First Kiss

by Sophie Bright

  “I was calling to see if you would like to go out for dinner?”

  And there was my problem. Because as good as Alec was on paper he wasn’t Jackson and Jackson was the one I wanted. Jackson made me feel whole and happy and safe. As perfect as Doctor Alec was he wasn’t perfect for me.

  “I’m sorry, Alec I’m kind of seeing somebody and I don’t want to lead you on.”

  There was a pause over the phone before he spoke. “You’re mom didn’t mention you were seeing someone. I’m sorry if I would have known I wouldn’t have asked you out.”

  “It’s kind of complicated.”

  “Complicated is not the greatest word for a relationship.”

  I gave a sad laugh because his statement was too true. Here I was plotting on hijacking Jackson to get him on a date and here was a great guy asking me on one. There was definitely something wrong with me.

  “You’re right. I’m probably setting myself up for disappointment with him but I have to try.” Why I was confiding in Alec about my unhealthy relationship with Jackson I had no clue. It was just nice to say it to someone. Let my burden out instead of holding it on my shoulders.

  “Lucy, I don’t know you very well and I don’t want to overstep my boundaries but you deserve someone who will take care of you. Someone who will be your partner. Someone who isn’t complicated.”

  “I wish that were true. I’ve done some horrible things in my past, Alec. Honestly you’re too good for me.”

  “I don’t believe that. We have all done some things in our lives we aren’t proud of.”

  “Yeah, but some our worse than others,” I admitted.

  “Meet me for coffee.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “You obviously need someone to talk to. I have two sisters and I’m an excellent listener. I have a break in an hour let’s meet for coffee and we can talk. Doctor’s orders.”

  I smiled at his joke and found myself wanting to talk to him. He did seem like he would be a good listener and I was going crazy keeping all of it in my head. Trina was occupied with Dean so I didn’t have her to confide in and Jackson was the root of my problems.

  “All right you talked me into it but I’m buying the coffee.”

  “We’ll see about that.” Alec gave me the directions to the coffee shop by his office and we agreed to meet in an hour.

  16

  “Hey, honey what are you doing here?”

  My mom startled me as I was walking in the coffee shop to meet Alec.

  “Hold on Dean, I just ran into your sister.” She paused to listen and gave me a one armed hug. “I don’t know why she’s out. I’ll have to ask her.”

  My moms face lit up and before I could answer she glanced behind me her phone still plastered to her ear. “Alec what a nice surprise. Are you here to meet Lucy?”

  Alec hugged my mom back and threw his arm around me. “I blackmailed her into having coffee with me.”

  My mom whole demeanor shined with approval. “Well I’ll let you two go. Enjoy your coffee date.” She flounced off with Dean still attached to her ear.

  “Fancy meeting you here,” Alec opened the door and I moved inside.

  I glanced back at my mom her car already pulling out into traffic.

  “Are you okay?”

  I attempted to smooth my forehead from the worry I was sure was showing on it but failed. “I’m not sure.”

  “Come on and buy me a coffee so you can tell me about it.”

  I smiled and we stood in line until it was our time to order. Alec attempted to get me involved in a conversation while we waited but I couldn’t concentrate.

  Dean knew where I was and following simple logic Jackson could find out. When I agreed to meet Alec I didn’t feel guilty. I did the right thing and explained to Alec I was involved with someone before agreeing and because of my confession my mind was clear of guilt. Now it was clouded with it. If Dean offhandedly mentioned I was on a coffee date with Alec he wouldn’t understand.

  Even though we were just sneaking around fuck buddies, Jackson had made it perfectly clear while we were sneaking around we were only going to be with each other. Hell, I was the one who insisted we be monogamous.

  I wondered if he would give me the chance to explain or if he would cut me off completely and move onto his next conquest. How things change, just this morning I was worried about the lack of commitment. Now I was worried I was about to lose the little bit I’d earned.

  “Spit it out,” Alec commanded when he found a quiet booth in the corner.

  I gave him a weak smile and sipped my coffee. “I think this may have been a bad idea.”

  “Because your mom saw us?”

  “Kind of. She was talking to my brother and-“

  “And your brother works with Jackson.”

  I didn’t bother to deny it. My mom mentioned how awful I hid my infatuation with Jackson from them why wouldn’t a complete stranger notice it as well?

  “I just don’t want him to think I’m sneaking around behind his back.”

  Alec’s took a sip of his coffee and glanced out the window. He looked angry and my stomach churned thinking I was going to piss off two people today.

  “Lucy, can I be truthful with you?”

  I nodded holding onto my cup letting the warmth seep into my palms.

  “You are a very attractive woman.”

  I opened my mouth to stop him already my face was blushing from the compliment. This was a mistake.

  “No let me talk. Your mom told me about your childhood crush on Jackson when I met your parents in Europe. Like I said I’m a good listener. She was worried about you because you and Dean wouldn’t talk to her about why you moved out of your apartment. She had a feeling you and your boyfriend broke up and she was afraid it was the curse of Jackson.”

  “You don’t understand. My breaking up with Richard had nothing to do with Jackson and everything to do with Richard’s wife,” I interjected. “I told you I’m not perfect. I made a disgusting mistake and I moved in with Dean because my apartment was owned by Richard.”

  Alec covered my hand with his. I was gripping my coffee cup tight enough I felt the fiber dent.

  “Lucy, I’m sorry that happened to you. I don’t care if you knew he was married or not. It was a mistake. You’ve admitted it was a mistake. And I’m not going to lie I’m relieved your relationship didn’t fail because of Jackson.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because I enjoy your company and would like to get to know you. You’re an intelligent woman and I was fascinated with you at dinner the other night.”

  “Alec, I shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.” I got up to leave but he put his hand on my arm to stop me.

  “Don’t leave. Let’s talk. Are you afraid Jackson will find out you’re on a date and it will somehow mess up your chances of being with him?”

  I slumped back in my chair. If Alec wanted to talk about Jackson I was going to let him have all the Jackson talk he wanted. He said he was a good listener so I was going to test him out.

  “Jackson and I are seeing each other.” I bit my lip and added, “Well kind of.”

  “What does that mean?” Alec removed his arm and now it was his turn to hold his cup tighter than he should.

  “It means we are on a trial period and we aren’t telling anyone about it. We want to make sure it’s going to work before we tell our families because our families are so close. Dean and Jackson have been friends since elementary school and we don’t want to mess their relationship up if we aren’t going to be become serious.” It wasn’t necessarily the truth but it sounded better than we’re fuck buddies I’m half way in love with him. I’m on a mission to make him fall in love with me so he doesn’t break my heart and leave me.

  Alec studied me over his cup. I squirmed under his intense gaze. It was like he was attempting to read my mind the real truth in why Jackson and I were keeping us a secret. The funny thing was I kind of hop
ed he could read my mind maybe he would see something I couldn’t.

  Alec set his cup down and sighed. “Do you really believe the reason he’s sneaking around with you is because he wants to make sure you two are compatible? Do you think maybe he has you sneaking around is because he recognized you were madly in love with him and you would do anything he asked as long as you two were together?”

  “That’s not fair!” I shouted causing some of the customers to look our way.

  “Lucy, I’m sorry but I think you’re blinded by your infatuation with him. You’re too beautiful, too smart, and too much of a great person to have to creep around with someone. You need to be with someone who would be proud to show you off.”

  My throat burned as Alec spoke my fear out loud. What if I was letting Jackson use me because I wanted him so bad?

  It would make sense Jackson would know I would do anything for him. I let him kiss me after calling me a loser more than once. I threw myself at him on his graduation let him humiliate me instead of confessing how much he enjoyed the kiss by the moans he was making.

  This seemed to be how I operated. Letting men take advantage of me. Allowing myself to go blind to certain clues blaring in my face. Date men I didn’t mean anything too except for a pair of open legs.

  Alec scrubbed his face with his hands. “Shit Lucy, I shouldn’t have said that. I barely know you and I don’t know anything about your relationship with Jackson.”

  “It seems like you might,” I whispered aware some customers were listening more intently to our conversation after my outburst.

  “Lucy you deserve better.”

  “And you think you’re better, Doctor?”

  Jackson stood next to the table his whole body ridged. I jumped and my coffee went flying. Jackson grabbed it out of the air and set it on the table as if it were nothing.

  “You shouldn’t have so much caffeine baby. It makes you jumpy.” Jackson’s voice was hard and I couldn’t bring myself to look up at him.

  “I do think I’m better,” Alec answered and I jumped again forgetting he was sitting at the table.

  My whole body was wired to Jackson. How I didn’t feel him walk into the coffee shop was a mystery. But with him standing so close I was aware of every little move he made.

  Jackson reached down and placed both hands on the table angling himself so he was face to face with Alec. The muscles in his back bunched under his shirt as he leaned in close.

  “Stay away from her. She’s mine,” Jackson growled.

  “I’m not yours,” I told him not bothering to keep my voice down since everyone was listening anyway. “If I was yours we wouldn’t be hiding.”

  Jackson’s face whipped to mine and Alec gave me a smile of encouragement. “Is that so?”

  Jackson threw me over his shoulder and grabbed my purse carrying me out of the coffee shop. I glanced at Alec he was staring at me with sadness in his eyes. Alec stayed in his chair though not moving, silently letting me know I was too much trouble to pursue and I didn’t blame him.

  Jackson put me in his truck and buckled me up. “Don’t even try to escape.” He slammed the door closed and stalked to the driver’s side.

  As soon as his door was shut I yelled at him, “You had no right.”

  Jackson stopped me with a joyless laugh. “I had every right. And not here.” Jackson drove with both hands on the wheel as if he was afraid to let go.

  When we pulled up to the farmhouse he slammed out of the truck and was at my side before I could blink. I fumbled with my seat belt and he reached over unlatching it and carrying me across the porch.

  “I can walk.” I seethed. He just looked at me and opened the door not letting me down.

  He dropped me on the couch and paced back and forth from me to the fire place. His jaw was clenched except when he would open his mouth just to slam it back shut. I watched him weary of his actions.

  “Fuck. I told you I didn’t share. Why would you even think I would be okay with you going out with someone else?”

  I stood up needing to get some control over the situation. “We were having coffee, Jackson. He asked me on a date and I told him I was seeing someone and it was complicated he offered to listen to me.”

  “Yeah, he wanted to listen to you moan under him. It was a ploy to get you in bed. Let you talk about how bad I am while he sympathizes and next thing you know you’re in his bed. Babe you have to realize that.”

  “Not all guys are asshole, Jackson.”

  “Yes we are. And why do you need to talk to him in the first place? Why not talk to, I don’t know, me?”

  “Because we don’t talk, Jackson.”

  “What the fuck Lucy we talk all the time.”

  “But not about anything important. We don’t talk about us and what we are doing. We don’t talk about when we are going to stop sneaking around our families back and tell them about us.”

  “You can start by telling me,” Dean said from the doorway.

  “Not right now, Dean,” Jackson ground out his face hard not looking away from me.

  “I think right now is a perfect time,” Dean answered coming in and standing next to me. “What the fuck is going on?”

  “Jackson and I are fucking. He got a little upset when he saw me with Alec,” I explained wanting Jackson to deny it and declare his love for me. To prove what Alec said was wrong.

  Dean’s face turned bright red. “Are you fucking serious?”

  “We’re not fucking, Lucy,” Jackson said. His arm moved like he was going to touch me but stopped when Dean growled.

  “What about Alec? Mom said you were on a date with Alec. I’m so confused.”

  “Why should you be?” Jackson’s face was blank of emotions.

  My heart pounded in my chest as I watched him. Begging him in my head to tell Dean we were more than just fuck buddies.

  “Yeah, she fooled me. I should have known she wouldn’t be faithful. Hell, look what she did with that poor married bastard.”

  Dean roared and I heard the crunch of bone hit bone. I didn’t wait to find out what happened. I ran down the porch and jumped into Dean’s truck.

  Dean climbed in the truck not long after. He started the engine and gunned it out of the farmhouse driveway. When we hit the road I pressed my face against the glass and stared at the scenery flying by without seeing it.

  Dean didn’t say anything and I was grateful. When we made it home I went and took a shower only then did I let the tears I was holding in fall, mingling with the water.

  How had I let that end so badly? I shouldn’t have tested him the way I did. I should have just kept my mouth closed.

  I shook my head and slapped the marble wall with my palm. No, I allowed Jackson to use me but I was done.

  Jackson could kiss my ass.

  17

  “Lucy, I’m home,” Dean called when he walked in the house.

  “You’re such a dork.” I said with fake cheerfulness.

  It had been eight days since I ran out of Jackson’s farmhouse. Jackson moved out the day it happened. I heard his tread stop in front of my door not moving for a long time the last day he was here. I buried myself under the covers trying to block out the sound of Jackson walking out of my life for good. It was for the best but I couldn’t get my heart to understand.

  Dean approached the subject of Jackson a couple of times the first couple days but I shot him down every time so he stopped trying. The strain on Dean’s face showed how hard it was for him to be stuck in the middle. He chose me but he still worked with Jackson. They were still friends and he was in an awful position.

  I hated knowing Dean was talking to Jackson everyday. He knew what was happening in his life and I craved the information. It was a sick disease and I was hoping time would detox him from my system.

  Dean and I lived in a comfortable state of avoidance. It was obvious any time Jackson would call. Dean would go into another room and when he was done he would keep looking at me when he did
n’t think I was paying attention.

  Jackson attempted to call me until I blocked his number. When I would hear his truck pull up in the drive way I would dive in my room and lock the door. It was useless he never ventured into the house.

  “You love my dorkiness,” Dean said coming into the living room where I was sitting.

  “I do.”

  Dean frowned when he noticed I was dressed in something other than my normal sweat pants tank top combo. “Are you going somewhere?”

  “I am. Alec and I are going to a movie tonight.”

  Another thing Jackson was wrong about, Alec didn’t want to just get in my pants. He called me the next day after Jackson carried me out of the coffee shop. He wanted to meet me later in the week but I told him I wasn’t ready yet.

  Alec would call me every day just to see how I was doing and we fell into a nice friendship. After begging me to get out I agreed to go to the movies with him.

  Dean frowned and sat on the couch next to me. “I’m proud of you for getting out but I do think we need to talk about Jackson.”

  I put up my hand as if I could ward off his words. “No, I don’t want to. I know I sound like a child but I’m not ready and I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”

  Dean grabbed my hand and hugged me. “Did he hurt you? I can’t fire him because he owns half the company but I will do something.”

  I shook my head. Not wanting Dean to end his friendship over my stupidity. “He didn’t hurt me. He never promised me anything and I went in with my eyes wide open. It’s over now and I’m moving on.”

  “This is really hard for me to ask, Lucy. You’re my little sister and I love you. Jackson if my best friend and the thought of him with my little sister makes me sick, but I have to know. Are you sure this thing between you two is over?”

  “Of course it’s over.” I said with a catch in my voice. Dean didn’t act like he was convinced.

  “I was just wondering. Right now he is impossible to be around. All of our employees avoid him now and I’m pretty sure they are calling him Godzilla behind his back. I thought maybe, never mind it doesn’t matter.”