“I know. I just don’t think I can handle a crowd right now.”
Phoenix hugged me tightly. “It’s my fault. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Phoenix. It never was.” She was taking blame on herself that shouldn’t be there.
“If I hadn’t called him-”
“He would have done the same thing, Phoenix. It’s not your fault.” She wrapped her arm through mine and stayed quiet beside me. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back on the soft leather couch, taking in deep, calming breaths.
“He blames himself too, you know – Titan.” she whispered in my ear. “He blames himself for doing what he was doing and not noticing you were there. I think he cares for you more than you know. He wouldn’t leave your side. He stayed in the hospital with you. He didn’t leave to eat or sleep. He took showers there. The most we could get him to do was go to the workout center in the hospital to at least get some time away from the room.”
NO! I wanted to scream. “He can’t, I can’t.” I don’t remember everything that happened when they had me, but I remember enough, and with what the doctors said, I could piece together a pretty good idea of what all went on. There was just one piece of the puzzle that everybody was missing. One piece that held everything together. One piece that I alone held close to my chest.
I stayed up in the apartment during the party, not wanting to go back down and face everybody again. Titan and Phoenix stayed with me, and introduced me to Titan’s mother, one of my new roommates. She was really kind, but I fear that she saw way more of me than I wanted her too. She reminded me so much of Dotty, it made my heart ache all the more. I also saw her and Gavel pretending they weren’t in the same room. There was a definite tension between the two, and a history of some sort. I wondered if Grit and Titan noticed the electricity bouncing off the two of them and the sparks that seemed to be flaring bright. That would be cute, to watch whatever they have going on unfold. Gavel deserves some happiness after everything. He didn’t move his arm overly much, they told me he had been shot protecting Phoenix.
“Ember,” Phoenix broke into my thoughts.
“Yeah?”
“Hey, I want you to meet Piper and Declan. Do you think you are up for that? I figured it’s better for you to meet them here than just throwing you together at home.”
“Ok, but afterward, I want to go home. I’m getting tired.”
“Done.” She smiled before getting up and heading to get Piper and her son.
Everyone else that had come up with me earlier had gone back downstairs. I was left with Titan, alone.
“I like your mom. She seems nice.” I hadn’t gotten to really talk to her, but she was kind enough to check on me to make sure I was ok and hand me a bottle of water.
“She’s the best.”
“You’re lucky, you know.”
“I know. I had two great parents. Not many are lucky enough to have one, much less two.”
“Your dad was a Demon?”
“Yes.”
“So your mom and Gavel knew each other before?”
“I assume they met at some point. Mom didn’t like to attend any of the functions. Dad respected that, as long as she respected his need for the club. They were good together. I never saw them fight. He died about five years ago.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It was a relief, actually. He had pancreatic cancer, and he fought hard. By the end of it, he wasn’t himself anymore, he was tired and the treatments had taken their toll on his body. He was just a shell of the man he used to be, and it was hard watching him deteriorate with each passing day. I hold onto the memories of him in his prime, when he taught me how to ride, shoot.” He laughed at himself sardonically. “When he taught me about women.”
I know he was serious, but I couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh that escaped my lips. It hurt like hell and I groaned and grabbed my side as I laughed. “Seriously,” I gasped. “He shouldn’t have taught you that lesson, or did you just fail to grasp the concepts he tried to teach you?”
He smirked at me, a dimple appearing in his right cheek, and damn, it melted me. Jerk. “No darlin’, I passed with flying colors. I’ve never led a woman on to believe there was something there that wasn’t. I’ve never cheated on a woman, I’ve never mistreated a woman, and I make sure my woman gets hers before I ever get mine.”
I had stopped laughing halfway through his speech, and by the end of it I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Titan.” He needed to know that I couldn’t be what he needed, but how to tell him when I didn’t want anyone to know? “Titan, I don’t know what you think is going to happen between us. I don’t want you to think anything is going to happen because it can’t – I can’t be what you need.”
“You don’t know what I need, McKenzie. You have no clue, but I agree.” My heart stopped as pain ripped through me at his words. He agreed. He agreed we weren’t good for each other. I was relieved, but hurt at the same time. “You need to heal, McKenzie, and I’m not just talking physically. You have had a shitty hand dealt to you all your life, and you need to deal with it. I’m here, McKenzie, I’m not going anywhere. When you’re ready to put that shit behind you, I’ll be ready.”
McKenzie’s face when I told her that I agreed with the shit she was spewing confirmed my hopes. She felt something even if she didn’t want to. I laid it all out there for her, and I meant every word. She was worth the wait and the fight, even if I was battling demons from long ago. I knew she would be worth it. Ink was right, she was far more hurt than I had originally thought. She had shadows lurking in her eyes for anyone who looked close enough. The sarcasm, and the sharp tongue, was a smokescreen for the fear she felt.
Her strength amazed me. For someone so damn tiny in stature, she was so fucking strong. She experienced hell on earth for years from what Grit said he heard from Price. She was raped repeatedly, and yet still had a peacefulness about her and she still was able to love. It was there in her relationship with Abby.
I watched as she spoke with Piper and Declan. Legend had come up here with them, and stood by the door. My brother had it probably about as bad as I did, but by the confused look on his face he had no clue what he was going through. That was something he was going to have to figure out. The kid was about five, his hair every bit as red as his mom’s, and put his mom totally outside of Legend’s usual picks.
“Did a mean man hit you too?” His question, asked in all innocence, sent the adults into stunned silence.
“I’m so sorry,” Piper spoke up, reaching for her son. “Declan, you-”
“It’s ok, Piper,” McKenzie said softly. She held out a hand for Declan and he went to her. “Come here, buddy.” She pulled him onto her lap, wincing when he inadvertently hit her ribs, but she held a hand up to stop anyone from intervening. She leaned down and spoke into his ear. His head popped up, and he looked at McKenzie, with wide eyes, for confirmation of whatever she said to him. He then looked up at me and Legend, then back at McKenzie, his eyes ping-ponging between us.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his little brow furrowed with doubt.
“Very.” She gave him a soft smile and ran her hand through his curly red hair.
“Ok, I’m glad they got you.” The kid smiled back at her.
She nodded and he climbed back off her lap and went to his mom. I watched as the two women talked some more. Phoenix, Piper, and McKenzie seemed to hit it off well. I looked to Legend to see if he knew what just happened and he shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the door frame, relaxing again. Grit brought some beers up and we all settled in to wait for the women to finish talking. We weren’t about to interrupt, because McKenzie needed this, even if she didn’t know it.
“Are you hungry?” Piper asked her.
“Yes, a little.”
“I’ll run down and have Hannah bring you something. She is amazing. I mean, I don’t know about your cooking-” She tried to correct her w
ords, remembering McKenzie was also a chef and had been planning on running the kitchen at the grill, but McKenzie just smiled. It was that right there that just blew me away. It was why I wanted her so damn bad. As fragile as she was right now. No matter how much she was hurting, she put someone else’s feelings above her own. She showed how truly strong she is.
When Piper went downstairs with Declan and Legend hot on her heels, I sat on the couch beside her again. Phoenix excused herself and went downstairs with Grit after giving McKenzie one last hug. “As soon as you meet Hannah and eat something, I’ll take you home so you can get some rest. Sound good?”
“Yes.”
I could see her visibly retreating into herself and closing me off. She needed time, but I didn’t want to give her too much time to pull away from me.
“What did you say to him?” I asked, trying to pull her into conversation and get her out of her own head.
“I told him the truth. I told him a bad man did hit me, but that you and Legend saved me. If he ever needed help he could go to you, and you would help him. Just like a superhero.”
I swear she blushed a little under those bruises. Damn, I wanted to kiss her, but it was definitely too soon for any of that. She was going to make it impossible for me to keep my hands off her. When I had seen her holding Declan, she took my breath away. “Good. He needs to know that not all men are monsters. I hope she sticks around, but she has flight written all over her.”
“You can’t know that.”
“It’s easier to see on some than others.”
“Titan, there is no way to say for sure she will run.”
“People run in different ways. Brice ran by pulling that stunt with the waitress. You are running by pulling into yourself. Don’t deny it,” I said, when she stiffened and started to speak. “I ran back to the clubhouse that day, and it nearly cost me everything. Piper will run. How she runs, and where she runs to, remains to be seen, but mark my words, McKenzie, she will take off.”
She shook her head at me. “No, she won’t run. She has her son to consider. Legend seems more like the runner between those two.”
We could have argued about it all day, but I let it go. “We’ll see.”
We sat in silence, her head back and eyes closed. “Thank you, Titan,” she said softly out of nowhere.
“What for, honey?”
She rolled her eyes, and grimaced. “Don’t call me honey, baby, sweetheart, darlin’, or McKenzie. I don’t get why you can’t just call me Ember. It’s who I am.”
“No, it’s not. It’s who you want to be. There is a difference.”
She was about to speak and by the look on her face, it was not going to be nice. Hannah changed her plans though when she came through the door. “Hi Ember, I’m Hannah.” She brought McKenzie a bowl of chicken noodle soup. With her face still swollen, chewing was painful, so the soft food was better for her. I sat quietly while McKenzie spoke with Hannah and ate.
“This soup is fantastic,” she complemented the younger girl. They discussed ingredients and recipes. McKenzie really didn’t meet a stranger. She pulled more conversation out of Hannah than anyone else had. From what I was told, she is really shy and doesn’t talk much. Hannah Johnson’s background check had been clean. There was nothing she was running from as far as we knew. Thank fuck. We couldn’t deal with much more. First Phoenix’s parents, and that shit isn’t even wrapped up yet. Now we have a possible senator and his son to take care of, and who knows if Piper’s past is going to catch up with her. She is running from an asshole, and we were going to make sure that she and her son stay safe, but damn, we didn’t need any more women running from a shit past.
McKenzie dozed off after eating about half of the soup. Hannah retreated downstairs, leaving me alone with her once again. I gently shook her awake and told her it was time to go. I picked her up and headed down the stairs. After she said a quick goodbye to Phoenix, I loaded her up into the truck. She was back asleep before we left the parking lot. Ma had already headed back to the house with Declan, while Piper stayed at the bar to help with the cleanup. They had not officially reopened the restaurant and bar. Phoenix said she was waiting for McKenzie to get out of the hospital first.
I pulled up to the house, and shut the truck off. Damn, it felt good to be out of the hospital. The last two weeks had left me stir crazy. There were a few lights on in the house, but with it starting to get dark, Ma was probably trying to get Declan ready for bed. I looked over at McKenzie, and saw her eyes open.
“You didn’t sleep long.”
“No.” She moved to get out of the truck.
“McKenzie, let me get the door for you. You are going to need help down so you don’t jar your ribs.” I got out and went around the truck. I got there just in time to see her hop down from the cab. When she landed on her feet she gasped and almost lost her balance. “You stubborn fool. Dammit, McKenzie, are you trying to re-injure yourself?”
“Don’t call me McKenzie and no, I’m not trying to re-injure myself. I –”
“Get over it, McKenzie. I’m going to help you. I’m going to call you by your name, and eventually, when you are ready, I will have you.” I carefully swung her up into my arms, not allowing her any time to argue, which I knew she wanted to do. “I want you to talk to someone, McKenzie, even if it’s not me. You need to get those memories out of you. They will destroy you if you don’t.” I kissed her hair softly and felt her stiffen in my arms. She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t need to. I felt the walls she was placing between us, and I knew it was going to be hell getting her to let those walls down and trust me. I just had no clue as to how much hell we’d have to go through first.
I felt the soft kiss he placed on my head, and as much as I wanted to relax into him and trust him, I just couldn’t let myself. If he knew everything, he would hate me. When he talked about how his dad taught him how to treat a woman, thoughts of the evil things Richards passed down to his son made me cringe on the inside.
The doctor told me I was raped. I acted like I didn’t remember it, but unfortunately, I did. There are parts I don’t remember, but the rape was before they started beating on me. The last thing I remember was him throwing me on the cold tile floor. I hit my head and my vision blurred. I remembered the first few kicks and hoping that I would die after that, but that’s where my memories stop. At least my memories this time around…
Eight years earlier…
“Please, please don’t.”
“You think you could interfere with my plans for my daughter and get away with it?” Daniel Price stared down at me, evil radiating from every pore of his body. He grabbed my ponytail and wrapped it around his fist, pulling me close to him as his voice dropped to a deep hiss. “Didn’t know step-daddy and I were friends did you? Of course you didn’t. We make sure any time we meet it’s well hidden. We both have tastes that are very specific.” I wanted to vomit as he looked down my body. I had no clue that Abby’s father was as evil and repulsive as Richards, but he was cut from the same damn cloth. I remembered hoping that Abby would never find out how truly vile her father was.
That was the worst night of my life. All three of the bastards took turns raping and beating on me. It was four days before I was sent to a hotel in upstate New York. There, I was able to recover in peace. Richards had told me as soon as I was healed I was to go to the boarding school. I was paid up. I was not ever to go back to his home. When I couldn’t be at the school during holidays and off season, I was to come back to this hotel. It might seem like hell, but that was actually the biggest blessing of my life. Things finally started to look up.
It was about a month and a half after that night that I realized that I hadn’t had my cycle. I found out that I was pregnant, and I cried. I cried for the fact that the child was from an evil man. It didn’t matter who the father was, they were all three evil. I cried for the fact that I had no mother to tell me what to do, and I had nowhere to turn. I w
as alone and pregnant at sixteen years old.
It was Christmas break, so the hotel was booked for me for a month. I had one month to figure out what the hell I was going to do. Abby had invited me to Texas to have Christmas with her and her grandma, but I refused, telling her a friend invited me to her house for the holidays. I loved Abby, but I couldn’t be around her yet. I knew she was just as much a victim of circumstances as I was, but with everything going on, I was happy I stayed away.
The crisis pregnancy center was on the other side of town, and money was not something I had a lot of. Richards did enough to keep me alive but no more. It was amazing that I was still alive after everything he did. I would put nothing past him, he would kill me easily given the opportunity, or if he thought I would be a problem. I was certain on that. After all, what’s one more murder?
I took a bus to my appointment at the center. The nurse that greeted me was all business. Her gruff manner was not comforting. When she asked if the father knew about the baby, I told her I didn’t know who the father was. The look she gave me was one of repulsion and disgust. I turned around and walked out of the clinic. Her look, without knowing why I was doing what I was doing, infuriated me. Damn the judgmental bitch. Unsure of where to go next, I walked two blocks away to a diner. The diner ended up being my safe haven.
I was sitting at the old worn booth, fighting to hold my emotions at bay, and failing. Alone, lost, and with nowhere to go, I met Dotty. She owned the diner and saw me sitting there alone. Her gray hair was cut short, just reaching her chin. She had on a pair of tight yellow capris with a bright orange shirt that had a bright yellow flower taking over most of it the front. Her whole disposition seemed to be sunny as she sat in the booth across from me.
“You look lost.” She looked closely at me, and I got the feeling she knew things about me as if they were written on my face. “They are.” I blinked when she read me again. I moved to get up, but she placed her hand over mine. “I don’t know everything, but I know a lost, hurting person when I see them. Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
Ember's Burn: A Steel Demons MC Novel Page 4