Desired

by Bianca Giovanni

  “Screw Tara!” he says, rolling his eyes dismissively. “She’s like a mosquito buzzing around and annoying you, but she can’t actually do any damage.”

  “Until you contract malaria,” I murmur.

  He crosses his arms and smirks, but his eyes are alight with amusement.

  “Sorry. I get your point.”

  “Good. Loving someone isn’t easy; sometimes it can be a nightmare. But if you truly love someone, nothing else matters. Sure, you’ll probably deal with some bullshit from time to time, but it’ll be worth it. There are gonna be fights. There are gonna be tears. There are going to be times when it seems like more trouble than it’s worth, but love is at the core, so all that bad stuff won’t matter at the end of the day. Basically, you need to break it down to the simplest question: is James worth it?”

  I pause and look at him. His warm expression says he already knows the answer.

  “Yes. He’s worth it.”

  “There’s my smart girl!” He scoots forward, tugging me in and kissing my forehead. “You already know all this, Lola. The answer’s already clear; you just have to accept it for yourself.”

  “I know.” I think about James’s eyes this morning, about the concern in his face when he saw my uncertainty. “It’s a lot to take on, but I love him.”

  “And really, what’s more important than that?”

  I sigh, shaking my head to myself. “He’s probably up there right now preparing for me to break up with him. We fought about it last night, and it was still pretty tense this morning. I’m guessing he’s worrying himself to death, thinking I’m going to walk in that room and tell him this is too much for me.”

  “I’d say there’s a strong chance you’re right.”

  “Shit.”

  “You better get your little ass up there and tell him he doesn’t need to panic.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I reluctantly admit, reaching for my flip-flops.

  Alejandro stands up with me and we walk inside together. His expression is almost smug as he looks down at me. Apparently his pep talk worked exactly as planned, and he seems quite pleased with himself.

  “Chad and I are taking off in about an hour,” he says when we get in the elevator, “but let’s all plan on doing a dinner thing sometime this coming week.”

  “Sounds good,” I reply, putting my arm around his hips and leaning into him. “Thanks for your therapy duties today.”

  “No problem, baby girl,” he says, hugging me closer.

  He gets off at his floor, and I continue up, trying to prepare what I want to say to James.

  Chapter 13

  James

  I’M LYING IN BED, aimlessly checking my Twitter feed while I wait for Lola to come back. There’s a tiny part of me that worries she won’t come back at all, that despite everything, this is just too much to ask her to deal with. I’m trying to stay positive. Alejandro said he’d go down and talk to her, and maybe that outside influence will help her see that nothing can shake our love for each other. Chad and Alejandro always have my back. They know how much I love her, and they’re not going to let her give up on me.

  I jump a little bit when I hear the sound of a keycard unlocking the door. Footsteps grow closer to the bedroom, and Lola appears in the doorway. Her expression is timid, almost apologetic, but she walks closer until she’s standing at the foot of the bed. I lock my phone and put it on the nightstand. She’s got my undivided attention.

  “All right…” she says with a big sigh like she’s not sure where to begin.

  That makes me a little nervous, and I sit up, locking eyes with her.

  “I’m a wuss,” she starts—not what I was expecting. She must notice my confused look, because she holds up her hand and goes on. “I’ve prided myself on being pretty badass when it comes to controlling my emotions, so it was hard for me to accept that I’m a wuss, but I am.”

  “Okay…” I can’t stop the amusement from coming through in my voice.

  “I don’t know the exact moment when I fell in love with you, but it was somewhere between the moving truck pulling up in front of your parents’ house and you saying you’d look for arrowheads with me.”

  A loud laugh comes up from my chest. She’s going from way back.

  “For all these years, I’ve loved you, but I thought I was sensible and mature enough to keep that love in check. If I hadn’t been able to control it that way, I would probably be in a mental institution right now because I would have had a breakdown from seeing you with so many other women—and we’re talking exponential numbers of other women, James.”

  She’s got a point.

  “When this happened—” she motions between us “—it meant that I couldn’t hide it anymore. Basically, I was forced to stop brushing it off and accept it for what it was: real, genuine, legitimate, true love.”

  I’m beaming as I move closer to her until I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. I reach out for her hand and bring it to my lips.

  “There are times when loving you is utterly terrifying.” She sighs as she looks up at the ceiling. “It’s dangerous—emotionally hazardous. I grew up with you, for Christ’s sake, and I’ve seen how you can be with commitment. You’ve broken hearts before—yes, you’ve always felt really bad when you did it, but the point is that you have done it before. I’m putting a lot of my heart at risk to love you as much as I do.”

  “I know.” I kiss her hand again.

  “But I do love you that much.” She really looks in my eyes as she says it, and it warms my heart. “This weekend has been the most difficult experience of my life—”

  “And I’m so sorry, Lo.”

  “No, no. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad.”

  “I know, but I just feel—”

  “Really, James,” she says, putting her hand on my shoulder. “It’s not your fault. I knew about your job and all of this before we ever went down the relationship road. I knew this was going to be something I’d have to deal with eventually, so please don’t feel bad about it.”

  “Okay.” My tone is reluctant, but she brushes past it and goes on.

  “I’ve spent ninety-nine percent of my time here feeling like I don’t fit in. I’ve worried—incessantly—whether I was enough, whether I measured up when compared to these girls. The truth is, I don’t fit in here…but that’s okay with me. This is not what matters. This is not the rest of our lives.”

  “Exactly!”

  “At this point, I’ve decided I have to stop caring about outside factors. I’m eliminating all the shit that’s made me deeply insecure about this whole event. The movies, the partying, the girls, Tara fucking Morgan—that stuff isn’t coming into play anymore. Right now, I’m at a stage where I can simply think about us.”

  “Well, that part should be pretty easy, because I’m ridiculously in love with you.”

  She smiles and tilts her head down bashfully for a second. “I want to be with you, and I know that you want to be with me. That’s what I’m focusing on at the moment. I’m trying to peel away all the bullshit and think about what I really want…and what I really want is to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  I stand up, taking her head in my hands and kissing her forehead. “That’s what I want too. You never have to feel insecure about us, Lola, because you will always have my heart.”

  “I know,” she says softly as she looks at me.

  “I’m not going to try to pretend like you’re never going to be pissed off at me or we’re never going to fight about something, but I just want you to understand and accept that nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. I’m yours, Lo. Entirely.”

  Her eyes well up and she moves closer to me until she’s right against me. Her palms slide up my chest and her hands eventually rest on my shoulders. I take the opportunity to lean down and kiss her, expressing my true feelings in tenderness. I need her to know she can trust me. She can give me her heart because we both know I’ll take good care of
it.

  “This is forever, baby,” I say softly. “Forever and ever.”

  “Forever and ever, James,” she repeats, pressing her cheek to my chest as she hugs me.

  “Get back into bed with me.” I squeeze her ass and nod to the bed.

  “Is this a make-up sex situation?” she asks slyly.

  “No. Just get in and you’ll see.”

  She looks at me curiously, but she goes to the side of the bed and pulls back the covers.

  “Wait,” I interrupt before she gets in. “We have to be naked.”

  “And you’re sure this isn’t make-up sex?”

  “No make-up sex. I want to be in bed, bare-ass naked, but sex isn’t part of it right now.”

  She quickly undresses and gets under the covers, pulling them up over her shoulders until only her head is out.

  I hop in beside her, and she giggles when I pull the sheet over both of our heads, tenting us under the covers.

  I pull her close against my body and kiss her forehead as I run my palm up and down her back. She exhales softly and curves into me a bit more, her legs tangling with mine.

  “I used to dream about this,” I say when she looks up into my eyes.

  “Being naked in bed with me?”

  “Not just that. Holding you was always big for me. More than sex, I think I always wanted to scoop you up in my arms and hold you tight like this.”

  “Really?” Her flattered expression is fuckin’ adorable.

  “Just the idea that I could be close to you, that nothing would be between us—even clothes—that was what I fantasized about the most. I mean, obviously I wanted to be able to touch you in all those tender places that make you moan—” her eyes flash a sudden sultriness “—but I liked the idea of being able to rub your back or kiss your face while you were naked in my bed.”

  She pauses for a moment and nuzzles closer. “I always liked being in bed with you,” she confesses shyly. “It was like I could relax completely.”

  “Yes! Like there’s no need to be guarded or worried about anything because we have each other, and what we have is super strong.”

  She nods and gives me a quick kiss.

  I pause for a second and tuck her hair behind her ear before I open my mouth again. “Lo, this is going to sound kind of crazy, so feel free to say no, but do you want to get married today?”

  Her eyes shoot open and she looks shocked.

  “I mean, we’re here; we could do it in two seconds, and then everything would be official. Everyone would know that you’re mine and I’m yours.” I can hear the nervousness in my voice, and I can feel myself starting to ramble. “I’m just sayin’ like, you know, if you wanted to and stuff, it’s sort of the perfect opportunity. Because, you know, we’re in Vegas, and this is the spot for spontaneous weddings.”

  Her lips curl up into a smile that reminds me of the Grinch. She can tell I’m sweating bullets awaiting her answer.

  “Why do you always get flustered when you ask me these things?” she teases me, poking my stomach. “My God! You get terrified like I’ll turn around and rip your heart out of your chest.”

  “So you’re saying yes, then?” I ask with shock.

  “Yeah, dude,” she replies like I’m out of my mind for thinking otherwise.

  “You’re willing to do this today…like, right now?” I still can’t believe she’s down with it.

  “Yes!”

  “So within a few hours we will legally be married—as in, I get to refer to you as ‘my wife, Lola’—and you’re agreeing to do that? We’re talking absolutely zero planning and preparation, and you’re saying yes to that?”

  “Oh, my God, James! You totally already knew I was going to say yes, so don’t act like this is so astonishing!” she teases.

  I laugh loudly. “That’s the point! I don’t always know, especially after the past twenty-four hours. Running off to Vegas to get married is exactly the kind of crazy idea I’d have, and you’d have fifty thousand reasons why it’s too impulsive and irresponsible. For all I know, you actually could rip my heart out of my chest. It’s terrifying! You’re like the fuckin’ Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park. You’re all cute and adorable, but could also pop that frill out and spit poison in my eyes like he did to that dude in the Jeep.”

  She rolls onto her back, cackling and clapping her hands.

  “Jesus, woman! You have my entire heart in the palm of your hand, so yes, I am afraid of you,” I conclude.

  She turns to me again, putting her hand on my cheek, but still cracking up.

  “I’m glad you find all this so hilarious,” I tease, pretending to be annoyed.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, though her words come out through laughter. She’s trying to be polite, but she’s got an uncontrollable case of the giggles. “I shouldn’t laugh. That was really sweet, what you said. I don’t want to be a terrifying dinosaur. I love you, and I want to get married today. I totally do.”

  “Good!” I give her ass a squeeze. “Then I won’t have to live in fuckin’ fear.”

  “Oh, my God!” She rolls her eyes. “I think that’s a little dramatic.”

  “Something legally binding will make it a huge pain in the ass for you to break up with me, so your little ass will be stuck with me forever, baby!” I throw my head back with an exaggerated evil-genius-type laugh.

  She pushes me to my back and throws her leg over me, straddling me. “Then let’s lock it down, stud.”

  I’m beaming, totally fuckin’ exploding with joy as I get up. Lola’s going to be my wife. Today! I’m so excited that it almost feels like a dream.

  We both throw on some jeans, and she keeps laughing because I won’t stop taking her picture. I can’t help it. I just want to document every second of this so I can look at it when I’m eighty and remember the day I married my soul mate.

  Chapter 14

  Lola

  MY MIND IS RACING and I can’t focus. My recollection of the past half hour is spotty at best. I’m just too excited. I know we took a cab to the courthouse and that there was a line at the marriage license area. I know my cheeks hurt from smiling, and I know James hasn’t let go of my hand since we walked in. I also know that, by the end of today, James Laird will be my lawfully wedded husband.

  “This is actually kind of perfect, now that I think about it,” I say, managing to construct my most articulate sentence of the past few minutes. “No guest lists, no poofy dresses and feuding family members. You might be on to something here, stud.”

  He hasn’t spoken to his parents in about six years, and I basically despise my father, so tensions would have been high if we’d gone for the big, traditional wedding. I never really took those factors into consideration when he proposed to me, but I’m guessing that was in the back of his mind when he got this matrimonial wild hair this morning.

  He chuckles and kisses my forehead. “Drama free. Now all we have to do is go through the romantic process of filling out a shitload of paperwork.”

  I laugh and wrap my arms around his waist as we wait. James is going to be my husband. Like, within the next few hours. The little boy who played Sega with me has grown up into the love of my life, and now we’ll be eternally tied together through marriage. It’s blowing my mind.

  A short while later, we’ve obtained a marriage license and we’re on our way to one of those cheesy chapels to get officially married. I’ve learned that there are several legal steps, and it’s a far cry from the spontaneous Vegas wedding scenarios you see in the movies. In fact, the marriage bureau isn’t even open twenty-four hours anymore, so you can’t get hitched on a three a.m. whim.

  We get to the chapel, and it’s delightfully cheesy. There are white columns, fake roses everywhere, and cherubs painted on every flat surface. They even have an Elvis impersonator who will sing you down the aisle for a small fee.

  “We’re totally doing that!” I point to the Elvis photo on the wall.

  “You want The King to walk you down the
aisle?” James chuckles.

  “Dude, if I’m doing the cheesy Vegas wedding, I’m going all-in.”

  “Then I’ll give you your dream cheesy Vegas wedding,” he says, grinning proudly. “Jeans and a T-shirt while Elvis serenades you and some guy who performs, like, six hundred weddings a day speeds through a list of generic vows for us to say to each other.”

  “Perfect!” I beam at him.

  It sounds crazy, but this is exactly the kind of wedding I would want. I’m definitely not a big, elaborate, Kim Kardashian wedding kind of girl, and I love the idea that we’re playing it small and having fun.

  I have to admit that I’m also completely excited to marry James and to have him be my actual, legal husband. It’s such a trip when I think about how long we’ve known each other and all the experiences we’ve shared together. This man has been such a huge part of my life for so long that it’s perfectly fitting to solidify it like this. This sets our commitment in stone and broadcasts our devotion to the world.

  There are four couples ahead of us in line. One of the grooms is in a military uniform, and he recognizes James. I see him whisper something to his soon-to-be wife, and they both look excited. They stand up and come over to us.

  “I don’t want to be rude,” he says, “but do you think we could get a picture with you?”

  “Of course, man,” James cheerfully replies.

  “We’re big fans,” the girl chimes in.

  Her future husband hands her his phone, but I stand up and offer to take the picture for them so they can both be in it.

  James stands in the middle with an arm around each of them, all three looking absolutely delighted. I snap the shot and hand the phone back.

  “So you’re getting married here too?” the guy says, nodding to me.

  “Yeah,” James replies with a huge smile. “This is my fiancée, Lola.”

  “Nice to meet you.” He shakes my hand. “I’m Pete, and this is April.”

  Pete is average height with buzzed brown hair. April is a little taller than me with auburn hair. She’s in a sleek, sleeveless, white dress that comes to the knee. It isn’t overly formal, more like something you could wear to work in the summer, but she looks every bit the blushing bride. They prepared for this, probably planned it out for months, whereas James and I made this decision a couple hours ago.