You make me feel things
Without even trying
You’re so beautiful
You make me want to stay
I know
When I flatter you, you’ll never believe me
I know
That in the mirror, you don’t see what I see
If I have to
I will tell you every day
Two backing singers join in as I start to sing the chorus. At this point, I’ve closed my eyes and I’m putting as much emotion into the words I’m singing as I can. I know that soon, I’ll be able to see her.
You’re incredible
In every way
I wouldn’t change a thing
Everything about you
Is heart stopping
I open my eyes, ready to sing the last line on my own. I look directly where I expect her to be as I repeat the last line.
Everything about you
Is heart stopping
But she’s not there. There are two young girls I’ve never even seen before. My fingers stumble slightly over the final cords of the song. Thankfully, I recover quickly and I don’t think that anyone notices.
Fuck. Why the hell didn’t she come?
***
Lisa
“Come on Perry. Surely you have pissed on every tree in the neighbourhood by now. Consider your territory thoroughly marked,” I say to my golden retriever as I tug at his lead.
Every morning, we go through this same routine. I swear that if this dog pees any more, he will become so dehydrated that he’ll turn into a dusty husk and blow away on the next gust of wind.
I walk him so we both get some exercise, but this constant stopping doesn’t do much for either of our cardiovascular systems.
Giving his lead one last tug, he follows along beside me, panting happily as his tail swings gaily in the air as we walk the last twenty metres back to my house without further incident.
Well… not really. I stop dead in my tracks when I find none other than Marcus Bailey sitting on my front porch.
“What the hell? How did you find out where I live?”
“There are surprisingly very few ‘L. Russell’s in the directory and even fewer within commuting distance to the studio,” he replies.
“Thanks for that Sherlock, you’ve just given me the perfect reason to become unlisted.”
Perry, the traitor, is wagging his tail happily at Marcus and trying to run toward him. I grip the lead solidly at my side, but I’m struggling to maintain my balance against my big strong puppy.
Before I know it, Perry has slipped his collar and is bounding up my front steps to jump up on Marcus who seems only too pleased to pat him and give him all the attention he’s after.
“So, did you get my note?” he asks, looking up at me from the dog.
“I did.”
“You didn’t want to see my show?”
“No. I didn’t. I told you. I’m not interested.”
His blue eyes level on mine for a moment. He studies me, as if he’s trying to read whether I’m telling the truth or not.
“I’m going to be in town for a while. My home is here and I haven’t seen my family properly for the last couple of years. I need a break from all the attention.”
“Good for you,” I say, wondering where this is all going and still a little wary as to why he is at my house.
“I’ve decided that we should at least be friends,” he announces, although he’s looking more at Perry than he is at me.
“Friends?”
“Yes. I like you. I like your no bullshit attitude. I also like that you don’t seem to know or give a fuck about who I am. So, I’d like to be friends.”
I hold my thumb over my shoulder and point it next door. “Mr Melnic over there probably doesn’t know who you are either. He can talk underwater with a mouth full of marbles. I’m sure he’d welcome your friendship.”
Marcus laughs and stands up. “See. That’s what I like about you. This is going to work out really well.” He walks down the stairs and stops just in front of me. I freeze, not knowing exactly what he’s planning to do. He leans in and my breath hitches involuntarily. His eyes crease in a knowing grin as he holds my eyes and reaches down to take the lead and Perry’s slipped collar out of my hand. As he steps away, my breathing returns to normal, but I can tell my face is bright red as I watch him resecure my dog. “I’ll see you around Lisa,” he says, his voice gently as he returns the lead to my hand, ensuring his hand brushes lightly against mine when he does. A ripple of electricity shoots up my arm and I clench my jaw, wishing it would fuck off.
“Don’t do me any favours,” I comment, trying to regain a little composure. I know I said that I don’t like good-looking guys, but it doesn’t mean they don’t affect me. It’s why I don’t like them being around me. I don’t want to be his friend. I don’t want to be his anything.
“I’m not.” He walks straight past me and gets into his silver Porsche 911. I can’t help but release a chuckle as I watch such a tall man fold himself up into a tiny sports car. It just looks so comical.
“What a douche,” I comment as the Porsche rumbles down the road. Perry barks once and I take that as him agreeing with me. Although based on his earlier reaction to Marcus, I think it was more a ‘come back’ bark than anything else.
***
“Lisa. Lisa!” I hear from behind me as I enter the office on Monday morning. I turn to see Erin bounding down the hallway toward me. “I just wanted to thank you again for those tickets. Saturday night was absolutely EPIC. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun. You wouldn’t believe all the celebrities we met backstage. Marcus Bailey is my absolute favourite singer. Thank you so, so much! It was just —"
I hold up my hand to interrupt her gushing. "Don't mention it. It was my pleasure, Erin. I was never going to go, so I'm glad the tickets went to someone who enjoyed it."
"Oh, I did. Very much. So did my friend."
"Good." Lifting my briefcase to show her I still haven’t made it to my office, I tilt my head to indicate that I'm about to leave.
“Oh. Sure. Sorry. Have a great day. I just wanted to say thanks, and let you know that if you ever need anything from me - just ask." She lifts her hand up to cover her mouth conspiratorially. "Like if you need me to mark you here when you're running late just let me know. I’m more than happy to help you out. Anything you need. Anything. Just ask."
I can't help but laugh. "Thank you Erin. I'll make sure I remember that."
As I walk to my office smiling, I realise that I’m never going to have to take a call I don’t want to for as long as Erin is on reception. That’s a pretty sweet deal as far as I’m concerned.
“Holy shit!” I exhale as I shut my door and find Sandra sitting behind my desk. “What are you doing in here?”
“Waiting for you, obviously,” she replies.
She doesn’t appear very impressed with me. “What’s up?”
“Oh. Nothing…nothing important anyway…” She lowers her eyes and scratches at something non-existent on my desktop. I place my bag on the floor and sit down in the visitor’s chair.
“Alright. I give. What’s not important and has you sighing petulantly?”
“Like I said – it’s nothing. I just typed up the recording you sent through to me this weekend and well… I thought you said he didn’t try anything.”
“Who? Marcus Bailey?”
“Yeah. You obviously didn’t stop the recording when you finished talking to him because it recorded him asking you out to dinner.”
“Did it also record me refusing him?”
“Yes it did. But why didn’t you tell me he asked you out?”
“Why does it matter? It’s not like I went. It’s not like you dated him… right? He’s just some guy who took advantage of his fame with you because you look a lot like that Naomi woman he was in love with. You aren’t actually hung up on him are you?” I ask cautiously, wondering if my closest friend is ab
out to call girl code on a rock star.
“How do you know about Naomi Prendergast?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.
I shrug my shoulders and look away for a moment. “Because…I Googled him. I was embarrassed after the interview and just wanted to see if he’d cause any trouble because of it…” I explain, pulling some vague reasoning out of my arse.
She sighs. “I guess it doesn’t really matter. I just thought you would have told me is all. We could have laughed about it. It was pretty funny the way you rebuffed him. I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me…” she drops her eyes, looking genuinely hurt.
“I didn’t tell you because you were so upset about seeing him again. I didn’t want you to know that he hit on me too.” I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I was trying to protect you. I didn’t want you to feel hurt…”
“I’m not stupid Lisa. I know he probably has no idea who I am anymore. I know that he’s probably done exactly what he did with me, with at least a hundred other women. But Lisa – he’s amazing. I have never had a man with his skills before. After the interview, he hit on me. It’s not the first time it’s happened, but there was something about him. He seemed… I don’t know… vulnerable. I ended up falling for it and I had sex with him in the dressing room after the interview. But it didn’t end there. He took me back to his hotel and we spent the whole night talking and… well, you know… it was mind blowing.
“I ended up spending the whole weekend with him, and as much as I know I’m probably not the only one he’s done that with. I still don’t want to know for sure. I guess I’ve been hanging onto it. Hoping that I was special, but hearing him ask you out too… well… it just confirms what I knew all along – I was just another girl to him.” She stands up and touches her fingers at the corner of her eyes, making sure that doesn’t smudge her make up. “I don’t know why I’m so upset. I guess I just thought you would have been honest with me…”
I stand up. “I’m sorry Sandra. I wasn’t trying to deceive you. I just didn’t want to upset you… you were already upset…and I didn’t know the extent of your time together…”
She shakes her head. “It’s ok. I’m being an idiot. He’s a rock star for fuck’s sake. As if he’d really give a shit about a couple of girls working at a magazine right?”
I think back to Sunday morning when he was waiting for me on my front porch and bite at my bottom lip. “Exactly. I’m sure he’s moved on twenty times already,” I tell her, wondering how the hell I’m supposed to tell her that he’s still trying to pursue me. She’s already upset about a mere offer of dinner.
God, what is it about these men that makes women go stupid? I have a genuine fear right now that Marcus Bailey is going to destroy one of my closest friendships – all because he can’t take no for an answer.
Chapter 5
Lisa
I have to admit, I’ve spent the last two weeks looking over my shoulder. I keep expecting Marcus to pop up again and get in my way. Thankfully, he seems to have gone away – all has been quiet on my end. No random notes or visits to my home. So after five days of silence, I’m starting to feel safe.
What is it about a man like Marcus that makes him think it’s ok to flit in and out of a person’s life as he sees fit. I specifically told him that I didn’t want him to chase me, yet he did it anyway. Then I rebuff him again, then he shows up at my house touting ideas of friendship and then disappears again… I don’t get it.
I mean, I don’t particularly want him in my life – that’s one thing I’m fairly sure of – but I don’t get why he’d go to the trouble of finding me and then… nothing…
I guess it’s all just the typical attitude of the good looking and famous – they can have anything they want, why work for it?
Forcing thoughts of Marcus from my mind, I prepare myself for my Friday night. This week, I’m planning a night in. Actually, who am I kidding? I plan pretty much every night in. I don’t really go for whole nightclub scene. I never really have. No… I lie. Once upon a time, I was a bleached blonde and I went to parties and nightclubs a lot. But, after going out constantly from the moment I could get past the bouncers, it all got very boring and repetitive. I never understood how my friends could keep repeating the same night out, over and over. Eventually I just stopped going. I guess that’s why my ex found it so easy to cheat on me. While I was at home, he was out partying - with other women…
It still hurts to think about it. Jonathan and I became an item just before I began Uni. There was this huge New Years Eve party going on, and my friends convinced me to go. He took care of me when I got a little too drunk and seemed to me to be the perfect gentleman. He was beautiful to look at, exciting to talk to, and took his time getting to know me.
He made me feel wooed and slowly he became my world. I seriously thought that we would be together always. We got along well. We had planned out what our life would be like together. We were going to have two perfect children and be the best parents ever… What a fairy-tale! I can’t believe how naïve I was back then.
The last I heard, he was engaged to some girl who could easily be my doppelganger – she looks exactly how I did back then. I guess he has a type. Well… two types. He wants a ‘good girl’ to wait for him at home, and doesn’t ask questions while he ‘sows his wild oats’ with his other type – anything with a pussy and two legs.
I shake my head, and for the second time tonight, I force thoughts of self indulgent men out of my mind. I broke up with Jonathan over a year ago. He’s nothing to me now. Really, I should thank him – he opened my eyes and taught me that romance, love and a happily ever after are all just piles of shit we’re fed as kids to give us hope that the world is still magical. But it isn’t. It’s full of lies, deceit and disappointment, and the faster we get used to that, the better off we’ll all be.
Picking up my remote, I power on the television and flop down on the couch. Perry immediately climbs up next to me and rests his doggy head on my lap. I select the latest Jason Statham movie to rent then reach out for my glass of wine while I wait for it to load.
I take a sip, enjoying the cool, sweet liquid as it tantalises my taste buds and slides down my throat, that first sip of relaxation after a long week dealing with picky clients.
Absentmindedly, I sip at my wine and scratch Perry’s head as the movie starts, opening with a fight scene in the middle of a London street – perfect. No love stories for me. I don’t believe in them anymore…
Marcus
“You know what you need right?” Craig says, as he walks with me to my car.
I flip my key over my finger and let it slap against the palm of my hand. “I know you’re about to enlighten me.”
His blue eyes reflect the lights of the car park that also make his strawberry blonde hair look even redder, as he turns to me and rubs his hands together as if he’s warming them up so he can use them to talk. Craig is a big hand gesturer when he talks. I swear that one day he’s going to knock someone out with those flailing arms of his. I often wonder if it’s because he’s a bit on the short and freckly side, so he tries to compensate for his lack of height and looks with an over the top personality and lots of money.
“I am. And remember that I know best. What you need, is a ton of pussy. I can’t help but notice that you’re a little on edge lately. And I also can’t help but hear the rumours about you saying no to more than a few girls. That’s not good for a man Marcus. Your balls are going to explode.” He holds his hand up and opens his closed fist for emphasis, mimicking an explosion in his throat.
Chuckling, I shake my head as I open my car door. “I don’t need a ton of pussy, Craig. I’ve had a few ton’s worth of pussy in my lifetime already. Maybe I just want one pussy for a while.”
Craig laughs at me and shakes his head. “You? With just one pussy? That’s like saying… I don’t even know. It’s so fucking wrong that I can’t even think of an analogy for it. You’ve lost your mind dude. You are not a one pus
sy man.”
“Goodnight Craig. I’ll see you Monday,” I say, ignoring him as I climb into my car and shut the door. Craig continues to shake his head as he walks toward his own car. I guess I can’t blame him for laughing at me. It’s not like I’ve ever had a steady girlfriend. I don’t even know if I’m capable of having a relationship.
The closest I ever came to one was when I gave up groupies to try and show Naomi I was worthy of her. And look how that turned out…
Since seeing her, I can’t get her parting words out of my head. “I hope your fame keeps you warm at night Marcus.” It’s been ringing in my ears as I step back and take a look at my life. All I can see is a man who has everything, and no one to share it with.
At the crux of it, I just know that I’m tired. When I think about it, I’ve been screwing around since I was sixteen years old. I’m now twenty-five. That’s eleven years of senseless fucking.
I know, I know. It’s most guy’s dream come true. And, until recently, I’ve loved it. I mean, who doesn’t want to get lost between the legs of a beautiful woman? But like everything in life, repetition breeds boredom. I’m tired of going through the same routine, day after day, night after night.
That’s why when I pull up outside Lisa’s house, I’m glad to see the inside lights on. It’s time for me to experience something real.
Lisa
Engrossed in my movie, it isn’t until Perry jumps off the couch and starts barking that I realise that someone just knocked on my door. Picking up the remote, I hit pause and shoo Perry out of the way so I can see who’s there.
Glancing through the peephole, I close my eyes and wish away my visitor. Nothing good can come of this. “I’m not home,” I call out, feeling slightly annoyed that he’s here. Again. What part of ‘I’m not interested’ isn’t he getting?
“That’s ok,” Marcus replies. “I’ll just wait out here until you get back.”
A Beautiful Rock Page 4