“I can’t just ignore how I feel. That wouldn’t be right.” Alex buried her nose in Nat’s crumpled t-shirt.
“And heaven forbid something feels not right in the perfect world of Alessandra Pozzato.”
“When has my life ever been perfect?”
“That’s just it, Pizza. Life is never perfect, but you always try to be. It’s about time you gave that up and started slumming with the rest of us.”
Alex freed herself from Nat’s hug. “Do you want to go somewhere? Just for a few days. Phuket or Samui? Somewhere as close to perfect as possible.”
“You can run, but you can’t hide, Pizza. And if you have any feelings for Maddie at all, I strongly urge you to make it right as soon as possible.”
* * *
Ever since they’d met, Maddie had made it a point to make it to Alex’s Friday evening seven-thirty body combat class. Often barging in late, elbowing her way to the front—a dangerous thing to do in a room full of people punching the air—with a wide smile etched across her face. It was how they started their weekend, together and all the happier for it.
It was odd not to see her focused face, to not be able to shoot Maddie a quick wink in between tracks and dream about how her blue-grey eyes would stare into her own later, after a shower and a quick meal. Isabella and Nat kicked side to side and the fact they were there made Maddie’s absence sting even more.
Alex kept glancing at the door, hoping, in vain, for one of Maddie’s late arrivals. For a sign she’d not completely given up on her—on them. But what could she possibly have expected? That Maddie would just sit back and take it? That she would understand that Alex needed some time on her own to heal from the kick in the stomach seeing Rita again had delivered? Maybe she had made a mistake, but what other choice did she have? She could hardly crawl into bed with Maddie while her head was filled to the brim with memories of Rita.
On automatic pilot, Alex made it through class. Nat and Isabella waited for her outside the studio. They walked to the locker room in silence because there wasn’t much that could be said.
Tears rushed to Alex’s eyes when she hit the shower. Maddie always took the cubicle across from her, leaving the door ajar—against all gym regulations. Obviously Maddie had construed Alex’s state of distress this morning as a sign she didn’t love her enough. At the time, Maddie’s assessment might not even have been that far off because Alex had barely held it together. She’d gone to Maddie’s without thinking anything through, her mind in shambles and her heart in ruins. But whatever it was she had meant to say, it certainly wasn’t that she suddenly didn’t love Maddie anymore.
“Do you want to grab some dinner?” Nat sat on a leather bench in the lobby and looked up from her phone. “Or we can skip that and go straight for drinks?”
“I’m teaching in the morning.” Alex sunk down next to her. “And I’m not very hungry.”
“Says Miss Goody Two Shoes who’s always ready to lynch me when I dare to miss a meal.” Nat raised her eyebrows. “I’m not taking no for an answer. Let’s pick up a deliciously high-calorie pepperoni pizza. And before you say anything, not one of those organic ones you fancy so much. It’s Friday evening. Live a little.”
“I don’t want to be the third wheel, Nat.” Alex nodded in Isabella’s direction, who was pacing around caught up in a phone conversation.
Nat sighed before speaking. “If you ever say something like that again, I’ll de-friend you. And not just on Facebook.” She elbowed Alex in the stomach. “Come on.”
Nat gestured at Isabella, signalling they were ready to leave. Isabella held up a finger, asking for a little bit more time.
“I’ll wait for you outside.” Alex headed for the glass doors that slid open as she approached.
Rita stood slanted against a concrete pillar, her hair pulled back in a high ponytail and her eyes blazing as ever. Alex dropped her gym bag and brought two fingers to her mouth.
MADDIE
Maddie hopped off the escalator and rounded the corner of the platform closest to Shape. She hadn’t hurried to Alex’s class, not wanting to upset her by making Alex teach her for a full hour. Instead, she’d opted for a more casual encounter afterwards.
Alex was worth fighting for.
As the day had progressed the thought had settled into her mind more vigorously with every passing minute. She was kind and smart and funny and breathtakingly beautiful. And Maddie’s reaction this morning had been a tad too dramatic. She’d gone into protective mode, shutting out every other possible outcome than banning Alex from her life.
She’d been wrong.
Maddie would wait until Alex disentangled herself from the remnants of her relationship with Rita. Not being the passive onlooking type though, Maddie had done some research on Rita. Sure, she was pretty, but, at least in the pictures Maddie had come across on the internet, not the knock-out stunner Maddie had expected her to be. She wasn’t even as high up at her bank as Maddie was at Crawford & Charles. Rita may have had the advantage of a history with Alex, but she had the serious disadvantage of having broken her heart. Maddie could take her.
Her actions this morning had been born from pure hurt and the ever-present desire to take the upper hand in any situation. If Alex wanted to cool things between them, Maddie would save her the trouble and make the decision for her. It’s what she did. The person she had become after five years of relationship nothingness. But she’d underestimated the effect Alex had had on her in the short weeks they’d been dating. She didn’t want to lose her to her own pig-headedness. She didn’t want to lose her without a fight.
Alex just exited the building as Maddie arrived. Through the glass door she saw Isabella speaking on the phone. Nat pointed at her watch while making eyes at her.
Something made Alex stop dead in her tracks. She stood there gobsmacked. Had she seen Maddie approach from the side? Her eyes were aimed in front of her though. Maddie took a few more steps and caught the reason for the stupefied look on Alex’s face.
Rita looked better in person, more regal and commanding. But Maddie wasn’t interested in spying on Rita Lowe. She needed to see how Alex reacted to her after the initial shock wore off. From the way her jaw slacked, it was clear Alex hadn’t been expecting her.
Maddie stopped and hid in the shadows near the escalator, opposite the gym building. Dozens of people hurried past and she could easily stay out of view. She shuffled close enough to be able to hear whatever conversation might ensue, but Alex didn’t look quite ready to start talking yet.
Rita straightened her posture and took a step toward Alex. She just waved and smiled, not saying anything. As if putting herself on display—as if merely being there—would be enough to sway Alex into…Into what?
Alex didn’t appear swayed in the least, her lips pressed together and her eyes narrowed to slits.
“Before you say anything,” Rita started, while invading Alex’s space a little more. “I haven’t come here to argue, nor to beg for your forgiveness. I wanted to give you this.”
Rita took hold of Alex’s wrist and twisted her palm upwards. With her other hand she let something fall into it. Maddie was standing too far away to see what it was.
“I thought you might like it back.”
Alex stared into her palm as if the most precious treasure in the world had landed in her hand. Maddie was itching to find out what it was, but she opted to stay in hiding and study Alex a bit longer.
“Yeah.” It was the first word Alex uttered and it came out cracked and quivering.
“Call me if you want to talk.” Rita stroked Alex’s lower arm with the back of her hand for a brief moment. “Anytime.”
Alex didn’t reply, but looked shaken. As Rita turned on her heels, Nat and Isabella exited the gym.
Maddie hesitated a split second too long and before she could emerge from the shadows, the three of them had set off in the other direction.
Maddie’s plan had come undone in front of her eyes. This wasn’t
the gentle reconnection she had hoped for. It should have been her standing there waiting for Alex instead of Rita. It should have been her causing that array of emotions to creep along Alex’s face. She’d lost this battle and she didn’t know how to gear up for another one.
She’d been ready for a fight, but what if this was a war impossible to win?
ALEX
To any bystander not in the know—anyone apart from Alex and Rita—the rock Alex cradled in her hand was just an insignificant grey piece of matter. To Alex it was a reminder of the best day of her life.
When Alex had met Rita more than six years ago on a junk trip, she’d fallen hard and fast for the confident, long-legged blonde with the cool blue eyes. Alex had boarded the boat as a carefree twenty-something eager for a relaxed good time on her day off. She had disembarked eight hours later as a hormonal lovesick mess, reduced to monosyllabic replies to any questions asked, enthralled by Rita and her loud, room-filling personality.
They’d swum out to the shore together, Alex showing off her form and Rita—surprisingly—keeping up, and gotten caught up in a tipsy pseudo-philosophical conversation about a piece of rock stranded on the beach. Unbeknownst to Alex, Rita had smuggled the rock into her bathing suit and presented it to her a few weeks later, on the night it had finally happened.
Alex believed she didn’t stand a chance with the likes of Rita. Surely she could have any woman she wanted. They probably lined up for her, like all good Chinese people do when something delicious is on offer. She’d barely even tried, apart from hanging out whenever she could with the crowd that had introduced them.
“Remember this?” Rita had asked, while digging the piece of rock out of her coat pocket. “I’ll certainly never forget.”
It had been the prelude to their first night together and they’d been insanely happy for the next six years. Even Alex’s mother, who was notoriously hard to please, had taken a shine to the posh banker with her expensive pant suits and impeccable manners.
And then, all of a sudden, Rita wanted to take Mandarin classes, an initiative Alex had encouraged. She’d never have guessed it would be the end of them.
“Pizza’s getting cold, Pizza.” Nat rapped her knuckles against Alex’s bedroom door. “What are you doing in there, anyway?”
Alex inhaled deeply, cast one last glance at the rock, and flung it into a corner of the room. She got up from the bed and opened the door.
“I’m ready for that drink now.”
* * *
“I have the ultimate question for you.” They sat slouched in the sofa, shoulder to shoulder. Isabella was long gone and Nat had introduced Alex to the harder stuff. They’d shared more than half a bottle of Scotch and, despite the incessant spinning of her head, Alex felt free of worry for the first time since seeing Rita again. “If you were to go into your bedroom now and dig up your vibrator…”
“My what?” She nudged Nat in the side. “I don’t have a vibrator.”
“Sure. Whatever.” Nat pinched her in the thigh. “You get naked, get in the mood for one of your one-minute rides.”
“Wha—”
“I told you before, Pizza. These walls are thin. Flatmates don’t have secrets in this building.” Nat turned to her, a lopsided grin on her face, her eyes watery with the effects of alcohol. “Anyway, what I want to know is…who will you be thinking of?”
Alex burst out laughing. “The noises I had to hear coming from your bedroom. The least you can do is show me the courtesy of not mentioning my unmentionables.”
“Never mind that. Answer the question.” Nat placed her hands on Alex’s knees. She’d stopped pushing her bangs out of her eyes and her face was half-covered with hair.
“What kind of a question is that?” Alex held on to Nat’s arm in order not to fall flat on her back. The booze seemed to interfere with her core strength. “It’s too intimate.”
“I’m not asking you to go on television and broadcast it. You don’t even have to tell me, if you’re really going to be so prissy about it. Just think about it.”
Alex leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. “Oh god, I don’t know.”
“Make an effort. This is important.” Nat slapped her on the thighs. “Come on. In vino veritas.”
“Scotch is a bit stronger than wine. I think I’m way past any truth at this point.” Alex looked up and brushed a curl off her forehead. “I can’t believe I have to teach a nine a.m. class tomorrow.”
“I got you drunk, I’ll come to your class as moral support. Now, focus. Who’s it going to be?”
Nat couldn’t possibly be as trashed as her. She was used to drinking hard liquor. The strongest Alex managed was a G&T, which had nothing on the way this stuff burned in her throat. Nat was serious.
“I’ll give you an answer in the morning.” Alex checked the wall clock. It was two a.m. She’d taught classes with mild hangovers before, but tomorrow would kill her. “I have to go to bed.”
“You can go to bed as soon as you make a decision. It’s not rocket science, Pizza. Just follow this.” Nat tapped her fingers to her chest. “And that, I guess.” She pinched her eyebrows together and pointed her thumb between Alex’s legs. “You will have forgotten all about this in the morning. I promise.”
Alex let her head fall onto her shoulders and sighed. She stared at the ceiling, at where Maddie lived and she knew.
“Maddie. I’d be thinking of Maddie.”
“Thank god for that.” Nat pulled her close for a hug. “You’d be crazy not to.”
“What have I done?” Panic gripped her, crashing into her from all sides. “I have to go see her.” Alex pulled herself free from Nat’s embrace and tried to get up. Instead she slipped out of the sofa, head first, onto the carpet.
She lay there helplessly, her feet tangled up in sofa cushions, her shoulders crushed into the carpet and her balance non-existent.
“Oh, Pizza.” Nat rose and huddled over her. “Come on, I’ll put you to bed.” She extended her hand, but Alex didn’t have the strength left to grab it.
“I must go and apologise.” Alex’s eyes fluttered from the ceiling above her to Nat’s arm. “Before it’s too late.”
Nat crouched down and slipped her arm under Alex’s back. “There’s plenty of time for that in the morning. Believe me, you don’t want Maddie to see you like this.”
“I have to work in the morning.” Alex finally managed to grab hold of Nat’s other arm. Nat’s weight shifted and, losing her balance, she tumbled on top of Alex.
“Hey, I’m taken,” Nat said, before succumbing to a fit of giggles. Alex laughed with her, their bellies shaking against each other. “Remind me to never get you drunk again, Pizza.”
MADDIE
Maddie stood in front of her wardrobe, hesitating whether to put on her yoga pants or not. She was baffled by the amount of tank tops piling up on her shelves, all belonging to Alex. The prospect of seeing Alex’s shoulder line—a sight as addictive as anything—tipped her over the edge. She pulled her fitness clothes out of the closet and, heart already pounding out of control in her chest, slipped into them.
She had plenty of time for a coffee at The Bean before Alex’s nine a.m. body balance class. She ordered a double espresso, eager for the caffeine to pump some energy into her body. After tossing and turning the better part of the night away, Maddie had decided she had some fight left in her. If anyone was worth it, it was Alessandra Pozzato.
While briefly looking up from the stream of work e-mails flooding the inbox of her phone, Maddie spotted two familiar figures sliding down the escalator. Her pulse quickened at the prospect of Nat and Alex stopping at The Bean for a coffee, but their faces slipped out of vision and the door of the coffee house remained shut for the next few minutes.
Nerves tore through Maddie’s body as she made her way to Shape. She’d lingered in The Bean long enough to miss Alex in the locker room. She wanted to look at her in silence before having to speak to her. She wanted to see how s
he’d react to Maddie’s presence in class. Maddie didn’t want to risk Rita turning up afterwards again, with another relic from their past—which is what Maddie figured Rita had planted in Alex’s hand the night before. She didn’t want to miss her chance this time.
Alex was already running through her obligatory introduction lines when Maddie entered the studio. She found a spot in the back before daring to face the front.
Alex’s words halted for the briefest of moments as she acknowledged Maddie’s presence. She followed up with a small smile before addressing her attention back to the group.
Maddie had never seen circles so dark curving underneath Alex’s eyes. Her voice sounded gravelly and her movements appeared far less fluid than usual. Either these were signs of heartache, or she was suffering from a severe hangover. Maybe a combination of both.
All Maddie wanted to do was rush to the front, cradle Alex in her arms and tell her she’d give her all the time in the world. She’d wait. Then again, waiting until the end of class to talk to her already proved quite the challenge. At least she could shamelessly gawk at Alex, who, no matter how destroyed she looked, was always a sight for sore eyes.
She wore a white tank top as usual and, when pushing up from cobra into downward dog, her biceps still bulged obscenely. This is my woman, Maddie thought. For as long as she could remember, she’d never allowed herself to think something like that. She believed such thoughts to be quite ludicrous actually, but here she was. This was love and, for the first time in her life, Maddie was not running away.
No Ordinary Love (High Rise Novella Three) Page 4