by E. M. Leya
"Matt?" His mom came out of the kitchen, her arms open to him. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too." He hugged her. They'd talked a few times on the phone since the fight, but he hadn't been ready to face her. Her words and blame still stung, and it was going to take time for him to get over what she'd said to him.
"Come in and have a seat in the kitchen while I finish with the gravy." She led him into the kitchen. "How are you?"
"As good as can be expected." He took a seat at the island opposite the stove. "How are you?"
"I'm okay. Just worried about you. I keep going to church and praying for Faith."
"Thanks, Mom." He wasn't about to tell her that he'd all but given up any belief in a kind and loving God the day that Faith was taken. Now, after all he'd seen online, he had a hard time understanding how there could be such pain in the world if God was supposed to love them.
"Trish tells me you've gone back to work?" His mom glanced up from where she was stirring something.
"Actually, it's a new job." Matt prepared himself for any reaction.
"You quit your old job?" His sister was suddenly at his side.
"Matt, do you think that was wise? Now's not the time to be making major life changes." His mother didn't look happy as she stared at him over the stove.
"Honestly, it was the perfect time. I'd hated my job for years. I needed something new." He was already wondering how he could sneak away before they sat down to eat.
"What are you doing now?" Trish pulled up a seat beside him.
"Computers, the same as before, just for a new company." He wasn't about to tell them the truth. "It's a small company, but pays better. I'm a lot happier." He reached over and snagged a grape from the bowl sitting on the counter.
"They know about Faith? They'll work with you if you need time off?" his mother asked.
"Yeah, they know everything. They're great to work with. It's nice to be with a smaller company, and I really enjoy the work. It's been a good change."
"Why didn't you tell me when we talked?" Trish looked hurt.
"I didn't even think about it. We talk about Faith, nothing else really."
"You should have told me." Trish smacked his arm. "What else is new?"
"Nothing. That's the only thing." He debated on telling them about his trip to the police station to identify clothing, but decided that wasn't something he wanted to bring up with them.
The questions kept coming, and by the time they finished dinner, he was drained. Even if their hearts were in the right place, all they did was make him worry more about his daughter than he already was. Not to mention that the memories they shared were all done in the past tense as if they honestly never expected to see her again.
Matt glanced at his watch, wondering if he'd stayed long enough to satisfy them. He really wanted to head home. He'd hoped to get a call or update from Bryon about any information, but his phone had stayed silent. "I think I'm going to head home." He glanced at his mother. "I've got to work early." The lie came easy.
"Oh, alright, but promise me you'll come by again soon. I've missed you." She stood at the same time he did, before coming over to hug him.
"I will, Mom. Thanks for dinner. It was good."
"I'm glad you ate so well. You've lost so much weight since all this has happened." She pinched his stomach. "I'll have Trish bring you over some meals, so you just have to warm them up."
"Thanks." There was no point in refusing. She'd do it even if he told her not to. Turning to his sister, he smiled. "I guess I'll see you soon then?"
"You know it." She hugged him. "Love you."
"I love you too." He hugged her back. His sister was slowly starting to understand that he didn't need to be cared for all the time, and leaving him alone was sometimes best, but she still called and showed up unexpectedly. He gave a final wave to his mom after taking the bag of leftovers she handed him. "I'll be in touch," he promised before rushing out the door to the safety and silence of his car.
Glad the night was over, he headed home, trying to sort out the millions of emotions the day had brought to life.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
"You what?" Xander stared at Bryon in shock. "This is his daughter you're talking about. You have to tell him. How could you not?"
"If we give him any information it's going to get his hopes up. If this turns out to be nothing...."
"But it could be something. Think about this, Bryon, if this was your child, you'd want to know. You wouldn't want your friends keeping secrets from you. He brought the file over here. He easily could have done the search himself."
"He could have, and then he would probably head off to find his daughter and make a mess of everything. It's better this way. All we know now is we have a location that matches the description the psychic gave us. We don't have nearly enough information yet to go on. It could be nothing. This woman could have just picked a random location and gave it to Matt." Bryon poured himself a cup of coffee.
"He deserves to know, even if you don't give him the location." Xander was pissed. Matt deserved to be a part of this. He agreed he shouldn't be allowed to run off and check out the location in person, but he did have the right to know that it did exist. "How long have you known?"
"A few days. Why are you suddenly so worried about Matt?" Bryon eyed him.
"Leave Xander alone," Dyson spoke up from his spot on the couch in the living room. "You know we'd all fight for each other if we thought someone had a right to know anything."
His comment made Xander wonder if Dyson suspected something was going on with him and Matt. He hadn't told anyone, but Dyson knew him better than anyone. If someone was going to catch on, it was him. "I just think he has a right to know. He's trusting you with the file. He didn't have to do that. You know as well as I do that he could have researched most of it himself. It might have taken longer, but he didn't have to come to you guys."
"Think about it. If this was your child, what would you do? I've been in his shoes, Xan. I know what the man is thinking. I know how he'll react. I'm protecting him."
"Bullshit. You don't know him at all. He's nothing like you." Xander fisted his hands at his sides. "If there is any information, he deserves to know. He's not a loose cannon like you were, Bry. He will wait if we tell him to. It's not like we're going to give him the location, but he deserves to know there is one that matches. I won't keep this from him." Xander turned to leave.
"Xander, don't—"
"Don't what? Treat people right? Do what's right? Fuck you, Bry. I'm right on this and you know it." Xander opened the door.
"Where are you going?" Bryon yelled.
"To see Matt and tell him what we know." Xander was out the door before anyone could say more.
Once in his car, he took a deep breath. He understood what Bryon was saying, but he didn't know Matt the way he did. Matt would be furious if they kept anything from him. It was a point of trust. Matt trusted the team with the information, and he deserved that they trust him not to run off and take matters into his own hands.
With his temper flaring, he raced down the road to Matt's house, wondering if Bryon would send Dyson or someone after him. The fact that his phone hadn't rang gave him hope that he would let them be. It wasn't like he was doing something that would blow a case or put the team at risk.
As he pulled into Matt's driveway, he saw the kitchen light on, glad that Matt was home. He probably should have called first, but he didn't feel uncomfortable just dropping in. Matt would tell him to go if he didn't want company or was busy.
He parked beside Matt's car, surprised it wasn't in the garage. It wasn't like Matt to leave it out all night. It was still early, but he assumed Matt would have put it in the garage when he got home.
The two of them hadn't talked in days, which wasn't uncommon. It wasn't until he'd gotten to the team house that he'd even heard that a psychic had approached Matt. His first reaction was to be pissed off that someone would try to scam him, b
ut once he heard from Bryon that some of the information was panning out, he paused and really thought about it. He'd never not believed that kind of stuff was possible, it just hadn't ever been proven to him. He'd seen so many fakes that he just dismissed them all, but if the information this woman gave was proving to be true, then maybe they should listen. The fact that she didn't ask for money went a long way in showing that she wouldn't have anything to gain by lying to Matt.
He took the steps two at a time onto the front porch and rang the doorbell.
Several minutes passed with no answer, but Xander was sure Matt was home. He never left lights on, and the only time he didn't take his own car was when he was with him. Worried that something was wrong, Xander tried the door.
When it pushed open, his pulse shot up. Why wasn't Matt answering? A million thoughts rushed into his head, everything from the dark web having tracked him down to Matt finally having a breakdown, but none of it felt right to Xander. Matt was strong, and he'd been off the dark web from this location for over a month or two now.
It was shocking to think that it had been that long since they'd met, it seemed less, but then again, longer in other ways.
Hoping he wasn't walking in and interrupting Matt, but needing to be sure he was safe, Xander headed inside, wishing he had his gun. "Matt?"
He paused to listen, hearing nothing at first, but as he made his way down the hallway toward the bedroom, a small sound caught his attention, then another. Xander blew out a relieved breath as he headed for the only room in the house he'd never been in — Faith's.
The door to the room was partially open, and after hearing another sniff, Xander gently pushed it the rest of the way open. His heart ached seeing the little girl's room with a pink bedspread, the top of the bed filled with stuffed animals. There were toys along one set of shelves, and books along another. A small desk sat beside a dresser, but what had his full attention was the man sitting in the center of the room, his arms wrapped around a zebra stuffed animal as he cried.
"Matt?" Xander slowly sank down beside him. "Come here." Without thought of what he was doing, Xander pulled Matt into his arms and onto his lap. He cocooned him in his embrace, holding him tightly against his chest. It was one of the few times he'd really seen Matt cry. He figured he had to have bad moments, hell, any father would, but until now, Xander had seen very few.
"I miss her so much," Matt whispered.
"I know you do." Xander kissed his temple. "Tell me more about her. Is the zebra hers?"
"It's her favorite. Her mom got it for her when we went to the zoo. She sleeps with the damn thing every night since, but it holds up. You'd hardly know it was that old." He held up the zebra as if showing Xander the lack of wear. "She hates sleeping without it. When we went to Disneyland a year ago, she forgot it. I had such a hard time getting her to sleep. I bought her ten other stuffed animals, but none of them would do. She only wanted the stupid zebra."
Xander smiled. "Did you have anything when you were little?"
"Not that I slept with, but I had a stupid wrestling figure that I carried with me everywhere I went."
"I had a duck. I don't know where I got it. Probably something my grandma got me. She was always buying me weird things, but I slept with that duck for years. I wouldn't go to bed without it. I have no idea what happened to it."
Matt took a hard breath as he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. "I keep thinking about her having to go to sleep without it every night now. If I can't save her, I wish I could at least get this to her, so she'd have something to hold on to."
Xander kissed Matt's forehead. "Hopefully, someday soon, you can hand it to her and she won't have to ever sleep without it again."
Matt sighed, slipping out of Xander's arms, and moving back to the floor. He turned, leaning his back against Faith's bed. "I feel like I'm losing hope. I feel like if I give up, I lose all chance of getting her home, but then the longer I go without her, the more I feel like I need to just give up." Matt raised his gaze to meet Xander's. "I don't want to give up on her."
Xander wasn't sure what to say. Everything sounded so cliché. He slid around, his back against the wall so he was facing Matt straight on. "I have news, but I don't want it to give you false hope, but I think you deserve to know everything. Bryon disagrees, but I can't keep secrets from you."
Matt's head snapped up. "About Faith?"
"No, but about the information the psychic gave you."
"It's true?"
"They are still looking into it, but there is a location they've found that matches what the file said. They need more time to dig into who lives there and do all that computer digging that you guys do, but I thought you deserved to know that the place does exist. This doesn't mean the woman didn't just pick some random location and lie."
Matt nodded. "But Faith might be there?" He shook his head. "Could she really be there?"
"I don't know. Bryon didn't want to talk to you until they knew for sure, but I knew you'd want to know."
"He's afraid I'll go there myself."
Xander gave a single nod.
"Do you know where it is?"
"I didn't ask. I'm letting them do their job. We handle this case the same way we do any other. For now, every other case is on hold while they deal with yours. They are putting every resource into it. If Faith is there, we will know it, and we will get her."
Matt ran his fingers through his hair. "They're right, you know? If I knew where it was, I'd go. I'd break down the door, search the house, kill anyone who tried to stop me."
"I know, that's why no one is telling you where this is. You need to be here when Faith comes home, not arrested and sitting in a prison cell."
Matt stood, holding the zebra in his hands. "It might not be there."
"No, it might be nothing."
"But it might be something." Matt set the zebra on the bed, then ran his fingers over the pillow. "I thought I was handling things okay. The team helped to keep me busy, I was starting to feel like I could actually breathe and get through the day when I woke up. Then tonight, I was just sitting there reading and I thought I heard her laugh. It cut right through me. I came into her room to remember, and just lost it. It's like everything I've been holding in for the last few weeks bubbled up and I just couldn't be strong anymore."
Xander stood, closing the distance between them. "You don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to be scared, it's okay to worry, and it's okay to miss her." He pulled Matt into his arms. "It's good to come in here and remember the good times."
Matt started to cry again, his head pressed against Xander's chest. "I miss her so much."
Xander closed his eyes, wishing he had a magic button to push to go back in time and stop all of this from happening. He hated that there was nothing he could do or say to help. He held Matt for several minutes, letting him cry.
When Matt pulled back finally, he stepped away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't put this all on you."
Xander laughed. "What? We're supposed to just have sex and forget that we're human, with other emotions and things going on in our lives?" As soon as he said the words, his own heart skipped. That was exactly what he did with every other man he had sex with. It was sex and nothing more. He didn't get close, didn't let them in his life. How had things changed so much with Matt? He wanted the closeness, the conversations, the support they could give to each other. It was Matt he ran to after a bad sting, and now, here he was offering to be whatever Matt needed him to be.
The thought should have scared him, but it didn't. For the first time in his life, he wanted someone he could confide in. Not just like he did with Dyson, but on an even closer level, a lover's level.
"I just…" Matt sighed. "I'm fucked up right now. It's a lot to deal with. I don't want you thinking you have to—"
"Have I given you the impression it bothers me? I mean, if you don't want me to be here, if you need to be alone, then I'll go, but I'm here because I want to be. I want to
help you through this. You're not fucked up, the situation is. If you need someone, I'm here if you want me to be."
"No, I want you here. I just… I'm not the type to lose it like this."
"This is kind of an out of the ordinary situation. I think even the strongest person would lose it from time to time when their child is missing. I'd worry about you if you didn't." Xander gripped Matt's shoulders. "It's okay to lean on someone, to let it out. You don't always have to be okay. I sure the hell know I wouldn't be if it was my daughter."
"What are the chances this psychic is right?"
"Honestly, if you'd asked me when she showed up, I'd have said none, but after talking to Bry, I can't guess."
Matt bit his lip, then looked back up at Xander. "She knew about us."
"What do you mean she knew about us?" No one knew about them. They had been careful not to let the team know, and they'd never shown any kind of affection in public.
"As she walked away, she said I shouldn't let the man with the long beard that I'm seeing push me away." Matt shrugged. "I haven't told anyone that we're sleeping together. That was when I decided I really did need to follow up on what she gave me."
"She knew about me?" Xander was shocked. "How is that possible?"
"I don't know. I mean we've only slept together a few times. It's not like we're dating or anything. There is no way I can think of that anyone would know, let alone a stranger."
"Fuck." Xander wrapped his hand around his beard, wondering if this woman was really able to see things.
"I had to listen to her after that."
"Yeah, that would have gotten my attention too." Xander released his beard. "It still doesn't mean she's right about Faith."