“Alyssa, listen carefully because this is the absolute last time I will speak to you. I’ve moved on and so should you. You destroyed any hope of us being friends or anything else by your destructive behavior. While I once wanted you in my life, that has changed. We are completely and utterly done. Stay out of my life and I’ll do the same for you. Do not contact me again.” With that, he hung up. She hadn’t called or texted since.
Julia listened to him speaking with Alyssa and said nothing. She fixed him a drink, gave it to him, and walked out of the room. Later that night in bed, he brought up the subject.
“We don’t have to talk about this. Really, Ethan, I’m fine. I’m just tired,” she said and turned on to her side, giving him her back.
She wasn’t fine. He wrapped his arm around her and dragged her stiff body against his. Inhaling her sweet scent, he kissed her hair and neck.
“Baby, I want you to listen to me. I’m not Matt and I never will be. Alyssa and I are over. We have been for a long time and nothing will ever change that. What it comes down to is this. Do you trust me? ’Cause if you don’t something or someone will come between us. You have to talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking and feeling and give me a chance to chase away your demons.”
A few minutes of silence went by and then her body melted against him. She turned in his arms and burrowed her face in his neck as her arm snaked around his waist and around his back. She fisted at his t-shirt in her hand and held him close.
“I’m sorry, Eth,” she said and kissed his neck. “Of course I trust you. I know you’re not Matt. I love you, sweetheart. Please don’t give up on me, on us.”
He gathered her hair in his hand and pulled on it until she lifted her face to him, but she kept her gaze on his chest. He touched his lips to her forehead and said, “Eyes, beautiful. Let me see those beautiful emeralds.” When she lifted her gaze to him, he saw the uncertainty and fear. He took her mouth in a deep scorching kiss that had her moaning in his mouth and arching her body into his.
“I love you, Jules and I’m never going to give up on you. Never!”
The second thing that shook Ethan was harder to put his hands around and continued to trouble him. One night, as he lay holding Julia in the dark after a long, satisfying session of lovemaking, he casually mentioned he needed to call his parents in the morning to check on his father. The last few times he talked to him, he sounded more tired than usual. The second the words left his lips he felt Julia stiffen in his arms. In the darkness of the room he couldn’t see her face to read what was going through her head, but her body language gave him concern.
His parents had given Julia a hard time when they dated in high school, but that was a long time ago when they were just kids. Both his parents had been unwavering in their disapproval of their relationship. As hard as they tried to convince Ethan to break up with Julia, he wasn’t remotely convinced. He told them they didn’t know her well enough to disapprove of her and their differences in social status and back accounts had no bearing on their relationship.
During the time they were together, Ethan brought Julia to dinner a number of times hoping if his parents got to know her, they would see how wonderful she was and change their minds. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Each time his parents met Julia, their meeting ended in disaster. Julia always left feeling humiliated. He’d apologized for his parents’ behavior and spent hours talking to Julia, repairing the damage they did to her self-esteem. Then he’d come home and spend even more time arguing with his parents, mainly his mother, about their unfair treatment of Julia. Still he was hopeful they would accept her in time, if not love her as he did.
Six months before his high school graduation, all hell broke loose. One evening, after they finished dinner and were waiting for dessert to be served, he reached for Julia’s hand and told his parents he had an announcement. He finally decided which university he was going to attend in the fall. He would not be attending Duke, as his father and grandfather had done. Instead he would attend Holy Cross University with Julia.
To say his father was livid was an understatement. Mayor Sullivan had ignored Julia’s presence in his son’s life other than to tell him not to get her pregnant. But, that night he made it clear he would not entertain the idea of his son not following in his footsteps like they planned for the last four years. From that moment on, war was declared and Julia was no longer welcome to dinner or any other event his parents were in attendance. They’d reached their limit and refused to continue pretending Julia would ever be an acceptable choice for their son. Life became a living hell for him at home.
In the end, Julia broke up with him and he gave in to his parents’ wishes and attended Duke. The Sullivan’s never once discussed Julia’s sudden disappearance from his life, his depression, or the reversal of his decision to attend Duke. It was like she never existed. They threw him a massive graduation party attended by all their friends and toasted his fine accomplishments and his future at Duke. As a graduation present they packed him off to Europe for two months and before he knew it, he started his studies at Duke.
Twenty-two years passed since all that drama took place. Julia might still have some painful memories, but they were adults now and his parents lived hundreds of miles away and had no influence on him whatsoever. His parents had aged and softened quite a bit over the past two decades. Although he hadn’t told them Julia was back in his life, he was fairly certain they would be happy to see him happy again since, Alyssa, their choice for him, had made his life a living hell.
As Ethan lay in the dark next to Julia that night, he tried to talk to her about his parents. They seemed to do all their serious talking at the end of the day in bed these days. But she made light of the issue. She gave him a peck on the lips and said, “I don’t want to revisit the past when the present is so much better.”
Ethan wasn’t fooled. He knew she didn’t sleep that night or the night after. Out of the blue, her nightmares returned. After that, he decided not to bring the topic up again and give Julia time and love. He hoped in time she’d open up to him on her own.
Weeks later he sat at the kitchen table talking to his mother on the phone and watching Julia prepare the potato salad they were taking to Lexi’s for the July 4th cookout. Although she lost her smile the second the conversation began, she seemed to be okay. When he started talking about his father and his mother’s growing concern about his health, however, Julia froze in her place, staring out the kitchen window with her arms wrapped around herself.
That was it. They couldn’t put this conversation off any longer. It was obvious Julia was never going to open the subject herself. It was the final stumbling block between them and he was going to have to storm the castle and bring Julia out of the past and fully into the future.
He ended the call with his mother, promising her he would call back in the evening to check on his father who at that moment was preparing to take part in a July 4th parade and then give a speech. He made his way to where Julia stood, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him. Her slender frame trembled against him.
“Julia, what is it? Please, tell me what’s wrong. I can see something’s eating at you, something to do with my parents. I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s got you so upset.”
Julia shook her head and said nothing.
“Jules, please. Whatever it is, you can trust me. Don’t you know that by now? I’d never let anything happen to you. I can’t stand to see you so upset. I want you to be happy and healthy and whatever you’re holding in is standing in the way of you reaching both those things completely.”
When he got no response, he turned her around in his arms so he could see her eyes and what he saw in them made him flinch. His girl’s eyes were big and absolutely terrified. What the hell? He cocooned her in his arms and rubbed her back until she stopped quivering.
“Ready to talk?” he whispered in her ear.
She pulled away and the resignation he saw on
her pale face was both a blessing and curse. She was giving in, but it looked like she was also giving up.
“It’s a long story, Ethan, and not a pretty one. We have to be at Lexi’s in an hour. I promise to tell you everything, but let’s enjoy the day and then we’ll talk tonight after Lilly is down. Okay?”
“We don’t have to go, we could call Lexi and give our apologies. She’ll understand. We could spend the day quietly together and work through this,” he offered, wanting to get it over with.
She shook her head. “No, I want to go. I need to go. Please I promise we’ll talk as soon as Lilly is down.”
“Okay, Jules. Whatever you need. Just remember I love you when you are talking with your girls today. I understand you need them. I get it. But remember there’s nothing you can’t tell me and we can’t share. Okay?”
“Okay, Ethan. I’m sorry,” she said in a small, resigned voice.
“Nothing for you to be sorry about. I’m not upset you need your girls. Now come on, let’s get the day started. I’ll go see if Angel is ready to get up from her nap and you get the food packed.”
Ethan gave Julia a soft kiss and caressed her check with his thumb. “It’s going to be okay, baby. Whatever it is, we’ll work through it together.”
By the time Ethan and Julia arrived at Lexi’s, the celebration was in full swing. Everyone was dressed in casual summer clothes and looked relaxed and happy. Music played in the background as people lounged around talking, munching on chips, and drinking beer. Lexi immediately took the salad from Julia, handed them both beers, and directed them to the deck.
As they walked to the deck, Julia tried coaxing Lilly out of Ethan’s arms, but she refused to budge. Lilly was uncharacteristically cranky and clingy since she got up from her nap. She didn’t look like she felt well and pulled on her right ear. Ethan worried she may have the beginnings of an ear infection. She wasn’t running a temperature, but her nose was runny and she refused to eat anything.
“Angel mine, want to get down and see what the other kids are doing? Looks like they’re having fun.”
“No.” Lilly said and laid her head on his shoulders.
“Lils, come to Mama for a while,” Julia tried as they made it to the deck.
“No, mine. My E,” Lilly insisted as she wrapped her small arms around Ethan’s neck, holding him tight. Although Ethan hated Lilly wasn’t feeling well, he loved it when she called him hers and he couldn’t help the easy, self-satisfied grin that spread over his face.
“It’s okay, Jules. I’ve got her. Angel mine, I’m yours, always baby. But, could you ease up on trying to choke me?” he said, chuckling as he tried to loosen the stranglehold Lilly had on him.
Smiling, Julia shrugged her shoulders at their friends gathered around them on the deck and said, “She gets him more than I do.”
Julia strolled to Aimee’s side and whispered in her ear. She was doing her damnedest to put on a happy face and overall she was doing a good job, but Ethan could tell she was troubled and so could Aimee who immediately turned and walked inside, hauling Julia behind her and disappearing in the house. Julia needed Aimee and would feel better after speaking with her. Ethan was happy Julia had that kind of support, but he couldn’t help feel a little bit jealous. He wished Julia felt comfortable enough and trusted him enough to talk to him about this and everything else. Logically, he knew he couldn’t take Aimee’s place in Julia’s life, just as Aimee couldn’t take his.
Whatever Aimee and Julia talked about seemed to brighten Julia’s mood and for that Ethan was grateful to Aimee. Forty-five minutes after she walked off with Aimee, Julia returned to his side with a genuine smile on her face and the anxiety gone from her eyes. The short emerald-green sundress she put on this morning molded to her slim figure from her breasts to her tiny waist and then flared in a full skirt that ended right above her knees. The color matched her eyes and every time she moved its lightweight material made it shimmer and ripple around her. He couldn’t keep his eyes or his hands off of her.
“Hi,” she greeted him, standing on her toes and placing a kiss on his lips.
“Hi yourself. Have I told you how beautiful you look in that dress?”
“Not in words. But your eyes have relayed the message ever since I put it on and showed it to you. In your eyes, I always feel beautiful. Thank you, sweetheart.”
He pulled her close and gave her a deep sensual kiss that was only interrupted when a few people jokingly yelled at them to get a room. Julia hid her face in his chest and blushed, but didn’t pull away. He loved she wasn’t ashamed of their relationship and didn’t care who was around. Unlike Alyssa who despised any public displays of affection, even holding hands, Julia gravitated toward him in any room they were in and reached for his hand and for his mouth whenever she could. It was a heady feeling to be loved openly.
By 8:30 the barbequing was done, as was the feeding frenzy that followed. Everyone enjoyed a glass of wine on the deck as they waited for the fireworks to begin. Lilly ate little, but eventually released her death grip on Ethan and went to play with the other kids. Julia sat next to Ethan on the outdoor loveseat, cuddled in his embrace, watching Lilly play on the grass. Everyone’s belly was full and they were almost lulled into a food and wine coma, when Lilly’s scream jolted them to their senses.
Julia and Ethan separated and stood so quickly it was almost comical. As they both rushed in unison to the stairs leading to the garden, they froze as they heard Lilly cry out, “Mama! Daddy! E!”
Julia stood at the edge of the deck, rooted in her spot. Ethan, not missing a step, continued down the steps to Lilly’s side. When he saw his little drama queen had tripped and had a tiny scratch on her knee, but was carrying on like she was bleeding from a major artery, he breathed out in relief. His baby girl wanted her daddy.
Daddy. Lilly fell and wanted him. In her eyes, he was her daddy. His heart filled and overflowed with love for the beautiful child with blonde ringlets and big green eyes that captured his heart the first time she smiled mischievously at him. Mini-Julia had him wrapped around her little finger. Now he knew what that phrase actually meant, because he had to admit if his angel asked for the moon, he’d do everything in his power to get it for her.
He didn’t know what Julia thought of the whole thing, but by the way she stood staring at them from the deck, he thought she was in shock. He never heard Lilly say the word “daddy” before, but he wasn’t upset or even shocked. He was delighted. Lilly hadn’t seen her father in a month and half and Ethan formed a tight bond with the child over the last few weeks. For a child her age, it was inevitable she referred to the man who took care of her daily as her daddy, especially when her real father was missing from her life.
Seeing him standing above her, Lilly raised her tear-streaked face to him and held up her arms.
“Daddy, up, up.” She sobbed.
Ethan scooped Lilly up in his arms and cuddled her close. He climbed back up to the deck where there was more light and he could assess her injury better. She clung to him, crying dramatically.
“Angel, you’re okay now. I’ve got you. It’s just a little scratch. I promise to kiss it and make it all better. Stop crying, baby. You’re fine.”
Back on the deck, he noticed everyone was watching them as Julia made her way over to them and started fussing over Lilly.
“Hey, Lils, what happened?”
Enjoying the attention, Lilly hiccupped and said, “Mama, I fall. See?” She pointed to her knee.
“Yeah, baby, I see. You have to be more careful. Remember I made you from—”
“Scatch,” Lilly answered in a serious tone.
“That’s right, Lils, Mama made you from scratch. Now come to me and I’ll get you taken care of.”
“No, Mama, my daddy,” Lilly said as she shied away from her mother’s outstretched arms and clung to Ethan.
“Lilly, Ethan’s not…”
Ethan laid a hand on Julia’s shoulder before she could complete he
r sentence. He squeezed it and shook his head. “It’s okay. It’s good.”
“My daddy, my daddy!” Lilly repeated, staring her mother down.
Ethan shifted Lilly in his arms and threw one arm around Julia’s shoulder drawing her close to him. He gave her a soft kiss on her temple and then whispered in her ear. “If it’s okay with you, it’s more than okay with me. I can’t tell you how much I love hearing her call me daddy. I’ll guard her heart as if it was my own. I swear, Julia.”
He gazed into Julia’s tear-filled eyes. He hoped those tears were the happy variety and was relieved when she gave him a watery smile and nodded. He wished they weren’t in public right now so they could talk more about this and all it implied, but they’d have to do that later. He hugged her close and gave her another quick kiss. “Thank you, beautiful.”
Then he turned to the bundle of curiosity in his other arm that watched them closely. “Okay, angel. I’m yours, but be sweet to your mama or you’re going to make this daddy sad. Got it?”
Looking up at Ethan, Lilly smiled. “Yesh. Saw-ee, Mama.”
Ethan kissed Lilly’s head. “Well done, Lilly. Let’s get that booboo cleaned and bandaged before the fireworks begin.”
Chapter Fifteen
By the time Ethan and Julia left Lexi’s it was late. It had been a lovely evening with great food and friends, even with Lilly’s drama. They drove back home in companionable silence while Lilly dozed in her car seat and Julia stared out the window recalling her conversation with Aimee. When they got home and put Lilly to bed, they’d finally have the conversation she’d been putting off since the moment Ethan came back in her life. If she didn’t face the past and tell Ethan everything, the past would come between them, like an unwelcome visitor at the most inopportune time, and tear them apart.
After her long chat with Aimee, she felt much better. Aimee had lived it all with Julia. Although she understood the root of Julia’s fear, she was adamant it was time for Julia to share the past with Ethan since it involved him as much as it did her. Aimee was certain after he got over his initial shock, Ethan would be glad Julia shared the past with him so they could overcome it together.
R.I.L.Y Forever Page 17