Ethan drew away from her, instantly missing the warmth of her body, and pulled her behind him to the front door. He jiggled the temperamental doorknob until it disengaged and he was able to push the door open.
Julia followed him, taking it all in. All the lights were on and few blinds were wide open. There weren’t many windows at the front of the house and it could be quite dark even in the light of day. The heavy stone façade made it impossible for the sun to come through, but on the positive side it also kept the house cool even on the warmest days.
The back of the house was an entirely different thing. The massive eat-in kitchen was connected to the sitting room and a dining room with an open floor plan, one room flowing right into the other. These rooms had plenty of windows and the open floor plan made the rooms appear much larger than they were.
This was his favorite part of the house. He loved the old wood-burning fireplace centered between the kitchen and sitting room. He imagined the fireplace would warm the entire place in the winter. The mantle was a mess with the stonework coming apart, but with some work it would be amazing. He glanced behind him to find Julia peering around with a look of absolute wonder on her face.
He was right, she saw it too. The potential, the possibilities of what this place could be. If he used his imagination a bit, he envisioned how the place would look furnished and fully occupied, like it was meant to be. Comfortable, over-stuffed furniture with colorful throw pillows and hand-woven Afghans filled the rooms, as a fire burned brightly in the fireplace and family pictures lined the mantle. The smell of home cooking emanated from the kitchen, while the sound of children running filled the house. Home! She saw it and she liked what she saw. Her face told it all, but he still asked. He wanted to hear the words, affirming he still could read his girl.
“Well, what do you think?”
Deep in her own thoughts, she startled.
“It’s amazing, Ethan.” She breathed, her voice filled with awe. “I mean, it’s an absolute and utter wreck, but it’s amazing. I can see what you find so appealing. It kind of draws you in, whether you want to be drawn in or not. You can’t resist its charm. You can feel the history of the place and almost hear the voices of the people who used to live here. It’s … enchanting. It’s a home.”
“I’m glad you like it. I was hoping you’d see what I see. Adam, Christine, and Lexi think I’ve lost my mind and perhaps I have taking on a project of this size, but I can’t help myself. It’s the home I’ve always dreamed of—well, it will be anyway. Come on. I told you I have a surprise for you and I do.”
“Okay, but I hope my surprise includes food ’cause it’s almost 2:30 and I could eat my arm off.”
“Follow me. I shall lead you to your surprise and your sustenance.”
Ethan led Julia to the door that opened to the garden. “Be careful going through. I swear the seven dwarfs must have lived here. I have to bend my body in half each time I go through.”
He opened the old, wooden door and she followed him out. He heard her gasp and smiled. They stood in paradise, protected by time and space, a haven unto itself. Trees, both big and small, filled the space as well as overgrown grass and flowering bushes of all varieties. A stone water pond, much like the one at the front of the house, greeted them as they entered the garden, but this one was much larger than its counterpart. Birds flew from branch to branch and butterflies danced in the air as squirrels chased each other throughout the garden and up the trees. It was breathtaking and completely unexpected.
He waited for her brain to register everything it was seeing. She still hadn’t noticed the glassed-in gazebo that stood right in the center of the garden, at a distance. It had taken him a while to figure out it was even there, hidden as it was by the overgrown grass and trees. He did his best over the last couple of days to clean a bit around it and in it. Ethan heard the exact moment she saw it.
“Oh my God, Eth. Look, look at that. It’s unbelievable. Is it safe to go in?” she asked even as she started making her way to it, not waiting for him to answer.
“Yeah, it’s safe. Be careful where you step. Follow the path I cut out.”
Hand in hand they made their way to the gazebo. It was a bit of a hike and by the time they made it, they were both muddy and wet, but neither cared. He opened the glass door and helped her in. She gazed all around and up at the dome, glassed ceiling. It stood the test of time. Not a single pane of glass was cracked. The gazebo needed a hell of a lot of cleaning and some repair, but overall it was a treasure.
Ethan walked to the corner where he stowed a couple of blankets and a small cooler of food for them and started setting up the lunch he prepared.
“Come have a seat. Here’s lunch as promised,” he called to her.
Julia glanced over her shoulder and down, taking in the blanket he was sitting on and the assortment of fruit, veggies, bread, cheese, and wine he laid out.
“When did you do all of this?”
“This morning. I put everything out here, hoping it would stop raining and I could talk you into coming with me. As soon as I discovered this place, I knew I wanted to share it with you.”
“You didn’t know it was here when you bought the house?”
“No, I don’t think anyone did. I unearthed it a few days ago.”
“What a wonderful hidden treasure. I feel like Mary in The Secret Garden.”
“It’s pretty cool and that’s exactly what I thought when I found it. Come on. Eat please. I’m not much of a cook, but I’m good at throwing picnics together.”
Julia sat down and smiled at him. “You did great. Thanks, Eth. You’ve made what I thought would be a horrible day pretty amazing.”
“Then my job is done,” he said with a smile and poured them each a glass of chilled wine.
“Now tell me, how did this morning go? How did Lilly do?”
“She did okay. She was pretty unhappy though. I talked with Lexi this morning and she gave me some pointers on how to deal with Matt.”
“And…?”
Ethan listened as Julia told him about her conversation with Lexi, and then her conversation with Matt. He was proud of her for standing up for herself and finding her voice, and he told her so. For a while they sat in companionable silence eating and listening to the sounds of nature blooming. When they were both stuffed, Ethan cleared everything out of their way and lay down using another blanket as a pillow. He pulled her down so her head lay on his stomach and removed the tie holding her hair captive. He ran his fingers through her hair, marveling at its softness as it blanketed his stomach. They were both sated and he didn’t think there was a more perfect moment.
When he thought she drifted off, she whispered his name.
“Eth?”
“Hmm?”
“Will you tell me something?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Will you tell me a little bit about your life, what you’ve been doing the last twenty-two years? You know about mine, a bit anyway, but I feel like I’ve missed out on so much with you.”
“Sure. What do you want to know?”
“Start at the beginning, after high school.”
“I went to Duke for undergrad and then to Harvard for medical school. I met Adam at Duke and we attended Harvard together. I did my internship and residency at Mass General. Unfortunately, I married Alyssa. We lived in Boston until we divorced and then I moved here. That’s the Reader’s Digest version.”
“Eth, that’s your resume, not your life,” she said with a giggle. “Come on, give me something.”
When she started to sit, he pulled her back down so her head rested on his chest and her body was flush against his. He loved feeling her against him and he didn’t want to move yet. He was in heaven.
“Okay, okay. I’ll tell it all. Just don’t move or I’ll lose my concentration.”
He felt her smile against him and he tightened his arm around her. He told her about graduating from Duke and being informed by his parents i
t was time to grow up and take his rightful place in the family business.
Julia stiffened at the mention of his family and he tightened his hold around her. His family had not been kind to her. They never thought she was good enough and never hid their feelings from her. While his mother took every opportunity to point out what she saw as Julia’s flaws, his father ignored her presence on earth. His parents were beyond harsh to her and caused so many arguments during the time they dated, it was miraculous they stayed together at all.
Ethan loved Julia with a force that both angered and amazed his parents. The harder they tried to break the couple, the stronger Ethan and Julia’s bond became. Their young love was the stuff teenaged romance novels and movies were made of. But for his parents, Ethan’s fascination with Julia was the worst type of teenaged rebellion that was not to be tolerated.
“They wanted me to settle down with a girl of their choosing, the daughter of one of Dad’s business associates. When I refused to meet her or any other girl and insisted on continuing my education at Harvard, they cut me off. Plain and simple, it was their way or the highway.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan. That must have been very hard on you.” Julia said in a quiet, solemn voice and he gave her a reassuring squeeze.
“It was and it wasn’t. I knew a showdown was coming sooner or later. I never thought they would go that far. They left me no choice. That day I packed up everything I owned, called Adam, and started driving across the country to Maine. I stayed with Adam’s family and tried to figure out the rest of my life. His parents were more supportive of me than my parents ever were.”
“They sound like great people.”
“They were terrific, warm, generous, and loving people—nothing like my folks. They were both killed two years ago in a small plane crash. It was a real tragedy.”
After a minute of silence, Ethan continued. He had little in his bank account and although he had a partial scholarship to Harvard, there was no way he would be able to pay all of his expenses. If it wasn’t for Adam’s family, he didn’t know what would’ve happened to him. Adam’s father, a Harvard alum, made some calls and within a few days, Ethan’s partial scholarship turned into a full ride.
Ethan recalled how he stayed estranged from his parents until a few years ago when his father had a stroke and asked to see him. Slowly but surely, they mended fences and it was through them he met Alyssa. At first Alyssa was a nice distraction and nothing more. But before he knew it, one thing led to another and he was proposing to her and then marrying her. It was the single biggest mistake of his life.
“I was lonely and plain sick of being by myself. I missed you terribly even after so many years had passed and I needed to move on and share my life with someone. I wanted to start a family. I couldn’t have you so I threw myself into the relationship and fell in love with the dream of love and a family more than the actual woman. Do you understand?” he asked squeezing her against him and kissing the top of her head.
Ethan needed Julia to understand he’d chosen to move on only because he had no other choice. Although she’d moved on as well and built a life without him, he never wanted her to doubt he hadn’t thought about her every day, loved her every day, even when he was in the arms of another.
“I get it, Ethan. I’m sorry. You don’t owe me an explanation. I never wanted you to be unhappy. I never expected you to give me a second thought after the way we broke up. I wish things had been different. You deserved to be happy. I’m sorry, I …” Julia pulled away from him and sat up and he followed.
“Hey, I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel guilty and apologize. We already visited that part of our history last night. I only wanted you to understand I didn’t let go easily either. You wore my heart around your neck every day and I had a part of you with me, inside me, always. That’s all. Okay?”
Her big green eyes met his and he saw the impact his words had on her. There it was, she finally got it. She finally understood he never let her go. Ethan took a deep breath and positioned his back against the gazebo wall. He pulled her into his arms and between his legs so her back rested against his chest.
“Want to hear the rest? It’s not fairytale material, more like what nightmares are made of,” he asked as he entwined their fingers.
She nodded her head and settled back against him with a sigh. “If you want to tell me, I want to hear.”
He hated reliving the past and the next part was a doozy. He hadn’t talked about this to anyone other than Lexi and Adam and although it was in the past, he still had a visceral reaction every time he remembered how he was manipulated. But if he wanted Julia to trust him and open up to him, then he had to set the example. She needed to understand she wasn’t the only one shit happened to.
“No, it’s okay. I want you to know.”
“Even though I hated all the society bullshit, I wanted Alyssa to be happy. I really tried. I went to the parties that were important to her and entertained all her friends at our ridiculous house she decorated like a museum instead of a home. It worked. While she was having the time of her life, I was miserable, but she didn’t care. When I reached my limit and couldn’t continue with the charade, our lives became a series of arguments that never seemed to end.”
Julia squeezed his hand in hers. “I’m sorry, Ethan. That sounds painful and the arguments remarkably familiar.”
“Yeah, we have a lot in common, but at least you have Lilly. I wasn’t so lucky. Alyssa knew I wanted children. We discussed it before we married and she said she wanted them too. Because we were both older, we agreed to try for a child right away. After a year of trying without success, I suggested we see a fertility specialist. She flat-out refused to go and told me she was certain she’d conceive soon.”
Julia turned in his arms and placed her palm against his cheek. “And did she, Ethan? Did she become pregnant?” Julia asked in a soft voice.
“That’s the thing … I have no idea. A month later, she showed me a positive pregnancy test and we celebrated. I was overjoyed and wanted to go with her to her doctor appointments, but she told me I was suffocating her. So, I gave her space. But when she was seven weeks pregnant, I came home one night to find her crying. She said she miscarried.” Ethan shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
“I was beside myself and wanted to take her to the hospital, but she told me she’d already seen her doctor and there was nothing to be done. Over the next two years this pattern repeated itself three more times.”
Julia turned completely around and straddled him. Surprised, he wrapped his arms around her loving the feel of her body against him and the familiar and easy manner she adopted with him. This was the first move she made on her own to come closer to him and he was delighted. “God, how sad. I’m so sorry, Ethan. But I don’t understand what you meant when you said you have no idea?”
“Yeah—it’s a bit of a sordid story. You sure you want to hear more of this mess? I’m supposed to be taking your mind of your troubles, not giving you more to worry over.”
Julia met his eyes and touched her lips to his. “Tell me.”
That’s all she said and he saw the sincerity in her eyes. His little warrior was ready to carry his troubles along with hers and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. Sighing, he kissed her and told her the rest of the story.
Ethan considered himself a smart man and something wasn’t right. While he was beside himself after each miscarriage, Alyssa bounced back fast and never seemed concerned or upset. One evening after she went out with her girlfriends, he was looking for something. He didn’t remember what now. He pulled out the drawer of her nightstand too roughly and it fell to the floor scattering all its contents. When he bent to clean the mess, he discovered birth control pills. As far as he knew she’d never been prescribed birth control pills. Things unraveled after that. When he confronted her, she informed him she never had any intention of having a baby and was going through the motions for him, just to kee
p him happy. She told him she disliked children and would never ruin her body by carrying a child, not for him or anyone else.
“That was the last straw. I left her that night and started divorce proceedings the day after. I knew my marriage was over. I could never trust her again. I don’t know if she was ever actually pregnant and aborted our child, children, or whether she somehow faked the pregnancy tests. In the end, it didn’t really matter. Whatever she did, it was done and there was no going back. She’d lied to me over and over again and had gone to such lengths … it was done.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. What kind of relationship do you have with her now?”
Ethan gave a harsh laugh. “I wouldn’t call what we have now any type of relationship. She killed any hope of that. It took two years and a hell of a lot of time, energy, and money to be rid of her. She tried every trick in the book to keep me tied to her, but in the end, she failed. And that’s the highlight of my life for the last two decades. Not a pretty story, is it?” Ethan said in a weary voice.
Julia touched her forehead to his. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sorry I made you talk about it when all you probably want to do is forget it. But, Ethan, she’s a fool. Alyssa is a fool.” Placing a tender kiss to his lips, she whispered against his lips, “She has no idea what she lost.”
“Thanks, baby. It’s done and I’m glad you know. I told you my ex and yours have a lot in common.”
“Yeah, I guess they do. I knew Matt didn’t want kids and honestly, I was okay with it. I wasn’t sure if I could really be a good mother anyway. Lilly was a total surprise.”
“You’re a fantastic mom. That kid loves you to death and you’re great with her. Why did you think you wouldn’t be a good mom?”
Before she could answer, Julia’s cell rang. She pulled away and stood pulling the cell out of her pocket and glancing at the display.
R.I.L.Y Forever Page 9