Ed looked down and then looked at her. “Not today.”
Addie’s face went hot.
“I get bored,” he said, grabbing her hand and walking on. “I like variety.”
Ed seemed the type who wanted an easy life. Short-term relationships were less trouble. Yet Addie sensed something hidden in what he was saying. Why did he always go for the same sort of woman if he ended up bored?
“Despite the clichés about men not understanding women, I think I do. I know exactly what they want,” he said.
“You to sleep with them?”
He turned to look at her. “Maybe. Why should I say no? But I’m not…”
“Not what?”
Ed sighed. “Why am I telling you this?”
“Because you don’t want to go out with me, so I’m easier to talk to. We’re friends.” Addie watched his face, but he didn’t look at her.
“I don’t have many friends,” Ed said in a quiet voice. “Women throw themselves at me and men are jealous. If I talk to their wives or girlfriends they assume I’m trying to get them into bed. Consequently, men don’t like me. The women I’d like to know don’t show any interest in me because they think there’s no point. The ones I go out with tend to be—of a type. I keep relationships short, otherwise I find I have a limpet attached to me and no matter how beautiful a limpet, it’s not what I want. That wasn’t a hint, Addie, so don’t you dare try to let go of my hand. You’re keeping my fingers warm.”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right limpet.”
“Maybe I never will.” Ed squeezed her fingers.
“What’s wrong with women?” Addie asked with a smile.
“You’re rarely satisfied, always going on about something that in the grand scale of things doesn’t matter one bit, like whether you should hang blue or red baubles on your Christmas tree. You don’t want solutions, instead you want to discuss things. If you feel ill, you don’t want me to say go to the doctor, just offer sympathy and make ‘significant’ gestures. Meaning flowers or chocolate or jewellery.”
“Ah, but when a woman’s ill, she really is ill, unlike a man who only has to catch a cold to think he has pneumonia.”
“Not me,” said Ed and then coughed. “Does that sound serious?”
Addie laughed.
“I have to remind myself never to make negative comments about a woman’s body or clothes and if they criticize themselves, I must never agree. The words ‘diet’ and ‘weight’ are not in my vocabulary. The words ‘bottom’ and ‘big’ never appear in the same sentence.”
“You’re almost perfect.”
Ed slipped his fingers around her wrist, stroking her skin with his thumb. “I am perfect. I’m brilliant in bed and hung like a cobra.”
Addie smothered a smile. “I’ll take your word for it.”
“You don’t need to.”
Addie grinned openly now. “So which limpet should I ask to verify that?”
“Don’t you want to find out for yourself?”
Addie blushed.
“I like you,” he said. “I like making you blush.”
“I like you too. I like stepping on your toes.”
Ed did a quick side step as Addie’s foot moved toward his. He didn’t know when he’d last enjoyed himself so much. Addie was easy to talk to. She listened when he spoke and she was funny. He knew he’d let his guard down. When she’d made that comment about being friends and not wanting to go out with her, he had to bite his tongue. She was Will’s, or as good as, so he had to leave her alone. But they’d spent the day flirting and maybe she’d got the hint that he was interested.
“So how do you feel about going to bed with me?” he asked.
Addie headed straight for the pavement. Ed caught her before she hit the ground and pulled her upright. Her mouth was inches from his. He cupped his hands over her cold, red cheeks. He’d meant to make her laugh, now he didn’t want her to. Just one kiss, he told himself, but she pulled away.
“What did you trip on?” Ed glanced back.
“A crack. You’re not supposed to step on the cracks. You get eaten by bears. You’ll be the one they go for. You’ve not been paying attention to where you’re going.”
Yeah, he had. Down a dangerous path. He could tell Addie about the baby. He could just drop it out now and give himself a chance. If he did she wouldn’t even think about Will again.
“I like you, Ed,” Addie said. “Despite the fact that your brother promised to come today and has let me down, I’ve enjoyed myself.”
“Will’s a prat sometimes. I want to kick him. Maybe I should.”
“Do the two of you argue much?”
“Only over the remote.”
Never over women. Not until now, Ed thought.
He grabbed Addie’s hand. “Come on, we’re going ice-skating.”
“I can’t skate.”
“Don’t worry. If you fall, I promise I’ll catch you.”
And the more she fell, the more he’d have the chance to put his arms around her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Will sat in his car watching the coach disgorge its passengers. Once he’d realized Ed had fucked off to Lincoln, he’d been monumentally pissed off. The fact that Will had already decided not to go was beside the point. He didn’t want his brother anywhere near Addie.
She and Ed were the last ones off. Cars pulled out while they stood talking. Addie had put her bags on the ground and was waving her arms around and laughing. The coach pulled away and Addie blew a kiss at the driver, but she and Ed still stood there, talking, smiling. Will got out of his Lexus and headed toward them. He knew Ed had seen him and he guessed that explained what happened next.
Ed grabbed Addie’s head and pressed his lips hard against hers. He pulled back before she had a chance to react, to kiss him harder or slap his face. She was stunned.
“Thanks for a great day,” he said. “I enjoyed being with you.”
His tone made Addie think the kiss was just a tease. “I enjoyed the day too. Even when you fell on me.”
“Let’s hope the customers enjoyed themselves,” Will snapped as he reached them.
When Addie saw the expression on Will’s face, her smile blinked out like a dead bulb.
“No one complained,” she said. “Not even Doreen Wilberforce, but don’t hold your breath.”
“Do you want to go and have something to eat?” Ed ignored Will.
“No, she doesn’t,” Will said. “I need to talk to her.”
“You could let Addie answer.”
Will sighed. “Ed, please.”
Ed hovered for a moment and then gave in. “See you, Addie.” He walked to his car.
Addie pushed her hands deeper into her pockets.
“I can’t see you anymore.” Will almost spat out the words.
For a moment Addie didn’t understand what he’d said.
“It’s me, not you,” Will said.
“Oh.” So it was her, not him.
“It’s not as if it was going anywhere,” he said more gently. “A few weeks and I’ll be back in London. You’ll be up here. I feel like I’m using you. I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Too late. Why the hell did she still want him? Addie knew she was supposed to look for commitment and loyalty. Her mother had hammered that message into her brain, but she didn’t care. She’d spent too long not being touched, watching other people having happy lives while she stood on the side-lines. Will had shown her what she was missing and she didn’t want to let it go. She’d settle for sex. She wanted him to touch her. If he touched her, he’d want her. She didn’t believe he wouldn’t want her.
“We—we could—we—” Addie could barely speak. She took a step toward him and when he moved back, she felt as though he’d stabbed her in the chest.
“You need someone who can offer you more than I can. You’re sweet and kind and I’ve messed you around. You deserve better. I’m sorry, Addie.”
How many times had she said “sorry” to try to make things right? It didn’t help. It hurt. If Will looked at her, she told herself she’d believe him, but Addie didn’t want him to look. Then his eyes met hers and held her gaze, and she broke into pieces, pain radiating from her heart to all parts of her body, spreading like a crack in the ice.
She knew what to do. Walk away. She picked up her bags, turned and her feet led her away from the one person in the world she’d thought had wanted her.
“How are you getting home? Do you want me to give you a lift?” he called.
She shook her head. No meaning yes, but he didn’t understand. He’d never understood her. He hadn’t listened. He’d never put her first. As Addie walked out of the car park, tears rolled down her cheeks. She clung to her plastic bags full of Christmas presents and tried to think about the happy day she’d had with Ed, but the memory had been poisoned. She didn’t understand. One minute, Will couldn’t keep his hands off her and the next he didn’t want anything to do with her. A wind sprang up from nowhere and she was enveloped in a cloud of swirling dead leaves, a rotten snow globe.
When he said he wanted her, she’d believed him, but three times he’d pushed her away and lacking in experience as she was, she had to understand the message in that. He was attracted to her. He liked touching her, fucking her, but his conscience was troubling him because he wasn’t like Ed. He didn’t sleep around. Will had a wife and even if they were separated, he was still tied to her. Maybe if the divorce had gone through, things would have been different. Maybe. Addie wanted to forget she’d ever met him, yet knew if he’d asked her to go to London, she’d have crawled on glass to get there.
Addie walked and thought herself into acceptance, though not into understanding. She’d been naïve. Maybe Will had lied to her all along. She’d been one of the limpets Ed described, deliriously happy to be allowed to reattach herself and now she’d been thrown back in the sea to search for another rock. Cold emptiness swept in waves from her heart. No one loved her and no one would ever love her. Her Dad hadn’t. Her Mum didn’t. People liked her. Ed liked her. Will liked her. But she was unlovable. Addie thought her legs would give way, but they didn’t. She carried on walking. Her heart kept beating.
David was cooking when Addie got back.
“Smells good,” she said mechanically. Lisa had told her they always had to praise David when he cooked, in an attempt to get him to do it more often.
“Spag Bol. Want some?”
“No, thanks. Not hungry.”
Addie watched David start to pour a glass of wine into the sauce, then stop and drink it.
“Don’t hurt her, David,” she said.
He stared at her. “Where did that come from?”
“Lisa’s my friend. I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“I’m your brother. What if she hurts me?”
“You always told me you were indestructible.”
“No, that was Superman.”
“No wonder you broke your leg when you fell out of the tree house.”
“As I remember, you pushed me,” David huffed.
“Because you were trying to make me eat a worm.”
He tipped the spaghetti into a colander. “Did Lisa tell you why she finished with me?”
“I think she thought you might have been about to drag her into a jeweller’s.”
David nodded. “So I should wait another couple of weeks?”
Addie smiled. “Do you really want to marry her?”
“Yeah.” He grinned. “I really do.”
Addie managed to get to her room before the tears came.
Will pulled up on the drive as Ed got out of his car.
“That was quick,” Ed said. “So how did Addie take it?”
“What?”
“The possibility that you might be a daddy?”
“I didn’t tell her. I didn’t see the point. I just told her it was over.”
Ed gaped at him. “Right. And then you left her there?”
“She didn’t want a lift.”
“Fuck it, Will,” Ed raged. “Have you forgotten how to be a decent human being? You break her heart and leave her in the middle of bloody nowhere? What were you thinking? Vee’s a parasitic worm, eating away at you, changing you. How can you imagine you’d be better off with her?”
“I don’t think that, but she’s fucking pregnant.” Will forced out the words between gritted teeth.
“Oh yeah, so she says. I wouldn’t start choosing names.”
“She’s throwing up, Ed.”
“How hard is it to stick your finger down your throat? She’s had plenty of practice.”
Will slammed into the house. He knew Ed was right. He’d upset Addie. He’d been afraid she’d been about to offer no-strings sex and wasn’t sure he could say no.
In the living room, Vee lay on the couch watching TV.
“I missed you.” She smiled at Will. “What shall we have to eat?”
“I don’t care.”
“I fancy Chinese. Will, I’ve been thinking. We’ll have a party.”
Will wasn’t listening. He ought to ring Addie and see if she’d got home safely. He shouldn’t have left her, but he’d been afraid if he had her in his car, he wouldn’t have been able to control himself. He’d have told her the truth. That he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything.
“Oh, your mother called. I told her about the baby. She was thrilled.”
“What?” Will’s head shot round so fast his brain took a moment to catch up. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to say anything yet.”
“I couldn’t help it. I’m so excited.”
She moved toward him and pulled his jacket from his shoulders.
“Vee, I—”
“Don’t spoil it, Will. Let’s just see what happens.”
Ed stood at the door. “How many weeks did you say you were?”
“Seven.”
“Have you seen a doctor?”
“Not yet.”
“Thought about the effect your overdose might have had on the baby?” Ed said.
Will stiffened. He hadn’t thought of that. “I’ll take you to a doctor tomorrow,” Will told her.
Vee stepped back. “You don’t believe me. You think I’m lying.”
“Prove you’re not,” Ed said. “Do a pregnancy test in front of Will.”
“All right. No problem.”
“I’ll go and buy one now,” Ed said.
“I think it could wait until tomorrow,” she snapped.
“Don’t fuck her tonight.” Ed smiled.
Vee threw a cushion at him. “I’ll buy a kit tomorrow and you’ll see.”
“You can’t do DNA tests until the baby’s born,” Ed yelled from the hall. “Even if you are pregnant, Will won’t know for months if it’s his.”
“What do you want me to do, Ed?” Vee screeched. “Have an abortion? That’s your way of dealing with little accidents, isn’t it?”
Ed’s face appeared back at the door.
“Will, you remember Susie Burton?” Vee stared at Ed. “Ed got her pregnant. Did you know your brother forced her to have an abortion?”
“Yes,” Will said and was rewarded with two shocked faces. “Now fuck off, Vee. I want to talk to Ed.”
“I’m hungry,” Vee whined.
“I’m not. Go upstairs and order yourself a takeaway.”
Ed slumped on the couch and Will closed the door.
“How long have you known?” Ed asked.
“Susie came to see me, to ask me to get you to change your mind about marrying her. I said I wouldn’t, but if she did have the baby, I’d make sure you supported her.”
“I didn’t ask her to get rid of it,” Ed said. “I didn’t know until she’d already done it. She sprang the whole thing on me, baby then a wedding and I panicked. By the time I came to my senses, she’d had the abortion and it was too late.”
Will sat down next to him. “Do you regret
it?”
“What’s the point? It happened and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t think I was ready to be a father or a husband.”
“Do you think I am?”
“Maybe you’ll have to be,” Ed said.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The moment Will arrived back from work, Vee handed him a white paper bag.
“What’s this?” He paled when he looked inside.
“Check it. See if I’ve tampered with it.”
It was still wrapped in cellophane. Will handed it back.
“Want to watch me pee on it as well?” She knew he’d decline but her heart still skipped.
“No,” he muttered.
Vee locked the toilet door and retrieved the little bottle she’d hidden in the cistern. It had cost her twenty pounds, but it was worth a lot more than that. She was lucky there was someone expecting a baby where she worked, even luckier that Chris agreed to give her a urine sample. Vee had concocted an elaborate story about her brother doing research at Leeds University on the reproductive rates of cacti by injecting them with pregnant women’s urine. Vee was quite proud of her inventiveness. She couldn’t believe how easy it had been. Chris had been only too happy to help. Vee grinned. English women were so gullible. Men too.
Will paced in the lounge. He’d spent all day thinking about this. He didn’t want Vee to be pregnant, but even before she’d done this test, he believed she was. He felt terrible. He’d let everyone down, himself included. Will wanted the mother of his child to be someone who’d have fun making sandcastles, playing hide and seek and jumping into puddles.
That wasn’t Vee. She’d have her child in designer gear from the word go, scream if they got dirty, enroll them in ballet, even if it was a boy, and she’d want to call the kid some stupid name like Toffee or Bonbon. Breastfeeding was out and Will had always cherished this image of cuddling his wife while their child suckled at her breast. But even though Will hadn’t wanted a baby with Vee, it could be his and the fact that he didn’t love her wasn’t the child’s fault.
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