by E. M. Leya
"It takes a strong soul to handle what you've had to." Matt couldn't imagine having visions of abused children haunting him.
"Up until now, I wasn't sure it did any good, but I had to try. Now, I have hope that it hasn't all been in vain. In fact, she is proof it hasn't." Gretchen smiled as Faith walked back to them.
"Your flowers are so pretty." Faith sat down beside Matt.
"Thank you. I enjoy working with them. I always said I'd have done well to own a flower shop." Gretchen grinned. "Maybe someday you and your dad can come out and you can learn all about flowers. I'd love to pass my knowledge on to someone."
"We'd enjoy that." Matt reached for Faith's hand.
"I want to learn the names of them all," Faith told her.
"Well, let's start now." Gretchen stood. "I'll be right back." She grabbed a pair of clippers off the patio and walked into the yard, cutting several roses from one of her bushes.
They were a beautiful pastel pink, and Matt wondered what she was up to.
When Gretchen returned, she handed the flowers to Faith. "These are one of my favorite flowers. They are called the Faith rose."
Faith's eyes went wide. "They have my name?"
"They do, and just like you, they are strong and beautiful," Gretchen told her.
Surprising everyone, Faith reached out and wrapped her arms around Gretchen, hugging her tightly.
It was the first contact Matt had seen her have with anyone other than him since she'd come home. He swallowed back emotion as he met Gretchen's gaze as Faith continued to hug her. No matter what anyone said, the day was a total success.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Xander watched as Faith finished with the clay she'd been using, carefully putting the unused portion away. They'd gone to the craft store earlier, and she'd talked him into not only buying her the markers she wanted, but also clay, so she could make animals to set around her bedroom. He was impressed with how well she molded the clay and how realistic the animals looked.
"Want me to set them up on the shelf to dry all night?" He nodded to the board the animals now sat on.
"Yeah, thanks. Do you think we can get more clay tomorrow?" Faith asked as she went to wash her hands.
"I think you still have enough. Besides, your dad will be home tomorrow, and I can't sneak you things when he's around. He's already going to kill me for spoiling you today."
"You're not spoiling me. I needed those things." Faith grinned.
"If I got you what you needed, we'd be at the bookstore and not the craft store." He tapped her gently on the top of her head.
"When will Dad be home?"
"I'm not sure. He had some stuff to do at work. It's a big case they are working on and it might take a few more hours." He sat down at the table with her. "We can watch a movie or something if you want."
When Matt had been asked to come into work, Xander didn't think twice about offering to stay with Faith. She trusted him, and there had been a few other times Matt had left them alone when he had to run errands or other things.
They were still slowly moving things from Matt's old house to his, and sticking the rest in storage. The plan was to sell the old house, then find a new one that Faith felt safe in. It was going to take time, but Xander didn't mind having them stay with him. He'd come a long way in the last few months, going from a man who never had anyone over to living with the man he was fucking.
"You pick the movie this time." Faith went to the cupboard and pulled out the microwavable popcorn. "I'll cook."
"Okay, but you better make two. You know I won't get any if you only make one." He winked at her.
"Liar." She laughed. "You're the one who eats it all." She grabbed a second bag out.
He kept an eye on her as he scanned the list of kid-friendly movies, finally settling on something about a pig living on a farm. It was hardly the type of movie he'd pick to enjoy, but at least it wasn't animated like so many others they'd sat through.
"I hear you're going out with your grandma this weekend. Are you excited?"
Faith frowned. "I don't know. She wants to take me to some fair thing. She says I'll have fun, but Grandma is kind of boring."
It was the first time she was going to go out without Matt around, and they were all curious how it would go. Matt was more a mess about letting her go than Faith was about going, and Xander didn't blame him. It was hard to get over the fear that she could be taken again, and as much as Matt wanted to be with her all the time to protect her, it was unrealistic to think he could. The older Faith got, the more she'd go out with others, and it was something Matt had to get used to. Xander planned on distracting Matt the whole time as best he could to keep his mind off what Faith was up to, and to keep him from driving his mother crazy with phone calls checking up on them every ten minutes.
"Grandparents can be boring. Mine used to travel a lot, then they'd come home and make me watch videos of their vacations. I was like seven, trying to understand where they'd gone and why they were so excited to see boring stuff." Xander reached into the fridge and pulled out two juice boxes. He'd much rather a beer, but as with everything else in his life, things were different when you were hanging with a ten-year-old. He'd cut his smoking habit in half since Faith moved in.
As they sat down on the couch with their popcorn and apple juice, Xander thought about how different his life had become. He'd never dreamed he would be sitting with a child watching movies in his own living room. It wasn't who he was, or at least who he had been. Obviously, it was who he was now. He glanced over at Faith and smiled as he hit play. "Don't fall asleep."
She rolled her eyes. "It's early still. You're the one who falls asleep on the couch all the time."
"I'm old. That's what old people do," he teased.
"You're not old." She tugged on his beard. "See, no gray hair. Old people have gray hair like Grandma or Gretchen."
"That is true, they do. So, I guess I'm just lazy then?" He nudged her with his elbow, glad that she was finally getting used to the small touches and didn't shy away when he was close to her.
"Yep, Daddy is too. He fell asleep in my bed the other night while reading me a story. I had to finish the book myself."
Xander laughed. He remembered that night. Matt hadn't come into bed until well after midnight. Xander thought he'd been talking to Faith, but when he'd stumbled into bed, Matt had mumbled something about falling asleep on Faith's bed and his back hurting from laying on the stuffed animals that she kept around her.
"Enjoy being young." He smiled down at her, sad that she had to grow up too fast in so many ways.
Settling down, they watched the movie in silence, the only sound was the crunch of the popcorn they ate. He loved sitting with her like this, doing everyday things that not so long ago she was at risk of never experiencing again.
When the movie ended, Faith turned to him, reaching up and pulling free a piece of popcorn that had dropped into his beard. "That was a good movie. Can we get a pig?"
Xander nearly choked. "A pig? Um, no. I might help you talk your dad into a dog or cat, but I'm pretty sure he will say no to a pig."
"You'd let me get a dog, right? It's just Daddy saying no?"
"I would, but it's not up to me."
Faith sighed, then suddenly looked up at him, staring straight into his eyes.
"Are you going to be my other daddy?"
Xander froze, unsure what to say. Matt had talked to Faith soon after she'd seen them kiss about him dating a man, and made sure she was really okay with it, but other than that, their relationship hadn't even been talked about. As comfortable as he was with Faith and Matt, he hadn't ever thought about the long term. The simple thought that Faith was asking meant she was thinking about the future and was becoming attached. Xander swallowed hard, unsure how to answer. "You know I don't want to replace your mom, right?" He hoped talking about her mother might distract her from the conversation she'd started to have with him.
"Oh, I know. My mommy
will always be my mommy, but I have a friend, Claire. She has two daddies. She was adopted. She sees her mommy sometimes, but her mommy was nice enough to let her daddies raise her. All her mommy did was carry her in her tummy. I know you won't be my mommy, but since she's dead, you can be my daddy now, right?"
Xander's pulse raced. How had he gone from casual sex to having Faith want him as her father? As flattered as he was, the thought of settling down, of committing to something long-term, scared the hell out of him. It was one thing when it was just Matt and him trying to have fun, enjoy each other's company, but now Faith wanted something long-term, and Xander wasn't ready for that. He'd never been the type of guy to settle down. "Um, I'm not sure if I'd make a good daddy, but I do promise I'll always be your friend."
"You love me and Daddy, don't you?"
Xander took a deep breath, unable to think clearly. What was he supposed to say? He stared at Faith, seeing the hope and trust in her deep brown eyes, and his chest tightened. "I care about you and your daddy very much. You know I would do anything for either one of you, but what you are talking about is something more."
Faith sighed. "It doesn't have to be so hard. Adults are funny." She shook her head. "If you like each other, why can't you be my other daddy?"
"Because that is something more, something that your daddy and I would have to decide later. Right now, we just want to make sure you're okay. Let you know how happy we are that you're home. Is that alright?"
Faith nodded. "I guess. I just like it here. Daddy's looking for a new house and I don't want to go. I like your house. It's safe here."
Xander would never regret bringing Faith to his house, but now she wanted to stay, and he wasn't sure what to do about that. Maybe he could move and let Matt keep the house.
What he had with Matt was comfortable, and Xander wouldn't deny that he cared about Matt and Faith more than he did any other people in the world, but she was talking marriage, lifelong commitments. That wasn't something Xander was ready for. He wasn't the settle down and play house kind of guy. "We'll figure it out. I promise you that no matter what happens, where you move, or what happens between your daddy and me, I will always make sure you are safe, okay? I won't let anyone hurt you again." It was a promise he would do everything he could to keep, even if it meant following her life well into adulthood to make sure she was safe.
Faith moved so quickly, he almost fell when she threw herself into his arms. It was the first time she'd let him hug her, and he welcomed her, wrapping his arms around her and smiling. He might be able to run from his feelings for Matt, but he couldn't run from his feelings for her. "I love you." He kissed the top of her head as she hugged him back.
"I love you too, and I hope you're wrong. You're who I want for a daddy." She pulled back. "Daddy said I could have ice cream, can I?"
Xander laughed. "Of course, but then you have to brush your teeth and get ready for bed without a fight, okay?"
She nodded as she grabbed his hand. "Come on, I know where Daddy hid the chocolate syrup."
Xander did the only thing he could do and let her lead him to the kitchen. He hoped when the time came for this all to end, he'd be able to walk away without hurting her, because he was sure that leaving her was going to tear him apart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Xander glanced at the file in front of him, memorizing all the information inside. It was a simple sting, in and out, no kids on site, but the man he was going after was a vile creature. Kent Jenkins was a seventy-year-old with a history of child abuse that started in his early twenties. How the guy wasn't sitting in a prison cell was beyond him. If anyone should be locked up, it was this man. His criminal history was a mile long and got progressively worse with his age.
Kent was the center of one of the largest photo exchanges STK had ever seen. Where Kent was getting the photos was unknown, but almost nightly he would post several hundred photographs to the dark web, and many of the children were recently missing.
Carter and Matt were digging hard to find his sources, hopefully leading them to the location of the children, but one thing was for sure, they needed to put a stop to what Kent was doing before he gained even more fame in the midst of the dark web and the disgusting creatures who lurked there.
"When you going in?" Bryon asked as he sat down beside Xander.
"Shouldn't you be telling me?" Xander glanced over, wondering what Bryon was up to. None of them ever went in without the rest of the team ready.
"I haven't talked to Carter or Matt. Wasn't sure how close they are." Bryon twisted the cap on his water bottle.
"I'm guessing tomorrow or the next day." Xander tapped the file with his finger. "The guy is on blood thinners. It could be dangerous."
"You saying you don't think we should go in?" Bryon asked.
"No, I think we should, but I'm going to have to work fast, and with his age and medical issues, there is no telling if he'll recover from this." The thought of the man dying didn't bother Xander, but the team needed to be careful that they didn't get a reputation as murderers. That wasn't what they were about. Deaths happened. They all had had a sting go bad, but they tried hard to keep the death toll down. That wasn't what the team was about.
Bryon nodded. "So, we need to talk."
Xander sighed. He'd been waiting for this. He gave Bryon an exasperated look. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"You know the rules about dating team members." Bryon stared at him.
Xander rolled his eyes. "We'll be okay. We don't really work together. It's not like I'm dating Dyson or Kasey. Matt and I exchange information. Our paths don't cross. I could see worrying about it if I was dating Dyson, but Matt's in the office."
"It's the rules." Bryon tried to sound authoritative.
"So, you're going to quit seeing Becca?"
"Who says—"
"We all know, Bry. Anyone who has eyes sees the way you two look at each other. We know she spends the night here from time to time, and funny how the guest rooms are never used on those nights." Xander wasn't going to be called out for something when Bryon was breaking the same rules.
"It's different," Bryon objected.
At least he wasn't denying it. "How?"
"She isn't here all the time."
"Neither am I."
"But she's…" Bryon shook his head. "You're right. It's not different."
Xander smiled, inwardly enjoying that he had put Bryon in his place. "What's the issue with Matt and me dating? We keep it professional when we have to. I'm not pulling him off the computers and doing him up against the wall. He doesn't distract me from the stings. If anything, he gets the rough end of the deal having to sit here and wait for me to check in every night I go out. If we want to spend our nights together, what does that hurt the team?"
"I just don't want anyone distracted."
"We're professionals. Most of us have done this for years. We aren't thinking about what we had for dinner or where we're going on our next date when we walk into a sting. We are focused on what we are there to do. The kids come first, they always have and always will. Every single one of us would give our lives to save the kids. We put our lives on the line each time we go into a sting, or when you guys hack a computer. We all know we could end up in prison for a long time, yet we do it. If I'm not professional enough to stay focused and do the job right, then I don't belong on this team." Xander stood. "You handle this how you want, but I'm not making a choice here. I won't choose the job over Matt or Matt over the job. You make that call and let me know if I still have a job." He hurried out the door to his car, pissed off that the conversation even had to come up.
By the time he got home, he was still mad. He was sure Bryon wouldn't fire him, but the fact that he was dating Becca, yet thought he could tell everyone else not to date within the team, rubbed him wrong.
"Didn't expect you home so soon." Matt stood in the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher.
"Had a fight with Bryon. Faith with her gran
dma?" Xander came over, wrapping his arms around Matt and kissing him softly.
Living together had been easier than Xander thought it would be. Having Matt and Faith around hadn't disrupted his life like he thought it might. In fact, it added to it. He loved hearing their laughter and watching them interact with each other. He loved how Faith had made herself at home, even going as far as decorating her new bedroom by helping Matt and him paint her walls with zebra stripes.
Matt didn't know it, but it was one of the ways Faith was learning to stop her panic attacks and recover from her bad dreams. She would count the stripes. It started with just her stuffed animal, but she'd told Xander she needed more, so they'd come up with the idea to paint stripes across her walls. With her love for zebras, Matt never thought anything about it.
"She is. They're having fun. Called about an hour ago." He brushed his fingers down Xander's cheek. "I figured that a fight was coming. I thought Bryon might come to me first." Matt sighed. "What did he say?"
"That we were a distraction to each other and it wasn't good for the team."
"But we don't work together."
"That's what I said, then he said it didn't matter, and I brought up how he's seeing Becca, and that was no different. I think he'll back off now, but I left the choice to him. I told him I wasn't going to stop seeing you, and it was up to him if he kicked me off the team because of it," Xander told him.
"He won't kick you off the team. You, Dyson, and Kasey do all the dirty work none of us want to do. It's not like you're easily replaced. The demand for what we do increases, he can't cut a man from the team and keep up the pace we do." Matt tugged him close. "I'm sorry I've caused problems."
Xander shook his head. "You didn't cause this. Neither one of us expected this to turn in to what it has." He cupped his hand against Matt's cheek. "There are some things we need to talk about though."