by Andrea Hurst
“Do you think I could have a minute with you?”
He looked at the shrimp waiting to be peeled and veined. It could wait.
“Of course,” he said. “Lindsey, you’re in charge.”
Ryan was glad Sierra would be coming in soon to help with lunch. They needed all the help they could get. He hoped she remembered to keep her mini-collie outside this time.
Ryan trailed Jude into the dining room. The tide was turning again between them and he felt unsteady.
“Why don’t we go upstairs,” Jude said, “where we can talk quietly for a moment.”
Now Ryan was nervous. Another talk felt ominous. “All right, whatever you want.”
“Really?” Jude asked.
“Really.” His eyes pleaded for her to believe him.
Ryan followed her upstairs to her apartment above the café. He took the chair opposite and let his gaze wander out the window. Her place really had a magnificent view. His place overlooked Main Street, but from here, now that the fog had cleared, he could see Mount Baker and the Cascade mountains towering against the crisp blue sky. It was a paradise here in the summer. He glanced at Jude, her head back against the couch, eyes closed.
“How are you doing?” he asked. His voice was warm and tender.
“Just feeling a little dizzy,” she said. “I haven’t had any breakfast.”
“You want me to cook you something? I can whip something up in your kitchen. You shouldn’t go without eating.”
“I don’t know. It’s just, I’m nauseous, and don’t feel much like eating.”
Ryan stood. This was finally something he could fix. “Come on, I’ll make you whatever you like. French toast?” He saw a little bit of a smile peek out. “With orange lavender syrup?”
“All right, maybe you can talk me into that,” she said.
Jude still looked a bit reluctant, so before she could change her mind, Ryan gathered the ingredients in her kitchen. Jude wandered over and slid onto a stool at the breakfast bar to watch him whip some eggs, then soak a few slices of the local egg bread with the mixture. He dropped in a pinch of the lavender, a teaspoon of vanilla, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and a fresh squeeze of orange juice. Lily had shared the recipe from her B&B, and it could win anyone’s heart. He grilled the bread in a pan of sweet, sizzling butter, and then placed a stack on a plate garnished with a fresh strawberry and sprig of mint.
“Go ahead, eat up,” he said, “you’ll feel better.”
He watched her pick at the food. His chest tightened. What was worrying her now? He knew damn well it could still be Peyton. He would kill Peyton if she’d said or done anything else to upset Jude. Whatever it took, he was going to stop her from causing any more trouble. He didn’t know what the actress was up to, but he was certainly going to find out.
Ryan washed the pan, and then sat down on a stool beside her at the eating bar. “Feeling any better?” he asked
Jude turned and gave him a weak smile. “A little, thanks.”
“Did you want to talk?” he asked.
“Ryan,” she hesitated. “When I said I needed a break from our relationship, I was at the breaking point inside of me. That is not what I really want.”
“Truce for now?” Ryan asked.
Jude stared into his eyes. He wished he knew what she was really thinking. Neither of them had said the three simple words yet . . . I love you.
“Truce,” she finally said.
He gave her a quick hug, careful to keep it friendly. “I understand.”
“You better get back to the kitchen and help Lindsey before she burns the place down.”
“All right,” Ryan said. “You sure?”
“Yes, you go ahead, I’ll be down in a minute.”
Ryan hurried downstairs, walked over to his station, and slammed his hand on the top of the kitchen counter.
Lindsey turned. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s nothing,” Ryan said.” It’s just—”
“What?”
“You don’t need to get involved Lindsey.” He paused. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Peyton and I knew each other before.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed. You two have a thing?”
“No, absolutely not,” he said, “I knew her several years ago, that’s all.”
“Really?” Lindsey said. “That’s not how it looks.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
“It better be,” Lindsey said. “I don’t want you hurting my mom.”
He was surprised and pleased to see Lindsey defending Jude. Maybe there was hope for those two after all. He also knew words alone were not going to fix this mess. Action was needed, but he was not sure what. “Let’s get back to work,” he said.
Ryan needed to be careful not to cut his finger off with the knife as he vigorously chopped the onions and minced the thyme. It was going to be a hot day. That afternoon he needed to squeeze lemons and mix in some strawberries and thyme for the special house drink, Strawberry Thyme Lemonade. Everything he had to do today raced through his mind. He didn’t know where to begin. At least he and Jude had called a truce for now and he could breath again.
He looked over at his calendar and realized this was the afternoon he was supposed to meet with Luke out at the winery after lunch to discuss the cast and crew wrap-up dinner that was only a week away. More things to handle today. They needed to figure out the menu and wine pairings and go over last minute details. On top of his regular workload, he needed to create and execute a meal for fifty very picky people. The best part was that when this dinner was over, it meant Peyton would be walking out of his life very soon after and hopefully everything would return to normal.
“What a beautiful spot,” Ryan said. The view from Luke’s deck soothed his nerves. The property included rolling hills covered in trellises of grapes with clear dirt paths between the rows. Afternoon sun lit the old wooden tasting barn that was nestled in the tall trees. Ryan was glad to be out of the kitchen and spend some time outdoors for a change.
“I love living here,” Luke replied. “I’ve never spent even one day regretting my decision to buy this winery. It’s a beautiful place, made even more beautiful by sharing it with my new bride.”
“Married life seems to be agreeing with you and Kyla.”
Luke reached down and petted Bailey whose thumping tail shook the deck. “Is it that obvious?”
“You look content.” Ryan had almost said barefoot and content.
“Are you saying I look like an old married man?” Luke said with a laugh.
Ryan waved his hand out at the vineyard and forest beyond. “I wouldn’t mind settling in a place like this myself.” Bailey rolled over and stretched toward Ryan.
Ryan scratched him behind the ears. “Great dog.”
“You should get one,” Luke said.
He thought about it. Ryan once thought a dog would be a good companion, but between living in an apartment and working long hours, it didn’t make sense. Dogs needed time, and he didn’t have much extra of that right now. “My lifestyle at the moment doesn’t really cater to one.”
“True. What about a cat? Kyla’s two are easy to care for and very affectionate. We try to keep them inside because of the coyotes out here.”
“Perhaps sometime in the future,” Ryan said.
“Well, feel free to come over and play with our Bailey anytime.”
“I might just take you up on that.” Ryan said.
A cool breeze moved through the leaves of the big leaf maple tree near the koi pond. Ryan closed his eyes for a moment, letting the peace wash over him.
“So what do you think about this hoopla they’re planning out here for dinner?” Luke asked.
“I’ll be glad when this movie is done shooting,” Ryan said. “Every day with Peyton Chandler is one day too
many.”
Luke looked at him. “What do you mean?”
Ryan paused, “In case you haven’t heard, I had a past with her. We dated years ago. It was not a good time in my life and things happened I’d rather forget. That’s celebrity life. A complete lack of reality.”
“I’d heard something,” Luke said.
Ryan rolled his eyes. “I bet.”
“I know what you mean,” Luke said. “My parents are New York society people and they were not too happy when I was dating Kyla in her super model days. There were newspaper articles, untrue scandals, and then all the junk they put out when Kyla was running from the paparazzi.”
Ryan looked over at Luke, “So you do know how it is and how the press can make it look even worse. How did you handle it all?”
“Once I found Kyla again and made up my mind I loved and wanted her, I didn’t let anyone stand in my way. Not even my family.”
Peyton seemed an immovable force to Ryan, but he knew once her scheme got her what she wanted, she would drop him like he never existed. “I want Jude to know how I feel about her, to believe me.”
“If you are sure you’re ready to commit to her, my best suggestion is to just tell her the truth, and do it as soon as possible.”
“I know,” Ryan sighed, “I was thinking of telling her after the cast dinner when the movie people leave.”
“That works. But don’t wait too long.”
Too long? How long was too long, Ryan wondered. And would she believe his feelings were real? And what if she rejected him? He couldn’t let his mind go there or he’d never say a thing, and he knew where that would lead him.
Luke pulled out his notebook. “So what were you thinking for the menu?”
“Mid-summer produce is at its best now, so I’ve put together a list of some menu items that would pair nicely with your wines and possibly a dessert that would be complemented by a bottle of your red wine.”
Luke reviewed the sample menu. “Looks good to me. Roasted mushrooms with browned garlic and thyme butter goes well with our harvest too. We can decorate the tables with flowers. If it’s not windy, we could even put a few candles out placed in grapevine holders. I’ll make sure everything looks high-end.”
“I’m sure you will, Luke. It won’t take much in this picturesque place.”
Bailey took the red ball from the deck into his mouth and then dropped it in Luke’s hand. Luke threw it way out into the field and the dog went chasing after it.
“You do have a nice life here,” Ryan said.
Luke caught Ryan’s eye. “Like I said, don’t wait too long. I know how you feel about Jude, and love like that doesn’t come along very often.”
Chapter Fifteen
Jude locked the bathroom door behind her. She sure didn’t want Lindsey walking in. She took the test out of the box and read the directions. It was pretty simple. After you tested your sample, if the color turned pink on the strip, you were pregnant. If not, it was negative.
Step-by-step, Jude took her time and followed directions to collect and test the specimen. Three minutes was all it took. She could hardly believe it. When she was pregnant with Lindsey, it had taken two days to get the results after a trip to the doctor. The test did say they weren’t always accurate, and to retest in a few days if in doubt. But there was little doubt in her mind which way this was going.
Her cell phone stopwatch clicked off the seconds. One more minute. It was already starting to show color, and she could feel her stomach dropping, her breath catching. She sighed, trying to calm herself. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”
Ding went the stopwatch, startling her. Eyes closed, she held the test in her hand, willing herself to finally look down. There it was, as positive as positive could be. She was pregnant, and it was definitely Ryan’s baby. There had been no one else in a very long time.
Emotions spun through her, from elation to despair. She lowered the toilet seat, sat down, and took a deep breath. In her mind, she counted backwards to their romantic trip to Victoria in early July. What would the due date be? “If this is August,” she murmured, “I’m probably around six weeks pregnant now.” She counted the months in her head. A March birth. Well, at least she wouldn’t have to go through a summer pregnant like she had with Lindsey.
“I’m pregnant,” she said aloud. Her heart stirred. Jude never thought she’d hold another baby in her arms. She’d given up on ever having a second child, but she’d always wanted one.
She stood and let a smile slip across her face. “A new baby.” She and Lily, and hopefully Kyla, too, could all be mothers together. First steps. First tooth. First night they slept through all the way. Oh, my gosh, how would she go through all that alone? She’d have her friends, but they wouldn’t be there in the middle of the night. Would Ryan? Jude sure hoped so.
Ryan. She had no idea what he would think about this. He kept telling her how much he loved her. He kept trying to show her, but she still wasn’t sure how much she trusted him. How much of her fear and paranoia were from her own past, and how much was legitimately based on events in the present? After Googling Ryan, she didn’t feel quite as stable, but, then again, everyone had a past. As did she. What about her future? She really needed to talk to Kyla and get some deeper insight. That woman could see through everything. Jude was lucky to count her as a best friend.
She crumpled the box and put the test in the garbage. Just to be sure, she grabbed the basket and walked downstairs to get rid of it in the outside dumpster. There was a cool breeze coming up in the night air. Jude walked behind the building, tossed everything, and stood there looking at the sky. The twinkling of millions of stars reflected back to her. Overwhelming beauty at the vastness of it all soothed her. Jude put the trash basket down on the platform and walked over to the railing that protected the deck from the water below. The tide was in, almost to the top of the retaining wall. The water glistened in the moonlight. Everything was quiet except for the sound of her own breath.
Ryan was tucked away upstairs in his room, and she was alone down here. Should she tell him now? And Lindsey? Her eyes took to the sky again just as a shooting star shot across it to the north. It looked like it was going to land right in the water. “Make a wish,” she told herself.
Jude closed her eyes and made the true wish of her heart.
She opened her eyes. Could she believe in her dreams? Could she trust that her wish would come true? Her hands tightened on the railing. It was too late to call any of her friends and morning seemed thousands of hours away.
“Don’t think about the past.” Jude could almost hear Maggie telling her as much, as she had the many times as they’d sipped coffee on the porch of Madrona Island Bed & Breakfast. Oh, if only Maggie were still alive. She’d been like a grandmother to them all.
Memories flooded Jude’s mind of the time she’d spent with Maggie at the inn after Lindsey had left to go live with her father. Maggie had given her a book during that terrible time, a book about mothers and being positive. It was in her hope chest at the foot of her bed. She was sure of it. That’s what she needed right now.
The reassurance of Maggie’s words spurred her up the stairs and into her bedroom. She opened the heavy lid to the antique chest with its wood carvings and metal latch. Years ago, she had painted it white to match her bed frame, and it was a good contrast with the spread.
Inside, sitting on the very top, was Lindsey’s baby book. She retrieved it and hugged it close to her chest before opening it to the first few pages. In front were pictures of Lindsey wrapped up like a little bundle of joy in her blanket, and others with Lindsey with a little pacifier in her mouth. Jude wondered, “Do mothers still use those?”
There was a picture of Lindsey’s first birthday, a little piece of her blonde curly hair. Jude scanned through the pages. There’d been a lot of joy in being a
mother, despite all the problems with Mitchell. And there would be again, she reassured herself.
Jude placed the pink baby book down on the bed and looked through the other contents. There were many keepsakes from her past, but there, buried almost at the bottom, was a little book about comfort for mothers. That was it: Comfort for the Heart of Every Mother.
“Thank you, Maggie,” Jude whispered. How well she remembered seeking refuge at the bed and breakfast when she was a complete basket case after Lindsey had left the island as a teenager. Maggie had put her in the special bridal suite, of all things, and nurtured her with a calm, warm strength. They had morning coffee together, and delicious croissants, muffins, scones, and plates of chocolate brownies to Jude’s content. Before Jude left to go home, Maggie had sparked her will to go on, and given her this book. Maggie had told her, “Just keep loving your daughter. She’ll come back. They go through so much, but they always come back to the love in their heart, and you’re such a good mother.”
Those words rang in Jude’s ears, such a good mother. She knew so much more now, and with Ryan’s help, perhaps that’s exactly what she would be.
Chapter Sixteen
Ryan was in the kitchen, going through the motions of cleaning everything after the last cast lunch they would be serving for the movie people. He was grateful that he didn’t have dinner service tonight. Jude was still barely talking to him. She was friendly, but still a bit distant.
Even Lindsey noticed. “What did you guys break up?”
He didn’t know what to say to her. “Not exactly.”
Lindsey shrugged. “Whatever.”
He felt trapped, trapped in secrets he was still keeping, trapped by that woman who would not leave him alone. She’d been texting him all morning and he hadn’t even give her his cell phone number. There was no end to her sweet charm alternating with threats in each message. Just what did she want?