by Robyn Carr
“First smart thing you’ve said in an hour,” Annie informed him.
“Well, I have a responsibility!” he argued.
Sunny leaned her head forward into the front of the cab, coming between them. “You two didn’t have your New Year’s kiss, did you? Because whew, are you ever pissy!”
“Some people,” Annie said, her eyes narrowed at Nate, “just don’t listen.”
* * *
Winter in the mountains was so dark; the sun wasn’t usually up before seven in the morning. But Sunny was. In fact, she’d barely slept. She just couldn’t get Drew out of her mind. She got up a couple of times to get something from the kitchen, but she only dozed. At five-thirty she gave up and put the coffee on.
By the time it was brewing, Annie was up. Before coming into the kitchen she started the fire in the great room fireplace. She shivered a bit even though she wore her big, furry slippers and quilted robe.
“Why are you up so early?” Sunny asked, passing a mug of coffee across the breakfast bar.
“Me? I’m always up early—we have a rigid feeding schedule for the horses.”
“This early?”
“Well, I thought I heard a mouse in the kitchen,” Annie said with a smile. “Let’s go by the fire and you can tell me why you’re up.”
“Oh, Annie,” she said a bit sadly, as she headed into the great room. “What’s wrong with me?”
“Wrong?” Annie asked. She sat on the big leather sofa in front of the fire and patted the seat beside her. “I think you’re close to perfect!”
Sunny shook her head. She sat on the sofa, turned toward Annie and pulled her feet under her. “I made up my mind I wasn’t getting mixed up with another guy after what Glen did to me, then I go and meet this sweetheart. He’s pretty unforgettable.”
“Oh? The guy from the bar?”
Sunny sipped her coffee. “Sounds funny when you put it that way. Drew—a doctor of all things. Not a guy from a bar. He was up at his sister’s cabin to study and only came into town to get a New Year’s Eve beer. I never should have run into him. And even though he’s totally nice and very sweet, I promised him I’d never get involved again, with him or anyone else. I told him I just wasn’t ready.”
“Smart if you ask me,” Annie said, sipping from her own steaming cup.
“Really?” Sunny asked, surprised. Wasn’t this the same woman who lectured her about letting go of the anger and getting on with her life?
Annie gave a short laugh. “After what happened to you? Why would you take that kind of chance again? Too risky. Besides, you have a good life! You have work you love and your parents are completely devoted to you.”
“Annie, they’re my parents,” she said. “They’re wonderful and I adore them, but they’re my parents! They don’t exactly meet all my needs, if you get my drift.”
Annie patted Sunny’s knee. “When more time has passed, when you feel stronger and more confident, you might run into a guy who can fill some of the blank spots—and do that without getting involved. Know what I mean?”
“I know what you mean,” Sunny said, looking down. “Problem is, those kind of relationships never appealed to me much.”
“Well, as time goes on...” Annie said. “I imagine you’ll get the hang of it. You’re young and you’ve been kicked in the teeth pretty good. I understand—you’re not feeling that strong.”
Sunny actually laughed. “I had no idea how strong I was,” she said. “I got through the worst day of my life. I helped my mom return over a hundred wedding gifts...” She swallowed. “With notes of apology.”
“You’re right—that takes strength of a very unique variety. But you told me you don’t feel too confident about your ability to know whether a guy is a good guy, a guy you can really trust,” Annie said.
Sunny sighed. “Yeah, it’s scary.” Then she lifted her gaze and a small smile flitted across her mouth. “Some things are just obvious, though. You know what Drew said is the best and worst part of his job as an orthopedic surgery resident? Kids. He loves being able to help them, loves making them laugh, but it’s really hard for him to see them broken. What a term, huh? Broken? But that’s what he does—fixes broken parts.”
“That doesn’t mean you’d be able to count on him to come through for the wedding dance...” Annie pointed out.
But Sunny wasn’t really listening. “When that deer was lying on the hood of the SUV I tried not to look, but he was taking pictures for the insurance and I had to take a peek out the windshield. He gave the deer a pet on the neck. He looked so sad. He said it made him feel bad and he hoped the deer didn’t have a family somewhere. Annie, you grew up around here, grew up on a farm—do deer have families?”
“Sort of,” she said softly. “Well, they breed. The bucks tend to breed with several doe and they run herd on their families, keep ’em together. They—”
“He’s got a soft spot,” Sunny said. “If I ever gave a new guy a chance, it would be someone with a soft spot for kids, for animals....”
“But you won’t,” Annie said, shaking her head. “You made the right decision—no guys, no wedding, no marriage, no kids.” Sunny looked at her in sudden shock. “Maybe later, when much more time has passed,” Annie went on. “You know, like ten years. And no worries—you could meet a guy you could actually trust in ten years, date a year, be engaged a year, get married and think about a family... I mean, women are now having babies into their forties! You have lots of time!”
Sunny leaned toward her. “Did you hear me? He loves helping kids. He carried me to the cabin—two miles. He petted the dead deer! And he should have broken the heels off my Stuart Weitzmans so I could walk in the snow, but he carried me instead because I just couldn’t part with—” Sunny looked at Annie with suddenly wide eyes. “What if he’s a wonderful, perfect, loving man and I refuse to get to know him because I’m mad at Glen?”
Annie gave Sunny’s hand a pat. “Nah, you wouldn’t do that. You’re just taking care of yourself, that’s all. You don’t have a lot of confidence right now. You’re a little afraid you wouldn’t know the right guy if he snuck up on you and kissed you senseless.”
Sunny touched her lips with her fingertips. “He kisses great.”
“Oh, Sunny! You let him kiss you?”
Sunny jumped up so fast she sloshed a little coffee on her pajamas. “I have plenty of confidence, I always have,” she said. “I started my own business when I was twenty and it’s going great. I know I get help from my dad, but I was never unsure. And I can’t even think about being alone another ten years! Or sleeping with guys I don’t care about just to scratch an itch—bleck!”
Annie shrugged and smiled, looking up at her. “All part of protecting yourself from possible hurt. I mean, what if you’re wrong? Scary, huh?”
“Oh, crap, one hour with Drew and I knew what was wrong with Glen! I just couldn’t...” She stopped herself. She couldn’t stop that wedding!
“You said it yourself—you shouldn’t get mixed up with another guy,” Annie reminded her softly. “You wouldn’t want to risk getting hurt.” Annie stood and looked Sunny in the eyes. “Give it eight or ten years. I’m sure the right guy will be hanging around just when you’re ready.”
Sunny stiffened so suddenly she almost grew an inch. She grabbed Annie’s upper arm. “Can I borrow your truck? I have something important to do.”
“In your pajamas?” Annie asked.
“I’ll throw on some jeans and boots while you find your keys,” she said.
Sunny dashed to the kitchen, put her coffee mug on the breakfast bar and as she was sailing through the great room Annie said, “Sunny?” Sunny stopped and turned. Annie took a set of keys out of the pocket of her quilted robe and tossed them.
Sunny caught them in surprise, then a smile slowly spread across her fac
e. Who carries their car keys in their robe? “You sly dog,” she said to Annie.
Annie just shrugged. “There are only two things you have to remember. Trust your gut and take it one day at a time.” Annie raised a finger. “One day at a time, sweetheart. Nice and easy.”
“Will you tell Uncle Nate I had an errand to run?”
“You leave Uncle Nate to me,” Annie said.
* * *
By the time Sunny was standing in front of the cabin door, it still was not light out. It was only six-thirty, but there were lights on inside and the faintest glow from the east that suggested sunrise. Drew opened the door.
“We never open the door that fast in L.A.,” she said.
“There weren’t very many possibilities for this part of town,” he said. And he smiled at her. “I’m pretty surprised to see you. Coming in?”
“In a minute, if you still want me. I have to tell you a couple of things.”
He lifted a light brown brow. “About my nose? My hips?”
“About me. First of all, I never lie. To anyone else or to myself. But my whole relationship with Glen? I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but it was one lie after another. I knew it wasn’t going well, I knew we should have put on the brakes and taken a good, honest, deep look at our relationship. But I couldn’t.” She glanced down, then up into his warm brown eyes. “I couldn’t stop the wedding. It had taken on a life of its own.”
“I understand,” he said.
“No, you don’t. It was the wedding that had become a monster—a year in the making. Oh, Glen should take some responsibility for going along with it in the beginning, but it was entirely my fault for turning off my eyes, ears and brain when it got closer! I’d invested in it—passion and energy and money! My parents had made deposits on everything from invitations and gowns to parties! And there was an emotional investment, too. My friends and family were involved, praising me for the great job I was doing, getting all excited about the big event! Not only did I feel like I was letting everyone down, I couldn’t give it up.”
“I understand,” he said again.
“No, you don’t! The wedding had become more important than the marriage! I knew I should snoop into his text messages and voice mails because lots of things were fishy, but I didn’t because it would ruin the wedding! I should have confronted our issues in counseling, but I couldn’t because I knew the only logical thing to do was to postpone the wedding! The wedding of the century!” A tear ran down her cheek and he caught it with a finger. “I knew it was all a mistake, but I really didn’t see him not showing up at the last minute as a threat, so that made it easy for me to lie when everyone asked me if there were any clues that it would happen.” She shook her head. “That he would leave me at the altar? I didn’t see that coming. That we weren’t right for each other? I managed to close my eyes to that because I was very busy, and very committed. That’s the truth about me. There. I traded my integrity for the best wedding anyone had ever attended in their life! And I’ve never admitted that to anyone, ever!”
“I see,” he said. “Now do you want to come in?”
“Why are you awake so early?” she asked with a sniff.
“I don’t seem to need that much sleep. I’d guess that was a real problem when I was a kid. Sunny, I’m sorry everything went to hell with your perfect wedding, but I’m not threatened by that. I’m not Glen and I have my own mistakes to learn from—that wouldn’t happen with me. And guess what? You’re not going to let something like that happen again. So the way I see it, we have only one thing to worry about.”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Breakfast. I was going to have to eat canned beans till you showed up. I don’t have a car. Now you can take me to breakfast.” He grinned. “I’m starving.”
“I brought breakfast. I grazed through Uncle Nate’s kitchen for groceries,” she explained. “I wasn’t going to find anything open on the way over here.”
“You are brilliant as well as beautiful. Now we only have one other thing to worry about.”
“What?”
“Whether we’re going to make out like teenagers on the couch, the floor or the bed after we have breakfast.”
She threw her arms around him. “You should send me away! I’m full of contradictions and flaws! I’m as much to blame for that nightmare of a wedding day as Glen is!”
He grinned only briefly before covering her mouth in a fabulous, hot, wet, long kiss. And after that he said, “Look. The sun’s coming up on a new day. A new year. A new life. Let’s eat something and get started on the making out.”
“You’re not afraid to take a chance on me?” Sunny asked him.
“You know what I’m looking forward to the most? I can’t wait to see if we fall in love. And I like our chances. Scared?”
She shook her head. “Not at all.”
“Then come in here and let’s see if we can’t turn the worst day of your life into the best one.”
* * * * *
Backward Glance
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
One
John drove past Jess Wainscott’s house regularly, his eyes always sharpened for a glimpse of her daughter, Leigh. It had been almost five years. He hated that he looked for her; he wanted to be over her. He looked in spite of himself—and he wasn’t over her in the least.
Today he wasn’t just driving past. Jess had called him to do a job. John owned his own business in Durango—McElroy Property Services—which included home maintenance and repairs, landscaping and a very fine nursery, and Jess wanted to know if now—early March—was too early to plant a flowering plum tree. Though his business had incidentally or accidentally become successful, he still considered himself a handyman and lawn maintenance person. He could not only bring her a flowering plum, but also change the faucet on the sink, hang wallpaper, install a hot tub, pour a cement patio. Or have one of his employees do it.
“No, it’s not too early,” he had said. “Not as long as you’re willing to protect it from a possible late freeze and pay the price of having some poor slob try to dig into the hard ground.”
“Only if that poor slob is you,” she cheerfully replied. “I really have my heart set on seeing those blossoms outside my bedroom window this spring.” And then she had sighed. John had never before heard a wistful sound from Jess. Sentimentality was not in her repertoire.
Jess Wainscott was sixty and had been widowed for eight years. At fifty-two, a ripe age for a woman of sound health and strong looks, she had lost her mate, but not her vitality. Jess chaired both the Friends of the Library board of directors and the Women’s Council of the First Presbyterian Church. Additionally, she served on many committees and worked for several charitable causes. She could be found at almost every art fair, fund-raiser, ball game, black-tie dinner or barbecue in town. And she skied, which was where John saw her most often, because he was on the volunteer ski patrol.
“Cal told me if he came back after death he’d be a hummingbird and suck the nectar out of the blossoms outside my bedroom window,” she told John. John grunted as he hauled the can holding the plum tree from the back of his pickup. He let it drop with a bang. “I have to get something planted and see if he was putting me on.”
“You’ve been widowed quite a few years, Jess,” John pointed out. She was the fourth and newest member of a group of vivacious women who referred to themselves as the widows’ brigade. They were best friends, seen together all over town, and John did handiwork for all of them. Peg, Abby, Kate and Jess. He had many clients, no
t all widows, but these four women were his favorites. They all overpaid him, pestered him, tried to feed him like a son.
“Eight years,” she said. “I tend to procrastinate,” she laughed. “Until now, I didn’t want his interference.”
The cars lining the driveway indicated that Jess had company. “Meeting of the brigade?” he asked.
“Tuesday. Garden club. Or is it mah-jongg day? I never remember. We hardly ever do what we planned to do, anyway. Usually we just try to have something to do while we gossip,” she said. She followed John to the side of the house where the tree would be planted and asked him questions the whole time he dug. Had he led the ski patrol again last winter? Did the nursery do much business winters? What softball team would he be on this summer so she could watch for one of his games? Did he still have that condo for rent at Purgatory? Not just questions. Also statements. The yard needed to be resodded. She was thinking of moving the piano upstairs. Leigh, her daughter, would be arriving soon.
The shovel paused in midair.
“My daughter, Leigh. Surely you’ve met her on one of her visits. She was here for two or three months the summer Cal died. She spent another whole summer here a few years...ah, five years ago, I guess. Maybe you met her then.”
“I...ah, might’ve. Yeah. Maybe.”
“Oh, you’d remember, John. She’s very striking. Rather unforgettable, actually.”
Yes. Unforgettable. Completely. His brow began to bead with sweat. The temperature was fifty-two degrees, and there was still snow here and there in crevices around yards, at the edges of driveways, sidewalks, but he was sweating. His heart rate had been about one-ten from digging; the mention of Leigh Wainscott Brackon had caused it to shoot to two-sixty.
“You never mention her,” he said.
“Don’t I? Oh, nonsense, you just haven’t been paying attention. I hardly talk about anything else.”
But not to him. They didn’t move in the same social circles, have mutual friends, or seek common amusements. Their only common trait was that they were equally well-known in town, for entirely different reasons. Everyone knew John McElroy because he was in charge of the volunteer ski patrol and A-Number-One Mr. Fix-it, and everyone knew Jess Wainscott because she belonged to every club, charity and social group in Durango. One of the town matrons and the town’s best handyman. And although they liked each other fine, they weren’t exactly friends.