The problem was, he just couldn’t move on, he knew. He still felt dissatisfied with his life—he’d been dealt the unkind hand, after all. He’d lost his mother, his father had abused him, his brother had forgotten him. What a great family.
His mind turned to the girls. He knew he was doing the same thing to them as his father had done to him. It was the cycle repeating itself, but he felt powerless to stop it. Or too weak to try. And on top of the hurt he’d suffered as a child were dark memories of the war. Only alcohol made his life bearable.
‘Excuse me, Mr Murphy?’
It took Thomas a moment to realise someone was being spoken to. He glanced around. A pimply-faced youth stood at his shoulder.
‘Mr Murphy, I’m here to scribe for you.’
‘Are you now?’ he asked humourlessly. ‘Can’t write the numbers down myself, huh?’
The youth looked embarrassed. ‘You’d been standing at this exhibit for a little while. I think Mr Britton was worried about you.’
‘Well, you tell that half-arsed steward that I’m perfectly capable, thank you.’ Thomas lurched forward to the next box and picked up another piece.
Somehow he knew this was how it would be for the rest of his life. Always being judged by others. Staggering, half-drunk, from one memory to the next. Poker games and hard, violent sex.
The more he pondered it, the more he wanted to live like this, because to return to the normal world of living would mean having to confront his past and his problems, and he had no intention of ever doing that.
Yes, Father, he thought, as he scribbled down some comments on the judging card. I’m the image of you. Just call me Ernest. But I’m actually not, am I, ‘Father’? I can’t blame you like I have been. Dorothy told me who I really am in her last letter. And all this is because of me.
He spat on the dusty ground and banged his fist into the display bin in front of him.
Chapter 40
2008
It had been a nail-biting week of long, stressful days and restless nights. Each time they heard the familiar sound of the Skype ringtone, everyone would rush to the computer. But it was always Nicki, calling for an update. Laura hadn’t had the heart to tell her sister that, every time she rang, Laura’s heart thumped and she began to shake. It underlined exactly how much Nambina meant to her. The fact that her family were standing beside her through it all meant she also now knew how much it meant to them. Even if they didn’t want to live here, they weren’t going to see the farm torn away. It made her feel incredibly grateful and deeply touched.
Now Sean and Laura were seated in front of the computer with Skype open. Today was the day.
‘Ready?’ Laura asked.
‘Yep.’
Laura bit her lip and checked her watch. It was the prearranged time. There would be no going back.
The video flashed up. There was Lee sitting at her desk. Once again Bonkers was there, this time draped round her shoulders.
Her mother looked more relaxed than the last time they’d spoken.
‘Hello.’ Lee’s husky voice came across the airwaves but as she shifted in her chair, the screen froze.
‘Hello,’ Laura tried. ‘Damn,’ she swore. An error message had popped up, saying the connection hadn’t been fast enough.
Poppy stuck her head around the corner. ‘Okay?’
‘Connection isn’t worth shit,’ Laura said.
‘Try without the video. After you establish the link, bring the vid back up again.’ She disappeared.
Laura followed her sister’s instructions.
‘Hello, Lee?’ she tried again.
The disembodied voice came through the speakers. ‘Hello. There you are. How are you?’
‘We’re fine,’ Laura answered. ‘Dad’s here with me. I wanted him to hear everything you say.’
There was a short pause. Then Lee greeted Sean.
‘Hi, Lee. It’s been a long time,’ Sean answered.
‘It certainly has. What are you doing with yourself?’
Sean gave a quick account of himself. When he’d finished, Laura tried the video again. It worked.
Sean and Lee regarded each other for a moment. ‘You’re looking good, Lee,’ Sean said. ‘Sounds like you’ve had a tough time.’
‘Nothing I couldn’t handle.’ She smiled and shifted her gaze to Laura. ‘I enjoyed talking with you last week, Laura,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t discuss my childhood with you when we first talked. I’m sure it made you angry and frustrated.’
Laura gave a small smile of acknowledgement.
‘That photo dragged up so many memories for me—things I haven’t remembered in years. Events I didn’t want to remember. That’s why I needed time for my head to clear. To be able to talk unemotionally about it with you.’
‘I’m sorry you’ve been dragged into this,’ Laura answered.
They stared at each other for a few moments before Lee dropped her gaze. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘Okay.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I grew up on a farm in South Australia. Near a little town called Mount Bryan. Nothing there but a pub and a couple of houses. Apparently, Father managed to get a “soldier settlement” block there. He produced fine wool merino sheep, although I think Mum did more of the work than he did. He didn’t ever seem to be around much. And I’ll be honest, I loved the times when Father wasn’t home. Mum was a gentle soul. A hard worker and high achiever, but very placid and kind. She got on with whatever needed to be done. It wasn’t until I was older that I realised Mum withdrew whenever Father turned up. He was often drunk and . . .’ She stopped and took a shuddery breath. ‘He was hideous. There’s no other word for it.’
Not wanting to push her, Laura nodded and Sean looked down at his hands. Laura noticed he couldn’t keep his fingers still—they were tapping out a silent rhythm on his leg.
‘My older sister left to work as a maid for one of the larger stations, further north. Glenda left when I was about nine. That photo you have was when she came home for Christmas once. It was the only time she returned after she left. Mum should have gone when the violence started. But, of course, a marriage breakdown in those days was frowned upon. Women didn’t have anywhere to go, or any means.’ She broke off and took a sip of water.
Laura felt sad for Lee—the difference between Lee’s childhood and her own was stark. She wanted to hug her mother, to tell her she was sorry.
‘Thomas’s violence escalated as he drank more and as time went on.’
Laura took a sharp breath and felt Sean stiffen beside her. ‘That was your father’s name? Thomas?’ Laura asked.
‘I’ll get to that. But the short answer is yes.’
Sean and Laura looked at each other and Laura felt herself grow cold.
‘I was fourteen when I walked into the shed and found him raping my mother.’ Her voice dropped, became very quiet. ‘At the time, I didn’t know what he was doing. Mum saw me over his shoulder. Somehow I knew, I just knew, I couldn’t let him see me. Something in her face told me it wasn’t right, so I ran. Mum explained to me afterwards it was just what he did, that she put up with it. He gave her a home when she didn’t have one and he’d provided for, and never hurt, her daughters.
‘That same day he left to drive to Adelaide as he did once a month. I don’t know what he did down there, but my guess is he used to gamble. He never came home. I remember it clearly. He’d promised us a present when he came back. That was unusual. I can still see him climbing into the truck he had, driving down the track and Mum becoming herself again. That night we had a special dinner. We laughed at funny things we’d seen out in the paddocks that week and talked about Mum’s vision for the new drop of rams—she knew so much about farming, but Father never asked her opinion or let her help when he was home. It was one of the most pleasant evenings I can remember at that place. At some point during that evening, while we were talking and laughing, Father was stabbed in a brawl. It happened at an illegal gambling den in someone’s cellar. It took s
ome time for the police to find us and let us know. The relief I felt was immense. I know I shouldn’t have felt like that, but the tension and fear he put into us all was horrible. To be honest, we couldn’t have asked for a better outcome—please don’t be shocked or judge me when I say that. If you haven’t lived through it, you can’t possibly understand.’ Lee took another sip of water and absentmindedly stroked Bonkers.
Laura could hear the cat purr and wanted to pat him too. She missed Rusty.
‘Mum sold the farm but it was in so much debt she didn’t come out with anything. She moved back to New South Wales to live with her sisters. As for Glenda . . . well, she and I were so different, we didn’t make contact for years. It was really only through Mum’s pushing that I went to Mangalow and tried to see Glenda. She was working for a man whose wife had died and, like me, wasn’t keen on having anything to do with the past. That meant not having anything to do with me or Mum.’
Lee looked at Sean. ‘That was when I met you, Sean.’
‘Afterwards, I really didn’t want to have anything to do with any of them. Oh, I wrote to Mum every so often, but I was desperate to forget that part of my life.’ She sighed. ‘Selfish, I guess, especially since I didn’t suffer the violence, not the way Mum did, but it still affected me. Mum was much better off when she shifted back with her sisters.’
‘So,’ Sean began slowly, ‘Thomas Murphy was your father. How come your surname is Creedon? Did you change it so you wouldn’t be found?’
Lee smiled. ‘Creedon’s my real name. I wouldn’t have taken his name for all the Crown Jewels of London. After Mum married him, she decided it would be a good idea to change our names to his, to make him feel like we were his kids, but it never worked. As soon as I was able to, I found out who my real father was and changed my name back. But Glenda never bothered.’
Laura started. ‘What?’
‘Thomas wasn’t my real father. He wasn’t Glenda’s real father. Our father was Graham Creedon. Mum married Thomas Murphy after we were born. She’d been widowed. We aren’t related to either of you.’
Laura blinked. She understood what Lee had just told her, but she suddenly felt removed from everything. Still, if what Lee had told her was true, then everything Meghan was trying to do wasn’t possible.
‘How . . . Um, why . . .’ Helpless, Laura turned to Sean. ‘So they can’t take Nambina away from us? Why did the lawyers send that letter?’
Sean shook his head. ‘I honestly don’t know.’
Laura burst out laughing. ‘So we’re free? There’s no come back on us?’
‘Actually, Laura, I can give you another piece of news, too,’ Lee said before disappearing for a moment. When she returned, she was holding a yellowed page. ‘After my mother died, this was found among her things. Glenda didn’t want anything so one of my aunts packed up a few of Mum’s personal belongings and sent them to me. I’ll read it to you, if you like?’
‘Sure! Whatever.’ Laura couldn’t contain her happiness.
‘Dear Thomas,’ Lee began. ‘Please forgive your grandfather and me for not telling you this while you were staying with us. At the time we didn’t think it would serve any purpose, but in hindsight, perhaps it might have.
‘When your mother’s fiancé died, she was devastated. You know the story of how she came to marry Ernest.
‘Thomas, have you ever wondered why your second name is George and not Ernest? Usually the first-born son is given the name of his father. And so you were.
‘Your father was Jessie’s fiancé, George Constable. That horrible excuse for a man, Ernest, isn’t your father. I hope this knowledge brings you some peace, for I believe it explains why he treated you the way he did.
‘I’m sure you can understand the situation Jessie was in. She didn’t tell us she was pregnant. If she had, we would have helped her, but she chose to make her own decisions and her own choices.’
Lee stopped to look up at Laura.
Laura shook her head. It was another bombshell, and all too much.
Lee continued to read. ‘My dear Thomas, with your grandfather’s passing, I am the only one who knows of this and I had to tell you. I hope it will help you understand your atrocious childhood.
‘Be safe and strong and know you are loved. Your grandmother, Dorothy.’
Lee paused for a moment before speaking again. ‘You know, I think it made it worse for him.’
‘Knowing he wasn’t Ernest’s son?’ Sean frowned.
She nodded. ‘Yeah. I would hear him talking when he was drunk. He used to ramble and rant, saying he was just like Ernest now and Ernest had been right. It must have been terrible to discover, not only that the man he’d assumed was his father was not, but that he’d become the mirror image of that man. To go from thinking the violence and drinking was in his genes, to finding out it wasn’t, that he’d chosen to become that way, well . . .’ Lee shrugged. ‘That would have been a bitter pill to swallow.’
There was a loud barking. Laura looked out the window. Robyn and Tegan had returned from town.
‘Laura, that’s why I had to leave you.’
Laura’s head whipped back to the screen. ‘Sorry?’
Lee chewed at her bottom lip. ‘I was scared I might be like him,’ she said finally. ‘I knew he wasn’t my father, but I had grown up in a household that didn’t value people. There was abuse, violence and arguments. I have a really bad temper. Really bad. I couldn’t risk that for you.’
‘Oh.’ Laura couldn’t think of anything to say.
‘You know how they say the abused becomes the abuser? I worried that would be me.’
Sean spoke up. ‘You’re very strong to be able to say that, Lee. Thank you. It makes a lot more sense now. I never understood why. Put it down to post-natal depression.’ He stopped and looked at Laura. ‘I can say it means a lot to both of us, knowing that.’
Laura nodded.
Lee sighed. ‘Well, I don’t know about you, but I think I need to go for a long, long walk. It helps me clear my head.’
‘Me too,’ Laura said. ‘I can’t think indoors!’
Sean grinned. ‘You girls might be more alike than you think.’ He looked hard at Lee. ‘I know this has been difficult. But we can’t thank you enough. You’ve given us the missing pieces we needed.’
‘You’re more than welcome. Thank you for getting in contact.’ She turned to Laura. ‘I’ve never stopped thinking about you, you know.’
Then they said their goodbyes, promising to keep in touch.
When Lee had hung up, Sean blew out a sigh. ‘Didn’t see any of that coming.’
‘Me either.’
Poppy stuck her head in. ‘Can I use the computer, please? Like, now?’
Laura got to her feet. ‘Sure. I’m outta here.’
‘I’m going to find Georgie,’ said Sean. ‘Think I might take her for a drive and explain everything to her.’
‘She’s a rock, Dad. Just amazing. Love her to bits.’
‘Me too,’ Sean answered.
Tim was cleaning the barbecue when Laura got back from the shearing shed, where she’d spoken to Robyn and Tegan, inviting them to dinner that evening.
‘Hello, you,’ she said, swinging her arms around his waist.
‘Hello back,’ he answered, stopping his scrubbing in order to kiss her.
‘You hear all the news?’
‘I did. And I think Poppy has some more for you.’
‘Let’s hope it’s a little less dramatic than everything else that’s happened today.’
‘I think it’s the icing on the cake,’ he said mysteriously.
Laura went inside. On the kitchen table was a newspaper article that Poppy had printed from the computer.
Laura picked it up and went to find her sister.
‘What’s this?’ she asked, walking into the office.
‘It’s the answer to why the Hunters’ lawyers went off half-cocked,’ Poppy said.
Laura began to read. When she’d
finished, she punched her fist into the air. ‘We got you, you fuckers.’ She picked up the phone.
Chapter 41
2008
The dinner table at Nambina was full, and the mood had turned from solemn to celebratory. This time it was Laura who commanded everyone’s attention. ‘Thank you,’ she started. ‘Thank you for all being here, for supporting me and Nambina. I know what this land and Papa’s legacy mean to us all now. Even you, Poppy.’ She gave her sister a cheeky grin. ‘I rang the legal firm of Dark & Partners this afternoon and informed them there was no substance to Meghan’s claim. I explained this to them in small words.’ She grinned.
‘After much bluster, they were forced to admit they hadn’t done their research properly. In fact, they’re apparently being sued for firing off letters and making claims without checking them properly first. Thanks again to Poppy for that piece of information. So we’ve turned a full circle. Papa has gone, but we’re here. Nambina stays in the family.’
A cheer went up.
‘Here’s to Nambina and the future.’ Laura raised her glass.
‘Nambina and the future,’ everyone repeated.
Rip started to bark and the gathering turned to look out the window. Laura sucked in her breath. Meghan was getting out of her car.
‘What the hell?’ Tim asked, half-rising. ‘Leave her to me.’
‘No.’ Laura held up her hand. ‘She’s mine.’ She put down her glass and headed out to meet her former friend.
‘We need to talk,’ were Meghan’s first words.
‘I have nothing to say to you,’ Laura answered.
‘Maybe you should just listen. You have to know that, even though my name was used, it wasn’t me who put that lawsuit in place.’
‘Why would I believe that?’ Laura looked hard at Meghan.
‘It was Josh.’
Laura didn’t move. ‘I don’t believe you.’
Meghan gave a sharp bark of laughter. ‘No, you wouldn’t. No one would. Josh is everyone’s favourite, isn’t he? Everyone thinks I’m a stuck-up bitch who doesn’t care for anyone. Well, if people only knew what Josh was . . .’
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