you? his conscience scolded. She was always meant for you.
“You are an angel warrior. This war marks the beginning of the end, Clyde. God has willed you to mate with one of the Elementals who will decide the outcome of this war for a reason. Above all, she is yours, and your duty now resides with her. You will fight with her, alongside her. That is your duty above all.”
He bowed, crying inside for his Ashley. He didn’t want her to fight. What he wanted was to take her away, far away from the front lines of battle, but what good would it do if the outcome was unfavorable?
“Now that you are a warrior, one of the highest ranking angels, you are allowed to use your abilities at your discretion so long as it relates to war, God’s will and your mate, but you were not a warrior until a day ago, which brings us to the reason we brought you here…” Raphael began.
Clyde’s gaze shot toward him.
“You are aware you were not allowed to perform healings without our consent, just as you are not allowed to guard or help without our consent. You offered help to a single mother in London, which we have decided to overlook since the amount of money you gave her did not affect her destiny nor the lessons she was put on earth to learn, but in regards to Ashley—”
“I will bear the scars for her. I will endure the pain they caused willingly,” he said immediately.
“That’s not—” Raphael began to admonish.
“I don’t care.”
“As Ashley’s guardian, you were to guard her, heal her if she was injured under your care, not heal scars from years past,” Ariel advised.
“She’s suffered enough. She doesn’t need the reminder of a flawed life for eternity, one that should have never been hers to begin with. It is our own fault this happened to her.”
“Such is life. They’ve all suffered,” Ariel said.
Clenching his jaw, he pointed out, “Jenna and Jocelyn weren’t abused.”
“You haven’t met all the sisters. Besides, Ashley chose to stay with her abusive father. She had a choice. She could have chosen to reside with her aunt, yet she refused on numerous occasions after the abuse began.”
His face paled. Why had she never told him? Why had she chosen the worse option for her?
“I…I—” he mumbled, then his thoughts shifted. “Why?”
“Why what, warrior?” Gabriel asked.
He wanted to ask why she had chosen abuse, instead he asked, “Why her? Why did she have to suffer?”
Gabriel paused for moments too long, then said, “That is not what you wanted to ask.” He hesitated, then finally continued, “You will never find the answer you are longing for, warrior. For you do not want an answer, you want to change the past and that cannot be done.”
“Nothing we say will appease you. You know the answer but are unwilling to accept it,” Raphael said.
“Tell me…please,” he pleaded, sounding as tormented as he felt. “I’m begging you.”
“Life is a series of events good and bad, warrior. It was her destiny to endure what she has,” Gabriel said. “Some say without pain one does not know true happiness.”
It wasn’t the answer he had expected. It wasn’t an answer at all, not to him.
“We will make this easy for you, Clyde. We will allow you to bear her scars,” Gabriel said.
“Why?”
“Think of it as a gift from us for your promotion, and in doing so you will learn what you really want to know, why Ashley chose to withstand the abuse.”
His brows drew together. “How?”
“Simply ask yourself why you will bear the scars for her.”
He responded automatically. “So she doesn’t have to, so she won’t be reminded every day of the abuse she endured, so she sees what everyone else sees when they look at her, so she realizes she is beautiful.”
“You have your answer.”
“What?”
The Lords didn’t respond, instead they stared at him expectantly, as if he should comprehend what they implied. Then like a lightning bolt, it hit him.
He wanted to bear her scars, so she wouldn’t have to. She had endured the abuse hoping no one else would. Why hadn’t he understood it until now? She had said so herself the night she told him about the scars. She admitted she was relieved it had been her because she was faster and stronger and healed quickly and feared another wouldn’t have survived.
My noble Ashley, he thought.
There was no way to know if she had left her father whether he would have abused another. Still, she had endured the abuse. She had borne it for an invisible someone. Her father would have probably died alone in his home never harming another, but his Ashley had chosen to suffer it just the same. He thought then, knowing Ashley as he did, that maybe there was another reason she had endured the abuse, so her father wouldn’t die alone.
“Yes, that too,” Gabriel said. “She loves deeply.”
He nodded as understanding finally dawned on him. There were so many questions still left unanswered. Although he wanted to come to terms with Ashley’s abuse, why it had happened and accept it, he feared he never would. He would have to learn to move past it. Perhaps a century from now he would no longer feel tormented by the truth, the fact that his Ashley had been abused, that he as her soul mate had been unable to spare her pain. Or maybe not, maybe a century from now he would still battle with the overwhelming sense of failure.
“You have all the answers, warrior, despite what you may feel. You must learn to move past it as she has,” Gabriel said.
“In baring her scars, you will feel the pain she did for three days,” Ariel advised.
His gaze shot toward him, his heart tightening in his chest. Three days. She’d suffered for three days!
“She drifted in and out of consciousness, unfortunately for you, you will not,” Raphael said.
“I accept,” he said, adamantly.
“So it be,” Gabriel said.
And the scorching pain began.
Chapter 20
Clyde didn’t know how long it had been. All he felt was agonizing pain as it radiated throughout his body. His draw-string pants, what he’d been wearing when he’d left Ashley, were drenched in blood, oozing slowly out of his wounds.
Each wound was precisely where Ashley’s had been. Each was as deep, as long and as painful. When his immortal body began to heal and the wounds started to fade, another wound appeared exactly where it had been before.
Moments after it started, he crumpled to the floor, closing his eyes. When he’d opened them, he was still in heaven but no longer in the Lords’ den. He was in the angel tower, the angel dwelling.
He wanted to scream from the pain and barely prevented himself from doing so. At times, it seemed the pain began to numb him, and he thought it would soon end only then it would resurface tenfold. Despite it, he loved enduring it for her.
Through the pain, he stared at the sky and all he thought about was his Ashley—how much he loved her and how thankful he was she was his. He
wondered how she managed to endure the debilitating pain that now consumed him for three days. Despite the pain, he smiled because fate had been good to him.
He dreamt of the day that would soon come when he would tell her she was his and tried to imagine the look on her face. Still he couldn’t fathom it because his Ashley was above all unpredictable, and he loved her all the more for it.
“Ashley, my angel,” he whispered repeatedly.
It had been at least a day since he had been called by the Lords. He had warned her this could happen and had promised to return, but he knew she loved him, and she would fear and worry for him.
Was she crying at this instant? Was she eating? Was she distraught?
Just the thought made his chest tighten, made him realize he was a fool. He should’ve waited. He should’ve gone to her and told her he’d be gone a few days. Not that he couldn’t go back now, he could, but that meant she’d witness his pain, and he’d have to tell her why. He refused to let her blame herself for his actions as he knew she’d do.
The pain compounded with agony, reaching his heart, his soul. It was deep and searing and hurt more than the wounds ever could. Anxiety rushing him, he began to sweat profusely. He wished he had the power to change time, making it pass quickly.
It is better this way, he tried to soothe himself. Soon, I’ll see her, then I’ll never leave her again.
****
Two days had passed. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t get out of bed. All she could do was cry.
Ashley was broken, a broken lost soul, and she would remain that way because the only person capable of fixing her was him, and he was gone.
That fateful night, she woke startled and scared, feeling like a piece of her soul had been ripped right out. With dread choking her, she’d hopelessly searched though she’d known without a doubt he was gone. She’d known that piece missing inside her was him.
He’d warned her, but she hadn’t been prepared. The grief that clung debilitated her, the throbbing ache in her chest making it hard to breathe.
She missed everything: his enduring presence, his soothing voice, his intoxicating scent, all of him.
The first day, she had tried to continue her routine as usual: training, cooking, but her mind and heart were elsewhere—with him. Her thoughts strayed, reliving the moments they’d shared, wondering if she’d ever see him again, if the Lords would punish him, if he was in pain, and especially, if his heart ached without her as hers did without him.
At the beginning of the second day, she lost the will to pretend. She’d decided she wouldn’t get out of bed because as the hours passed, the throb in her chest deepened until she couldn’t move. Despite her sisters and Jacob’s attempts to console her, they couldn’t.
Now at the end of the second day, the pain in her chest completely incapacitated her.
Her eyes welled with tears anew. She buried her head in the pillow before they could trail down her face.
“Ash,” a voice called from the threshold of her room.
She lifted her head and met Jacob’s eyes. His soft expression unglued the remaining strength she had. Tears streamed down her face.
He closed the distance between them. “Ash, please,” he said, his voice was soft and soothing. “Let’s watch a movie or something.”
“It won’t help,” she whispered, wiping her tears.
Standing at the edge of her bed, he reached for her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as tears continued to slide down her cheeks. Wrapping an arm around her waist and another under her knees, he lifted her out of bed and strode out of the room and into the living room. Placing her on the couch, he then sat next to her.
“He’s coming back, Ash,” he said, assuredly.
Shaking her head, she said, “I don’t know—”
He placed his hand over hers. Her gaze slid to his. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. Clyde is coming back for you. You are his fated. He loves you. He is coming back.”
“But why—”
Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t know much about angels. I don’t know what he’s doing up there, but I do know he’s coming back. He wouldn’t leave you, Ash. He would never leave you.”
“You don’t know that,” she whispered.
“Yes, I do. He would rip his wings off himself and sell his soul to the devil if it meant he got to stay with you.”
“You don’t—”
“Yes, I do, Ash,” he cut her off. “You are his mate. I’m sure of it. Everyone knows it. He told you he loves you, right?”
She looked away from his stare and nodded.
“He still doesn’t think you’re his, huh?”
She didn’t respond because she couldn’t. Her heart hurt, and admitting it reminded her that perhaps he would never come back, that perhaps she’d forever remain a broken soul.
When she didn’t respond, he continued, “He doesn’t believe it because he’s never heard of an angel mating not because he doesn’t love you, Ash. You know that, right?”
Instead of speaking, tears streamed steadily down her face.
“What do you think it means if he doesn’t believe you’re his but is still willing to give up heaven and his wings for you believing you will eventually find your fated mate? It means he loves you, and you are his mate… An angel wouldn’t give up heaven for just anyone—only for a mate.” He shrugged. “That’s the way I see it. That’s how I know you’re his.”
Her eyes finally met his again, and she wiped her face as more tears trailed down.
“Ash, it breaks my heart to see you like this,” he said softly.
“I thought all you had was anger,” she said, her best attempt to jest.
He smiled. “Let’s watch a movie, okay?”
She nodded then he stood and picked a comedy from the DVD’s and played it. He sat next to her. She leaned her head against his shoulder then let sleep claim her.
****
A light engulfed him, the pain fading, his heart thumping wildly. He was going home to his angel, Ashley. He smiled, then opened his eyes scanning the kitchen on Ashley’s floor. She wasn’t there.
He walked toward her room, only to find it empty. Shifting to spirit form, he glided through the building. After several minutes, he found her in the dining room with Jenna and the demons. She was pale, dark circles under her eyes. And still she was so beautiful his heart lurched.
Guilt flooded him, clogging his throat. He shifted allowing himself to be seen. “Angel.” His voice was hoarse.
Her gaze met his, her face paling a shade lighter. Hesitantly, she stood, taking several steps in his direction. “Oh my God,” she whispered, tears brimmed in her eyes. “W-what happened?”
Glancing down, he cursed silently. He was covered in blood, wearing only draw-string pants. In his desperation to see her, he had forgotten to change.
I’m an idiot, he thought, then said, “I’m fine.”
Closing the distance between them, he wrapped his arms around her, pressing her body against his despite his wounds. He wanted to feel her warmth. No, he needed to, as deeply as he needed air to breathe.
Hesitantly, she wrapped her arms around him, her fingers barely touching him.
“I’ve missed you so much, angel,” he whispered against her hair. “I’m sorry I was gone so long.”
He cupped her cheeks and pulled away slightly to look into her eyes. The torn distraught expression on her face as tears steadily streamed down her cheeks pained him.
“What’s wrong, angel?”
“Why are you bleeding?” she asked, her voice was low.
“I’m fine. I promise. I just forgot to change.”
Her eyes pled, but her expression turned uncertain as more tears spilled down her face. He felt a piece of him unhinge, guilt overwhelming him.
“Did t-they cut off your wings?” she asked. “Is that why you’re bleeding…because of…me?”
Shaking his head, he said, “No, Ash. They di
dn’t. I’m still an angel, and you are my soul mate.” He pulled her close again, kissed her forehead, then her lips lightly.
She molded to his caress, finally wrapping her arms around him and fully engulfing him in her warmth.
Jenna cleared her throat, reminding him he and Ashley weren’t alone. “We’ll leave you two alone,” Jenna said, and they swiftly exited.
“Why are you bleeding?” Ashley asked him again.
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.”
“But—”
He ran his hand along her back, and she arched to his touch. “Love, I’m fine, more than fine really. I love you, and you are mine.” He paused, smiling. “Remember I promised I would come back to you, and I have. Now I’m promising you I have never been better.”
She hugged him tight, and finally he felt like he was home—for good. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent, relishing the moment, their reunion, knowing it marked the beginning of their lives together.
“I’ll always be with you, angel. I’ll never leave you again,” he promised then kissed her lips softly.
She broke away hesitantly then asked again, “Why are you bleeding?”
For several minutes, he simply stared into her eyes without uttering a word until she pleaded with him again.
He didn’t want to reveal why, he no longer had a choice because his soul mate wouldn’t let it go, and he couldn’t lie.
He sighed then admitted, “It was the reason it took me so long to get back. I endured your pain.”
Her eyes went wide, and she pulled away from him. “What?” she whispered.
“I removed your scars, so now I bear them for you.”
She turned away from him as a sob escaped her. Her body trembled. Shaking her head, she whispered, “No.”
He reached for her, his hand gripping her elbow. “Angel, I—”
She pulled away, quickly freeing herself from his grasp. “I didn’t ask you to,” she voiced loudly, tears overwhelming her again.
“I know. I—”
“I can’t—” she began, but he grasped her hand firmly and she stopped mid-thought.
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