by Andrea Hurst
Kyla continued. “We’re going to sell it online to start with, maybe even in an infomercial. Who knows! I don’t want it to get too big and stressful, but we’re going to need a larger place to make the products. Becca has pretty much taken over managing and stocking the store now. Luke says we can convert one of the out-buildings at the vineyard.”
“That sounds perfect,” Jude said. “I’m excited for you. All three of our businesses are doing well, and that’s certainly something to be happy about.”
“There’s a lot to be happy about.” Lily said.
Kyla sipped her wine. “And we are going to have a fabulous time on Orcas. It’s all booked. I took care of everything.”
Jude reminded herself to count her many blessings. She gazed out over the vineyard. It was almost empty of people now. She saw Ryan in the distance and her heart fluttered. Lindsey was inside helping with the clean up. Servers were clearing the tables and Luke blowing out the candles. It had been a long night, but a good night in the end. And Peyton was finally gone.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ryan walked onto the deck and gave her a lopsided smile. “We’re out of here. You ready?”
Jude rose from her chair. “Where’s Lindsey?”
“She’s still helping out with the kitchen cleanup, and Kyla offered for her to spend the night here. Said they’d run her home in the morning.”
“Sounds like she was a great help.”
Ryan nodded. “I couldn’t have done it without her.”
He looked exhausted. Jude was glad it was finally time to go home. She said goodbye to Lily and Kyla and headed to the truck with Ryan.
“Could you believe that grand gesture with the helicopter?” Ryan asked.
Jude laughed. “Yes, not for me. All I need is a good hug now and then.”
Ryan stopped walking and took her in his arms, holding her tight. His warm fingers gently lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes. “I hope you know how much I care about you, Jude. I don’t have helicopters to whisk you away, and maybe I’m still in a chef coat, but you mean more to me than anything.”
He leaned her back against the truck and kissed her. It took Jude’s breath away, to have him speak to her like this, and in that moment she knew she had to confess the secret that she’d been hiding or lose him.
“Oh Ryan,” she said. “I feel the same.” She searched Ryan’s deep brown eyes. “Are you done in?” she asked.
“Tired, but also really buzzed. I think I’m going need some down time to unwind.”
“What do you say we go back to my apartment? I could make some hot chocolate and we could just talk. I have got some things I want to tell you.”
He stared at her, a question in his eyes, “Oh, you do? Anything important?”
She glanced down. It was hard to continue to look him in the eye. “Well, in a way, yes. Yes.”
“Now you have me intrigued,” he said. “Is it urgent?
“Not life threatening.” She forced a smile, hoping she was right. “Let’s go back, get you a shower and sit down and talk without any interferences.”
Ryan threw his things in the back of truck and opened the door for Jude to climb into the front seat. Once in the driver’s seat, he took one last look at Jude and opened his mouth as though to say something, but stopped and started the truck instead. The drive home was silent, the night dark with scattered stars. Traces of twilight lingered in the far horizon as they wound their way home in the deep summer night.
Ryan stopped when they reached Jude’s front door. “I’ll go to my place and take a shower and join you shortly.”
“No rush,” Jude said. She watched him walk down the walkway and step inside his place. He’ll be right back, she reminded herself. Jude unlocked her door and stepped in. It was warm inside, so she opened all the windows and stepped out on her deck. The almost full moon spilled out a golden glow over the cove. Her stomach was in knots anticipating his reaction. Too many what ifs. She forced herself to think positive. What if he’s happy over the news? And he is the right man.
“What if he’s not?” a voice softly whispered. “You’ll lose him, you’ll lose everything, just like you did with your first marriage. She would be forty years old next month. Even if Ryan left, she had her friends, and she knew none of them would judge her. There were always other chefs for the café, but none like Ryan, and definitely none she would love.
Jude turned and walked into the kitchen. Using a whisk, she mixed some dark chocolate powder into the warm milk on the stove and added sugar and a pinch of cinnamon. After pouring the steaming mixture into mugs, she brought them to the couch and waited for Ryan.
Her front door opened and Ryan walked in. His hair was loose from the ponytail, and wet tendrils clung to his shoulders. He’d changed into a grey t-shirt, jeans, and his feet were bare. She wanted to smell the fresh scent of his skin, feel his lips on hers.
She patted the couch next to her. “Come sit down.”
He sat near, but not too close. “Thanks for the cocoa,” he said, reaching to the table. “No wine for you tonight?” he asked.
“Cocoa felt more soothing.” She already that was a partial lie. There was no way she was going to drink when she was pregnant, and she was glad he hadn’t noticed until this moment.
Ryan sipped the chocolate and then placed the mug on the table and took her hand. “What is it Jude? You know you can tell me anything.”
“I know,” she said, forcing herself to make eye contact. “We’ve had some rocky times lately, but it’s so much better now.”
He nodded. Worry crept into his eyes, and Jude faltered for a second before continuing. “We both put everything on the table. You told me about your past and I told you mine.” Jude paused and took a deep breath. “But there is one thing I haven’t told you.”
Ryan looked shocked. “What? Why?”
She took a sip of the chocolate and knew it was time. “I had to be sure myself. I had to get to a place where I could deal with it in order to tell you.”
“Are you all right? Are you sick? Jude?”
“No. No, Ryan, it’s nothing like that.”
“Then what is it?”
Jude took another deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh,” he said. His face seemed to pale in the evening light. His pupils dilated and fear crossed his face.
Jude’s chest tightened as she held her breath. “I’ve only known for less than a week. With all the other things going on, the stress with Peyton and my daughter missing, it took me awhile to even figure it out.”
“Who else knows?” he asked.
“I told Lindsey first.”
Ryan rocked back and forth on the sofa. “And, anyone else?”
“Just Kyla and Lily.”
Ryan sat up straight. “So you told them first?”
“They’re my family and best friends. You have to understand, Ryan, I needed a little time to register the truth myself. Things were still a little rocky with us when I found out, and the last thing I wanted to do was uproot them even more. You’ve never mentioned kids, you’ve never had kids. I had no idea how you’d react.”
“You might have noticed I was great with your daughter,” he said.
Jude cringed and stayed silent, watching his every move.
Ryan put the mug down on the table, stood, and walked over to the window and stared out at the dark water. Jude’s eyes were glued to his back, waiting for him to say something.
When he turned around, his eyes seemed distant. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so surprised.”
“I’m sure it happened when we were away for the weekend in Canada,” she said. “We weren’t that careful, remember?”
“Oh, right, right,” he said. “I guess I never really thought about it. How did Lindsey react?”
The room an
d everything in it felt off kilter, and Jude tried to right herself. “I’m not completely sure, but she did show some excitement over having a sibling.”
“I see.”
Ryan looked even paler. Maybe she should have eased into this conversation more, not told him when he was exhausted.
“Please sit down,” Ryan. “Let’s talk about this.”
He sat beside her, but barely made eye contact. “I need some time to think.”
Then Ryan looked her in the eyes and said the words she’d been longing to hear. “I love you, Jude.”
“I love you too, Ryan.”
“A child,” he whispered. “I never thought there would be one in my life. He leaned back into the sofa. “I just don’t know what to say.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I understand. It caught me by surprise too. You’ll have a few days alone here to sort things out. I’m going to Orcas day after tomorrow. I hope that will give you the time and space you need.”
Ryan nodded almost as if he didn’t hear her. “You’re tired and it’s late. We should sleep on it.”
As if he could read her mind, Ryan placed his hand over hers. “I’m here for you. No matter what, I’ll be here for you.”
She noticed he didn’t say “and for the child.” Or that he was happy. He didn’t say he’d run, but he did stand and move towards the door. He was not spending the night.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” he said. “Get some rest.”
Jude closed the door behind him and listened to his steps fade as he went down the outside walk. When she heard his front door click, she ran into her bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. She’d told him, it was out now. Fear had been written all over his face, and seeing such emotion in him escalated her own fears. She curled up under the covers wanting the total escape only sleep could bring. She thought of calling her friends, but it was already past midnight. She was just going to have to cope alone somehow, go to sleep, and deal with it in the morning.
Tomorrow, she would figure out what to do. Her heart pounded in her ears as she tried to still her panic. Jude ran to the bathroom and started heaving. Morning sickness even at midnight? She wasn’t sure what to think anymore.
She at her bedraggled reflection in the mirror. Could her forty-year-old body even handle a baby? It was a quite a shock. But deep down there was this feeling of happiness—a new life was inside her, a sweet baby, and a chance to be a better mom this time. And dare she hope . . . another chance for happiness.
Jude looked toward the wall that separated her apartment from Ryan’s. She doubted he would sleep well tonight, either. In the morning they would talk again. There were decisions to be made. Perhaps a few days away with Lily and Kyla on Orcas Island would help clear her head and give Ryan some space to make a decision himself. Staying with her had to be his choice. She wouldn’t want him any other way.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jude was relieved that they were leaving for a few days. Yesterday she’d felt a little awkward with Ryan. They both stayed busy, and he was kind and helpful, but a good time to talk never revealed itself. The traffic was heavy on the road, but as they made the last turn, the breathtaking San Juan Islands came into view.
“We made it,” Jude said as she drove into the ferry line just as the boat began to load.
“A good sign,” Kyla said, “considering how long a wait it can be in the summer.”
Even though the ferry held hundreds of cars and many walk-on passengers, and luckily they had a reservation, tourist traffic had almost made them late.
The dock worker directed them to park on the outside lane, leaving them a full view of the water if they wanted to stay in the car.
Lily unbuckled her seatbelt. “Shall we go on deck and walk around?”
“Absolutely,” Jude said. She grabbed her zip-up sweatshirt and joined them.
They walked to the top passenger deck and stood at the front of the boat. Jude threw her head back and let the wind move through her hair. She was free for a few days, and with her best friends. Puffy, feather-white clouds dotted the bright blue sky, punctuated by shrieking sea gulls overhead.
“It’s a gorgeous day,” Lily said. “I can’t believe we actually made this happen.”
They stood on the front deck, sun in their faces. “And we will enjoy it,” Kyla said. “Anyone want to join me for a walk?
Lily nodded.
“You two go ahead,” Jude said, waving them off. She watched them for a moment as heads turned when they walked by. Kyla, tall and striking with her red hair trailing down her back, contrasted by Lily, blonde and petite, even after having a child.
The ferry glided along the Sound waters and through the San Juan Islands. Houses peeked out from wooded hillsides, their windows reflecting the morning sun. It had been less than two months since she’d been on a similar ferry riding home with Ryan after their weekend escape. Now she was the one escaping. She’d been so sure of his love and hers then. Between the pregnancy hormones, exhaustion from the stress of the movie shoot, and the emotional roller coaster ride concocted by Peyton Chandler, Jude still felt a little numb. Her heart ached at the thought of possibly still losing Ryan, facing pregnancy alone. Her racing mind, clouded by hormones, was not her friend right now. She reminded herself Lindsey was with her. As fragile as their reconciliation was, it was moving in the right direction.
Parents scrambled after their children as they ran by, playing noisily on deck, happy to be on vacation. Would that be her and Ryan some day in the future, watching their child? Her heart longed to be one of the families and couples sprawled over benches, soaking up sun, smiling and laughing together. It was possible. Her life did not have to be a constant repetition of her past. Her friends had found love and happiness, and she needed to believe she could too. She loved Ryan and could imagine happily running the café, together, with their little one beside them.
The winds stirred and Jude decided to go join her friends inside. She found Kyla and Lily sipping coffee at a cozy table by a window. Her friends were steadfast, and these couple of nights away would be a wonderful escape for all of them.
“We got you a bottle of water,” Lily said.
Jude opened her drink. “Thanks. I’m so glad we did this,” she said, sitting down between Lily and Kyla.
“Me, too,” Lily said. “Just think of all the trouble we can get in, and the shopping we can do.”
“And don’t forget that luscious chocolate shop,” Jude said. “You haven’t seen that new one yet.”
“I’ll be the guide for you two on your maiden voyage to Orcas. Once we dock,” Jude said, “we’ll be driving to Eastsound, then get some lunch.”
“You’re already thinking of a meal?” Kyla asked. “We just had breakfast an hour ago.”
“What can I say?” Jude said. “I’m used to serving breakfast, lunch and dinner.”
“Well, forget it,” Kyla said, “We’re on vacation.”
Slowly, the ferry curved around toward Lopez Island. It was a small dock, and the town had just a couple of buildings. A steep drive headed up from the ferry and into the wooded island.
“I’ve never been to Lopez Island,” Jude said. “Maybe next time we’ll try that.”
“Ian said it’s perfect for a bike ride,” Lily said, her blue eyes sparkling. “Maybe when the baby’s older. You know, Jason loves to ride his bike.”
Jude put her arm around Lily’s shoulder. “It’s nice to be away from it all for a little bit, isn’t it? Even though you’re thinking about the baby already.”
“Caught me,” Lily said. “It’s the first time I’ve been away from her for more than a few hours.”
“She is in great hands. Think how refreshed you’ll be when you return.” Kyla laughed. “Three days away. You can sleep. You can do whatever you want, R&R, that’s all we’re going to do.”
/> Lily smiled. “Well, it’s my first time away since we’ve been married. Speaking of married, how is being a newlywed suiting you, Kyla?”
“Most of the time, it’s blissful. We’ve both been working pretty hard though, both of us. Sometimes we just pass in the night. I couldn’t be happier, really. I think all good married couples deserve a break sometimes.” Kyla winked. “Let him miss me a little.”
“What a group we are,” Jude said. “We can barely leave home for two days without making it a complete production.”
“Forget it,” Lily said, “We’re on vacation and the men will survive.”
“I left the restaurant in Ryan and Lindsey’s competent hands. Ryan has been nothing but nice, supportive, and helpful, especially since I told him about the pregnancy.”
Just as she said that, the ferry horn went off. As the ferry began to back out of Lopez Island slip and turn toward Orcas, Jude could see the great white Orcas Hotel in the distance as they set course toward their destination. She pointed it out to her friends. “That hotel was built turn of the century. It has quite a history and amazing gardens.” As they made their approach, Jude saw the tea rose vines draping across the white arbor, and the stalks of hollyhocks and daisies surrounding the wrap-around porch.
“We’d better get back to the car,” Lily said.
Jude stood and pulled out her keys. “Right. Forgot all about that. We’re not walking off.”
They hurried down the metal stairs, and pushed open the heavy door leading to the parking deck.
Jude waved them over. “The car is over here.”
Everyone jumped in, none too soon, as the ferry docked in place at Orcas Island. Walk on passengers exited first and climbed the hill to the main street. After the dock was cleared of foot passengers, the cars were directed off.
As soon as Jude drove off the ferry, she turned left. She knew the island. It wasn’t complicated.
“We’re just going to circle around the top of the U. Then, we’ll arrive at the main little town, Eastsound.”
“Eastsound,” Lily said, “Sounds lovely.” They drove along with the windows down, past the rolling fields and the forests that gently sloped up into hills. Music from Jude’s iPod drifted through the car.