R.I.L.Y Forever

by Norah Bennett

  “Sweetheart, there is nothing you could have done to protect me. You were just as young as I was and your father was a force, a beast of a man. You couldn’t have stopped him. In their own twisted way, he and your mother wanted the best for you and, in their eyes, I wasn’t it. I wasn’t the best. I wasn’t even close.”

  “That’s not true. You were the best for me. You are the best for me, the very best. They never took the opportunity to get to know you. There’s no excuse for their behavior, no explanation good enough to ever justify what they did. I wish there was.”

  Julia saw the overwhelming sadness that lingered in Ethan’s eyes. She wished she could say or do something to make this better, easier for him. She brushed his lips with hers and said, “Thank you sweetheart. You’re the best for me as well, the only one for me. The past is just that, the past, and we have to learn to bury it if we’re going to have a future. We can’t let it rule us anymore.”

  Ethan held Julia to him and kissed the top of her head. “Thank God we found each other again. I understand why you didn’t tell me about all this when we were young, but why didn’t you tell me when we first got back together? I’m not angry, I just need to know.”

  There were so many ways to answer that question, but Julia guessed there was one thing she could say that would explain everything. There was one phrase that, by itself, provided all the explanation he needed.

  “I love you, Ethan. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you in biology class when I was just sixteen and I always will. In many ways it was torture keeping the truth from you, but it was easy loving you. When you love someone, you do what you have to in order to spare them pain. I never wanted you to know because I knew the truth would hurt you. Even though they were horrible to me, your parents loved you. I would never deny you the love of a parent. I wanted you to have something I never had … good, pure memories of loving parents. I thought I could keep the past buried and not let it affect our future, but I couldn’t.”

  Julia dropped her head and rested her forehead against his chest. His arms began to rub her back in lazy, soothing circles. She stopped speaking for a minute, battling with herself on how to say what she needed to say. This was the time to tell him everything, to bring everything to the surface so they could bury the past and start fresh. She took a deep breath and continued in a trembling voice.

  “Every time you spoke of your dad, the past came rushing back and I was gripped with sheer terror. I was afraid of how your parents would react once they found out I was back in your life. I know we are adults, but I was afraid your father would retaliate. Then he got sick and died and Ethan, sweetheart, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t say what you needed to hear. I couldn’t say I was sorry. I was relieved. I no longer had to live in fear. The person who’d hurt Ella, terrorized me, and torn us apart was gone. God help me, but I was relieved. I’m sorry Ethan, but that’s the truth. It’s how I felt and how I still feel.”

  Julia felt Ethan stiffen. She’d gone too far. She started to pull away from him, unable to look at him for fear of what she may see in his eyes and on his face. Ethan had stopped rubbing her back when she talked about his father’s death and Julia didn’t know what he was thinking. Perhaps he needed space to consider her words. She couldn’t take it back and she wasn’t sure she would, even if she could.

  Julia scooted away from Ethan’s warm body and was just about off the bed when two big arms wrapped around her waist and hauled her back so she was sitting once more between his legs with her back resting against his chest. Ethan dropped his head into her hair and inhaled deeply. He kissed the side of her neck as his arms tightened around her.

  “Beautiful, I want you to listen to me. I get it now. It all makes sense. I wish I could go back and change the past in so many ways, but I can’t. If I could, I would have protected you. I would have spared you all that pain because I love you and have loved you for as long as I can remember. It’s going to take me a while to digest and deal with my father’s actions. I want to know what part my mother played in all of this and figure out what to do. I’ll work on it and I’ll deal with it. Once that’s done, I’ll put it away for good because we have a lifetime ahead of us and we’re not going to spend it reliving the past or giving the past power over us. Okay?”

  “Yeah, Eth.” Julia turned her head, tipped it up and caught his lips in a deep kiss filled with love and promise of the future. She straightened and straddled him once again and he gathered her close, hugging her to him.

  “There’s just one more thing, beautiful,” he said into her hair. “I want you to promise me something and then I’ll promise you something in return.”

  “Anything, sweetheart.”

  “Promise me that from now on, you’ll never keep anything from me, not even to protect me. Let me share in your life, the bad with the good. I want to start a life with you and Lilly. You’re the family I’ve always dreamed of having. We can’t have secrets, though. Secrets are a destructive force in any relationship. We’ve had more than our share of drama and heartache all because of secrets.”

  “Okay, I promise. No more secrets.”

  “Good, baby.” He brushed her lips with his. “Here’s what I’m going to promise you, in return.” Looking down, he reached for the locket and opened the angel wings to reveal the inscription.

  “I promise with all my heart that I will love you and Lilly, forever. I promise that in my hands, your hearts will be safe. You can wear this locket every day if you want, but I’m going to make it so you don’t need a reminder of my love. You’re going to know it as the absolute truth every day when you wake up until the second you close your eyes and beyond into your dreams.”

  Ethan took her mouth in a deep kiss that left no doubt he meant every word. In his arms Julia found everything she ever wanted and everything she ever needed. Their love had survived twenty-two years of separation, and that was enough—enough loneliness and enough pain. They had their quota of misery and now it was time for happiness to come and stay a while, maybe even forever.

  The End

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